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Tags: rpattz twilight
Published : 7 months, 2 weeks ago (Sat, 29 Nov 2008 07:25:50 PST)
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I have a very unhealthy obsession with the books and the movie. I read the first one not knowing what was going to happen and gently put it in a drawer when I was finished (I would have thrown it across the room and I REALLY wanted to but I can't do that to a book, even if it is lolarious like Twilight.)
As a side note I found a new dictionary with a whole bunch of Twilight definitions http://cleoland.pbwiki.com/Twilight#Bookdiscussionentries. And as of yesterday when I found another unhealthy obessession (ie, them) and I will be using them as much as possible from now on.
Anyway the main reason I got intot the Twilight thing was because of Horrify the Twilight Noob (no, really. I wish I had been making it up). It is a game played with me when I was a non-lolfan (I can't even remeber a time like that.) And they sucked me in and I hopefully have done the same to others. But after the first one I was hooked and I CANNOT wait for Midnight Sun in a way that is very bad, and I need help, please help me.
The general Sparkle of all the books have just made me keep wading through-they are lolarious. Twilight Vamps do love to Sparkle incandescently (or any other adjective you can think of) and I am all for them as long as I get to OME all the way. And no it isn't a typo. Oh My God is no old fashioned, it's Oh My Edward (seriously. Really. Again I don't have the imagination to make this up.) And I look farward with anticipation things from Edwars's point of view. I can forsee angst and longing and obssession love.
I found this (http://cleolinda.livejournal.com/) journal yesterday, the author of the brilliant definitions I posted above posted a very short, and very true summary of the first three books in the Twilight saga. (Cleolinda, I love you). I was on io9 a Sci-fi website which I advise you all to check out, especially if you are Doctor Who and Torchwood lovers (lots of lovely spoilers and hints. The website is www.io9.com). And there they also have a lot of Twilight lolfan stuff which is lolarious. This is what RPattz himself had to say about Edward:
"When you read the book," says Pattinson, looking appropriately pallid and interesting even without makeup, "it's like, 'Edward Cullen was so beautiful I creamed myself.' I mean, every line is like that. He's the most ridiculous person who's so amazing at everything. I think a lot of actors tried to play that aspect. I just couldn't do that. And the more I read the script, the more I hated this guy, so that's how I played him, as a manic-depressive who hates himself. Plus, he's a 108-year-old virgin so he's obviously got some issues there." So Sparkly! Oh, wait he isn't Edward there. Well, I fancy RPattz when he isn't Eddie and that makes me heart sparkly incandescenrly (really.) And the whole interview can be found in October's Empire magazine. And he goes on to say what he thinks about the author herself:
'When I read it ... I was convinced that Stephenie was convinced that she was Bella, and ... it was like it was a book that wasn't supposed to be published, like reading her — her sort of sexual fantasy about some — especially when she says that it was based on a dream, and it's like, "Oh, then I had a dream about this really sexy guy" and she just writes this book about it, and there's some things about Edward that are just so specific that ... I was just convinced that this woman is mad, she's completely mad, and she's in love with her own fictional creation. And I sometimes ... feel uncomfortable reading this thing, and I think a lot of people feel the same way, that it's kind of voyeuristic ... It creates this sick pleasure in a lot of ways.' LOLZ! Having read this, suddenly I like him even more. He isn't just a fit idiot. And how true is that? It makes sense, why there is so much going on and on and on and on about OME's beatuiful beauty and amazing breath smell (seriously. Who likes the smell of someone else's breath? And as he is a Vamp shouldn't it smell fetid unless he constantly brushes his teeth?)
But anyway to go back to Cleolinda's summary which just makes sense:
Author and blogger Cleolinda Jones compiled several much-read commentaries on each of the Twilight books at her LiveJournal, and they're a joy to read — even more so than Meyer's bad-fanfiction-esque prose. (In case you're interested, her wiki works quite well as a Twilight guide for dummies — er, in this case, the lucky uninitiated.) Previously on As the Vampire Sparkles, emoteen Bella Swan moves to a tiny little depressing rainy town and won't shut up about it. There she meets a mysterious boy who turns out to be a 100+ year-old vampire who literally sparkles "like diamonds" in direct sunlight and reads minds (but not hers), and after three hundred pages of Bella wondering why he's so mean to her and why he's so weird and why he's not being mean to her anymore and what his deal is and if he likes her and if he actually loves her and how much he loves her and how he could possibly love as someone as Mary Sue plain and boring and clumsy as she is and if his vampire family will like her, a plot finally shows up, but it doesn't last very long. And then they go to prom. In the second book, Edward the sparkling vampire leaves Bella for her own good, and she spends most of the book trying to kill herself with motorcycles and cliff-diving. Sort of. And then her best friend falls in love with her and turns out to be a werewolf, but Bella runs away to save Edward from committing suicide by public sparkling in Italy. In the third book, Jacob the best friend/boyfriend wannabe/werewolf turns into a total asshole trying to force himself on Bella, and a vampire with a grudge from the first book is trying to kill her, but more importantly, Bella and Edward argue about whether they should have sex, get married, and/or vampirize Bella, and in what order. Hand to God, I did not make one word of that up. Twilight means never having to say you're kidding.
And it does get better. Here is what I say happens in Breaking Dawn:
Bella realising she wants nothing more then exactly what he wants, marries him and then has bruise making sex while wondering if he is having as much fun as she is and why he is far too obsessed with their Brazilian cleaning woman. Then as a shocker she gets pregnant and in less than a month comes to term and finds out that she's carrying a baby who likes its mother's blood, and that she is married to a Sparkler who wants to kill baby Sparkler until he reads its thoughts and then changes his mind. She doesn't mind that he wanted to kill her baby since his sparkliness is never ending. Baby eats it's way out and Bella finally gets Sparklisized and she is of course the best Sparkler around. They name BabySparkler something lolarious and a word I can't bear to type. Almost near the end there is again hints of a plot, but true to form it doesn't last long and no one dies and Jacob, wolf boy imprints on BabySparkler. Baby saves the day with her own amazingness and Bella and Edward live happily ever after in a stone cottage.
Again none of that is made up. You have to hand it to Meyer. Teenage, uneducated bride/mother really does have a happy ending and no problems at all in the end. There isn't even all that much suffering for her to go through to get to the happy ending (but I do count the murderous baby. But Bella deserved that. Punishment for three books worth of whining.)
But here is a list of stats from Twilight, the book.
The Catalog
Number of Pages in the Book: 498
The First Hint of a Plot that Is Not Bella and Edward's Romance: page 328
When the Plot Actually Arrives: page 372
Boys that Totally Love Bella (Including Edward Cullen): 5
Approximate Amount of Time Bella and Edward are Romantically Involved Before Bella Is Begging Edward to Turn Her into a Vampire so They Can Be Together Forever: Like, two weeks. Maybe three. The timeline's a bit fuzzy.
References to Edward's Beauty: 165
I wish I had done this but when I wasn't laughing with all the lolarity or banging my head on the table, I was skipping huge passages (usually along the lines off 'his beatuy makes me feel inadequate. I am so inadequate. How can he love clumsy, inadequate me?) when most of the above probably happened. No, all credit goes to otahyoni and her entry (which can be found here http://otahyoni.livejournal.com/130432.html?view=1737856#t1737856. I advise you all to read it because she provides a breakdown of the beauty-rofl).
But I am looking forward to the movie. Usually adaptation are just bad since they cut so much out of the books but I am all for editing. There is only so much Sparkling Angst I can take. But they only way I wil go and see the movie is if it is as lolarious as the books. And I have been reading reviews (Empire gave it 4*) and reading journals with opinions about the movie. I found a journal, m15m. Movies in 15 minutes (found here http://community.livejournal.com/m15m) Cleolinda runs the blog and she posted a 15 minute parody of Twilight the movie, which you all must read.
This is the beginning:
Forks, Washington
[Bella Swan is a clumsy, bookish seventeen-year-old girl who lives in Phoenix until her mother marries a younger baseball player and wanted to go on the road with him, so Bella decides to move back up to the middle of rainy nowhere with her dad Charlie, the Forks chief of police, with whom she actually seems to have a relationship in the movie. Already I am disconcerted because Bella is 500% less whiny and passive-aggressive about it all than she is in the book.]
BELLA: We're gonna be all right, pet cactus. We're gonna be all right.
PET CACTUS: ...
And you all have to read the rest. It can be found here http://community.livejournal.com/m15m/19551.html#cutid2.
And you must all read it, I say again, is it getting through I wonder? She has also done 15 minute movie parody's of The Happening and Wanted and Harry Potter (all of them) and lolarity all around. Lots of OME moments.
Now this is a very long entry and I tried to do LJ cuts but still not working and it took me even longer to sort all the mess out then it did to type the entry itself. So I tried to add a little colour (don't think it really works but fingers hurt and cannot change it now.)
Before I go, I leave you with two things. My Dad sent me a photo of an autograph the lovely postman gave me: I may almost faint from the Sparlyness shooting out of his eyes. But the fact that RPattz wrote my name made me squee very loudly (SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!) And while I stop coughing, I shall post the last goodie in my bag of, umm goodies. xoxo |
