how did it start?

and honestly when?

when did you tell her about me?

did it feel good to lie to me?

did it feel good to be with her on your bday when i had just sent you a huge birthday package?

did i ever mean anything to you?

or the whole time were you just waiting for herto break up with dave so you could be with her?

why would you ever joke about peach pancakes?

why did you continue to joke and flirt with me when according to the timeline, you were with her already?

are you happy with where your life has taken you?

why dont you have a new job yet? its not like you

will you still go to new york like you said you wanted to? your birthday? all-star week? st. pattys day?

did you feel good to lie to my face, when i straight out asked you about her?

did you find it fun to humiliate me?

why didnt you tell me not to work thanksgiving?

why did you tell me to work thanksgiving "you will have fun working with her and everyone"?

did you honestly think i would never find out?

do you still hang out with your friends or do you just sit at marie's and wait for her every night?

what happened with you and T moving?

did you tell lherwhy WE decided not to tell her or did you just put that on me?

do you still have the things i gave you or did you throw those out too?

do you have enough balls to answer these questions?


i wish i didnt care about these things, and i wish didnt think about them. but i do. everyday its a challenge not to think about it. but then i think of things i do have in my life. and i am so thankful. but in the end everybody wants answers. and yet i know i will never get them. and i know people think im crazy and say why cant you just see that your better off and blah blah blah. but you know what. i didnt just lose him thats honestly not the part that upsets me the most. i lost my best friend and the trust that i put into him. and i lost my friend who well im not going to say anything about. i lost my job and all the friends that came with out. so im dealing with it the best i can. and this is how i plan on doing it. when i think of shit i write it down. and hopefully i wont have to think about it anymore.