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Published : 3 years, 1 month ago (Wed, 26 Oct 2005 13:32:41 PDT)
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RULED BY THE MOON
Chapter 1
Title: Ruled by the Moon
Author: Me, ![[info]](http://stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) nellie_darlin
Disclaimer: Not mine. Jo's.
Pairing/Characters: Remus/Sirius (unrequited so far!)
Rating: PG (at the moment. It will rise.)
Genre: Everything! Tis Lupin's Life!
A/N: Many millions of thanks to lyras and _angels_touch_ for the beta-ing, and their endless patience with my vacillating and sometimes shocking writing habits. Feedback is adored.
Summary: Being an account of the life of Remus J Lupin, Esquire, from his first day at Hogwarts to his last on this earth. In many chapters. Also starring Sirius Black, James Potter, Peter Pettigrew, and the various inhabitants of Hogwarts and the wizarding world.
Teaser: Remus J. Lupin, 11 years old and about to set off on the Hogwarts Express for the first time, had never felt so small.
Chapter 1
The Train
Remus J. Lupin, 11 years old and about to set off on the Hogwarts Express for the first time, had never felt so small. His father had helped him onto the train, stowed his trunk, and found him an empty compartment, but after allowing himself to be hugged fiercely, John Lupin had gently disentangled himself.
“It’ll be fine, Remus,” he said, kindly. “I had the time of my life at Hogwarts. Don’t worry about a thing. Dumbledore’s a good man: he’ll watch out for you. Besides, your mother and I will be there for your first transformation -” Remus’ eyes flicked automatically, checking there was no one near enough to overhear, “- and we’ll be there when you wake up. Everything will be fine. Are you going to be a brave boy, then?” Feeling the prick of tears at the back of his throat, Remus nodded, mutely. “That’s my boy,” John Lupin murmured, and pressed a swift kiss to his son’s pale cheek. “You’ll see us in a few days and we’ll owl every week. Listen; there’s the whistle. Let’s just go and say goodbye to your mother, then I’ll have to go.”
Those last, precious seconds with his mother and father were painfully, harrowingly short, and almost before he knew it, the train was moving, speeding up, and Remus was pressing his face against the glass, peering desperately back at the station, trying to catch one last sight of his parents, and feeling as if he was suddenly standing on quicksand. When he could no longer pretend even to himself that he could see the station, he slumped back into his seat, his stomach clenching unpleasantly and the prickling at the back of his throat quickly becoming a lump. Miserably, Remus hugged his knees to his chest, burying his face in the scratchy flannel of his trousers when he felt the tears come.
~*~
Eventually, of course, he pulled himself together. Moping was not really Remus Lupin’s style. With one final, violent sniff, he wiped his eyes, and sat up. He realised he was even feeling a little hungry.
Before long, Remus was curled up in a corner of the compartment, munching on cheese and pickle sandwiches and reading The Odyssey, a favourite of his. A feeling of vague contentment settled in his stomach, blanketing the previously-rampaging-but-now-dormant homesickness, and making him feel almost happy. His compartment was peaceful, and he had a book to read.
But on a school train carrying several hundred over-excited, noisy students, peace was rare and fleeting. It wasn’t long before Remus was disturbed by a commotion in the corridor outside his compartment.
Shut it, Bella!
Why should I, Sirius? It’s the truth.
It’s bloody obnoxious, is what it is.
Remus tried his best to ignore the noise, but as the argument grew more intense, he found his curiosity piqued, so he set aside his book and went to the door.
Immediately outside, nose to aristocratic nose, stood two of the most beautiful people Remus had ever seen in his life. They were obviously related – the similarity of their classical features and their air of money and privilege attested to that – but whereas the girl wore her beauty insolently, her hooded eyes cold and calculating, the boy challenging her seemed warmer, softer, less aggressive in his handsomeness. Remus felt his eyes widen, and he was suddenly incredibly aware of his old battered corduroy trousers, the holes in his jumper, the scuffed toes of his shoes, of his pale skin and mousy hair and the puckered scar on his arm. How would he ever fit in with these dazzling, gorgeous people?
The girl tossed her long, glamorously sleek black hair and stared disdainfully at the boy, her arms crossed over her chest. She could evidently hold her temper better than her companion, who was glaring furiously at her and waving his wand ominously close to her face.
“What are you going to do, then?” the girl taunted. “Hex me?”
“Yeah!” the boy retorted.
“You wouldn’t dare.”
“Oh break it up, you two!” said a blonde girl, who was looking on anxiously. “She’s just winding you up, Sirius. Don’t give her the satisfaction.”
“Shut up, Andromeda,” the black-haired girl spat suddenly, and Remus shrank back at the venom in her voice. “This is between me and the idiot. Just back off, if you’re so scared.”
“You should go, ‘Meda,” the boy said, his voice softening, although he didn’t once remove his eyes from the beautiful, contemptuous face of his opponent. “This doesn’t concern you.”
“Of course it does,” the other girl snapped. “Think how it would look for two Black cousins to be brawling on their first day at Hogwarts. I know you love to make Sirius angry, Bella, but I thought you’d have more sense.”
For the first time, the girl looked marginally less sure of herself, but her fine mask soon righted itself. For a minute she stared haughtily at the boy, looking him up and down with lazy, insolent eyes. Finally, she gave a derisive sniff. “For once, you’re right, sister,” she said, regally, although Remus guessed it cost her a lot to say it. “The blood-traitor’s just not worth it.” And with that, she turned on her heel, swaying slightly with the movement of the train.
The boy watched her dignified progress with barely concealed rage. “Coward!” he shouted at her proud back. “You’re just a dirty stinking coward, Bella, and a snob too. You spout all this rubbish about blood purity and it’s just because you’re afraid. You’re afraid that if Muggle-borns are allowed in, they’ll be better than you. Yeah, that got to you, didn’t it? You’re scared to be bested by a Mudblood.” His voice took on a triumphant note as the proud girl froze. Slowly, she turned to him, and Remus saw that her mask had slipped again. Pure rage twisted her lovely features and she was shaking with fury.
“You don’t know what you’re saying,” she hissed.
“I think I do,” the boy replied, suddenly cheerful. “You’re scared, Bella, and you’re threatened, because you’re not special any more. You’re only average. I bet any Mudblood could beat you.”
Where a moment before, all had been deadly stillness, suddenly everything was commotion and anarchy. With a shriek, Bella launched herself at her grinning cousin, and managed to land a powerful blow that had more to do with her momentum and anger than any personal strength. Looking profoundly shocked, the boy reeled against the compartment wall, clutching his face and shouting, “You hit me! You bloody hit me!” Seeing that Bella was making for the boy again, her blonde sister grabbed hold of her arm and tried to pull her away, receiving a blow herself for her pains. Bella and the boy, who had recovered quickly, closed in on each other and began to fight in earnest, biting and scratching and hitting, while Remus watched, fascinated. The Black family was famous, infamous, and even Remus, living the secluded life his condition demanded, had heard of them. That these two children, screeching at each other like banshees and pummelling each other with a determined ferocity, were two members of that clan, the royalty of the wizarding world along with the Malfoys, was simply unbelievable. Could this little harpy, spitting vitriol and poison and viciously tugging at her cousin’s hair, could she really be the dignified, haughty princess of a moment ago? Remus could hardly believe it.
At that moment, summoned by the noise, two large prefects came wading into the fray and roughly separated the two combatants by the scruff of their necks.
“Stop it!” the one holding Bella shouted at his struggling prisoner. “Do you want me to bang your heads together? I’ll do it, too.”
“Do you know who I am?” Bella shrieked.
“No, and I don’t care either. Outside Hogwarts you could be the Queen of India: here you’re just a snotty first year who thinks far too much of herself. So shut it, and don’t start fights. You won’t be liked if you lose points for your house, and fighting is the quickest way to do that. If I catch you fighting again, I’ll dock points in a heartbeat, even if I’m unlucky enough to have you in my house. Do you understand?” Then, shaking her: “Do you understand?”
Bella nodded sulkily, glaring at her cousin, who was smirking, clearly imagining he had escaped punishment. His face changed comically when the prefect holding him cuffed him round the ear.
“That goes for you too, you cocky bastard,” his captor said pleasantly. “Any fighting, and I’ll have your nadgers. Understand?”
Looking as sullen as his cousin, the boy nodded.
“Good,” said the first prefect. “Now, you go and get patched up, both of you, and I don’t want to hear a peep out of you for the rest of the journey. We won’t be happy if we have to intervene again.” Released, the combatants glared at each other, rubbing their necks. “What are you waiting for?” the prefect snapped, “a Ministry decree? Go on, bugger off, I’m sick of the sight of you.”
Gathering up the shreds of her dignity, Bella stalked off, throwing an angry, “My father will hear of this!” behind her.
The prefect chuckled. “As if I care,” he said to his companion as they walked off down the corridor towards the front of the train. The boy watched them go, simmering, then turned to the wall and kicked it, furiously.
“Bella didn’t hurt you enough, so you’re trying to inflict more injuries on yourself?” the blonde girl asked, dryly.
“Shut up,” the boy replied moodily, before kicking the wall again.
“Oh stop it, Sirius,” she snapped. “You’re such a drama queen. Oh don’t look at me like that, you know I’m right. No, I’m not going to fight you, so put your wand away. Honestly, you act like an animal. Come here, we need to get you cleaned up. Here, you,” (this last to Remus, who was still hovering uncertainly in the doorway) “you don’t mind if we use your compartment, do you?”
Remus blushed at the attention, and stuttered, “N-no, go ahead.”
The blonde girl smiled, and Remus blushed even harder when he saw how pretty she was. Not beautiful like her sister, but she looked much friendlier, and although she had the same authority and sense of wealth and privilege, she seemed more down-to-earth. “Thanks,” she said. “Come on, you big lump. Into this nice boy’s carriage.” Then to Remus, as they moved inside, “You’ll wish you hadn’t been so nice, I assure you. This idiot’s a handful.”
“Am not!” the boy responded. “You think you’re so high and mighty, don’t you, Miss Fifth-Year Andromeda Black, but you’re just a silly girl.”
“As are you,” Andromeda replied, calmly. “Sit.” Knowing he was beaten and looking rather the worse for wear, her cousin sat on the seat opposite Remus’ own, and submitted to her ministrations. “Ooh, look at that. You’re going to have a lovely shiner for the Sorting this evening. I hope you’re happy.”
Surprisingly, the boy did look happy. “A black eye? Great! I’ve always wanted one. Does it look terribly handsome and dashing? Does it make me look all dangerous? I bet it does!”
“Shut up, you little wart,” Andromeda interrupted, affectionately. “How on earth have you managed never to get a black eye, Sirius? Surely some kindly passer-by would have decked you by now, just to put us all out of our misery.”
“Pfft. No one would hit Sirius Black. They’re all too busy admiring me.”
“Except Bella.”
Sirius’s face darkened, momentarily. “Except Bella.” Then he brightened. “But she’s only one person, and she’s completely mad, so she’s not a good example. Ouch! Careful, woman!”
‘Don’t be a wimp. Here, you – I’m sorry, I barged in here and haven’t even asked your name.”
“R-Remus Lupin.”
Andromeda shook his hand, much to his surprise. “Andromeda Black. This is my reprobate cousin, Sirius.”
“Pleased to meet you,” Sirius said, lazily saluting him. “And that harpy outside was my cousin, her sister, Bellatrix. She’s insane, you know.”
Remus made a non-committal noise, not knowing what to say. He noticed that although Andromeda frowned at Sirius, she didn’t correct him. Presumably there was no love lost between the sisters.
“So, Remus. Do you have some water?”
“Yes. Here. And I – I have some bruise balm, if you wanted it.”
“You do? Give it here, then.”
“Not on the eye!” Sirius said, quickly, when she moved towards him.
“I’ll just put a bit on to keep the swelling down. Don’t scowl, Sirius; there’s a difference between a dashing black eye and a swollen mass of yuck.”
“I suppose you’re right. Why do you have bruise balm, anyway?”
“I-I’m clumsy,” Remus lied automatically. “And my mother’s a bit protective of me.”
“What’s going to happen to you at Hogwarts?” Sirius asked, carelessly scornful.
“Well, if he’s anything like you, Sirius, he’ll be getting into fights on the first day. Besides, don’t be ungrateful.”
“I’m not ungrateful, I’m just curious. Remus doesn’t mind, do you?”
In fact, Remus did mind; Remus minded a lot, but he’d die rather than admit it. Admitting that he minded questions meant admitting that he had something to hide. It was easier just to smile, answer the question, and try to move the conversation on. So he smiled, shook his head, and was about to try to move the conversation on, when the brisk Andromeda cut in, telling Sirius to shut up yet again. Remus was relieved that this well-worn routine between them had saved him, but he felt a kick of envy at their easy banter. He suddenly felt very painfully the absence of any family, not counting his quiet, anxious parents, of course. His condition had precluded his parents having any more children, and even if he had had cousins, their parents would never have let them play with a - with him.
“Right, that’s you done,” Andromeda said finally. “Here, Remus, thanks for the stuff. Sirius, I’m off to see my friends now. I’ve wasted enough time on you already. I suppose you should come with me, though.”
“No need. I think I’ll stay here with Remus – if he doesn’t mind, that is. You don’t mind, do you, Remus?”
“No,” Remus replied, adding bravely, “I’d like you to stay.”
Andromeda looked like she didn’t believe him, but she shrugged. “At least you’ll be out of trouble here, as long as you stay away from Bella.”
“Don’t worry, I will,” Sirius promised darkly. “I never want to see that bitch again.”
At the door, his cousin looked at him for a minute, her face inscrutable. Then she said, deliberately, “Sometimes, I know what you mean. Bye, Remus, nice to meet you.”
Feeling thoroughly out of his depth, Remus said good bye and watched the girl leave.
“So,” Sirius began, lounging elegantly on the red seats, “tell me about yourself.”
“Oh. What do you want to know?”
Sirius shrugged. “Everything. Who are your parents? Where do you live? What house do you think you’ll be in? Everything.”
“My mum’s a witch all the way back, my dad’s – my dad’s Muggle-born.”
“Ah! A half-blood. Sort of.”
Remus could feel himself shrink with the shame. It had never bothered him before now. He’d been too busy worrying about turning into a wolf once a month to care that he had an impure bloodline. “Does it matter?” he asked.
“It does to my family and other idiots like them.”
“Shouldn’t you be leaving, then?” he heard himself say.
“No, why?” Sirius seemed surprised.
“Your family – your cousin – pure-blood…”
“That’s just rubbish. I wouldn’t care if your grandfather was a toad. I’m sure you’re much nicer than Bella or any of her pureblood crowd. So don’t mention anything about leaving. I’ll leave if I want to, and at the moment, I don’t want to.” And he smiled at Remus, a handsome, warm, welcoming smile. “So, where do you live?”
“I was born in Bristol. Now we live in a village by the Welsh border.”
“Ever seen a dragon? There are some in Wales, apparently.”
“Never.”
“No, me neither. I’d like to, though. Do you suppose we study them in Defence Against the Dark Arts? Or Care of Magical Creatures?”
“I can’t imagine dragons need much caring for.”
“Oh, they do, they do. There’re sanctuaries and everything.”
“Would you like to work in one?”
“I don’t know. It’d be fun, I suppose.” Remus had a suspicion that Sirius’s idea of fun differed rather radically from his own. “Never really thought about it. Need to get through school first. Oh, I’m so excited! You can’t imagine how smashing it was to get out of my house, to get away from my family – although I’ve got to put up with Bella still. Unless you don’t get on with your parents?”
“No, no, we get on. It’s just -” Remus realised that, lulled by Sirius’s easy charm and friendly chatter, he’d let his defences down and was back on dangerous ground. “They’re protective of me,” he hedged. “I was – ill, when I was little, and they never got over it. They treat me like glass.”
“Well, at least they care about you,” Sirius said, gloomy all of a sudden.
“Don’t your parents care about you?”
“Not at all. They care about my blood and making sure it stays pure and that I don’t consort with undesirables, but they don’t give a shit about me personally.” At Remus’ look of sympathy, Sirius added airily, “I couldn’t care less, though. I’d rather the old bat kept her distance. Besides, she’s got little Regulus to play with. Do you have any brothers and sisters?” Startled by the abrupt change of subject, Remus shook his head. “Lucky you. They’re more trouble than they’re worth.”
“Your cousin seems nice,” Remus offered, tentatively.
Sirius let out a bark of a laugh. “I assume you mean Andromeda? I hope you don’t mean Bella. Yeah, she’s pretty decent. She’s in Ravenclaw – our mothers had a fit when she was sorted. There’s never been a Black who’s not been in Slytherin. Oh thank Merlin – the lunch trolley. I’m starving.” Sirius leapt to his feet, pulling a handful of money from his pocket. “What do you want?”
“I – no, I’m fine, really – no, you shouldn’t -”
But Sirius had already bought enough food for a small army, and with a disarming smile, he said, “I can’t eat all this myself, can I? Go on, dig in.”
In the end he did eat most of it, although it was difficult to tell where he put it. He wasn’t as skinny as Remus, but he was slim and graceful, not yet at the gangly adolescent stage – although Remus couldn’t imagine Sirius ever being gangly or awkward. He was elegant and attractive, self-assured to the point of arrogance, and almost ridiculously good-looking. Remus felt simultaneously overwhelmed and seduced. To live in Sirius Black’s world, even for a short time, was a marvellous, dizzying joy. Still, Remus was too truthful to himself to imagine that once they actually arrived at Hogwarts, Sirius would have anything to do with him. He knew himself – shy, reserved and boring, preferring the company of fictional characters and long-dead authors than people of flesh and blood. After all, for a child to whom flesh and blood became irresistible once a month, it was safer to stick to fantasy. But with Sirius, his defences were weakened, and in his company, Remus could almost forget who he was.
Almost, but not quite. He could never entirely forget. It was too dangerous.
~*~
After Remus finished his second lunch, this one consisting of pumpkin pasties, chocolate frogs, and cauldron cakes, he was persuaded, completely against his will, to try Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Beans, something he had never done.
“Why on earth not?” Sirius had asked, shocked.
“Because of my mum. Sweets are bad for me. Especially ones like Bertie Bott’s. I might get excited, you see.”
“God forbid!” Sirius said, with a laugh. “It’s rubbish, anyway. Sweets are the best things in the world. You’re allowed chocolate, I hope?”
“Yes, because it’s good for …” Remus suddenly realised he had been going to say, “after the moon,” but he stopped himself in time. “It’s good for you, apparently,” he corrected, lamely, hoping Sirius hadn’t noticed, and as a diversion, he tried a bean. The first one was strawberry flavour, which was harmless enough, but Sirius got grass, pepper, and earwax, all in a row. The next few were paper, milk, tea, wood shavings, and to Remus’ horror, chilli. Having taken a tentative bite, his mouth exploded into flame, and he was sputtering and gasping and being thoroughly angry with Sirius for laughing so hard when a scrawny boy with messy black hair and glasses knocked on the door of the compartment.
“What’s up with him?” was his greeting, to which Sirius replied, carelessly: “A fit, courtesy of Bertie Bott.”
“Ah, I see,” the boy replied, as unconcerned as Sirius. “What is it?”
“Chilli!” Remus gasped, taking a swig of water.
“Here,” the boy said, rooting through his pockets, “have a Snowmint.”
“Thanks.” Remus caught the tin gratefully, popped an icy mint into his mouth and sighed with relief. “Very kind of you. Unlike some people,” he added, with a dark look at Sirius.
“Pfft. It was funny.”
“For you.”
“For everyone.”
“He didn’t find it funny.”
“Well, it was a bit funny,” the newcomer admitted.
“See?” And infuriatingly smug though he was, Remus discovered that it was virtually impossible to stay angry with Sirius Black.
“Well, ok,” he said, grudgingly, “maybe it was a bit funny.”
“Do you want one?” Sirius asked the boy at the doorway. “Come to think of it, what do you want?”
“I want a seat. You see, I went to the loo and when I got back this sixth-year girl had taken my place and wouldn’t leave. So I had to move.”
“Well, join us!” Sirius said, cheerfully. “You don’t mind, do you, Remus?”
“No.”
“Come and sit down, then. Have some food.”
“Thanks. James Potter, by the way.”
“I’m Sirius Black, and he’s Remus Lupin. Tell us about yourself. Who are your parents?” Remus noticed that although Sirius tried to distance himself from his family’s values, his first question to both him and James had been into their parentage. He suspected that Sirius had many more Black traits than he liked to admit.
James Potter didn’t seem to notice anything amiss with the question, however. “Old wizarding family,” he replied. “Can I have a chocolate frog? Thanks. We live down in Devon. Oh, how rubbish, it’s Merlin. Got him about a million times.”
“You don’t collect chocolate frog cards, do you?” Sirius asked, slightly scornfully.
James blushed, but stood his ground. “Yeah, I do. I suppose it is a bit childish, but I enjoy it. Besides, it gives me an excuse to eat the frogs.”
“Ah, that I understand,” Sirius replied, lazily, and the tension passed.
“What house do you think you’re going to be in?” James asked, pensively biting into a frog.
“Slytherin,” Sirius replied, gloomily. “I don’t want to, but it’s sort of a family tradition.”
“Your cousin’s in Ravenclaw, though,” Remus pointed out. “Maybe you’ll be different, too.”
“Don’t think so. Too lazy for Ravenclaw, wouldn’t be seen dead in Hufflepuff, and Gryffindor – hah! Imagine a Black in Gryffindor House!”
“What about you, Remus?” James asked, helping himself to another chocolate frog.
“Ravenclaw, I think,” Remus replied after some thought. “My mum was in Ravenclaw, my dad in Hufflepuff. I like reading and stuff, and I’m more like my mum, so Ravenclaw seems right.”
“I want to be Gryffindor,” James said, his eyes slightly wistful. “And I want to be Quidditch captain.”
“Got it all mapped out, haven’t you?” Sirius grinned.
“Well, I know what I’d like. Dunno if it’ll actually happen, though. Do you like Quidditch?” A strange, fanatical light had entered his eyes.
“It’s OK,” Sirius replied. “I enjoy flying, you know, but I’ve never had anyone to play it with. Remus?”
Remus blushed. “Never allowed,” he muttered. “My mother’s protective,” he explained to James.
“Ah, know what you mean. Mine’s the same. Still, my dad’s Quidditch mad and he overruled her. Got me my first broom when I was five. Mum had a fit, even though it only rose four feet off the ground. After a while, my dad persuaded her that teaching me how to ride a broom properly was safer than forbidding me and me then jumping on with no idea of what to do.”
“Have you got brothers and sisters to play with?” Sirius asked, evidently slightly obsessed with family.
“No, I’m an only child, but my mum’s got hundreds of friends, and our village is mostly wizards so there were always kids to play with.” James pushed his round, unfashionable glasses back up his bony nose, and reached for a cauldron cake. “Do you support a team?” Both boys shook their heads, and James tutted. “I support the Wimbourne Wasps,” he told them, indicating the small yellow-and-black striped badge pinned to his robes. “Great team. Griselda Hitchcock – best Beater around, even if she’s a woman. Shame Ellan Field’s a bit weak, makes the Beating a bit lopsided, but you can’t have everything…” And he would have continued to rattle on if Sirius hadn’t dived desperately into his bag and produced a pack of Exploding Snap.
This was another thing Remus had been denied, and as he began to be thrashed by the more experienced James and Sirius, he realised that from now on he was out of the reach of his loving but anxious mother. It was a scary, if liberating, thought. For the first time since he could remember, he felt happy, truly happy. Until now, he hadn’t realised how much he’d missed, being shut away from the world, and he hadn’t understood the importance of Dumbledore’s decision to bring him to Hogwarts. He knew he’d been given the chance of an education; now he realised it was more than that. He’d been given a life.
Prologue | one |
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