Last Christmas I got The Office desk calander and it became an inside joke with my friends that I would email them the quotes for the week. Well a year later I have 356 Office quotes and I thought you may enjoy to read them as well.   : )

(For some reason it won't let me post it all at once, so I'll have to slip it into two parts.)

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1 January 08 -- I was crying because it was New Year's and it started snowing at exactly midnight. (Dwight)

2 January 08 -- I've been at Dunder-Mifflin for twelve years, the last four as regional manager...See, we have the entire floor, so this is my kingdom, far as the eye can see. (Michael)

3 January 08 - You know they saying, "A cluttered desk means a cluttered mind?" ...I say an empty desk means...an empty mind. (Michael)

4 January 08 -- My job is to speak to clients on the phone about, er...quantities and types of copier paper-you know, weather we can supply it to them, whether they can pay for it...and I'm boring myself just talking about this... (Jim a.k.a cutie) ; )

5/6 January 08 -- Reject a women and she will never let it go. One of the many defects of their kind. Also, weak arms. (Dwight)

7 January 08 -- Ah, this is our receptionist, Pam...Pam has been with us for...forever.... If you think she's cute now you should have seen her a couple years ago. Meow. (Michael) Poor Pam!

8 January 08 -- Did I wake up this morning thinking I'd be throwing a bird funeral? You never can tell what your day is going to turn into. (Pam)

9 January 08 -- Right now this is just a job. If I advance any higher...that would make this my career. And if this were my career, I would have to throw myself in front of a train. So, really, it's a matter of life and death. (Jim) This is how I feel about my job. :)

10 January 08 -- If Corporate wants to come in here and interfere then they're gonna have to go though me...I'm the head of this family. And, um you ain't gonna be messin' with my chillum. (Michael)

11 January 08 -- A boss is like a teacher. And I am like the cool teacher. Like Mr. Handel. Mr. Handel would hang out with us, and he would tell us awesome jokes...and he actually hooked up with one of the students. Um, and them like twelve other kids came forward. It was in

the papers. Really ruined eighth grade for us. (Michael)

12/13 January 08 -- Am I gonna tell them? No, I'm not going to tell them. I don't see the point of that. As a doctor, you would not tell a patient if they had cancer. (Michael, on downsizing) Haha!!

14 January 08 -- The only cure I know for the Monday blues...is Varsity Blues! Let's go! Let's go, let's go, let's go! (Michael)

15 January 08 -- We word hard, we play hard. Sometimes we play hard when we should be working hard, right? I guess the atmosphere that I've created here is that I'm a friend first and a boss second. And probably an entertainer third. (Michael)

16 January 08 -- Business is like a jungle. And I am like a tiger, and Dwight is like a monkey that stabs the tiger in the back with a stick. Does the tiger fire the monkey? Does the tiger transfer the monkey to another branch? ...These is no way of knowing what goes on inside the tiger's head. We don't have the technology. (Michael)

17 January 08 -- When I was five, my mom told me that my fish went to the hospital in the toilet and never came back, so we had a funeral for it. And I remember thinking, "I'm a little too old for this."...And I was five. (Ryan, at an office funeral for a bird)

18 January 08 -- I don't need insurance. I've never been sick. Perfect immune system...superior genes. And more importantly, superior brain power. Through concentration I can control my cholesterol. Raise or lower it at will. (Dwight, on choosing the office health care plan)

19/20 January 08 -- This was an incredible year for the Dundies...We learn Michael's true feeling for Ryan. We heard Michael change the lyrics to a number of classic songs in ways that ruin them got the rest of my life. (Jim) He forgot the most important...Jim and Pam kiss. :)

21 January 08 -- I don't understand. We have a day honoring Martin Luther King but he didn't even work here. (Michael)

22 January 08 -- Ooh, discipline-kinky! All right, here's the deal, you guys. The thing about a practical joke is you have to know when to start as well as when to stop, and Jim, now is the time to stop putting Dwight's personal effects into Jell-O. (Michael)

23 January 08 -- This is not just another party. This is a leadership training exercise. I like to find ways to combine fun, motivation, and education into a single-mind blowing, one-in-a-lifetime experience and I do this every January...We're going on a booze cruise on Lake Wallenpaupack. (Michael)

24 January 08 -- It's okay here, but people sometimes take advantage, because it's so relaxed. I'm a volunteer Sheriff's Deputy on the weekends and you cannot screw around there. That's sort of one of the rules. (Dwight)

25 January 08 -- Today is spring cleaning here...and yes, I know that it's January-I'm not an idiot...But if you do your spring cleaning in January, guess what you don't have to so in the spring? Anything. (Michael)

26/27 January 08 -- All salesman are selling one thing...happiness. Look at TV ads now. A guy in a tuxedo breakdancing in a park and four hot girls jumping in a puddle, and what are they selling? Could be coffee, could be typewriter. It's a lifestyle. The happiness Lifestyle. (Michael)

28 January 08 -- Come on! Six million dollar man. Steve Austin! Actually, that would be a good salary for me, don't you think? Six million dollars? Memo to Jan, I deserve a raise. (Michael)

29 January 08 -- Diversity Day...yeah, I'd like to see us erase a hundred years of racism in one hour. (Michael)

30 January 08 -- I don't think it would be the worst thing if they let me go. Because then I might...it's just, I don't think its many little girls dreams to be a receptionist. (Pam)

31 January 08 -- I am Irish, English, German, and Scottish...a virtual United Nations. I am also part Native American...Not any one tribe, specifically. Just roamed the land. (Michael)

1 February 08 -- What do we know about this bird? Yu might think, not much...but we do know some thing. We know it was a local bird. Maybe it's the same bird that surprised Oscar that one morning with a special present from above. (Michael, at the office funeral for a bird)

2 February 08 -- I'm a provider for my workers, i.e., family. I give then money...I give then food-not directly, mostly threw the money. And I heal them. I'm in charge of picking a great new health care plan...Does that make me their doctor? In a way. Like a specialist. (Michael)

4 February 08 -- If I left, what would I do with all this useless information in my head, you know? Tonnage price of manila folders, Pam's favorite flavor of yogurt, which is mixed berry. (Jim)

5 February 08 -- "Hug it out, bitch."...That is what men say to each other after a fight...Not a good idea to say to a women however, I have found. It doesn't translate. (Michael, embracing Dwight)

6 February 08 -- Pam and I are buddies...I'm kind of her go-to guy when she's having problems...with work, or her fiancée...or, well, those are pretty much her two problems. (Jim)

7 February 08 -- That is offensive. Indians do not eat monkey brains...And if they do, sign me up. Because I am sure they are very tasty and nutritional. (Michael)

8 February 08 -- It's a real shame...but studies show that employees get more information about their company from water-cooler gossip than from official memos. This puts me at a disadvantage because: I bring my own water to work. (Dwight)

9/10 February 08 -- I love ladies. Always have. You know what my favorite part of a women's body is? The brains. Because a women is not beautiful unless she is smart. Also, the brains are what tell the heart to do freaky, nasty stuff in bed. (Michael)

11 February 08 -- Movie Monday started with training videos, but we went through those pretty fast. Then we watched a medical video. Since then, it's been half-hour installments of various movies, with the exception of an episode of Entourage, which Michael made us watch six times. (Pam)

12 February 08 -- Jan is...professional, which is a metaphor for cold. We make a good team, like Lenny and Squiggy. Except I'm like Lenny and Squiggy, and she's like a stone. (Michael)

13 February 08 -- Women are like wolves, you have to trap it... Then to keep it happy, you have to tame it. Feed it, care for it. Lovingly. The way an animal deserves...and my animal deserves a lot of loving. (Dwight)

14 February 08 -- I actually like Valentine's Day in this office.... It's kind of like grade school-people hand out little presents and stuff. Like, last year Jim gave me a card that had Dwight's head on it-it was horrifying and funny. (Pam)

15 February 08 -- Can I have everyone's attention, please? I just wanted to say that the women in the office are terrible. Especially the ones who wrote that stuff in the bathroom about Michael. Having a bathroom is a privilege. It's a ladies' room. And if you can't act like ladies, then maybe you won't have a bathroom. (Dwight)

16/17 February 08 -- I didn't go to formal business school, that is true. But in a way, I went to the best business school of all; Tony Robbin's Three-Day Personal Power Seminar. Did you know, Tony Robbin's watch cost more than I make in a year? (Jim)

18 February 08 -- The people I respect-heroes of mine would be Bob Hope, um Abraham Lincoln, definitely, Bono, and probably God would be the forth one. And I just think all those people really helped the would in so many ways that it's really beyond words. It's really incalculable. (Michael)

19 February 08 -- If I changed the life of one person...just one person...well, okay, one is aiming pretty low. Let's say I change the lives of five thousand people...ten thousand...okay, five thousand, I'd be satisfied for starts... (Michael)

20 February 08 -- Pizza. The great equalizer. Everybody likes pizza. Poor people like pizza, rich people like pizza. White people like pizza, black people like pizza...Do black people like pizza? (Michael)

21 February 08 -- Toby is in H.R., which means he technically works for corporate. So he's not really part of our family. Also, he's divorced, so he's not really part of his family. (Michael) (For Svet, who may not understand, Michael hates Toby for some reason) :)

22 February 08 -- There are several ways you can tell if a perp is lying. The liar will avoid eye contact. The liar will cover part of the face with his or her hand, especially the mouth. The liar will perspire. Unfortunately, I spoke to Oscar over the phone, so non of that is useful. (Dwight) (Ha-ha!!)

23/24 February 08 -- My proudest moment here...was a young Guatemalan guy, first job in the country, barely spoke English. Came to me and said, "Mr. Scott, would you be the godfather of my child?" Wow, wow, wow...Didn't work out in the end. We had to let his go, he sucked. (Michael)

25 February 08 -- I've been Michael's number two guy for about five years. We make a great team. Michael is like Mozart. And I'm like Mozart's friend. No, I'm like Butch Cassidy and Michael's like Mozart. You try to hurt Mozart and you're going to get a bullet in the head. Courtesy of Butch Cassidy. (Dwight)

26 February 08 -- Should I report Oscar's malfeasance? Probably. But now I know something he doesn't want me to know...and I can use his malfeasance to establish leverage. Otherwise, it's just malfeasance for malfeasance's sake. (Dwight)

27 February 08 -- Studies have shown that today's woman...is at a crossroads...You've come a long way, baby. But I want things to stay within reason. Because in Albany they ended up turning a break room into a lactation room. (Michael)

28 February 08 -- Okay. This is Times Square, named for the...for the good times you have in it...So this is the heart of New York City. When most people come to New York they go to the Empire State Building. But that's so touristy. I come here. (Michael)

29 February 08 -- We can't overestimate the value of computers. Yes, they are great for playing games and forwarding funny e-mails, but real business is done on paper. (Michael)

1/2 March 08 -- Football is like rock 'n' roll; but basketball? Basketball is jazz. It's in the pocket, it's on the offbeat, it's like what's-his-name, that guy, that jazz guy...if you knew jazz you'd know what I'm talking about...Kenny G! Yes, I knew I'd remember. Jazz people know who he is. (Michael) (Lol, coming from a jazz fan this is funny because Kenny G is all smooth jazz. Yuck!!) :)

3 March 08 -- Why tip someone for a job that I'm capable of doing myself?...I can deliver food. I can drive a taxi. I can and do cut my own hair. I did, however, tip my urologist because I am not able to pulverize my own kidney stones. (Dwight)

4 March 08 -- Retaliation. Tit for tit. (Dwight)

5 March 08 -- It's weird. Jan used to treat Michael like he was ten years old. But lately it's like he was five. (Pam)

6 March 08 -- Took us a long time to solve that dilemma. I suggested we flip a coin but Angela said she doesn't like to gamble. Of course, by saying that, she was gambling that I wouldn't smack her. (Pam)

7 March 08 -- I know that patience and loyalty are good and virtuous traits. But sometimes I just think you need to grow a pair. (Angela, about Dwight)

8/9 March 08 -- I thought about playing in the NHL, but you're on the road so much, you have no time to spend with your wife and kids. And I really want a wife and kids. (Michael) Aww...I feel bad for him!!

10 March 08 -- So tell me, is your marriage the kind of thing where when you die she has to throw herself on a fire? (Michael)

11 March 08 -- Do you think you could be out cheerleader today? Maybe lose the sweater, make a halter top out of that - something youthful, just this once? (Michael, to Pam)

12 March 08 -- He's forty-one years old, he's losing his hair, his cell phone ring is "Mambo Number Five." (Jim, about Michael)

13 March 08 -- We all received this memo at the beginning of the year listing things that are not allowed in this office. "Nunchucks. Swords. Throwing stars. Spud Guns. Spuds that are not for eating...Unlocked tasers..."(Dwight)

14 March 08 -- About forth times a year, Michael gets really sick but has no symptoms. Dwight always gets gravely concerned. (Pam)

15/16 March 08 -- Yes, today is my b-day. People seem to go crazy for it. I don't know why. It's on the first day of spring-give or take a week-which is cool. Plus, fun fact: I share my birthday with Eva Longoria, so I have the perfect ice-breaker if I ever meet Teri Hatcher. (Michael)

17 March 08 -- People here get so caught up in the office politics. You would not believe the things I hear. "Hi, How are you? How was your weekend? I'm sorry about your grandmother. I'm sure she's in a better place." Nobody knows what place she's going to. You can't know that. I'm not going to ask people about their dead grandmothers just to get ahead. (Angela)

18 March 08 -- Michael's birthday. It's pretty fun to watch. He gets really excited, eats a lot of cake, runs around, has a sugar crash in the afternoon, falls asleep. And that's when we get our work done. (Jim)

19 March 08 -- They say you should take two steps forward and one step back. That's what I did in the last week. Except I took an extra step back. Then I moved to the side a little. Life is a square dance. And all the men merely...dancers. (Andy)

20 March 08 -- Part of being a boss is recognizing talent - including your own. (Michael)

21 March 08 -- So you are Regional Manager and Assistant Regional Manager. Andy is your "Number Two." I am Secret Assistant Regional Manager. (Pam, to Michael) (Lol this quote has a mistake, she says this to Dwight in The Job, not Michael)

22/23 March 08 -- Today is the Dundies, the annual employee awards night...it's everyone's favorite day.... These guys in here don't get a lot of trophies. Like Kevin. How's going to give Kevin an award? Dunkin' Donuts? (Michael)

24 March 08 -- Legend has it that a beet of purest gold sometimes grows in the fields on little boys who work double shifts. (Dwight)

25 March 08 -- This is exactly what Michael Moore does...he goes up to people with a camera and he's like "Why did you do this? ...It's very dramatic. Although, I can't say I was a big fan of Bowling for Columbine, because...I thought it was going to be a bowling movie. Like Kingpin. (Michael)

26 March 08 -- We know how he died. Flying into the glass doors...I don't think he was being stupid. I think he just really, really wanted to come inside our building. To spread his cheer and lift our spirits with a song. (Pam, at an office funeral for a bird)

27 March 08 -- When I'm playing hoop, all the stress and responsibility of my position melts away. In the zone. It's zen. It's physical...Who am I? I don't know. A Basketball machine. What is Dunder-Mifflin? Never Heard of it. Filing? Paperwork? Who cares. (Michael)

28 March 08 -- You should be able to sell a lot here. This branch grossed over a million last year. Not that we're all millionaires, of course...I'm probably closest. (Michael)

29/30 March 08 -- There are five stages to grief...and it's my job to try to get them all the way through to acceptance. And if not acceptance, then just depression. If I can get them depressed, then I'll have done my job. (Michael)

31 March 08 -- The Dundies are like a car wreck where you want to look away, but you have to stare at it because your boss is making you. (Pam)

1 April 08 -- There's no such thing as an inappropriate joke...that's why they're jokes. (Michael)

2 April 08 -- Why does everything I think about women turn out to be the opposite of what is going on? Is that why they call them "the opposite sex?" (Michael)

3 April 08 -- I look forward to performance reviews. I did the youth beauty pageant circuit and I enjoyed that quite a bit. I enjoy being judged. I believe I stand up to even severe scrutiny. (Angela)

4 April 08 -- I live in a nine-bedroom farmhouse. I have my own crossbow range...it's a perfect situation for me. Although two bathrooms would have been nice, since I only have one, and it's under the porch. (Dwight)

5/6 April 08 -- Okay, motivational dance contest, everybody!...Sometimes you have to take a break from being the kind of boss that's always trying to teach people things. Drive points home. Sometimes you just have to be the boss of dancing. (Michael)

7 April 08 -- Without a doubt, coffee is the single best incentives for the office. The secret is that it's quite literally a drug that speeds people up. It's not the only one. You hear stories...in the 80's when people didn't know how bad cocaine was. Man did they move paper! (Michael)

8 April 08 -- I found Dwight's wallet in the parking lot...I'm trying to figure out what the right move is. Tear everything up? Buy him a horse on the internet? (Jim)

9 April 08 -- It hasn't been easy being a whistle-blower. When I was younger, the other kinds would call me "tattletale" or "squealer" or "worm." Everyone hated me. I really identify with those ladies at Enron. I wrote to them to tell them how much I admire them, but they never wrote back. I guess they're all married. (Dwight)

10 April 08 -- It's clear to me now. They only loved me when I was strong and walking around...That is so prejudiced. What kind of boss am I if I've raised such an insensitive group? (Michael)

11 April 08 -- Michael sometimes gets easily distracted when he has to do...work. Timecards...purchase orders...expense reports.... Once a year, they all fall on the same Friday. That's today. I call it "The Perfect Storm." (Pam)

12/13 April 08 -- When I die I want to be frozen. And if they have to freeze me in pieces, so be it. I will wake up stronger than ever, because I will have used that time to figure out exactly why I died and what moves I could have used to defend myself better now that I know what hold he had me in. (Dwight)

14 April 08 -- I daydream about getting back at him, but in ways that would just get me arrested. (Jim)

15 April 08 -- We are doing this for charity...I consider myself a great philanderer...and I know at the end of the day I can look in the mirror and say, "Michael, tonight because of you some little kid in the Congo has a belly full of rice this evening." Plus, it's tax deductible. (Michael)

16 April 08 -- Every year, I make one phone call to renew their account, and that's 25 percent of my commission for the whole year.... This time? I'm pushing recycled paper on them, for 1 percent more. I know. Getting cocky? Flying too close to the sun? (Jim)

17 April 08 -- Got the birthday card here. Let's see what people wrote...Jim wrote, "Meredith, I heard you're turning forty-six. But come on, you're an accountant, just fudge the numbers." Pretty funny. Don't appreciate...condoning corporate fraud, though. (Michael)

18 April 08 -- I read that book, Who Moved My Cheese?, which is a great business book, but I actually bought it because I thought it was a suspense thriller. (Michael)

19/20 April 08 -- Here's the thing, I'm friends with everyone in this office.... I love them all and we're all best friends. But sometimes, your friends state coming in late and having a lot of dentist appointments that aren't really dentist appointments. (Michael)

21 April 08 -- "Home Owner." Feels good. The best thing about this place is that it's a fifteen-minute walk from work, so if we have an office party, and I "get my drink on," I can just walk home. Location, Location, Location. (Michael)

22 April 08 -- This last Dundie is for Kevin. It's the "Don't Go in There After Me" Award. It's for the time I went into the bathroom after Kevin...and it smelled really bad. (Michael)

23 April 08 -- I am going to reorganize and restructure the physical layout of the office to maximize everything!...I think we're getting a lot done, don't you? On paper at least. And we are, after all, a paper company, are we not? (Michael) (This was funny because Michael was on a sugar rush and he was talking really fast.)

24 April 08 -- Listen, I like Kids.... But this isn't a kids' environment. This Office is like HBO. No limits. Who knows what I'm gonna say? Crazy stuff. It's not rated G, it's rated R. (Michael)

25 April 08 -- I never smile if I can help it. Showing your teeth is a submission signal in primates. When someone smiles at me, all I see is a chimpanzee begging for its life. (Dwight)

26/27 April 08 -- Don't be fooled by the term "dust bunnies." They're not cuddly...they're vicious little bitches and if they get into your disk driver, God help you, they can bring your computer to its knees. They live their whole lives in corners hatching, defecating, and laying eggs. (Dwight)

28 April 08 -- We are a family here...and Phyllis is like a valued member of the family. Like the grandmother. (Michael) (Lol, Phyllis is always reminding Michael that they are the same age.)

29 April 08 -- My grandfather left me a sixty-acre working beet farm. I run it with my cousin...we sell beets to local stores, restaurants. It's a pretty cool little farm. Sometimes teenagers use it for sex. (Dwight)

30 April 08 -- Every morning I wake up in a bed that is too small, drive my daughter to a school that's too expensive, and then I go to work to a job for which I get paid too little. But on Pretzel Day...well, I like Pretzel Day. (Stanley)

1 May 08 -- The thing is, my message has to be really funny. I have a responsibility to the office, because I've set the bar, you know, way up here. (Michael)

2 May 08 -- The PLO, the IRA, and the hot dog stand behind the warehouse...name three businesses that have better health care plans than Dunder-Mifflin. (Michael, doing his clairvoyant routine at the Dundies)

3/4 May 08 -- I learned from Jim, anytime Dwight asks you if you accept something secret, you reply, "Absolutely I do." (Pam)

5 May 08 -- I want you to find firecrackers and a Chihuahua...Pam, in the frozen foods section, Swanson makes a delightful chimichanga. (Michael)

6 May 08 -- Alright, everybody in the conference room. I don't care if you are gay or straight or a lesbian or overweight, just get in there, right now! (Michael)

7 May 08 -- If I could menstruate, I wouldn't have to deal with idiotic calendars anymore. I'd be able to just countdown from my period cycle. Women don't know how easy they've got it. (Dwight)

8 May 08 -- Any employee may dispose of any food item that risks contamination.... Read the office kitchen regulation memo...this is a paper factory, not a bacteria factory. (Dwight)

9 May 08 -- The word "Ship" is hidden inside the word "leadership." (Talking Head Oscar: Last year Michael's thing was 'bowl over the competition.' So guess where we went?) ...In the ship, that is the office, what is the sales department? (Daryl: What about the Sales department is the sales. Michael: Yes Daryl. The Sales department makes sales) ...I see the sales department as the furnace of the ship.... (Michael: Who sale the movie Titanic? Jim: I don't know what movie you are talking about. Michael: Titanic! With Leonardo DiCaprio! Pam: I think you mean 'The Hunt for Red October.') It's just an analogy. Every boat needed the furnace guys, just like our "boat" needs Sales. Covered with sweat and soot, dancing around to their ethnic music. Wait, maybe that's Warehouse. (Michael) (Ok that was confusing...everything in () I added.) (Wow I can't believe I got that all off the top of my head! I need a life.)

10/11 May 08 -- Love kids...The Schrutes consider children very valuable. In the olden days, our women would bear many children so we would have enough laborers to work the fields. (Dwight)

12 May 08 -- Apparently, in the medical community negative mean positive, which makes absolutely no sense. If we did that in the paper industry-chaos. (Michael) (Lol, this was when Kevin's test for skin cancer came back negative, and Michael got a little confused.)

13 May 08 -- My perfect date? I take the girl out for a nice dinner. She looks stunning. But then, some guy tries to hit on her...so I grab him and throw him into a jukebox. But the other ninja has a knife...so I take her home.... As I kiss her goodnight, I hear something in the leaves and I flip her around. She gets a poison arrow right in the back.... (Dwight) (I have no word for this one.)

14 May 08 -- I like people I work with, generally...but someone committed a crime. And I did not become a Lackawanna County Volunteer Deputy Sheriff to make friends. By the way, I haven't. (Dwight) (This is when Dwight finds a joint in the parking lot.)

15 May 08 -- I can't say whether Dunder-Mifflin paper is less flammable, sir, but I can assure you that it is certainly not more flammable. (Jim, on a sales call)

16 May 08 -- I keep a stash of bubble wrap at home. After a crazy day, I like to zone out on the couch and pop a few while L&O SVU is on. Soothing. (Michael)

17/18 May 08 -- We're just having a guys-in-the-workplace thing.... Why can't boys play with dolls? Why are there no diaper changing tables in men's room? Why does society expect us to use urinals when sitting is more comfortable? (Michael)

19 May 08 -- Toby actually gets alimony from his ex-wife because she made more. That's embarrassing. Not that I would mind, though it would never happen, because I'd make the marriage work. (Michael)

20 May 08 -- When you are ready to see the sales office, the sales office will present itself to you. Your journey begins now. (Dwight, on Ryan's first sales call)

21 May 08 -- When my mother was pregnant with me they did an ultrasound and found out she was having twins.... A few weeks later, they discovered that I had reabsorbed the other fetus. Do I regret this? No. I believe his tissues made me stronger. I now have the strength of a grown man and a little baby. (Dwight, on grief)

22 May 08 -- I don't get why parents are always complaining about how tough it is to raise kids.... You just have to joke around with them, give them pizza, give them candy, let them live their lives, they're adults for God's sake. (Michael) (This isn't a spoiler(it's just my guess), but I think Jan will be pregnant?)

23 May 08 -- Security in this office park it a joke. Last year I put my spud gun in a duffle bag and came to work. And I sat here the whole day with a rifle that fires potatoes. Can you imagine if I was deranged? (Dwight)

24/25 May 08 -- Productivity is important, but how can I be productive if I have this one little thing in my brain that I cannot get out? And that one little thing is a soft pretzel. So I'm just going to have my soft pretzel and I'll get to work, and I'm going to be super-productive. Look out for me! (Michael)

26 May 08 – Oscar visited Mexico when he was five years old to go to his great-grandmother’s funeral…. What does that mean to a United States Law enforcement officer? He’s a potential drug mule. (Dwight)

27 May 08 – Smells pretty bad, doesn’t it? ...It’s called bull crap. And a client can smell it from a mile away. (Dwight, on Ryan’s first sales call)

28 May 08 – Word of advice: Unbutton that top button. Let those things breathe. (Michael, to Pam going on a date)

29 May 08 – Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me. (Michael)

30 May 08 – I hate it when people don’t tell each other why they’re angry. My dad was like that. I would say “What’s wrong Dad, what’s wrong Dad, what’s wrong Dad, what’s wrong Dad” over and over and he would just look at me like I was an idiot. (Michael)

31/1 May June 08 – They took my card way because I spent eight bucks at a magic shop. What they don’t understand is that I bought that stuff to impress potential clients. So, business-related. Using magic is an effective sales technique...I put a cigarette through a freaking quarter!...And guess what...they almost bought from us. (Michael)

2 June 08 – I can’t be around carbs today. Do you have any idea what a simple loaf of bread would do to my abs? (Michael)

3 June 08 – I like fake boobs. Oftentimes you find them on strippers. They’re very expensive. If I was a stripper I would just get one done first. Let the one pay for the other. (Kevin)

4 June 08 – There’s a reason comedy clubs have a two-drink minimum. I mean Seinfeld is a really funny stand-up if you’re drunk in a club. If you had to watch him sober in your living room, I doubt it would work. (Michael)

5 June 08 – Being a salesman, I have an acute ability to read people. I can pick up on the subtlest little detail – is his pulse racing in his neck artery? That means he is nervous or happy. Does he lean backward? That means he is either confident or nervous. (Dwight)

6 June 08 – Michael and his jeans. He gets in them and I’m not exactly sure what happens. I only know he loves the way he looks in those jeans. I know they’re why he started casual Fridays. (Pam)

7/8 June 08 – I’m going to be reading their e-mails. E-mail surveillance. All the big companies do it. Increases efficiency. Increases productivity. It is a necessary evil. Well, not really evil. It is a necessary good thing. (Michael)

9 June 08 - There's nothing better than a beautiful day at the beach, filled with sun, surf, and diligent note-taking. (Pam)

10 June 08 - There are some things a boss can't share with his employees. His salary-that would just depress them. His bed. (Michael)

11 June 08 - Usually when we talk about sex(ual) harassment, that's the day everyone harasses me, as a joke. (Pam) (lol, they have sex harraassment - doesn't make sense and it's spelled wrong)

12 June 08 - What Michael doesn't realize is that when I worked in the fast food industry, I was actually commended by management for the three Ms: McService, McCompentce, and McPunctuality. (Dwight)

13 June 08 - Here's the thing about managers and their employees.... A good manager says, "Hey-it's my birthday. Celebrate me." A great manager says, "Hey-it's my birthday. Celebrate yourselves." Because you're the ones who made me great. (Michael)

14/15 June 08 - I don't want a new car, I don't want...a pretty girl on the side, I don't want the nerve.com 'Collection of Naughty Crosswords', although I'm getting it for Father's Day. I want to be the boss, because if I'm the boss, we're not going to have any more days. Y-know-Beach Day...Gay Day, Pajama Day...I'd keep Pretzel Day, though. Every day'd be Pretzel Day. (Stanley)

16 June 08 - I've been doing surveillance for years. One time I suspected my girlfriend was cheating on me, so I tailed her for six straight nights. Turns out she was. A couple of guys, actually. (Dwight)

17 June 08 - Most guys like women showing cleavage and wearing eight-inch heels. Call me crazy, but I think women look best when they're wearing nothing at all. (Michael)

18 June 08 - Should never have let a temp touch this thing. I used to have all these cool icons everywhere and now there's just four folders. (Michael, commenting on his computer desktop)

19 June 08 - Five hundred boxes of primo Dunder-Mifflin paper have gone out with the image of a beloved duck doing something unspeakable to a certain cartoon mouse that some people like. I've never been a fan. (Michael)

20 June 08 - Jim and I are great friends and we hang out a ton - mostly at work. And the fact that he told me his secret, and no one else, says everything about out friendship. Which is why I plan on keeping it for as long as I can. (Michael)

21/22 June 08 - Is there a special someone? ...A bunch of 'em. My employees. If I had to choose between a one-night stand with some stupid cow I pick up at a bar, or time with these people, it's a no-brainer. I choose them. With them, it's an "every-day stand." And the next day, I remember their names. (Michael)

23 June 08 - And the "Tight-Ass" Award goes to Angela! Not just 'cuz she's everyone's favorite stickler, but because she's got a great caboose. (Michael) (At the Dundees!!) :)

24 June 08 - Little known fact about me: I was the youngest pilot in Pan Am history. When I was four, the pilot let me in to the cockpit and I flew the plan for awhile.... I would have landed it, but my dad wanted us to go back to our seats. (Dwight)

25 June 08 - Where have you been? And don't say the bathroom because I kicked in all the stalls. (Dwight)

26 June 08 - Why do I love Hooters? Um, I'll give you two reasons: the boobs and the hot wings. (Michael) (This is when Michael took Jim, his BFF, to Hooters)

27 June 08 - You know what? I am beginning to thing that what was done to my carpet was an act of terrorism against this office. (Michael) (Lol, Someone pooped on his carpet.)

28/29 June 08 - I've beat up Black belts...they told me after. See, I used to run with a tough crowd. Street-fighter types. I'm just lucky I got out, Stanley knows what I'm talking about. Never lost a fight. Know why? My motto: "Never say die." ...After that, nobody messed with the "Damn Rascals" again. (Michael) (I have no words)

30 June 08 - Uh-oh, conflict-can't make the pajama party at the playboy mansion. (Michael)

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I apologize in advance for any mistakes. Also for the extra comments I added for my friends.