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Published : 3 months, 2 weeks ago (Fri, 15 Aug 2008 13:49:01 PDT)
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Title: Silence
Author: BluFox
Pairing: Nishikido Ryo/Uchi Hiroki
Words: 1118
Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the characters mentioned in the story.
Note: First RyoUchi fic. Yeay. Anyway, I just realized that my works had been slightly gloomy lately. I should go change my mood soon. It's starting to freak me out. I also know that the ending sounds rushed so sorry for that. >.<
Silence
by: ![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) blufox_o7
There are times when Uchi would stare at the mirror for hours and just stay there, silently waiting for something to happen—hoping that a miracle would take place.
He had been shaping himself and training along with Kusano for almost a month now. If asked, he would never deny the slight pang in his chest every time he looks at his surroundings and see how much he has fallen from the top, down to the bottom. Still, he continues to be grateful for the second chance given to him—a chance that he would never waste.
Although it may be pathetic to see things the way he’s seeing it right now, he can’t help but be glad that Kusano’s there with him. Frankly, without Kusano, everything would be twice as hard or even more. Right now, he’s having an internal battle between his pride and his desire. To be back in show business together with NewS and Kanjani8 is definitely his desire that no one can question. However, to start from scratch and face all the accusing and pitiful looks directed to him is not an easy task at all.
Looking at his reflection, his eyes fall towards the pictures hanging on his wall. Amongst one of the many include his picture with Nishikido Ryo. Without warning his eyes begin to water as his chest gradually tightens so hard that he could hardly breathe. The excessive amount of guilt he’s feeling overpowers him leading him to bury his face in the pillow to inhibit sobs from exiting the room. There are a lot of things he hated about himself. He hated being weak. He hated being a crybaby. He hated being stupid. He hated being selfish. He hated his lack of self-control. He hated his excessive curiosity. But among all these and others that he have not mentioned, he hated being the coward that he was, he is, and will always be.
Ryo had always been there for him. He had seen him struggle and fight for him—almost to the point of putting his own position at risk. Even until now, amidst his busy schedule as he continues to struggle between balancing his two groups, Ryo makes it a point to drop by and see if he’s doing okay with his training. Sometimes, he would invite the two of them for lunch as they’d head towards the deepest area of the city to avoid unnecessary scandals and issues that could either make or break the career that both he and Kusano are slowly rebuilding.
Ryo had always been considerate like that. Even though he had been numerously attacked due to the sharpness of his tongue, he has his own way of expressing his care—a way that Uchi has first-handedly received for more than a couple of times.
Surely, Uchi’s grateful for all that Ryo has done for him yet somehow he couldn’t help but feel more guilty than thankful. Even outside the spotlight, Ryo continued to look after him. He’d send him messages and try to check up on him at least twice a month. That’s a lot considering all the projects he has been working on. Silently, Uchi watched him too but it ended in there. He neither made a move to call him up or to send him a message to ask him how he’s been. It wasn’t much of a fear of being ignored that he was feeling, though. It was more of the fear of being a hindrance. It was hard enough that he hasn’t been Ryo for a long time. Wouldn’t it be harder if he ended up dragging Ryo down just so he can catch up with him?
The management clearly made it a point to shield themselves from the public eye and to avoid having a connection with them as much as they can. Ryo, being the stubborn guy that he is, continued to be there for him even if repeatedly tried to move away. He’d be lying if he’d say he’s doing it all for Ryo because he’s obviously not. Deep down, he’s aware that he’s protecting himself along the way. The closer he gets to Ryo, the clearer he gets to realize how far apart they actually are. It was irony of their relationship—something that Ryo repeatedly tries to disregard.
Silently watching Ryo, he has seen him grow and improve his relationship with his peers. Somehow, even though he’s happy that things turned out that way, he couldn’t help but miss the dependence that Ryo once had with him. The way there had always been just Hiroki and Ryo in his life. Clearly, the situation isn’t that simple anymore. Ryo has widen his horizon and is becoming a much better person than before. However, with him slowly trying to get back in the picture, he couldn’t help but wonder how things would work out. How their relationship would work. He received a letter a week ago indicating his, along with Kusano’s, debut appearance at Shounen Club after their suspension. The day of their dated appearance is tomorrow. With this pressure building up, he buried his face even further as if shielding himself from the outside world.
Uchi thinks that he must have been crying so hard to be oblivious to the sound of the door opening. To say that he was shock when an extra weight landed on his bed would turn out to be an understatement. Turning his face towards the familiar scent of the man lying beside him, he couldn’t help but crack up a small smile as he sees Ryo’s all-teeth smile directed to him just like the old days.
He immediately calms himself down as he hastily wipes the tears off his face. Ryo gives him an amused smile before breaking the silence between them. “Okaeri,” he said.
Uchi couldn’t help but arch an eyebrow towards Ryo. Wasn’t it him who just came from work? How come he’s the one welcoming him home instead. Looking intently at Ryo’s eyes, he continues to silently question him until he finally acknowledged the certainty flashed in the other’s eyes. Slowly understanding what’s happening, Uchi’s expression softens as he finally takes a step away from his silence and mouths out a direct answer towards the person who has never left his side. “I’m back,” he replied.
As Ryo encircled his arms around his body, Uchi allowed himself to relax and drown himself to temporary oblivion. The tomorrows ahead of them remain to be unclear to him, but at this time, in Ryo’s arms, Uchi allows himself to believe that as long as Ryo continues to welcome him home, there’s really nothing more he should worry about. |
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