On 'Young Dracula'
I got turned on to it by someone on lj (I forget who, offhand, sorry!) who was fangirling over the dad. Well, there's a Joss on the writing staff so it's not a bad start!
For a kids' show it's pretty good! I mean, it's cbbc so it's not on Robin Hood/Doctor Who level, but not bad all the same. The dad *is* pretty hot but he seems to have some kind of hetero life mate who's incredibly fit - oh wait, no, they're brothers. And they use 'garlic' as a swearword! It's at least as funny as King Stupid which intermittently stars Marcus Brigstocke and Phil Cornwell as Good King Stupid; both very funny men.
It seems the count is played by Keith-Lee Castle, whoever that is. I must imdb him. And I think the count's brother is called *Zoltan*!!! I'm sure South Park have used the name Zoltan, or maybe the Boosh, if you're reading this and you know, please confirm or deny below! So, anyway, Zoltan is played by someone called Andy Bradshaw, who does a fairly good job of chanelling Spike/James Marsters- you can tell it's at least a deliberate nod.

There's a cute emo-esque teenage girl and an annoying (deliberate and unwitting simulataneously) young girl, plus the slayer tradtion is re-invoked (and using the terms 'slayer' and 'vamp'!) with the descendants of Van Helsing. The odd thing is the guy that plays van helsing's son looks like a white kid with dark makeup on. You know how black people tend to have subtly different facial feature ratios to white people? Eg if you see a plaster cast of a face you can generally tell if they're black, white or asian by features alone? Well this kid has dark skin but really caucasian bone structure. It's quite arresting; for a while you're not sure why he looks so unusual.

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You must read this article. The wonderful Charlie Brooker, whose articles I have cited in entries passim last week mentioned Gladiators in his TV column, and appealed for people to send some in.

Well, OMG. For maximum effect, read them out to someone else; saying some of them out loud really grinds your face in the funny and makes sure you don't skim-read past a doozy. Srsly; the small amount of space I'm alloting this is immaterial, if you read nothing else, read this. PLEASE!

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I saw brokeback mountain! Also, there's a point early on where they play a country version of 'perhaps, perhaps, perhaps'. Awesome!

You can really feel Ang Lee's choreography in the sex scenes, intense and desperate and yearning, they have a similar smoothness and rhythm to his fight scenes.

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Bloody hell!!

As tiscali are actually a pretty good package, I get doctor who s2 on demand. I'm watching 'tooth and claw', which I missed the first time round.

First: Balamory!!! Lol. Tennant using his real voice! (How come his natural speaking voice is so high in his register?? Also, a Scots accent is soooooo sexy.)

The lighting is beautiful; very high contrast, especially out on the moor when they first emerge from the TARDIS. It's beautifully harsh, but in that very specific way that bleaches out all your blemishes. And nice Ian Drury reference! Great tune!

And timourous beasties all over the place!! (I love the wallpaper, although I *do* know that's not what they're referencing, thankyou very much!)

I always forget how easy and natural the banter is between Rose and Ten. I mean, I love Martha but she's always so proper and guarded; she never lets the Doctor see her inner feelings.
And lol @ Rose trying to get QV to say 'we are not amused'.

And a nice bit of philosophy for kids on why we like ghost stories. This is an episode I'd be proud to show anyone; you know how you enjoy some eps but they're a bit cracky, so only someone in the fandom already would really love it; well I defy any non 'Who' fan to watch this ep and not want to see more. Srsly. Not as scary as 'Blink', but as good as if not better overall ep quality.

Also, bit OT (so what's new) but I keep meaning to mention this: the bees really are disappearing, apparently! I mean, in real life! WTF?!?!

I'm also really loving the victoriana costuming.
"Your majesty, as a doctor I recommend jogging, it's very good for the health," - pure Baker!

And thankyou Russell T. Davies (leaving doctor who if my sources are correct) for the lines:
"Didn't you notice something odd about my household staff, your majesty?"
The Doctor: "Bald, athletic men, your wife's away; I just thought you were...happy." ROFL! And in the midst of all the panic, Rose is still trying to win her bet!

And wow wow wow! They flash out the Koh-I-Noor (biggest diamond in the world). I love Flashman books and there's a Flashman where he goes and steals it for QV.

Only one thing: they do kind of overuse that staircase shot.

Sir Doctor of TARDIS? WTF? Well that fucked it.
But Dame Rose of the Powell Estate is a bit acceptable, lol. And I like the fact she gives 'em a bollocking.

LOL Princess Anne!!

Must re-iterate: *so* good to see the Doctor and his companion so at ease with each other; like it used to be.

And OMG! I spotted the TORCHWOOD reference at the beginning, but I bet that chick is the one that enslaves Jack to TORCHWOOD. Fab ending, (almost) makes up for the 'Sir Doctor of TARDIS' nonsensical cheese. I mean! 'Sir *Doctor*'? 'Of TARDIS'? I could happily swallow 'of Gallifrey' even though it doesn't exist any more (Guy of Gisborne, anyone??) but even I can't come up with a palatable sustitute for 'Sir Doctor'. Sigh. 'Sir TARDIS'? Not much better.

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Side note: who *was* that guy who says: "Well! I mean!"?

I know it's not much to go on, but it's english, male and not strong regional. Maybe the Hitchhicker's Guide to the Galaxy? Maybe not.


Also, not been getting much work from keith and joy; the other week they called and offered me a job, then called me and told me they'd gave it to Charlene instead. (Charlene works for them too) And I haven't been earning much lately so I've been applying for salaried jobs to go alongside my freelancing. So Keith asks me how come and I said cos I'm poor I need a proper job, and he just says offhand 'oh, we've got loads of work, just been giving it all to Charlene'. Fair enough and all, and I *like* Charlene, and don't expect her to turn down work just for me, but really what stings is the casual way he said it, as if I never even come to mind anymore. I always do the hard overnight thing but they give all the nice stuff to her. I've been with them three and a half years and I guess I kind of have hurt feelings that they didn't think about maybe charlotte could do with the money instead.

I have the word 'bumgasm' stuck in my head.

And I had a dream where I had to eat live snakes and I did a few then got really guilty and felt really sorry for the snakes. A bit like when the Mayor has to eat those spiders in Buffy. And horseriding featured heavily; I really enjoyed that bit cos I love horse riding, and it was very vivid. Still very emotional: at the end of Knocked Up, I cried all the water out of my body. The snakes thing made me a bit wierd for an hour or so, but then music soothed my savage beast. I'm finally making headway on the fic; I got discouraged for a while but things are being done.



I rewatched 'the turkleton's wedding' on scrubs. JD is being like Matt! re: Elliot being messed about.

Let me explain: Matt, my flatmate (the good looking barrister one) has an on-off GF we'll call Katie. He'd been with her 2 years when he moved into us, then after being away for a weekend he came home and told us he'd met a great girl, we'll call her Miss America, spent the weekend with her and wanted to split with Katie (but took two weeks to get around to telling her, all the while swearing 'I'm not normally like this, honest,'). So Miss America goes back to her country of birth after a couple of months, and Matt visits her. On the second visit, he comes home saying she's mental and he split up with her. Katie tried really hard to get back with him, and he said he didn't want to, only when she came up to stay, he *did*.

Well now, he's done it *again*! He's been seeing this new chick, we'll call her Victoria, all the while Katie is none the wiser! And again comes the line: "I'm not really like this, honest!"

Now I'm starting to get caught in the middle, and I'm unimpressed. Because he's asked me to not tell her anything, which is starting to turn into 'I have to *lie* to her to stop her finding out'. And all the while I'm thinking; what sort of a bitch am I? Because if the roles were reversed and Ned was cheating on me, and people told me untruths to stop me finding out because telling me the truth would reveal it, I would hate all of them.

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Oh, I watched 'knocked up'! How bad is this: I saw it trailed at Download last year and thought it looked shit! But Judd Apatow is doing the most intelligent, subtle teen us movies in a long time. So what's up with the trailer peeps that I thought 'ugh, another american pie clone'?

Also, is the blonde chick Glory from Buffy? If so, with Wash in too, it's a Joss-heavy cast. No, I checked, it's not.

And a sex scene to 'rock lobster' by the B52s!

I don't think the film is anti-abortion either, like people get cross about. But no-one says abortion is wrong, and with any pregnancy you have to make a decision, and choosing either way doesn't make you pro- or anti-; each situation must be judged on its merits. No-one in the film says 'abortion is wrong'. The people in this film don't want to consider it, but that doesn't make the movie fall in either camp.

Finally, some American films that are affectionate without being sentimental!

I feel so sorry for Alison's brother in law! Her sis is such a bitch!

And ryan from the office is a gynae!

And the club doorman rules!!

A great film.

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I've been thinking about death. What do you fear most, death or grief? I get more upset at the thought of Ned dying than me; the prospect of being bereft terrifies me.


I reckon between 30 & 50% of people currently under 25 have self-harmed. I have no idea about older groups, there's very little published information on the subject that I've come across.

Animals bored and frustrated from their 'natural, innate, instinctive' behaviour, like pets kept locked up with little stimulation pull out their fur/feathers and do other things which physically manifest their stress. Self-harm does seem to be largely a symptom of people who are (in the worldwide sense) one of the haves, rather than the have-nots. This can be supported by similar stats, esp those of anorexia and bulimia. First possible desc of anorexia is credited to Ancient Egypt, although we can't be certain, obv.

Is it to do with the fact that as the very interesting English philosopher Thomas Hobbes said, life in the State of Nature is '...poor, nasty, brutish and short.'? We have the inbuilt instinct to struggle, to strive and to above all *live*. I truly feel that all life, each individual species in its act of multiplying, adapting, spreading can be best described as striving.

Depression, on the other hand, (again, this is my personal opinion) can be characterised (at least, when I experience it) as a lack of purpose, direction and drive. I feel like I should be striving, but (whilst experiencing notable depression) the thought of it terrifies me, for several reasons.

1) I don't know what to do - lack of purpose. What is the 'right' direction for me?

2) I'm terrified of doing the 'wrong' thing. I'd rather not start than start the wrong thing. Interestingly, I don't think about this at all during periods where I don't consider myself depressed

3) I don't see the point. I feel I 'ought' to, but rationally (haha - at least my mind rationalises this) I think why bother?


Consider a tribe of humans living out there in nature, not isolated from the fruits of their labour and with access to many different means of production (thanks, Marx); eg if you want food, you produce it yourself, butcher one of your animals or each some of your crops; want a house, you build it, as opposed to doing the same job all the time and bartering for what we want with tokens which are only worth something because we all agree it is, like we do in our 'civilised', capitalist society (ie money for those at the back of the class plaiting each others' hair).

All 3 of the above numbered points seems to be pretty irrelevant when applied to someone who has that much 'on their plate' as it were. Just getting food, finding water, making sure your house doesn't fall down, nursing the sick etc. is all the striving that one person can cope with.

In that way, I feel that depression and similar mental 'problems' such as the urge to self-harm are the price we all pay for our lives of comfort and priviledge.

In the accounts I've read that deal with inner tension which comes to a head and leads to what I'm going to term 'an episode': a period of time (let's say as little as an hour or as long as the rest of your life...years, at least) in which your behaviour is no longer rational (to the outside observer or by the norms of society) the key situation after this episode is *catharsis*, and during it is expression of helplessness or frustration.

Be it eating three burgers when you're a vegetarian like Dave Gorman did when his anti-corporate roadtrip hit a bump in the road (and throwing them up afterwards); or indeed any binge/purge cycle, be it food related or not; each self-harming spell, each screaming tantrum when you've had all you can stand of something; the attraction of whatever thing it is that you can't resist doing is the culmination and expression of the confusion you're suffering; the indecision as detailed in the numbered points above; sometimes when you don't know what's right, the easiest decision is the one you know is wrong - a predictable outcome is better than an unknown, even if it's negative.

But what about the masochist angle? You know that whole Secretary thing, well it happened to me, big time.

I'd split up with my first Master (who I can't honestly say I'll ever be over) aged 16 and fell with a heavy bump into self-harm and bulimia. Let's not dwell on the past too hard but it only really stopped for any length of time after I met Ned and *he* became my master - if I recieve pain inflicted by others it completely dissipates tension in exactly the same way as self-harm works (for me, please note, people hurt themsselves for different reasons and differing results, DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME. If that actually *needed* to be said, you're a self-indulgent lunatic, but that's ok, because so was I. Human, love thyself.)

In fact, my urge to self-harm returns ONLY now when Ned's not around to help me. Of course, the problem is how to express these problems. I mean, if he's really angry because we've had an argument and doesn't want to be around me at that time (fair enough) then can one really say:

'look, i really need to you hit me now, else I'm gonna go off and cut myself'

Well, I mean! anyone who said that to me (and I *know* this makes me pretty shitty considering that I of all people should understand how such a person would be feeling) would just get the reply 'fill your boots, get lost, take responsibility for your own life, don't blame *me* for *your* actions'. I'm really unsympathetic to passive agressive cries for help and attention, even though I believe that we all desperately need help or attention at certain points.

I should know better, and conciously I do, it's just that my superego overrides and flattens it.

Such a brit thing, to look down on someone because they know what they want and have the balls to go and get it. Of course, anyone who's got any *dignity* will sit and suffer in silence until some psychic comes along and offers you everything you want.

I'm such a dipshit.


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I lay the blame for this at the doors of three very evil people who will remain nameless :)

I watched Mary Whitehouse thingy and was tickled beyond belief to see Royston popping up as the dirty playwright.

Oh, Alun, I need a hug from you :)

I went to Cofee, Cake, and Kink on Endell Street (BDSM Cafe in London, Covent Garden check it out!) and got some beautiful birthday cards for my friend Amy who turned 30
I've been on a mindlessly-self indulgent shopping spree: 2 mindless self indulgence albums, a remix disk of 'never wanted to dance' and dvds of tipping the velvet and (dum dum dum...!) New tricks!!

Is that Alun Armstrong's natural accent? I recognise it so hard but I dunno where from...

AA doing his corns- Nick goes 'Corns, I do not like.'

The woman they interview in her house in ep 1 looks like cherie blair's sister! The one that goes missing and tries to top herself.

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OMG!

Very brief squees, I'm about 2 weeks behind on my posting.


Saul got the 6 pregnant! Lee is president!
Brilliant mugging from Saul when Bill says "you've learned a lot about yourself"


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Ok, so this is mostly self-indulgence, so I'm just gonna go and grab my MSI cd to listen to...
...ok, done.

Well, as mentioned above, my good friend Amy turned 30 and threw a fetish party in honour of the occasion. In a lovely house, nice guy who turned his entire basement into a gorgeous dungeon/playroom a few years and is great for small gatherings.

Ned came too but he could only get the Friday night off, not the Saturday morning, so he arrived at 10 at the party with me but left at 1am, at which point I stayed on because it is *incredibly* rare that I'm at a BDSM party and I'm not supposed to be working. But being as appallingly sub as I am I can't just go up to a dom(me), even one I know well who likes me and just say 'fancy it'?

Because:

I started on the london fetish scene at 19; a young submissive girl who's ridiculously naive. Well, you can guess what happened. Well, maybe not. Everyone wanted a go on the new girl, and were *not* backwards in coming forward. All these people followed scene etiquette to the the letter, but not the spirit - I discovered that a lot of the male doms out there are not really dominant or sadistic, they just want to spank a teenage arse because it's near a teenage quim.

A lot of people love getting sexual pleasure whilst they're doing BDSM stuff, but not me. I get turned on by recieving a beating, sure, or being tied up or whatevers, but the sex comes after, and if a cock's involved, it's gonna be Ned's. I'm a masochist, not a swinger.

I really hate it when (and it is always males because if a girl wants to touch my fanny she will *ask*,) guys 'accidently' touch your fanny when they're domming you. And most of the time as soon as I tell them 'hands out of the box' that's it, scene over.

Well fair enough, but now I only play with people who I know really well, no benefit of the doubt. And if someone's passive aggressive, see ya later.

I mean, if a dom male asks you if he can give you a whipping and you say no thanks, how dominant is it to start wheedling 'oh, go on, please....PLEASE!!!!'.

SRSLY, that's the most sub thing anyone can do, at least IMO. someone does that now, I turn my back and walk away; you've forfeited my respect. But it puts me off asking someone to play, because if I ask them (and I know this is soooo stupid) I'd feel bad saying 'hands out of the box' should it become an issue. And no-one who I *know* wouldn't do that ever asks me to play, probably because they've seen how much pestering I get from wankymen who haven't got any manners.

What still annoys me the most is I just don't have the guts to say to anyone I like on the fetish scene 'wanna play?'. Because I'm a fucking dunce. And also, I suspect worriedly, partly because some martyristic part of me really enjoys thinking 'oh, poor Charlotte, she's all alone'.

I mean, I want to do what I (think I) want, but I swear some part of me deep inside is salivating and rubbing its proto-hands together at the idea of sitting around the next day brooding because I didn't get what I (thought I) wanted. I'm such an anus.