What a weird dream. I had two very weird dreams actually. The first was that life was like it is now but I made a move on someone and suddenly had two boyfriends. I knew in my dream I would never love the second one as much as I love Kam though and I told  my mom that in my dream. In fact I told her I didn't even like the guy that much and yet I was doing things that weren't exactly "friend"-ly with them. I don't know how it turned out because I woke up and saw it was only 5:40. It felt so wrong doing things with someone else. I guess dreams are your way of living out the things that you can't do in real life. Not that I want another guy. Enough energy goes into Kam and having two just might kill me. I  know it was just a dream because I would never cheat on Kam. I know it had an ounce of truth because even in my dream I knew I would never love anyone as much as I love Kam. Even in a dream cheating feels wrong which is why I know I am not the cheating kind. I do have friends however that are definitely the cheating kind but whatever, we all make our own mistakes. It just seems so cowardly to me, and so selfish. Like they are too scared to break up with their boyfriend because what if the cheating doesn't work out? Selfish and cowardly. I may be scared of really weird things like fish and trees (I dreamt about a fish that could fly and that was the nightmare portion of the night) but I would never hurt someone just to feel secure about my life. I wouldn't say I'm a selfish person. I am flawed, definitely. Self-conscious, neurotic, pessimistic, paranoid, and so scared that at any moment I may lose the thing I love the most. Slow to trust, I need a steady stream of reassurance, picky with food, etc. My second dream made me mad. My family was in New York City and we stopped to get coffee. They wouldn't wait for me and my coffee ended up taking an hour to get ready and people kept talking to me. So there I was, in this city that I have only been in twice, not sure where my family is, and it is starting to get dark. I go to this giant mall and wander around looking for them for two hours. I try calling and calling and everyone has their phones off. I look at my watch and it's 10:40 and the mall closes at 11. I start freaking out because I have no where to go when the mall closes. I finally find my dad outside of a mexican restaurant in the mall. My family plus Kam's is there and they are all acting mean. Like it was my fault I got there so late. They thought I was crying but I wasn't and I seriously could have killed one of them then and there. This would never happen but it still made me very angry. Kam was nice, but not nice enough to turn his cell phone on. Like I cared if everyone was roaming and didn't want to get the charges. Technically though my family has the nationwide plan and we aren't roaming anywhere in the continental US. Anyway. It teaches me I shouldn't eat four pieces of pizza, milano cookies, and a ton of milk before I go to bed. New subject. I can't believe the year is almost over. It kind of sucked in comparison to other years. Lots of craziness and drama. 2008 is going to be much better. Tonight I have friends coming over. Secretly I think it is going to suck a bit because not many people are coming and Kam is going to be the only boy. At midnight it will be awkward as well. Anyway. The holiday party was ok. I finally saw Kam after our five day hiatus. I forgot how cute I think he is. Weird how five days can actually make you forget how someone looks in person. I was mad at him at first but it's hard to stay mad at someone so cute, especially when they are giving you sad faces and trying to hold you. He stayed the whole time and left around 1 even though the party got over at 11. Renie came as well so that was fun. Kit and Neal made an appearance also. She gave me a cute squirrel shirt. Everyone thinks it's really weird that I started wearing Tag Midnight. Yes I realize it's for men but it just smells really good! Clearly doesn't work for girls though because I wore it in public at least twice and girls didn't jump on me. Oh well. Today I have to clean up before tonight, pick up my mom, etc. I may need to stop for coffee. I had a really good cafe mocha in my dream last night. The one I had in reality at House of Aromas was ok. He put too much espresso in though. If I have time maybe I will get one today. The perfect cafe mocha or mocha latte is a tall with half the amount of espresso so that way it tastes like hot chocolate with a kick. Yesterday was really relaxing. I stayed in my favorite pj's all day. I showered though so it wasn't grungy. I watched about a thousand movies and seven episodes of Friends. Good day. I might have gone out but I got the worst headache around four. Today is the new years eve party,  Friday I am doing a girls night thing, and Saturday me, kam, and some of our friends are going to a hockey game. I am very excited for that I just wish I had more green clothing to wear. Well I suppose I should end this novel and take a shower and eat.