Have you read this before? How amusing did you find it?

Parody Fic time! It's the CHAV Twilight tale of love, romance, and ASBOs

Inspired by this thread with the ever delightful slasheuse . Any mistakes (including a failure to include a Croydon facelift on Bella) are all hers. I mean, mine. Ha ha ha. I'm heading out for the airport in a few hours, so be good everyone! I need all of my expendable cash for my own bail money, so I can't help you this weekend. :D Note: a few dirty words here and there, if you don't ...

When a semi-reformed hippie marries a venture Capitalist

I'm semi-reformed because I live back in north Texas and it's hard to live in the mountains when there are none. I don't need stuff, I'm uncomfortable being the recipient of gifts, and it's that time of year that makes me feel funny, Christmakwanzakkuhstice. Oh, don't get me wrong, I'm gracious if given things, but I don't NEED things and I'm always stumped when people ask me "what do you want...

Ahahahaha, awesome.

In case y'all need to take me off any reading lists/RSS feeds, whatever, you should know that apparently I'm a "racist cracker." Oh, sweet sweet ironic statement of awesome ! Twilighter, of course. (reasoning: because I don't mock the black vampire in Twilight, I'm a racist. I also didn't mock any Javanese vampires, Eskimo vampires, or CHAV vamps, but that's because I secretly AM a CHAV vamp, ...

Don't you know that eating that stuff can give you big breasts? ...oh my god, I'm too late.

Remember when Val Kilmer was funny and hot? Seems like 25 years ago.... And good lord, that makes me feel old. "What did you say to him?" "I told him I'd put him on the Montgomery Ward mailing list." Nope, that really was the one that made me feel old. I have some nerd talk and questions for the nerdery. 1. Question : who has used Windows 7 with joy in their heart, and if so, do you ...

POST TWO: In which I go to see Twilight: New Moon and was almost eaten whole by an alien.

[EDITED TO ADD SONG FILE!!] I meant to add this earlier, it's the montage song from my vampire movie , Blood on the Highway . It is NOT safe for work or people with sensibilities, but it is the greatest vampire killer song ever. Ahahaha.

Two posts today for organizational purposes. Post One: my sister.

I've talked about my youngest sister before, but for those of you who are new, my youngest sister (21 years old) has autism. I'm talking old school, Rainman is more communicative autism. She has about 10 words that she uses, and she only uses them for about three people. Okay, you're caught up. :D My parents, younger brother and the aforementioned sister (there are 5 of us total) all went to...

ATTN: FELLOW ANTI SPARKLEPIRE FEN

I blame Kassie who has shamed me for not fulfilling my duty yet. I am off to witness the trainwreck that is New Moon. I have my light up pen, my pad, and my husband (muah ah ah.) There will be bloodshed TONIGHT! Well, tomorrow, because I'm then picking up children from grandparents, etc. etc. And in case any of you don't realize that I do not like Twilight (how would that even be possible at ...

Further proof that Wikipedia is inaccurate

I googled my horror movie, Blood on the Highway , as one occasionally does, and found the wiki-page. And I see that two of the extras clearly edited the summary to say that they starred in the movie. OH REALLY. I'll be emailing the producer about that one. What the hell, dudes? And let me just remind everyone with Comcast or Time-Warner Cable that time is running out for VOD viewing. I believe ...

It could be that I'm just very picky. Or it could be that there's a lot of crap out there.

I'm sticking with the second. So I was watching Pride and Prejudice the other night, as one does, and feeling very disappointed that a classy porny version has yet to be made. Ang Lee, I'm looking at you. I need more than a soaked Colin Firth, is what I'm saying, and I'm sure I'm not alone. (As much as I can't stand Keira Knightly - the JAW! It will surely kill us all - what's his nuts in that ...