Why am I not remembering anything? It’s very frightening not being able to remember things I did yesterday… Did I skip something? And I can’t even remember important conversations… Nothing makes sense. I can’t believe that I’m young; I have the mind of someone much older than I. When I don’t remember something, I get defensive. And when I get defensive, the topic changes to something broader. Instead of facing it, I run to my bedroom. I try to explain my forgetfulness, but… They don’t listen. I’ve been shirking my duties… I’ve been locking myself in my bedroom. I can’t decide what to do. I’m being lazy and waiting until the last second. My flaws are once again showing… I even wait until the last second on momentous occasions, and unintentionally forgetting the important dates and times. I’m not getting my license, even though I need one. I need a job. I’m losing myself again… And I’m crying again. I told myself that I would exercise. But what I’ve done is near enough to zip that I don’t even trust myself. I can’t talk to anyone… My parents accuse it as it an excuse. I’m not keeping in contact with anyone… I don’t know what to do in life. My friends have jobs and know what schools they’re going to go to. I lack dreams and ideals. Why can’t I trust myself to do anything?! I’m afraid of failing… Afraid of trying. Or am I too lazy? I don’t know myself at all, and I deny any kindness that I give. Am I a hypocrite? Do I talk too much about myself? Am I… a liar again? I’m pushing away friends. I don’t know what to think. The only thing I’m good at is that I seem to waste time. Should I just end it all? Save myself the grief of life. But others would cry. I’m full of emotion and yet… I’m emotionless. I’m a sociopath in many ways. I lack self-confidence. I CAN’T DO THIS ANYMORE! My thoughts are jumbled… When I’m happy, I gain more sadness. Happiness is just a mask for what’s inside. Have I ever been truly happy? I don’t know. I don’t even want to find out… While I’m conscious, life is… No longer worth it. I have friends that I don’t see. I’m ugly and seem to say the wrong thing at the wrong time. Do I even want to try anymore?


And yet again... No one reads this. Not even friends realize that this blog is here. I guess, when I am gone, I shall write a note. A note explaining what to do... Leading them to things they never saw... They heard, but they blocked their ears and called me a drama queen.