I rise to the challenge...
Title: we are burning up all of our choices up here where the tall grass grows
Author: Misslucy
SGA, McShep
Rating/Warnings...hard R, maybe NC17. I never can tell. There is a threesome, and voyeurism, and some questionable mental states.

A/N: This is a remix of Busaikko's story we are, for some reason, all the time, bleeding. The original story has warnings for the threesome and toy discussion along with the voyeurism. The title is from the same song, "Weekend in Western Illinois" by the Mountain Goats. Also, a warning that I've never watched SGA in my life, I just read the fanfic. So things may be a bit OOC. I think I'm fairly on, but if I'm completely in left field, let me know.

***

John quirked a smile as he flopped down on the bed next to Rodney, raising a hand up to undo the scarves around Rodney’s wrists. “Good?” he asked?

“Mmm,” Rodney said, chafing his hands together to restore circulation. “Good enough.”

“You can tie me up next time,” John offered, pulling the blanket up over himself. He was cold, but too worn out to find his clothes.

“Well, what if I want something different?” Rodney asked, twisting the scarf idly around his fingers.

“Hmm?” John asked. His eyes were starting to close on their own, and he blinked to keep them open.

“We always do your fantasies. What about *my* fantasies?” Rodney asked, in a tone that was perilously close to a whine.

John was instantly alert. Whining Rodney, aside from being obnoxious, was a sign that Bored Rodney was just over the horizon. And that was no good. Bored Rodney would start to find John lacking and then would leave him. He didn’t want Rodney to leave, didn’t want to be alone. “You didn’t say you had a fantasy you wanted to do,” he said, slowly.

“Well, you didn’t ask,” Rodney pointed out.

True. Rodney had asked him to talk dirty, talk about his fantasies, but he hadn’t asked Rodney for the same. He’d assumed Rodney would tell him if he wanted something; it wasn’t like he was shy. “Ok, so I’m asking now,” he said.

Rodney looked at him sidelong. “I wanna watch you get fucked. From both sides.”

John blinked. “What do you mean?”

Rodney pulled the scarf through his fingers as he explained. “I want someone to fuck your ass while someone else fucks your mouth while I watch.”

“Someone, who?” John asked.

Rodney shrugged. “There’s people. I know places we could go.”

John had to admit that when he’d asked Rodney about a fantasy, this was not exactly what he’d envisioned. He’d kind of assumed Rodney would be, well, involved. But, he did know Rodney liked to watch him put on a bit of a show. It embarrassed John, a bit, but, well, whatever made Rodney happy… “All right.”

“All right?” Rodney said, with some surprise.

“Yeah,” John nodded. “All right.”

The look on Rodney’s face turned slightly evil, which gave John pause, but he’d agreed. Rodney dropped down beside him for a kiss. “Mmm. Good. I’ll set it up.”

“Ok,” John said. He wasn’t sleepy anymore, but he turned the light out anyway. Rodney pulled him close and he listened to Rodney’s breath deepen as he fell asleep.

**

John looked around the small room Rodney had rented. He wasn’t nervous, exactly, but he wasn’t really excited either. Rodney certainly was. He’d put considerably more effort and planning into this than John would have thought possible. But every time Rodney asked, he’d said all right. So, no going back now.

“Did you hear me?” He glanced up to see Rodney looking at him, slightly exasperated.

“What? No.” John replied.

“I said, if you want to stop, you just do this,” Rodney said, making a “cut” motion across his neck. “Got it?”

“Got it,” John answered.

“All right, then,” Rodney said, nodding to the other two men in the room. They left and Rodney adjusted the mirrors a bit.

John took a deep breath and undressed, folding his clothes neatly. Rodney sat down and got comfortable, waiting for John to open the door.

He opened the door and got up on the bed. He looked back at Rodney quickly to make sure he was doing it right- he didn’t want to screw it up- but the shorter of the two men came up behind him, spread his cheeks apart and started to thrust in without any more warning or preparation than that. John hadn’t prepped himself beyond the lube Rodney had told him to use, so he’d been expecting a little more warning than that and found himself fighting his reaction to the invasion. Not Rodney, not Rodney, someone else, not supposed to happen don’t know them, not Rodney, no, no, no no.  

Get ahold of yourself, Sheppard, he thought. You know how to do this, just bear down. He turned his head away to avoid Rodney’s gaze, embarrassed that he’d about lost his head before they’d even half started. But then he managed to relax the right muscles and the man slid all the way in, seated deep. No, this was not Rodney. John thought he could feel the guy’s dick in his stomach. His fists clenched and he tried to breathe deep, but the other man grabbed his hair and filled his mouth with his dick, and John couldn’t breathe.

Oh, God….too much, too much, his brain screamed. Rodney, make it stop, no, no, I don’t wanna do this anymore… he thought, fighting to breathe as the one behind him pushed and the one in front of him pushed back. He was barely balanced between the two, his fingernails digging into his palms, completely overwhelmed by the onslaught. He was feeling decidedly unaroused, but his cock had other ideas and it began to stiffen under him, adding another measure of pain/pleasure/sensation to the mix. The mirror caught his eye and he suddenly saw Rodney’s reflection. Rodney was watching avidly, with a bit of that evil look to his face. He was clearly enjoying it, but there was something…off. John choked again as the rhythm changed. He’s not watching you. He’s watching what they’re doing. To you. Not with you. It’s porn, just porn, he realized, suddenly, as a mistimed thrust brought tears to his eyes. He blinked them back hard. It’s not *you* he wants here. It could be anyone. If it was about you, he’d stop it. He’d see you’re hurting. John was barely aware of how the two men were passing him back and forth anymore. All he could think of was how Rodney stared. How Rodney clearly didn’t see him. The idea that he could stop it floated vaguely through his mind, but he couldn’t move. And anyway, he’d said all right. Can’t go back on your word, Sheppard. Only way out is through.

The one in his mouth came, suddenly, and pulled out. John gasped for air as his mouth was freed. The other one was still pounding into him and he half fell forward, his forehead resting on the bed. His cock was throbbing, but he couldn’t manage to move his arms to touch it. It seemed like another eternity, but suddenly the thrusting stopped and then there was nothing holding him anymore. He collapsed on the mattress, but the feel of the fabric against his cock made him flip to his back. He saw Rodney in the mirror and turned his head to see him still staring. Is this what you wanted, then?,  he thought. Use me, then leave me.

But Rodney wasn’t leaving. He got up and walked towards John, reaching out to touch his cock. John slapped his hand away. “No, inside me, inside me,” he chanted. He wanted to feel Rodney, to know that Rodney cared enough to make him come and not leave. Wanted familiar and comfortable.

The pain/pleasure/sensation when Rodney entered him at just that angle made him shout and babble a moment. It was decidedly not comfortable. Every move burned through him, and he grabbed the edges of the mattress. Oh, all too much…let me go, let me go, let me go…. His mind wailed as he finally spiraled up and out of control, coming hard and harder. He groaned as Rodney kept thrusting, then went still. Rodney’s come shot into him, hot and sticky and made him shudder at the feel of it. Rodney collapsed onto him, and he laid there, breathing on top of John.

John felt like his body was about to come apart at any moment. He needed Rodney out of him. And off of him. He rolled out from under Rodney’s dead weight and got up, cracking his back in the process. That little bit of relief let him walk across the room to the bathroom. His face in the mirror was too pale, his eyes almost bloodshot. His hands were shaking as he looked down at the sticky mess of his chest and legs. Shower, Sheppard. Come on now, pull it together.

The warm water hitting his strung out body hurt, and he shuddered. Too much sensation, all at once. He leaned his forehead against the cool tile wall, and that helped a bit. The water washed down around him as he slowly relaxed under the spray. He ran his tongue over his teeth and tasted the chemically minty lube left there and suddenly found himself bent over and gagging. Don’t you dare puke, Sheppard. Don’t you dare he thought angrily to himself. Puking in the shower would just be too much, too vulnerable. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply, pulling on his pilot training to keep his stomach where it belonged. When it was safe, he turned his face up to the spray, letting the water run into his mouth and spitting to rinse it. He fumbled for the soap and started to scrub down, to wash away all the fear and vulnerability.

He was still shivering slightly as he walked back out into the room to get dressed. “Hey,” Rodney said, slightly accusatory from the bed.

“Hey,” John replied blandly. He wasn’t sure what to say to Rodney right now. I hated it; I wanted you to stop it? You were just using me? Why did you hurt me? Are you going to leave me? None of it was the right thing to say. He’d agreed, after all.

Rodney got up from the bed and pulled his pants up. “That was really hot.”

John looked over at him and he could feel his face almost giving away his confusion before he wrestled it into a smile he didn’t feel. Hot was not exactly the word he’d use to describe the experience. Not by far.

“Really hot,” Rodney continued. “I can’t wait for next time, can you?” he asked, smiling back at John. The evil look was back. John swallowed hard. Could Rodney really not see that he’d been hurt and scared and unable to stop it? But…he’d agreed. And Rodney had enjoyed it. He wanted to make Rodney happy. Wanted Rodney to stay.

“All right,” he said.