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Tags: translating fic writing meta
Published : 9 months, 3 weeks ago (Sun, 15 Mar 2009 08:16:34 PDT) Searched: http://trovia.livejournal.com/14652.html 0 links Related posts
Me and fellow translators kit_kat_2006 and mondenengel decided to talk some about our translations so to improve on our work. So here are a couple of notes on translating "Stakes." I hope this is interesting for those of you who're learning German too. :)
I'm probably going to make a couple of these posts in the near future before, you know. Before I find something new and shiny.
Original: "Stakes". Translation: "Schlechte Karten" on fanfiction.net and on fanfic_de ( fanfic_de).
I'm actually done with this one but let's talk about it anyway.
"Stakes" was, like, the ultimate bitch to translate. I wrote it when writing in English was new to me and I was all "Oh, look! Untranslatable idioms! Shiny, let's use them all at once!" As a consequence, it was about as easy to translate "Stakes" as it would be for Admiral Adama to consciously notice Gaeta.
Basically I translated the story, cringed in pain and rewrote the whole thing based on that. Naturally, I had ~ 1500 words instead of ~ 1200 when I was done. I also looked up the translations for BSG vocabulary used in the German dub. Turns out, vipers are female (huh). I still don't know how they translate "rec room" though. I'm having a sneaking suspicion that they don't. They just equate it with the mess.
Here are some of the more interesting paragraphs for comparison:
English:
It's awkward, transferring to Galactica to be a viper pilot. Perry isn't as forward as Kat or as easy as Costanza and the ship is so full of people and activity that he feels left out just by being new. The pilots - the other pilots -, they're friendly enough, but frakking loud, and he doesn't know what to do or say most of the time.
Two days into training, he's been washed out, reinstated, gone from Donald Perry to just Chuckles and still feels like he should be back on Faru Sadin. He traded work for food back there. He didn't bring anything. He didn't have anything to bring and that's mostly why he came, because he thought there must be more for him here, more of something, anything.
German:
Anfangs hat Perry es für eine großartige Idee gehalten, auf die Galactica überzusiedeln und Viperpilot zu werden, aber vier Tage später ist er sich nicht mehr so sicher. Im Gegensatz zu Kat weiß er nicht, wie man auf Leute zugeht, und so unkompliziert wie Costanza ist er auch nicht. Die Piloten - die anderen Piloten, er ist ja jetzt auch einer - sind ja alle ganz nett, wenn auch verdammt laut. Aber auf dem Schiff wimmelt es nur so von Offizieren und Aktivität, und meistens weiß er nicht, was er machen oder sagen soll.
Nach bereits zwei Tagen ist er rausgeschmissen worden, aber dann haben sie ihn wieder aufgenommen; seitdem ist er für alle nur noch Chuckles, fühlt sich aber trotzdem, als ob er eigentlich auf die Faru Sadin gehört. Da hat er von Tauschgeschäften gelebt - Kost gegen Arbeit -, und er hat nichts mitgebracht. Er besitzt nichts, was er hätte mitbringen können, und genau deshalb ist er ja auch hier - es kann schließlich nur aufwärts gehen.
Bisher sucht er aber noch vergebens nach dem Platz, den es hier angeblich für ihn gibt.
(Very different text, no? That wonderful "something, anything" didn't translate at all. On second thought though, maybe I should just have lost that additional "es kann schließlich nur aufwärts gehen." The text would have worked nicely without that.)
English:
Curiously, Chuckles puts his head out from under the viper. "We still short on water?" he asks, then remembers where he is and adds "sir."
"No," says Chief. "It's the porn."
Chuckles blinks.
"Porn," the lieutenant adds matter-of-factly. "We're running out of it. Or really, getting bored with the little we have. There is some on board, of course, but it's hard to find without networked computers and people won't trade." He smirks. "It's bad for morale."
"It's becoming a problem," finishes Chief.
Chuckles blinks.
There's kind of a lull in the conversation right there.
Gaeta raises his eyebrows. "You wouldn't happen to know of a secret stash, Recruit?"
German:
Neugierig schaut Chuckles auf. „Geht uns schon wieder das Wasser aus?“ Nachträglich erinnert er sich daran, wo er sich befindet, und fügt hinzu: „Sir.“
„Nee“, erwidert Chief Tyrol. „Wir reden von Pornos.“
Einen Moment lang ist Chuckles sich absolut sicher, dass er sich verhört hat.
„Pornos“, fügt der Lieutenant erklärend hinzu. „Sie gehen uns aus. Oder genau genommen haben wir zu wenige an Bord. Wir können sie ohne Netzwerk nicht aufspüren, und niemand will sie verkaufen.“ Er verzieht unwillig die Lippen. „Schlecht für die Bordmoral.“
„Es entwickelt sich zu einem Problem“, stimmt Tyrol zu.
Chuckles ist sich immer noch nicht ganz sicher, ob er sich nicht verhört hat.
Nach einem erwartungsvollen Moment der Stille hebt Gaeta die Augenbrauen. „Sie wissen nicht zufällig von einem Geheimvorrat, Kadett?“
(The lull in the conversation had to go, of course, and Chuckles' blinking doesn't translate either obviously. If a German blinks, they just blink. It doesn't mean anything. So German Chuckles thinks he misheard. And then he still thinks maybe he misheard anyway. It's not quite as pointed as in English but I think it still works fine. Also, I've noticed that I have to find a new fun thing to do with a character's face every time they smirk in English. No smirking in German. There are, like, a dozen phrases that can apply for smirking. I'm getting a feeling that English "smirk" can apply to everything that goes on beyond the nose; while "frown" applies to everything above. That's basically it. Compared to that, in German, with all the "Grimassen schneiden," "Mundwinkel zucken," "Gesicht verziehen," "Lippen kräuseln," "Nase kräuseln," "schniefen" etc etc which are all common idioms, a smirking face is like a novel with an interesting plot and exciting character development. Plus, sequels.)
On a sidenote, I had some trouble with the porn. You'd say "Pornos" which usually refers to porn videos specifically. In the translation, it sounds a bit like Tyrol and Gaeta are searching for dirty X-rated video material specifically, so Chuckles supplying them with the written word hits them out of left field in more than one fashion. But that's nice. I like that.
English:
"What's that?" Thrace asks, frowning.
"That," Chuckles says. "is porn."
German:
„Und das ist...?“ fragt Thrace skeptisch.
„Das ist Pornographie“, erwidert Chuckles.
(See how I lost the frown again? :D Hee. God bless the German adverb. Much more versatile than its infernally clumsy English cousin.)
Lastly, I had to change the title of course. It's not a good title in English in the first place. When I picked it, I wasn't aware that "stakes" can refer to an awful lot of things. German "stakes" would be "Einsätze" but that would lack in style (as it probably does in English). So I picked "Schlechte Karten" which is, like, the second pun I ever managed in a German fic in my whole life (why yes, I'm counting). I wish there was more word play in German *sigh*. But I have a pun now! Because "schlechte Karten (haben)" both means "a bad hand" (at a game of cards) and "few prospects" or "not standing much of a chance". Like Chuckles thinks he has few prosprects on Galactica. Neat, no? I punned! I like punning. Punning gets you shoved into lockers in highschool (if we actually had highschools and lockers, that is) but I still like it. If a BSG geek can't appreciate puns, nobody will.
Any comments? Suggestions? Concrit? Outrage about my assumptions about English facial expressions? "Stop spamming my flist with boring stuff we don't understand anyway"? Just bring it on. :D
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