"Hey if it isn't G-man--the G-dog of Sunnydale, bad boy of England," Xander joked as he came through the library doors. It was weird, thinking of Giles as being a delinquent with a suspiciously diabolical ex-friend. Giles paused, his jaw tightening in that way that suggested cleaning of glasses was imminent, but he had a pile of books in his hands so he just kept walking back toward the stacks after a brief hesitation.

"Xander!" Willow hissed at him, and Xander shrugged. After finding out that Giles in his wild and magicy youth had summoned a demon, he was so not feeling bad for not sweeping it under the carpet. The girls might be willing to go back to thinking of Giles as the dusty librarian, but Xander couldn't help feeling like his world had shifted to inches toward the weird. Okay, it started shifting when Angel turned out to not be the biggest jerk of the century, but Giles summoning a demon was coming up a close second on the weird-o-meter.

"I'm just calling 'em as I sees 'em. Giles has a definitely non-tweedy past, and if you can't trust Giles to be boring, who can we trust? Maybe Snyder is a covert agent for Russia or Miss Calendar is a secret race car driver. I mean, this is giving me a good case of the wiggins."

"What's wiggins worthy?" Buffy asked as she came through the doors behind him. Xander dropped into the chair across from Willow and just prayed she would stay on her side of the table. His love life was getting entirely too weird, and right now he wanted large objects between him and Willow whenever possible.

"Giles and the non-tweedy past," Willow whispered, her eyes darting toward the shelves where Giles had disappeared, and Buffy frowned at him.

"We aren't talking about that. Didn't we agree to not talk about that?" Buffy looked at Willow for confirmation, and she nodded.

"You agreed. Cordelia and I were just in the room when you two did the agreeing, which would make us agreement-contiguous and not directly agreementees."

"You studied your vocabulary for Miss Kestner," Willow smiled at him brightly, and Xander shrank back. Right, no more doing anything that might be remotely related to schoolwork he vowed to himself as he felt that deep-set guilt at not being able to like the girl who actually liked him. He also cursed Angel for nagging him into doing that bit of homework. Contiguous was so not a word he needed in life. He already knew he couldn't drive to Hawaii and Canada.

When Xander didn't respond to the compliment, Willow's smile wavered. She got an uncertain, awkward look on her face complete with nose wrinkle. He was so screwed. The girl who hated him let him feel her breasts and rubbed up against him in a way that made him think she was definitely getting way more out of their relationship that he was. How could you tell if a girl had actually finished, anyway? Xander filed that thought away. Maybe when he got old enough to drink he would get drunk enough to actually ask one of the girls. He looked at Buffy doing her makeup in the world's tiniest mirror. Maybe he would get drunk enough to ask Angel instead.

Seriously, it didn't even make sense in Xander's head. The girl who actually cared about him left him totally cold. Willow and sex was like Barney and sex…. just wrong. Way wrong. Mutant levels of wrong. Shaking off the feeling of impending doomage, he focused the conversation back onto Giles. "Hey, I'm all with the impressed." Xander nodded thoughtfully. "I mean, it's like finding out that a colorblind person painted the Mona Lisa or something... like the music guy who was deaf and wrote music way better than I could with two working ears... I'm very much with the impressed."

Giles appeared from behind the stacks. "So, I take it you had assumed I was either colorblind or deaf?" he asked as he cleaned his classes.

"Just socially," Buffy said apologetically. Giles' fingers paused in their cleaning and then resumed.

"We all have pasts, at least those of us old enough to have lived more than a few short years." This time Giles looked straight at them. Willow blushed madly and slid close to the end of the table, which Xander assumed was part one of a strategy designed to get her around the table and next to him. Aw shit.

"Definitely not the colorless past I expected from the king of tweed and fifteen ways to say 'stupid,' all of them requiring five syllables or more." Xander got up and headed for the checkout desk where he'd stashed some candy bars.

Giles just sighed. "This is not something for which I should be admired. If anything, I hope you all take from this a lesson on the unintended consequences of impetuous acts and that you avoid making similar mistakes."

"You mean we have to cancel the demon summoning we have scheduled tomorrow night?" Xander asked innocently as he looked at the girls. Willow was horror-struck, but Buffy's mouth kept twitching.

"I really do fear that your sophomoric inability to take anything seriously will eventually cause serious problems," Giles said tightly, anger seeping through the oh-so-proper manners of his.

"Sophomoric. Three syllables, but that means stupid, doesn't it?" Buffy asked and now she was grinning.

A little part of Xander had flinched away from Giles' open scorn, but he smiled back at Buffy. Yep, there was a girl who knew how to distract the Giles' glare of doom... how to distract it and not wilt into an apologetic puddle of angst under it. He totally understood why his cock went lusting after Buffy. Willow was just as pretty, but his cock had definitely decided she was in the "Barney" category. Maybe he just liked girls who didn't wilt under wilt-worthy criticism. Xander leaned his elbows on the counter and munched on his chocolate as he thought about Cordelia.

She was totally going to publicly humiliate him sooner or later, and she had the moral compass of a really uncompassy thing. She wasn't quite as bad as Spike since she wouldn't actually massacre a village to get a good deal on shoes, but she might leave the village undefended to go find a good deal. She seemed to have the whole 'bad idea' checklist. So, why was his stupid cock totally Jonesing after her? And better question, why was she returning the lusty feelings?

"Earth to Xander." A voice broke his concentration, and he looked up to see Buffy staring at him in concern. "Okay Mister, what's her name?" she asked with a smile.

"What?" Xander yelped. No no and oh god no. He was so not ready to deal with this. And that scrunchy look on Willow's face? So not going there. "Who's name? Did I miss a girl demon coming into town because I already told you, I am scheduling serious out of town something when the next girl demon hits town. The whole demon magnet joke is getting way too not-jokelike." Now Buffy looked confused and Willow looked relieved. He didn't want Willow relieved. Okay, he wanted her relieved, but he didn't want her relieved because of him being on the available list because he wasn't. The only thing stupider than dating Cordelia would be cheating on Cordelia. Even he knew that.

With an amused expression, Buffy shook her head. "No, no girl demons or boy demons either. We're definitely coming up short on the demon front, but I know that look. That's the look of someone totally getting sat on by love. I don't know why people paint love as a little baby Cupid. Love is this huge, hairy biker dude with tattoos that say "Mom" on one arm and "Send 'em to Satan" on the other.

Willow nodded sadly. "Really big... hard to breathe when he sits on you big," she agreed.

Xander shoved the rest of his candy bar in his mouth and tried to say nothing.

"While it has been quiet, we actually do have a demon to discuss, a female demon as it happens," Giles said. He detoured into his office and reappeared with a moldy book. Sitting next to Buffy, he opened to a page and pointed to an illustration Xander couldn't see. "I hadn't heard anything of her before now, but apparently she attacked a church service Sunday night causing pandemonium. I suspect she came with William the Bloody."

Xander's chocolate betrayed him and headed straight for his lungs as he tried to cough it back out. Tears ran before he could finally catch his breath and get all the pipes working again. "Food goes in, it isn't actually supposed to spray out," Buffy offered oh-so helpfully only without any actual help.

"Are you alright?" Giles had stood back up.

"Yep, just a slight chocolate mishap. It's all good," Xander assured him as he grabbed his Coke and tried to wash down the bile that had come up with all the choking.

Giles stared at him for a second and then turned his attention back to the book. "Her name is Drusilla, and she's been a companion to William the Bloody for many decades although she appears to have dropped out of sight in Prague. Three people died in the attack Sunday night."

Xander groaned. Great. He was in for extra doses of Angel-brooding. He reviewed his options: 1) stay home and listen to parental units fight 2) go to apartment and listen to Angel sigh dramatically 3) go to apartment and torture Angel out of sighing dramatically. This would take major weaponry. Xander wondered if he had enough pocket change to rent the entire "Revenge of the Nerds" series.

"Xander? Are you in there?" Buffy had moved to in front of Xander where she waved her hand in front of his face. "What is with you. If there isn't a girl, we might want to check for brain tumors," she nodded dramatically, but Xander could tell by her expression she actually was worried.

"I'm fine. I'm just wondering how to get from here to Angel's apartment fastest if I make a pit stop at the video store," he admitted.

"Angel's apartment?" Giles frowned. "I do worry about the number of evenings you have spent there recently."

Okay, maybe they should check him for a brain tumor because he knew that Giles was not really okay with Angel, and he seemed so much more willing to share his not okayage now that it was Xander being friends with Angel as opposed to Buffy lusting over him, which was unfair because lustage was so much more dangerous than friendage. Xander was discovering that little truth thanks to Cordelia.

"You and Angel aren't..." Buffy had a horrified expression as she made a little back and forth gesture with her finger.

"Skiing?" Xander guessed as he watched the gesture in confusion.

"No, together, like... together," Buffy clarified. It still took Xander's brain a second to translate that.

"What?" Xander wailed. "No! No and no. Really no. God, Buffy, just because Angel's gay so does not make me gay."

"Angel's gay?" Buffy's voice had dropped to a whisper--a horrified whisper.

"Um..." Xander stalled as his brain lost control over any parts that could use the English language.

Giles took over the conversation with a sigh. "Buffy, sexuality is quite different for demons. In the case of vampires, sex is used to establish hierarchies and reinforce control. The gender is irrelevant."

"I'm thinking it's way with the elevant!" Buffy disagreed.

"He isn't really gay," Xander struggled to explain. "I mean, yeah, there was this one guy, but he likes girls way more, but my point was that I don't like guys. Okay, I like guys in that I like to hang out and read comic books, but I don't like them in the naughty touching way so me and Angel... so not going to happen."

"One guy?" Buffy asked, her eyebrows now totally higher than Xander had ever seen them before. "You knew the guy I liked liked guys, and you couldn't tell me about the one guy?" She put her hands on her hips in a slightly scary way.

"Okay, first, I didn't know then. Second, if you're dating a guy, you can pretty much assume he's not telling you something, Buff. Angel was with the not telling you he was a vamp, and Ford didn't tell you that he was trying to sell you out, and Owen really didn't tell you that he wanted to take the whole tortured artist cliche to a whole new whips and chains level. I mean, witness me. When I first met you, I so did not tell you that I was the village idiot because that would have been bad for my dating potential." Xander smiled as he tried to patch over the damage his village idiot mouth had done, but Buffy still had on her tragic face.

"No wonder he did a vanishing act on me." Buffy bit her lip and sounded about ready to cry.

"No, that's not it," Xander hurried to say. "The one guy was like a hundred years ago, and I found out by accident. He's totally into girls." Buffy got an even more hurt look, and Xander realized how dumb he was about two seconds too late. "He's totally into really old girls... really, really old... ancient... like a hundred or older, so I'm sure if you were a century or more, he'd fall over himself for you. I mean, Mrs. Haggarty is too young for him, and I think she saw the Civil War first hand."

Buffy's pained expression didn't ease any. God, she'd been through Owen, Ford, Larry, and that tall kid with the hippy pony-tail on the swim team, and she still obsessed over Angel. At least Xander wasn't alone in his self-destructive love life.

"Perhaps we can return to my original concern: the number of evenings you spend at Angel's apartment. I find your unusual preference for his company more than a little disturbing." Giles gave Xander his 'I'm not letting this go' look.

"Did Giles just say he got the wiggins in his very Gilesy way?" Xander asked as he looked at the girls. Buffy ignored him.

"Definitely." Willow smiled and gave him a little nod, and Xander mentally kicked himself. Way to send mixed signals. God he hated his love life. "And now that Giles said it, I have to say that it seems a little weird. You hate Angel."

"I hate a 270 year-old man lusting after one of us. It's like one of us kissing old man Anderson."

Willow shuddered. Her Jesse and him had grown up daring each other to race through the wizened old man's back yard, so she knew what he meant. "Way to put the totally disturbing mental image in the brain. I'm never going to escape that thought," she said as she wrinkled her nose. I guess it's hard to remember Angel's that old when he's such a hottie.

"Yes, I had expressed a similar concern over ages; however, do I detect obfuscation in your answer?" Giles asked. Xander blinked helplessly in the silence that followed that bit of watcher-speak.

"He thinks you're with the changing the topic to avoid answering, and you do seem a little avoidy," Willow translated.

"Yes, I do believe I already said that," Giles said with a tight sort of control that from Xander's father usually meant screaming and profanity was on the horizon. With Giles it just led to glasses cleaning.

Xander sighed. He was so bad at the lying. Seriously bad. "I've been staying at Angel's because the parents are going through a rough spot," Xander admitted. Willow got up and moved closer, like she wanted to give him a hug, and Xander started checking for exits. "And I'm safer at Angel's because Drusilla? She totally hates me. I can't walk by a shaded alleyway without her doing her impression of a crazy stalker lady, which since she's crazy and following me, is really not much of an impression."

"What?!" Giles demanded. "You've hidden this from us for how long?"

"What do you mean? Why didn't you tell me?" Buffy wailed in a hurt voice at the same time, and Willow was going too, but Xander couldn't actually hear her over the other two.

He held up his hand. "Whoa, time out!" Buffy and Giles fell silent.

"Xander, how could you?" Willow asked sadly, in a tiny hurt voice.

"How could he what?" Cordelia asked curiously as she swept into the room. "I'm going shopping tonight, and I need someone with a stake to escort me and stand between me and any demons with slime, horns, or body odor."

"We're a little busy, Cordelia. Why don't you go polish your nails or something," Buffy suggested. "I hear Tibet is nice this time of year… or Timbuktu. And where is Timbuktu anyway?"

"Africa," Willow supplied, but Cordelia was already dismissing her with a sniff.

"Someone needs a little time with a masseur... a masseur and a genius hairdresser because a lesser cosmetologist would be at a loss as to what to do with the horrible bleach job." Cordelia ignored the unfriendly looks and walked to the end of the counter, leaning on it as she studied each of them. "What's with the attitudes? Did someone from the fashion police finally ticket you losers?"

"Xander's been stalked by a vampire, and he didn't even tell us," Willow said, and how did one person get that much hurt into her voice?

"The dark-haired loony-toons with the Adam's Family fashion sense?" Cordelia asked. Xander wasn't sure if he was relieved or horrified when all the gazes that had been focused on him turned to Cordelia.

"You knew?" Buffy had a cold tone to her voice that even made Cordelia hesitate, but only for a second. Then she shrugged casually and pulled a nail file out.

"She kept showing up whenever I drove Xander anywhere. But Angel or Spike always stop her before she can do anything more than ramble on about how the puppy ate up her daddy. Total fruitcake."

Giles had been silently turning a violent shade of red, but now he exploded. "Spike? William the Bloody? You have been fraternizing with William the Bloody? Angel has renewed his familial relationships? I will stake him myself." Giles suddenly looked very unGilesy and very much like someone who might summon a demon or two.

"It's not--"

"I am uniquely uninterested in why you would put Buffy and Willow at such risk," Giles snapped so violently that Xander jerked back. "I want you out of my library."

"Giles," Buffy said. Willow just looked from one person to another in shock.

"What happened to we all make mistakes in our youth?" Xander demanded.

"Doing drugs, an insanely bad relationship choice... these are not the same as cavorting with a demons who make up the majority of the Scourge of Europe."

"Scourge is sounding unfunlike," Buffy admitted, "but that doesn't mean that Xander is pulling a Ford here."

Xander crossed his arms. "And even if I were, summoning murderous demons seems more scourgelike than druglike."

"Xander," Buffy hissed. "Not helping."

Cordelia gave a snort. "Oh please. If you can't tell the difference between Ford and Xander, you deserve to get eaten. Xander would never betray anyone."

Giles glared at her. "Oh? He just socializes with William the Bloody?"

Cordelia laughed. "He just tries and fails to avoid Spike. I find the littlest vamp amusing, but then it's easy to be amused when he's making passes at Xander and not me. Personally, I think he's a little blind because I am obviously far more desirable as a shag, as Spike puts it, than Xander is." Cordelia's words had shocked everyone into a perfect silence. Giles' glasses were in one hand, dangling forgotten at his side. "But that's Spike. I think he's just lonely for Angel's attention. I told him that, and he threatened to eat me, but I know men, and Spike likes being tortured way too much to eat me. I'd worry about him turning me so that he could be permanently subjected to my painful honesty, but I think he's too afraid of me."

"Cordy," Xander said desperately.

She sniffed. "He so is."

"Cordy."

"What?"

"Seriously--stop helping."

Cordelia looked at him for a long moment, and then rolled her eyes. "Whatever. I'm going shopping." When no one said anything, she turned and headed for the door, slamming through the double doors with enough force to let Xander know that his shitty love life had just taken a turn for the shittier. His eyes were still watching the doors clack shut when they came open again, and Angel was there in the open door.

"You," Giles growled as he reached toward the circulation desk and the crossbow he kept under it.

"I'm not working with Spike," Angel said quietly without trying to go for cover, and Xander wavered between standing dumbly still or throwing himself over the crossbow to keep it away from Giles. He did what he usually did... went for the option with 'dumb' in it.

Giles snatched the crossbow and pointed it at Angel. "That's not what I hear."

"Okay, let's all calm down before we have blood or dust on the floor because you know Snyder is not really forgiving with the unidentified stains," Buffy suggested as she stepped between the two men. "Angel, did you know that Drusilla killed last night?"

"I'm not surprised. She's been increasingly agitated. It's taken both Spike and me to keep her under control as she's recovered from the attack at Prague." Angel sounded calm, even with the crossbow pointed at him and all the condemning stares. Xander wanted to hide because that much hatred in one room was just not healthy but as the only person in the room not looking at Angel like his soul had suddenly slipped off and slithered through the storm drain like a dirty dollar bill, he really felt like he should probably stay.

"So, you are conspiring with Spike." Giles raised the crossbow.

"Spike has been keeping the Hellmouth quiet, and I've..." Angel tightened his lips for a moment. "I've renewed a tentative friendship with him that does not include hunting humans or doing anything that I wouldn't be able to tell Buffy," he said carefully.

"And yet you haven't told Buffy or anyone else," Giles said, and Xander tried not to take it personally that he had just been officially reduced to no one.

"I haven't seen her."

"Nor have you sought her out. In fact, since Spike has reappeared, you have been remarkable quiet except for an odd friendship with the one person who seemed to annoy you the most." Giles glanced over toward Xander. Oh, this was going so incredibly bad.

"I took Eyghon into myself to save Ms. Calendar," Angel pointed out calmly. "I brought you the information on Ford and his coven of vampire fans, and I only found out about Ford through Spike. Spike understands that all of you are under my protection."

"I assure you that I do not need your protection," Giles answered coldly, the crossbow dipping just a little bit, which Xander was hoping meant that he wasn't actually going to shoot anybody. "As the slayer, Buffy needs to know who is in town. We will have to make plans to address the problem with Spike and Drusilla, but certainly not with Angel in the room. Angel or Xander," Giles said as he gave Xander a hard, cold look.

Angel gave a sound that came very close to a growl, close enough that Giles' brought the crossbow up and aimed. "Xander has never done anything except help. I have never done anything except help."

"For which we have only your word. You cannot expect me to believe that you have civil conversations with William the Bloody without being in collusion with him."

Xander officially couldn't take it anymore. He stepped out from behind the counter and into the path of the crossbow, and that was definitely a growl he heard from behind him. "Okay, Giles, here's the thing. Family is family. My cousin whose name will never be uttered…" Xander looked toward Willow, and she was already making her 'ick' face.

"Whose name will never be uttered?" Buffy asked as she looked from one of them to the other.

Xander shook his head. "There as an incident involving cub scouts and an overnight trip and some ickiness that is so icky that I have to wash my brain with soap every time I think about it. And if they gave him the death penalty, I wouldn't argue. I so wouldn't. After what he did to those kids, I'm totally okay with putting him under the jail, even if he was only seventeen when he did the icky."

"Is there a point to this?" Giles asked in a very cranky voice, and Xander noticed that the crossbow was still pointed right at him.

"He's family. I might think he so totally deserves the death penalty, but I wouldn't hit the switch on the electric chair," Xander said quickly. "I don't think Angel or I would ever call Spike good, but you can't ask Angel to go after Spike or Drusilla. They're his family. Evil, twisted, owning no fashion-sense family, but family."

Slowly, Giles lowered the crossbow, but his expression still didn't look all that forgiving. "So, we should just allow them to kill townspeople? Really, Xander, what are you thinking?"

"I never said that. I mean, if Buffy finds him, the two of them can have it out, and I'm rooting for team Buffy all the way. I tried to stake him myself and got my stake taken away before he dragged me across down tucked under his arm, and this was so not good for my fledging male ego. I get enough humiliation at school, so I am not going to stake him just because me and staking Spike is hopeless on a monumental scale."

"He… he what? Xander, why didn't you say something? I'm going to find him and shove the stake so far in he's going to be dust before he notices it," Buffy growled. She looked at Angel and immediately that same hurt expression from earlier was back, replacing the anger. "Angel, I have to say that I'm a little confused here. I mean, yeah, I get the creepy relative analogy, but not telling me about Spike and Drusilla is feeling not-so-helpful. And letting Spike attack Xander… I thought you liked Xander. I was all jealous of him because you two were being with the friends."

"Xander was never in danger," Angel quickly explained. "Spike brought him to me because he thought Xander wasn't safe on the street. I would never put any of you in danger, which is why I told you that Spike was here and that he was a dangerous, determined Master Vampire. He's killed two slayers. I just didn't mention that he had set up court."

"Spike was protecting Xander?" Giles demanded. The crossbow slammed down on the counter, but if anything, Giles looked even more angry. "And why might he do that?"

Angel stared at Giles for a long minute. "Xander spends a lot of time at my apartment. Spike could smell that. He hoped to make peace between us, and protecting someone he sees as belonging to me is his way of ensuring that. He doesn't have a soul; he doesn't understand friendship."

Giles narrowed his eyes and Xander looked from one man to the other trying to figure out what he was missing. He was big with missing something here. But Angel turned to Buffy, taking a step toward her with a pained expression on his face that Xander thought that maybe Angel hadn't given up on Buffy as much as he kept telling everyone he had given up on Buffy.

"I came here to help you, to make sure you weren't one of those slayers that died a month into her destiny. I've told Spike to stay away from you, but if you start hunting him, that won't stop him from hunting you right back. He wants to hunt you. For him, hunting a slayer is a sport, and he learned from Angelus—from me before I got the soul. He'll wear you down until you don't have the energy to fight him, and then he'll kill you."

"You sound like you don't have any faith in me. Slayer here. I killed the Master." Buffy chewed her lip, and Xander could feel the pain circling the room. Willow looked over to him for comforting, and Xander quickly broke eye contact. Buffy and Angel stared at each other with a desperation and fear that made Xander ache. Oh yeah, they were all officially screwed. The guy who summoned the demon was probably the mentally healthiest one in the room, and that wasn't exactly a shining recommendation for any of them.

"You're sixteen years old. He's a hundred and twenty. He'll trick, cheat, lie, and manipulate you in ways that you can't imagine," Angel said slowly. Xander made a mental note to borrow some money from Buffy before they left because not even Revenge of the Nerds was going to fix this brood. They were going to need an all night marathon of Thundercats for this level of angst.

"I can prepare her," Giles quickly offered.

Angel looked at the two of them for a second and then slowly nodded. "Make sure you train her to expect the unexpected. I know Spike has carried guns before, and he's a good shot."

"Whoa, wait, like gun guns? With bullets guns? 'Cause I'm okay with the bulletless guns, but if there are guns with bullets around, I'm calling that a definitely slayerly foul. Isn't that against the vampire handbook or something?" Buffy demanded as she looked toward Giles. It creeped Xander out that Giles looked surprised because Giles was supposed to be the one who knew everything. "When did they start giving gun licenses to the undead? There should so be a law."

"I've never heard of…" Giles started.

"It's rare," Angel interrupted him. "Master Vampires with enough control over the demon to prefer weapons are generally old enough that their weapons of choice are crossbows or swords. Young vampires don't really have the control to use a weapon. They could have a gun and still attack Buffy with fangs and hands because that's the vampire's instinct. But Spike, well, he never did play by the rules. And I'm warning you right now that vampiric instinct was never very strong in him, which is why he's so unpredictable. I helped create him, and I still can't understand him half the time."

"Okay, getting the wiggins here. He's going to shoot me? Giles, is there money for a bullet-proof vest in the slayer budget because I am so not interested in getting shot."

"I can't imagine—" Giles trailed off, frowning before he jammed his glasses back on.

Angel didn't wait for Giles to get his thoughts together. "Don't try to imagine with Spike. He'll surprise you every time. The only reason he isn't controlling a large city is because he doesn't have the patience to sit still that long or the bloodlust that would drive him to try."

"No bloodlust?" Giles almost squawked. "Good lord, they call him William the Bloody. His nickname comes from torturing people with a railroad spike. He ate an entire orphanage! One might question your judgment on this issue if not your honesty."

Angel glanced over at Giles before focusing on Buffy. "If it comes to a fight, you know I support you," he said earnestly, and Xander flinched at the doubt in Buffy's eyes. Angel nodded as though he'd expected her to doubt him. Okay, that had to have hurt, but Angel just kept talking to Buffy in the same earnest tone. "I can't help you go after Spike and Drusilla. They're part of me, and it's not a part I'm proud of, but it is part of me. However, I will tell you this—Spike is most dangerous when he's trying to impress someone. I don't doubt that he killed an entire orphanage. He would have done that for Drusilla. He didn't care about torturing anyone, but when he discovered that it impressed Angelus, he tortured people beyond what even Angelus had ever considered. Don't challenge him in front of other vampires or even in front of your friends or he's going to feel a need to impress you, and you won't like what he does."

"Angel." Buffy said the word like a cry or a curse, and then she fell quiet.

Angel nodded slowly. "I know you don't trust me, but I am trying to do the right thing here."

And there was Giles stepping into the mess again. "By protecting a vampire known for his torture and another who you freely admit would have asked him to massacre an orphanage? You leave us little reason to trust you."

"Maybe that's how you see it," Angel offered quietly, but Xander got the definite impression Angel was about to snap. He sometimes got that look in his eye right before Spike pissed him off really bad. "I've given you my best advice. I'm telling you that as long as Buffy doesn't attack Spike or Drusilla, the number of new fledges and the number of people dying is going to stay low. Spike wants to impress me, and right now he's doing that by running a tight court. I've done the right thing, and someone once told me that you have to do the right thing and walk away, whether people listen to you or not. If you need me, you all know how to find my apartment."

Angel turned to walk away, and for half a second, Xander was frozen—so caught up in the emotions of the moment that he didn't understand that Angel was walking away from him too.

"Hey! Wait. With your crazy childe walking around accusing me of being the puppy that ate you, I am so not walking to your apartment alone, and my testosterone levels dipped to new lows just saying that," Xander said as he hurried after Angel. Angel stopped at the library doors.

"Xander!" Willow called, her voice hurt again. Of course, that hurt was nothing compared to the massive emotional triage that was going to be required when she found out that he'd been naughty touching with Cordelia.

"I'll see you guys later," Xander yelled over his shoulder as he reached Angel and just sort of pushed the vamp out of the room with both hands. Retreat was the word of the day, and they so needed to.

"Xander, you probably need to talk to Giles," Angel pointed out as Xander kept right on pushing him down the hall and toward the exit.

"Nope, nu-huh, not happening. The man who summons demons does not get to tell me I'm screwy. I mean, I know I'm screwy, but any loose screws are on the Cordelia front, not the you front," he pointed out as they reached the exit. Angel looked down at him in amusement before pushing the doors open.

"You haven't told them about Cordelia?" Angel guessed.

"Okay, did you see Willow? Did you see the Willow eyes?"

"I didn't need to see her eyes, I can smell her when she gets near you," Angel pointed out before he headed down the steps so fast that Xander had to run to catch up with him. And by the time Xander had caught up half way down the block, he was out of breath enough that the punch he aimed at Angel's arm didn't have much actual punch behind the punch.

"Okay, stuff like that is just disturbing. You cannot go telling me that you're sniffing up my friends. It's upsetting."

"And Caveman wasn't? That was the worst movie you have ever subjected me to," Angel countered.

"Okay, Caveman is hilarious. 'Caacaa… doodoo… shit'," Xander quoted. "How can you not love that?"

"Easily."

"God you have a stick up your ass. I'm surprised you don't stake yourself on it when you sit." Xander sighed as they walked down the street away from Angel's apartment. He wasn't surprised since he figured Angel was going to need to kill something after that little scene. For several minutes, they walked in silence, going in and out of the yellow circles cast by the streetlights. "Do you think Buffy's going to go after Spike?" Xander asked quietly.

"I hope not."

"Bloody hell, I do." Spike jumped out from behind a bush, and Xander gasped, lost his balance, and grabbed at Angel's arm as he managed to half drag them both into the street. Spike started laughing so hard that he sounded like he might hyperventilate. A car laid on its horn, and Xander found himself lifted by his waist and practically tossed back toward the safety of the sidewalk. Yep, he could officially feel his testosterone hitting new lows, and thank god no one was around to witness that. Well, almost no one.

Spike leaned on the streetlight and gasped for air between bursts of laughter. "Goin' to give yourself a heart attack if you aren't careful, pet," he pointed out when he finally managed to get the air to talk. Xander glared, and that nearly set Spike off laughing again.

"William," Angel warned darkly.

"Don't get your knickers twisted, luv. Boy just needs to learn ta think on his feet a little is all. You're trainin' him up right proper if some demon walks up, introduces himself, and then sets the rules for a challenge. I just thought I'd give little brother a few hints about how demons really do it." Spike gave Xander a wink and then started down the sidewalk. Xander might have turned his back and walked away in protest, only Angel's hand in his back was already nudging him to follow.

"And again with the creepiness of the brother comments. You really are a weird, weird and slightly one-tracked with the mind, aren't you?" Xander asked in disgust. Angel had carefully explained that it was safer for Spike to believe that Xander truly would be his little brother one day, but that somehow just made things creepier.

"Yep," Spike agreed quickly enough. "I heard most of that little drama. Better than Passions, you lot are. Seems a right waste bein' in town with a slayer and not taking my third, so I'm ready if she comes gunning for me."

"You heard?" Xander's mind went into panicked overdrive as he considered what they might have said that definitely wasn't Spike-safe.

"He was on the roof," Angel said.

"Wait, you knew?" Xander demanded. "You knew? And you…" Xander looked at Spike, "you aren't with homicidal?"

"Fuckin' hell no. He said I tortured better than he did, didn't he? Even said I ran a tight ship with the court." Spike had a very pleased grin on his face and Angel just rolled his eyes.

"But he was all with the saying you were just out to impress people, and please just ignore me because if you're not upset, I really should not be trying to get you upset because people who know how to torture should not be upset. And people who upset people who know how to torture are stupid."

Spike turned a concerned look at Xander before he focused on Angel. "Not the brightest, is he?"

Xander answered for Angel. "No, no I'm really not."

"He just doesn't understand vampires. Most humans don't," Angel corrected him. Angel also reached over and popped Xander on the side of the head hard enough to sting.

"Hey!" Xander objected as he shot out a punch at Angel's stomach only to find the vampire ten feet away before his punch came anywhere near.

"I hate vampires. I've said it before and I'm repeating my official stance: vampire suck."

"I know I do, rather good at it, I am," Spike offered with an eyebrow wiggle.

"Oh my god. Stop. Just stop. My brain is going to implode if you don't stop with the weirdage. I don't want to know you suck."

"Want to know what I suck?" Spike asked cheerfully.

"William, leave him alone," Angel ordered, and then a large hand fell on Xander's shoulder, pulling Xander to the far side of the sidewalk so that Angel was walking between Spike and Xander.

"Oi, just playin'. So, you think the slayer's coming for me?"

"She might."

"No way," Xander disagreed. Both vampires looked at him.

"Okay, we all agree I know nothing about vampires, but I know Buffy. She's still all stupid about Angel, and if Angel thinks you're family, she's going to find some excuse to not stake you. And the whole gun thing… that really works as far as excuses go. Now if I just understood Willow and Cordelia as well as Buffy, my life might not suck." Xander held up a finger toward Spike. "And do not make suckage puns."

Spike chuckled. "Still, too bloody bad. Wouldn't mind trying this one out. She's good."

"Spike," Angel growled.

"Not goin' to go after her. At this point, I figure you'll never share your boy if I make you throw a wobbly."

"And again with the inappropriateness." Xander sighed. "I hate vampires. I hate vampires nearly as much as I hate my love life."

Spike really started laughing then. "Your boy's growin' up there Angelus. So, you've figured out that we're all screwed when it comes to the birds, huh? Welcome to the club, mate. Love turns all of us into her bitches sooner or later."

"I wouldn't have minded later."

"You'll be love's bitch later too," Spike promised. "Once love's got you on the hook, that's one lady you never get away from. Right, Angel?"

"Unfortunately, yes," Angel sighed. "We all do stupid things for love. We just have to hope that love doesn't kill us in the end."

"Oi, don't turn all maudlin on us their Captain Hairgel," Spike complained. "Bloody hell, let's go kill something, get some Jack and make fun of some late night television."

Xander might have objected, and he knew Angel definitely would have argued, but Spike was off down the street in a flapping of leather that always reminded Xander of Batman's cape, even if Angel was much more Batmany than Spike ever dreamed of being. Xander glanced over, and Angel had his constipated look. Yep, major brooding on the horizon.

"Come on, I escaped death by Cordelia shopping tonight, and killing of something slimy is sounding good. I even promise to not drink the Jack. Alcohol and the Harris family genes are not with the mixy."

For a second, Angel didn't seem to move, and then he started off down the sidewalk after Spike, one of his hands still on Xander's shoulder and pulling him along. "If you get anything slimy on you, I’m not letting you in the apartment," Angel warned.

"Hey, it's my apartment."

"It's my couch, and I'm still trying to get the Doritos power out of it."

"You are such a gay guy," Xander said, and then he started running down the sidewalk, trusting that Angel would be at his back when he actually did find something slimy, or when something slimy found him because something slimy always found him. Spike accused him of having bad karma. And really, how weird was it that the torturing vampire thought he had bad karma?