Title: So Many Voices, So Little Medication (Chapter 4)
Author: ryrolovesbden
Rating: R (swearing, boykissing, masturbation but nothing terribly explicit yet)
Pairing: Ryden, of course
POV: Third
Summary: Ryan thinks he likes the boy he's sharing a house with. The only possible drawback to that is that Brendon may be a little crazier than the average person -- literally.
Disclaimer: We all know Brendon's crazy, but not literally, and not to this extent. This is a work of complete fiction. Any resemblence to the truth is completely coincidental and probably highly amusing.
Author Notes: Comments and constructive criticism always appreciated! =)
Dedication: To Creepykid (even though he won't read this) whom I love, for the inspiration on specific parts of this story and the idea of the story as a whole. He likes Brendon enough to let me use parts of his real-life story in this. ;P

Ch. 1- Check Boxes and Doorknobs

Ch. 2 - Surprise Me

Ch. 3 -I Don't Feel Well


"Guess what?" Ryan asked, a wide grin showing off perfect teeth. "I spent half the night online looking up the pills in these bottles. I know what they are now." He sat a few of the pills down in front of Brendon on the coffee table.

Brendon cocked an eyebrow. "Well, congratulations. But I told you I'm wasn't taking them."

"I'm pretty sure you need to, Brendon. There's a reason you were prescribed these pills. I just want to help you. We need to find out how much you're supposed to take. Who's your doctor?"

Brendon stared at the pills for a moment before lining them up into a straight, perfect line, and flicking them, one by one, off the table and clean across the room.

Ryan's braced his hands on his hips, eyes narrowed. "What the fuck was that?"

"Don't cuss," Brendon said flatly.

"I'll fucking cuss if I want to fucking cuss! I pay rent here and I'll say whatever the fuck I want. And you're going to take those fucking pills!" So much for self-control, Ryan thought.

Brendon's jaw steeled and his eyes locked with Ryan's. "I said no," he replied, emphasizing each word.

Ryan threw up his hands. "That's fine, Sybil. If this is the game you want to play, so be it. I came here to be a roommate anyway, not a goddamn babysitter."

Brendon brought his hands up to cover his ears as Ryan slammed the door to his bedroom. He closed his eyes because he didn't know what else to do. He didn't like yelling, he didn't like fighting and he certainly didn't care for slamming doors. Most of all, he didn't like Ryan being mad at him. But the fact was, the house belonged to Brendon, and he didn't need a babysitter.

***
It was close to 3 a.m. when Brendon finally curled up on the couch to sleep. He was exhausted and upset because Ryan was angry at him for not taking the pills. But he just couldn't bring himself to take them. They'd made him feel stranger than usual and they'd made him physically sick. He decided the worst part of being sick was that he couldn't control it; he didn't know how much worse it was going to get or when it was going to get better. There were so few things he had control of, he couldn't imagine voluntarily giving up control of anything else.

There were many voices in his head, some going off at the same time, and it was hard for him to function and almost impossible for him to stay focused for long periods of time. Some of the voices were kind; some were not. Some repeatedly told him how useless his existence was and one was insistent on giving a running commentary of his every thought. In the beginning, he was terrified that everyone around him could hear the voices, too, and could hear his thoughts being broadcast in front of everyone like an announcer at a sports event. It didn't take long before he realized no one could hear this but him. Occasionally, they were all quiet for a short time and he was able to be himself, able to speak and think freely.

This was something he'd never be able to explain to Ryan because Ryan was normal. Society expected "normal". Brendon was a pariah.

***

"Sorry I flipped out on you like that," Ryan said as he watched Brendon skip rocks across the surface of the pond in the backyard the next day. Brendon stopped skipping rocks and squinted at Ryan, shading his face from the afternoon sun with his hand.

"Are you going to leave?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, are you going to leave and not be my roommate anymore?"

Ryan crossed his arms and grinned. "Nope. You're stuck with me."

It seemed like time stood still for a while before Brendon responded. "You're not exactly a bad thing to be stuck with, Ryan," Brendon said before looking away quickly and walking back to the house.

Ryan didn't even bother trying to hide the smile on his face as he followed him inside.

***

A heavy rain hit again that night, but this time there was no thunder or lightning, which made it not quite so bad to Brendon. Ryan was sitting out on the large wrap-around porch, listening to the rain dance through the leaves on the trees. The screen door slammed shut behind him and seconds later, Brendon was sprawled out beside him.

"Why are you out here?" Brendon asked.

"It's relaxing. I like the rain." Ryan smiled softly as he looked at his roommate. Brendon was staring back at him.

"You have pretty eyes, you know," Brendon said with shyness in his voice.

Ryan was thankful for the cover of darkness to conceal the blush that was creeping up his cheeks. "Really?" He wanted to compliment Brendon back but he didn't even know where to start. Almost without thinking, he moved in closer and Brendon backed away. Fuck. Well, I blew that, didn't I? The thought had barely manifested itself before Ryan felt Brendon's lips against his in an open-mouthed kiss. It was different but not entirely bad. It ended too quickly for Ryan's liking, though. He glanced at Brendon who looked thoroughly mortified, even though he'd initiated that kiss.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"I'm fine," Brendon answered quickly. "I just -- yeah, I'm fine." He stood quickly and opened the screen door, disappearing into the house before Ryan could say anything more.

***

It was a few minutes longer before Ryan finally came inside for the night. As he walked down the hallway to his bedroom, he heard muffled noises coming from Brendon's room and for a brief moment, he entertained the idea that Brendon may have been upset about the kiss. He was about to tap on his bedroom door and see if he wanted to talk before he realized the sounds he was hearing were most definitely not the sounds of someone who was distressed. Ryan could have very easily just peeked through the hole where the doorknob was missing, but that would be too obvious. He discreetly peeked through the crack in the door enough to see Brendon stroking himself frantically, a fist pressed against his mouth to keep himself quiet.

He knew he shouldn't have been watching but he couldn't tear himself away until Brendon was finished. He watched as Brendon's hand slowly moved from his mouth and fell to his hip. Ryan could see the way his chest would rise and fall as he tried to catch his breath.

This is way better than pornos, Ryan decided.

And suddenly he couldn't get to his bedroom fast enough.