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Tags: writer's block
Published : 2 months, 1 week ago (Thu, 25 Sep 2008 08:29:02 PDT)
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All the Things She Said by TATU.
I guess this will be quite personal. But it's not like I have anything to hide, so why not...
I came out to my parents at the age of 15. At that point I'd been talking, for almost half a year, online and on the phone with a girl from Copenhagen who would later become my first girlfriend. Thinking back on that period, it was less difficult than it seemed at the time. I wasn't in the closet for... more than a year, I think, before deciding to tell my parents about my sexual orientation, but that one year did feel like an eternity. An eternity in hell at that.
Around those months, TATU hit the European charts with "All the Things She Said" and one day when I was home alone, I saw the music video for that same song on television. I don't think I can really express what emotions it awoke in me. Today I can say many less pleasant things about the manifactured lesbianism that soon became TATU's image, but back then it didn't matter to me whether they were fakes or not. The song and not least the video spoke to feelings in me that I recognised and hadn't seen expressed and thus openly embraced by others than the girl I was in love with.
I bought the single the next day. It was in March, only a couple a weeks before my birthday. For the next many days, I listened to that song non-stop, both the original Russian version and the adapted English one. I remember especially the evening before my 15-year's birthday - the day before I came out to my parents - where I'd locked the door to my room, closed the curtains and put out all the light in the room. Everything was darkness around me, but that song played on my CD-player. Again and again. On repeat. I even think it was the Russian version, so I didn't understand a single word, but I understood the feelings of it and the emotions it awoke in me.
To say that "All the Things She Said" was the entire reason I came out would probably be a bit too much, but it had a big impact on my decision on coming out and what can't be denied is that it helped me overcome my fear of rejection and hatred. I realised, by listening to and watching "All the Things She Said", that "I can try to pretend", but in the end pretending would only destroy all the beautiful things about how I felt.
And even today, having realised a lot of things about both TATU and the concept of that song, I still love it. I still think it's quite moving and a pretty nice listen. |
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