Fangio

80's Pure Speed Metal.

Guitar, Vocals Nick Baker, Drums Claus Magnussen, Guitar Giancarlo Lucini, Bass Jenson Oldfield,

Following in the steps of Metallica, Fangio was driving speed metal fueled by Baker's painful past. Murder Incorporated sold reasonably well as their debut album, amid accusations of encouraging teenage deaths from speeding by anti-rock lobby groups. The band's fascination with motor racing and being named after Formula One legend, Juan Manuel Fangio, didn't help matters. Followup album, Punching Judy (1986), touched on domestic violence and child abuse while song 'Protector' would lead to Baker reconciling with his estranged father months after the albums release.

1991's more upbeat Fangs (Lyrics written by Baker while in rehab for depression) was accused as a sellout by Rock critics. Fangio's 4th (1994) was a commercial success despite unfavourable reviews, while 1996's Heavy was panned for lacking the angst of earlier recordings. Aliens Have Abducted Bass Our Player (2002), referring to Oldfield's departure, returned to the vein of Baker's earlier material. Baker also assumed bass duties for the album.

Things haven't been so good for Baker in recent years. He injured his back in a Go-karting accident in 2000, leading to painkiller and alcohol addiction for which he went to rehab in August 2001. After failed back surgery in early 2002, Baker lapsed into a coma for 4 months after falling in his bathroom while trying to take medication for the pain.

Alien obsessed Oldfield, who also had side band Mind Probe in 2001, left Fangio to make movies about aliens before working as a TV Paranormal Investigator. He was eventually replaced by ex-Captured Angel Isaac Munez.

Baker made a guest appearance on Luiz Barrichello's Supernova album in 2003. It came about through Nick's Brazilian wife being a niece of Barrichello. Oldfield held the band at gunpoint in the studio in May 2003 after failed stints with Devoid and Captured Angel. He wounded Baker with a flesh wound before killing himself. Fangio's long awaited album Second Chance was released in June that year. In 2004 Baker had an unexpected solo hit with a cover of the late Gav Scroggins' hit 'Why Do All My Best Friends Grow Up To Be Outlaws?'

In March 2005 Baker's wife, Adrianna Gilberto-Baker, died of a massive haemorrhage after giving birth to their 5th child, a daughter named Saudade.

Baker released a solo album of songs written by close friend Mason St. James in 2006.

 

Feral Teens

Alternative Punk Juvie Rock.

Vocals Elly Fay Bobbitt, Guitar Adam 'Pink Dreadlocks' Spears, Drums George 'Bobby' Bobbitt, Bass Paul Padbury,

Brother and sister, Elly and Bobby Bobbitt teamed with Spears, the younger brother of Mark Spears of Pneumonia and Metalfication fame, and Padbury, a former Catholic Altar Boy, in a Melbourne youth centre to become Feral Teens.

Released debut album, Tail Light (2001) which spawned singles 'Reservoir Dogs' and 'Metal Head Chicks Are Stupid Slags'. They scoop the pool at the Aussie Music Awards for Best New Act, Best Album, Best Single (Reservoir Dogs) and Most Bizarre Collection of Hairdos.

Second album, Rabid Dog, (2002) spawned single 'Are You From God Or The A.T.O.?' Turned out he was probably from the Vice Squad. Elly is picked up for under-aged drinking with Danny Baptiste, the anorexic vocalist from Prince Caspian. After being put on a bond and banned from licenced premises until her 18th birthday in June 2004, touring comes to a rapid halt.

Honie-Jenine Fisichella

Psychotic Sicilian

Born in New York City in 1960 and daughter of thrice widowed Sicilian jazz diva, Eva Monarch, and the deceased pianist, Tony Fisichella. Although her earliest musical influences were her mother's critically acclaimed but depressing torch songs, Honie-Jenine formed Captured Angel in 1989 with her husband, Isaac Munez.

Dubbed the most boring band on the planet Fisichella and Munez soon begin to fight over the direction in which their music was going. Other band members, Garcia, Dorf, DeBarge and Abbott, side with Fisichella, causing Munez to walk out on both the band and his marriage in 2000. His replacement, Nick Devereaux, soon becomes Fisichella's 2nd husband but is found dead in their apartment early in 2002. No physical cause could be found for his death so, since a Captured Angel CD was found playing on continuous loop on his stereo, most music fans concluded that he died of boredom.

Devereaux's replacement was Jenson Oldfield. After Oldfield took his own life in 2003, Fisichella quit the band and released solo album Drumming Up Business. It was deemed to be much better than anything she had done with Captured Angel.

Meanwhile Anchovy's Mikey Jon Devereaux, Nick's older brother, suspected his sister-in-law of having a part in his sibling's death and set out to prove it.

In late 2003 Fisichella was arrested and charged with her husband's murder. She confessed not only to the murder of Devereaux but to that of her second step-father, Stephano Bugatti, in 1988. ''Eva wrote much better songs when she was mourning a dead husband,'' she explained. ''I did it to help her flagging music career, and I figured that perhaps the same sorrow would help me to write better songs as well, which it did. It was a shame about Nick, though. He was a nice guy and I really loved him.''

Fisichella is now serving time in an institute for the criminally insane. It is doubtful that she will ever be released. Meanwhile former Darkharbour Seminar vocalist, Debbie Judah, has ensured that Captured Angel continue on their boring way.

 

Flashlight

Girl Power Punk.

Guitar, Vocals Samantha Alexie, Bass, Vocals Suzanne Page

Almost friends since birth and fervent fans of Tori Amos, pro-feminists Alexie and Page jammed together using Page's brother's drum machine. They would often play gigs at their high school before being noticed by Westar's Telstar. The Westar produced Chunky Punky Girl Power featured the Girl punk anthem 'Amazonia Utopia'.

Flashlight's plans for female world domination were put on hold after Alexie's near brush with mortality from glue sniffing in 2002. Sadly for Alexie, if it wasn't for a male doctor, she would be dead.

 

Floatin' Max

70's Tosserish Folk Rock.

Vocals, Tambourine Nicky Stephens, Guitar Buchanen Linley, Bass Max Elwood, Drums Joseph Float, Keyboards, Vocals Triss Elwood,

The Elwoods and Float first met in Greenwich Village after dropping out of high school in 1969. They performed around New York singing on street corners until they could afford the train fare to San Francisco so that they could wear flowers in their hair. On arrival they met up with husband and wife team of Buchanen Linley and Nicky Stephens who are playing Acid parties under the name of Buchanen Nick. The 5 of them formed Floatin' Max and recorded self titled album (75). It spawned the Top 10 single 'Hermione'. The band took off, more for Stephens' bizarre dress style than for her vocals. Critics described the 4' 8'' vocalist as "A blonde Morticia Addams on stilts". It was later revealed that she was legally blind and was not aware of how stupid she looked.

Second album Gossip (77) spawned 'Leave Without Me', 'Keep On Going' and 'Hopes'.

1979 Linley divorced Stephens citing adultery with Max Elwood. Stephens' excuse that she thought she was having sex with her husband was not accepted. Elwood, who always performed with his back to the audience, supposedly out of shyness, but actually so that he wouldn't have to look at the unlovely Triss, fell in love with Float, who was also screwing Stephens, and the band split up.

Stephens performed on a duet with Lenny Scroggins, 'I'll Phone You Later', before releasing her solo album Anthrax (80) which spawned duet with Pete Thomey 'Stop Lagging My Dragon Around'. This was followed by 'Careful Not To Slip'. Triss Elwood discovered that with regular trips to the hair dresser she can look quite attractive. She released mildly successful single 'Show Us How To Love'.

1985 Floatin' Max regrouped to record album Minus Human. The video of the title song featured an 80 piece marching band and several elephants. Sold well at first but dropped from 11 to 99 in a week. Regrouped again in 2003 for a tour of Australasia and Germany but without Tris Elwood who, according to Stephens, was seeing the considerably younger Metallica's James Hetfield. 'Seeing him in her dreams' was more like it as no-one else had ever seen the two of them together. Elwood later denied the rumour saying Nicky is so short sighted she probably mistook James' wife for me. We are both the same height and have identical hairstyles.

 

Fragile Pots

Alternative Gospel Rock With Irish Flavouring.

Vocals Stan Ballentone, Guitar, Vocals Matt Potter, Guitar, Vocals Steve Goldmark, Keyboards,Vocals Charlton Hovell,

Fragile Pots have combined guitar driven Sunday School like choruses with Celtic influences. Their 1996 self-titled debut spawned the college radio hit 'Save Me I'm Drowning' which also featured on a few movie soundtracks. They took part on a worldwide evangelical mission with evangelist Graham Franco which took them to Australia, New Zealand, The Philippines and South Africa.

2004's Saved In The Nick Of Time kept the band afloat in Christian cicles. A somewhat harmless joke about their fans being "crackpots" incurred the wrath of another crackpot who goes under the name CrookedGospel.Net.

 

Dana Franks

Departed Disco Dolly.

Born in Pittsburg, U.S.A. 1963, Franks won a talent contest in 1979 and flew to New York to audition for Disco Belle Productions. Made video of her only single 'Queen Of The Disco Nightlife' wearing metallic mini dress and 18'' head-dress resembling coiled snakes ready to strike. The weight of it caused severe neck pain and Franks is hospitalised for several weeks. After her recovery she returned to the studio to film video for 'Can't Stand To Sit Down'. This time her outfit included an electrified skirt. Unfortunately Franks fell off her platform soled boots spilling soft drink over her skirt. She is instantly electrocuted.

Although forgotten by everyone else, gay icon Eldred Heffner immortalised her in 1998 with a rehash of his earlier hit 'Flare In The Storm'.

Fraulein

Giving Femininity A Bad Name.

Vocals Brunhilde Mason, Vocals Adelheid Mason,

Noted for being a perfectly matched set with each having a perfectly matched set (D. Cup we think) rather than for their singing talent, Fraulein are the older sisters of T.H.Y.N.'s Wolfgang Mason and the younger sisters of all four Hanagraaf brothers from metal band Notwoodorplastica. There were questions as to whether they were also the sisters of Mason St. James when Wolfgang Mason claimed him as his long lost brother. Brunhilde told Crank Magazine that, "There was a younger brother, Detlief, but we don't like to talk about him. He was locked away in a mental hospital in 1990, and never been heard of since". Adelheid added, "We think he is dead". They released the Tatu-esque Blonde Big And Bouncy in 2003 which spawned 'Everything She Didn't Say' and 'Nothing That Matters Will Get Us'. In 2004 they were invited to tour with Fangio, Mason St. James and a bunch of Nu Metal bands. Personal disputes saw both St. James and Fraulein quit the tour before it even got underway. They were replaced by Bad Charlie and Jamie Timberwolf.

Freaker

Masked Metallers

Vocals The Vocalist, Guitar The Guitarist, Guitar The Other Guitarist, Bass The Bassist, Drums The Drummer

Inspired by Slipknot's early days, when they had numbers instead of names, and TISM, this band of masked Melbournians travelled around Australia, incognito, hoping that their fans would assume that they were actually professionals trying to protect their day job identities. How wrong can you get? These guys actually held jobs such as garbos, McDonalds kitchenhands, kennel cleaners and dishwashers.

Released Freakshow (2002) spawning the single 'Philip The Cat', a grinding metal cover of pianist, Peter Claudius' instrumental from Weekend In The City. Appeared at Perth's now defunct Lotto's later that year where they were upstaged by Perth's own Pneumonia. Originally booked to open in Perth for Norwegian Black Metal band, Panda-Monium, Pneumonia stole their gig. Well it didn't matter because Iron Hearse were doing an Ozzy Osborne tribute concert at the Marshall Stack Bar the same night and most metal fans went to that instead. Rumour has it that Freaker has undergone umpteen line-up changes but thanks to the masks no-one has been able to confirm or deny.

In 2004 they released second album Burnese Sennenhund, which spawned the single 'Nicklaus And Friedo'. Controversial novelist and Christian crusader, Mariska Bailey-Parkinson, so far has been the only person to have understood the significance.

 

Fromage

80's Family Soul Funk Rock.

Vocals Miffy Fromage, Giutar Reece Fromage, Saxophone, Trumpet Michael Fromage, Keyboards, Vocals Drew Fromage, Keyboards, Vocals James Fromage,

Five of the ten offspring born to half-caste Negro Beverly Stafford and Frenchman Robespierre Fromage, who fled to Canada to avoid working in his family's cheese making business. Fromage left Beverly for a French dancer, and Beverly married Jose Munez and bore him a son Isaac and daughter Jasmine. They score a recording contract with Motor City Records after Gordon Derry took a liking to Drew.

Debut album The Fromages released in 1981 but without James who was in rehab for drug abuse. In 1982, they score a crossover hit in the U.S. with album All My Love and the single of the same name. '83's I'm Special spawned the successful single 'You'll Know In Time' but still only in the U.S..

Single 'Beat Of The Evening' would bring Fromage international chart success due to the movie Sumo Wrestlers With Rhythm. Parent album was mainly Drew and session musicians, but the Fromage siblings still appeared on performances on 'Souled Out' and 'Gold'.

James briefly gains public attention after he elopes with Pop Princess, Jacquie Janson. It lasted a week. James later told Souled Out Magazine that "Jacquie's father would stand outside the couple's bedroom with a shotgun threatening "You fuck my daughter and I'll blow your nuts off". I decided I was happier taking a bottle of Bourbon to bed every night".

Drew and Miffy pursued solo careers and Fromage are dropped from Motor City Records in 1986. Signed to Zebra Records, the new Fromage with older brother Robbie who looked so much like Drew that hardly anyone noticed for quite a while, and James becoming lead vocalist, recorded The Big Cheese. The new line-up was short lived after Robbie was busted along with another sibling Chucky for drug dealing in 1989. They were both to appear on an anti-drug telethon prior to their convictions. Apart from two best-of's CD's, The Best Of Fromage (1991) and The Definitive Fromage (1999), Fromage disappeared from the recording scene, although their half-brother, Isaac Munez, would later gain fame as bassist with Metal band, Fangio.

In 1993 Robbie, who had been repeatedly raped in prison for being such an attractive little thing, died of AIDS. Chucky, who resembled James more than Drew, escaped such a fate and was released from prison in 2001.

Two of their songs from I'm Special have resurfaced in recent years as samples. Black Ink and Six Pack Shaker both borrowed 'Vision' in 1997 and Daktari blatantly ripped off 'Don't Go Away' in 2002.

Chucky Fromage

Younger sibling of famous family singing group.

Cashing in on the fame that his older brothers and sister achieved through Fromage, Chucky was signed to Motor City Records and recorded Chucky Fromage in 1986. It spawned a hit with 'I'm So Hot, Want To Kiss Myself' !989 followup album 'Kiss Me Stupid' contained 'Look Me Up In The Yellow Pages Under Love God', a minor U.S. hit.

Due to appear on a Drug Hotline, Chucky is dropped and is jailed on drug charges with brother Robbie later that year. Released from jail in 2001, Chucky, now a devout Christian, released the streetwise If You Play The Game, Don't Get Caught which produced singles, 'I'd Rather Die Than Go Back Inside', 'My Bitch Left Me And Took Our Baby' and a cover of brother Drew's 'Thinking of You With Hearts and Flowers'.

Drew Fromage

Fromage's sexiest soulful sibling.

Easily the the most attractive of the Fromage brother's, including Robbie, who bears the strongest resemblance, creme caramel coloured Drew releases self titled album (1986) containing the novelty hit, 'Who's Peter?' from the movie 'Crossed Wiring'. Second single 'Love You Forever' and third single 'Whoever' were minor hits in the U.S. only.

Taurus

Storm Warning

Miffy Fromage

Sweet Soul Sister.

Mary Frances (Miffy) Fromage quit family band, Fromage, along with her younger brother, Drew, in 1985. The two of them appeared as back up vocalists on Lenny Scroggins' highly successful album Cyborg Voice later that year, having a hit with 'There I Will Be'. In 1986 Miffy releases first and only solo album, I Wanna Get Laid. She has a minor success with the single 'Cheat On Me And I'll Slice Your Balls Off, Baby'. Gordon Derry dropped her contract in 1987. Miffy still sings in her church choir, but now concentrates on raising her 12 children.

Kent Frommert

M.O.R. Balladeer.

Born Manuel Fernando Montoya in Colombia 1948, but moved to Dublin, Ireland, in 1958. Made a living singing boring Middle of the Road ballads, but was noted more for his frilly shirts, knickerbocker style pants, buckled shoes and Prince Valiant hair style than for his talent. Frommert had his first hit in Britain with 'Hovercraft Conductors Will Rip You Off' in 1982, from the album Escaping To France. Made the charts world wide with album Away From The Glare (86) which spawned 'Lady In Black', a song written about his wife, Shakira. As usually happened with artists who openly declared their love for the missus on vinyl (eg John Denver and Billy Joel) Frommert divorced Shakira in 1987 after meeting Supermodel, Nickolette Mazzacane. He immortalised her with the song 'Lady In Blue And Green'

Subsequent albums Flying Schrapnel (89) Count On Your Fingers (90) and Handle With Care (91) sold moderately well in the U.K but flew off the shelves, for some inexplicable reason, in Perth, Australia. Even the Germans, who will usually buy anything, had better taste and did not release any of his stuff.

In recent years Frommert, a Born Again wowser, had been campaigning to have Clytemnestra Records drop Mason St. James' contract. Executive, Elliot Munch, responded by dropping Frommert's contract. "St. James' lyrics might be considered controversial", Munch was quoted as saying, "but at least he is not a boring old fart".

In 1998 Frommert was invited by Eldred Heffner to appear on a tribute concert for dead Pop Princess, Dana Franks. Frommert, like everybody else who was asked, declined and the concert was cancelled.

 

(1991) featured 75 minutes of sleazy sexually explicit lyrics, apart from the title song which told of the plight of un-wed mothers. Musically it had been described as Fromage's best solo album to date. Thinking Of You With Hearts And Flowers (1994) was romantic but dreary. The title song was also recorded by Chucky Fromage on his post prison release If You Play the Game, Don't Get Caught. Between his own recordings he has contributed tracks to various compilation albums. The most noticable being a cover of Antonio Carlos Jobim's 'Corcovado' on a tribute album to that artist. Drew Fromage had since married and decided to concentrate on his family and his church activities, although several of his songs crop up from time to time during 'make out' scenes in day time soap operas.(1989) was delayed due to Fromage suddenly running out of funds. When released, Right Wing moralists protest the song 'I Like Your Big Fat Ass' which features well known backing singer, Phyllis Phomes, screaming out Drew's name repeatedly at the end of the song. "It sounds like tortured souls in Hell", said one anti-soul lobbyist.