Title : A Step Too Far(Part2/?)
Pairing : Steven Gerrard/Xabi Alonso
Rating : PG13
Summary : Steven and Xabi regrets after the argument.
Disclaimer : FICTION and nothing else!
Warnings : More angst and cussings.
Feedbacks : Are LOVE! and soo much appreciated.

I thought I'd post this while the bunnies are still hot. Do not want to lose my mojo. XD



A Step Too Far(Part 2/?)

“What is with ye, Stevie?” Carra asked his fellow Scouser as they took a breather from their morning training. The others were happily scampered around the pitch but Carra noticed the sullen mood his captain was in and decided to bring the matter up front.

“Nothin’,” Steven answered curtly as he sat on the pitch, picking the grass off his boots’ studs. His eyes were wandering, as if searching for a certain someone who was not there and Carra knew exactly who it was. He sighed and lowered himself beside Steven. Carra knew that he was upset, probably due to England’s lost the other night but he also sensed that there was more to it than just that.

“I am not stupid, Stevie. Now tell me what the hell is wrong because I can’t have an arse for a captain,” Carra spoke, his voice low, trying his best not to gain any unwarranted attention from the other lads. Steven was about to get up, when Carra pushed him down and forced him to meet his gaze. “Tell me.”

Steven let out a loud groan and clenched his eyes shut, not wanting to crumble under Carra’s close scrutiny.

“It’s Xabi, isn’t it? Are ye havin’ a spat? Is that it?” he continued to probe further, his grip firm on Steven’s shoulders. “That bruise on ye cheek, did he do it to ye?” he asked, his voice laced with concern. He had noticed the bruise earlier and had meant to ask him but Steven was constantly avoiding him all morning.

“Stevie?”

“Yes and fuck him for that,” Steven muttered under his breath.

Carra sighed and shook his head at his friend, a sad look displayed on his face.

“Stevie, whatever it is, please sort it out. Enough wit this childish behaviour because we are not going to ‘ave ye both disrupting the team with ye silly fights,” he continued silently. Steven merely snorted at that and let out a wry smile.

“Well ye needn’t worry about it because we don’t need to sort out anything.”

“Why the fook not?” Carra asked him incredulously. He was clearly getting annoyed at Steven’s odd behaviour.

“Because we are done, me and him. We are over,” he finally let out in a breath, his voice hardly above a whisper.

“For fook’s sakes! What the hell are ye talkin’ about, Stevie?” Carra almost shouted in response.

He looked at Steven wide eyed, not really believing the words that Steven had just said. But he sensed a tinge of regret in Steven’s voice and Carra knew he needed to intervene and fast. He understood what both meant to the other and even though the thought of his two male teammates having a serious relationship had put him off at first, the idea of them not being able to see eye to eye anymore just seemed unthinkable now.

“Steven, ye need to sort ye problems wit Alonso,” he started again carefully.

“What the hell for? We are done, Carra, ye need to understand that!” Steven hissed back and immediately got up to his feet. He took a few steps but stopped and turned to a bewildered Carra who was still on the pitch.

“I’m sorry, Carra,” he muttered and left quickly before Carra had time to say anything further.

***

Xabi leaned his head against the gym window and watched his teammates do their rounds across the training pitch. A certain Scouser caught his attention and he grimaced as he remembered the harsh words that left Steven’s mouth when they fought earlier that morning. He wished he could take back everything that had been said; he wished he hadn’t let his guard down.

He regretted hitting him and suddenly, he punched the wall in front of him out of sheer frustration. He had hurt the one person he loved the most but Steven’s words hurt him more and he wanted him to feel what he was feeling. And now, a dull ache was spreading through his heart as he realised the consequences of his final words to Steven.

We’re done, Stevie. We are done!

Just go then, just go! If that’s what ye really want.

Steven’s words were ringing in his ears and Xabi bowed his head dejectedly. It is the ones you love the most that could really hurt you and Steven was doing just that. He was hurting him more than any knives or bullets could ever do.

“Xabi, you’re supposed to be on the pitch. Why are you still here?”

He turned around to see Daniel entering the room with Fernando. Xabi was scheduled for light jogs on the pitch today and his presence in the gym was leaving them slightly puzzled.

“Xabi, are you alright? You are looking slightly pale,” Fernando asked him worriedly. He placed his bag on a nearby table and went straight to his Spanish compatriot. Placing a hand on his shoulder, he asked him again softly. “Are you sick?”

“No, I am fine,’ Xabi smiled, glad that he still had friends that cared for him. Not that Steven didn’t care. Maybe he cared for him too much, too much until it hurt him. “I’ll be doing my rounds now, I’ll see you both later,” he continued and left hurriedly out of the room.

“Do you think something is wrong?” Daniel asked Fernando as soon as Xabi had left the room.

Fernando merely shrugged his shoulders and scratched his head absentmindedly.

“Am not too sure, but Xabi is…,” he paused before continuing, “…well it is kind of hard to read him,” he frowned, looking all serious but Daniel merely laughed at Fernando’s endearing face. He had known the Spaniard for a couple of months now but they had grown increasingly close and Daniel had taken an instant liking to him.

“Well we can always ask Stevie to find out for us, right?” he said innocently, and Fernando nodded in agreement, both not knowing that Steven was the cause to Xabi’s entire problem.

***

Steven leaned his head back and let the warm water cascade down on him. The water was supposed to be a welcomed relief, but instead of washing his agony away, it felt like he was drowning in his sorrows. He felt tears stinging his eyes and leaned his forehead on the cool tiled wall and scrunched his eyes shut. The earlier events kept playing in his head and he can’t get Xabi’s face out of his mind.

“Fuck you!” he muttered low and turned around and slid down to the floor in a heap, head in hands. Steven wasn’t sure how long he stayed like that, not until he heard a soft knock on the shower door.

“Stevie, are you still in there? We are leaving soon!”

Finnan’s voice startled him out of his thoughts and he reached up above him to turn the shower off.

“I’ll be done soon, Finns,” he answered loud enough for Finns to hear, hoping the defender would just leave soon. He needed to be alone and didn’t want anyone to see him in a mess that he was in right now.

“Alright, Stevie. See ya tomorrow then,” he answered and Steven could hear his faint footsteps leaving the room. When he was sure that he was alone, he grabbed his towel and made his way out to the washroom area. He then leaned against the sink and stared straight into the mirror.

You look like shit, Steven.

The bruise on his cheek had turned into a deep shade of purple right underneath his right eye and Steven hate to think that he would need to do some explaining to Alex. But a lame explanation always works on her, an easy excuse would always do. She couldn’t care less about him for all he knew.

He sighed and touched the bruise, before pressing at it gently. He closed his eyes instantly and winced as the pain kicked in, but it was nothing compared to the pain he was suffering deep inside his heart.

You’ll be lucky enough if he ever wants to speak to you ever again, you selfish bastard.

That little voice in his head was not going to leave him anytime soon. Steven stared at the mirror again and all he could see was Xabi. They have had numerous arguments before but Xabi had never ever hit him, no matter how huge their squabble was but as people say, there is always a first time for everything. And Steven knew he had been way out of line and that he had hurt him pretty badly.

He bowed his head and let out a long and laboured sigh. In this crazy world that he was living in, Xabi was the one person that was keeping him sane and he had pushed him away today. And Steven wondered whether he would ever get him back ever again.

“You need to get a fucking grip on yerself, Steven!” he muttered lowly to himself. Turning around, he was startled out of his wits to find a solemn looking Carra standing at the doorway.

“If I am ye friend, like I think I am, then ye going to tell me what the hell is going on, Stevie. Whether ye like it or not.”

And Steven knew there was going to be no escaping this time. He had to let Carra know. He was the only one left that he could trust and he was the only one left that would understand how much this was killing him.

And it had all been his fault.