As I was on the plane to Europe I watched "The Other Boleyn Girl" to distract me from the pain and misery of coach and airline food. Instead of attempting to sleep so that I might be conscious in Amsterdam, I watched pointless movies and tv shows on the awesome little tv in front of my seat (yessssss). I have often heard that "The Other Boleyn Girl" is as pointless and dissapointing as the book, however, when you expect nothing from the movie or the book, it is not dissapointing at all but instead quite delightful. I am not a fan of Philippa Gregory because I find that she is a moron whose work does not really do justice to the English language or the time periods her stories are set in. Yet I simply cannot stop reading; it is horribly addicting and despite my cocky pshahs I said when I would pass by a poster or watch a preview, I secretly rejoiced and anticipated the arrival of this movie. She seems to be a pervert who lives out her greatest sexual fantasies through historical fiction; I often feel as though she rather enjoys the bits of her books involving incest. I have never read "The Other Boleyn Girl" nor do I wish to, but the movie is entirely different because the movie has Natalie Portman and Jim Sturgess, who I would probably stalk if I weren't too lazy. Natalie Portman is WONDERFUL!!! She is the image of perfection. She is not only breathtakingly beautiful, but also a genius and a great actress. Jim Sturgess is another actor who I forgot to mention in the earlier post and who has the power to turn me on at random points in the day. Just thinking of him right now is bothering me so much I might just have to hump a streetsign or a wienerschitzel or something. I honestly would not blame Anne Boleyn at all for wanting to sleep with her brother when he is played by Jim Sturgess; the failed pregnancy was only a ruse. Scarlet Johannson's character annoyed. "Oh my! I am married and that is definitely going to stop me from sleeping with Eric Bana, but then I will fall in love and our affair will be justified and I will have his child and we will pick flowers and eat mushrooms and hump hedgehogs tralalalala." Yeah thats what annoyed me about her. I did find Eric Bana extremely gorgeous but Jim distracted me too much to really recognize the hotness. Not a good idea to make the king less hot that the Jim Sturgess.
So then I got off the plane and got on a train. Am I awesome at rhyming or what? So I was on a train where me, my parents, and our suitcases really could not fit inside the tiny little space that was left, so I got shoved into various Dutch people who tried to talk to me (well actually yelled because I was in their way) and laughed at me and got a bit too close for comfort. I then wandered about Amsterdam with my parents and I felt ill but thats not really relevant. I had to drink 8 cups of coffee to keep me from passing out into the canals from sleep deprivation. I also nearly got run over by mad trams and bicyclists. From now on, I will have no peace of mind, due to hallucinations of trams coming at me every second; I shall add them to my list of fears. I ate chocolate.......and went to the Anne Frank house. And at about that time I began to feel dizzy and I wondered if I had maybe wandered into a coffeehouse (drug cafes in Amsterdam) and gotten high because I felt as if I was levitating. My mom told me I was crazy. So I drank more coffee and then began to have the sensation that certain body parts were not attached to my body; for instance my arms felt as though they were two inches away from where they should have been. So the next morning we went to the Rijks museum or however its spelled to look at art. All of the people in the pictures were wearing odd pouffy clothes that made them look like balloon people in all the wrong places places. Odd fashion sense the Dutch had.
On the topic of various languages, the Dutch language is kind of like the German language except its not. In German you have several unnecessary consonants. Ex. "schwalkmsthpwqrthmnvhbbcsxaghtrplk". Yeah like that. Now the Dutch like to add random vowels and J's into their words. Ex. "feeejthijkaar". I do not believe these are real words, howeve, if they were, that is how one would spell them. I know a few phrases in Dutch. The main one is "ik wil graak" which supposedly means I would like, however, it could mean something like "I peed on your cat", but I would have no idea whatsoever which meaning is accurate. Not that this is necessary because the Dutch openly speak English unlike the French who watch you make absurd hand gestures for half an hour before they admit that they speak perfect English. I am in a town in Germany where there are no tourists and there is a good reason for that. That reason is that there is nothing to do. Because there are no tourists, the people do not automatically speak English to you; you have to make them aware that you speak English and then they reveal their hidden talents. I know how to say such phrases as "Ich mochte", "Ich spreche nicht deuscht," and "deine muter". "Deine muter" is by far the most important.
Since there is not much to do in Bochum, my mother and I went to a EuroShop, which is the equivalent of a dollar store, except with a euro. Inside the store there was the largest variety of impractical and random items such as small tacky statues, socks, various makeup supplies and food, and other such repulsive things. I bought four things (thus costing me 4 euros). These included a hairbrush, a bottle that had both green mascara and eyeliner, a pot of "massive wonder creme", and a burrito twinky. The hairbrush was the only thing I bought that I actually needed. I put on the green eyeliner and mascara, and it was truly awful; the eyeliner was so runny, it went into my eye. I will no doubt have a swollen eye tomorrow. I still have no idea what the massive wonder creme is but it is awesome and only cost a euro so I bought it. I opened the burrito twinky and threw it away, but atleast I can say a bought it.