I hid in my house like a wounded animal. I could only apologize so much, and she’d made her feelings perfectly clear. She didn’t trust me. I’d hurt her too much with my carelessness. It was entirely my fault, but life goes on. Maybe in time she wouldn’t hate me so much.

 

I was restless on the Saturday night. Channel surfing and avoiding Jay’s phone calls were my main priorities when my doorbell rang. 

 

“Jay, I don’t want to do the Hallmark…” my voice trailed off when I found Bryce on the other side on my door. He was crying so hard that I knew something was dreadfully wrong. His sturdy body hit me in my mid section, hard enough to knock the wind out of me.

 

“Hey,” I tried to sooth him. “Hey, what’s wrong?” I rubbed his shaking shoulders and tried to figure out what the kid was saying through the sobs and hiccups. He was completely hysterical. It finally filtered in… Mom… Won’t wake up… Been sick… Can’t wake her…

 

I don’t remember closing the door of my house. I barely remember crossing the expanse of yard between our houses, but I had the kid in my arms when I ran inside Olivia’s house.

 

“Where, Bryce?” I asked him urgently. He pointed down the hallway. “Go next door and grab my keys and cell phone,” I told him. “Can you do that?” He nodded, and took off like a shot.

 

The only sounds in Olivia’s darkened bedroom were her strangled wheezing gasps, broken up by coughing fits. I flipped on the overhead light and hurried to her side. She’d piled a mountain of blankets on her bed, until the top of her head was the only thing that could be seen.

 

I could feel the heat radiating off her body when I pulled the blankets back. She immediately curled in on herself, shivering when the cooler air hit her.

 

“Olivia,” I smoothed her hair back from her face as she coughed harshly. Her whole body shook with the force of it. I slowly turned her over frowning at her chalky white face. However, it was the bluish tinge around her lips, which sent me into a panic.

 

“Liv, open your eyes,” I urged. “Olivia, open your eyes. Come on, sweetheart.”

 

She blinked hazy eyes at me. “Five minutes,” she begged. “Give Mommy five minutes.”

Shit! She was delirious!

 

Just then, Bryce arrived back with my phone and keys. “You left the door open,” he told me hesitantly. “I locked it. Is that okay?” his eyes were fearful as he stroked his mother’s head.

 

“Yeah. Good job buddy,” I tried to keep my voice from trembling, but it still came out huskier than I’d wanted. “I need to call an ambulance and get your mom some help,” I told him.”

 

“Is she going to die too?” his soft question threw me for a loop. “My Daddy died in a hospital.” Tears trickled from his eyes in a slow, steady stream, as he fought to hold back a sob.

 

Fuck. I wasn’t prepared for this. I couldn’t do this alone.

 

“Buddy, your Mom isn’t going to die,” I told him firmly. “She’s just really sick.”

He bit his lip and nodded shakily. I ran a hand through my hair, and then moved to helpLiv into a sitting position, figuring sitting upright would help with her breathing. I could remember that much basic First Aid. I started to call 911, then changed my mind and called Jared instead.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Jay, I have an emergency,” I skipped the preamble and filled him in. “I need you to stay with Bryce, so I can get Olivia to the ER.” I finished.

 

“Why haven’t you called 911,” he demanded. I knew from the sounds of him rushing around that he was getting dressed. Sandy’s voice cut in anxiously and he filled her in. ‘I’ll grab some shoes’, was all that she said.

 

“His father died in the hospital,” I told him softly as I moved away from Olivia’s bedside. “He’s scared to death that… that… I can’t just leave him here.”

 

“We’re on our way,” he told me.

 

It was the longest fifteen minutes of my life. I held a scared little boy in my arms and felt the heavy weight of his silent plea for me to make this all right. Liv murmured deliriously, alternating between trying to sooth her crying son, and rambling about Dean. It was startling to hear her rambling about Dean and Sam. I’d all but forgotten that she watched the show. It was like she blended Dean and I together, the way she fought against Dean but whispered my name under her breath.

 

“Jensen?” I almost sobbed myself when I heard Jared’s bellow cut through the house.

 

He came tearing around the corner and took in the scene. Bryce clinging like a limpet around my neck: Liv all but panting, trying to breathe.

 

“Come on, little Dude,” Jared was in full big brother mode. “Come on, we need to take care of your mom,” he gently took the crying child out of my arms, and I immediately missed his presence. “Jen will take her to the hospital.”

 

“Please don’t,” Bryce hiccupped. “Please don’t leave her there,” his eyes pleaded with me. “Please don’t let her be alone. She hates to be alone.”

 

“I promise Bryce,” I assured him softly. “I won’t let her stay alone,” I fought back my own tears. Jared already had one or two rolling down his cheeks, and someone had to hold it together. “She’s coming home Bryce.”

 

He nodded against Jared’s shoulder, and the big guy tightened his arms around him.

 

“Come on, sweetie,” Sandy called softly, her own worry shining in her eyes. “They need to get your mom ready to go,” Bryce transferred easily from Jared to Sandy.

 

“Fuck, Jen,” Jared wiped his face and squared his shoulders.

 

“I know, dude,” my heart was breaking. “It’s killing me, too.”

 

“I left the truck running,” he told me. “It’s warm,” he reached over and smoothed back the rest of the blankets. “Christ, she’s fucking burning up.”

 

“No, Sam,” she muttered, coughing, and weakly fought against our attempts at getting her dressed.

 

“Let’s just wrap her in a blanket,” I finally told him.

 

She weighed next to nothing in my arms when I picked her up. We left her bedroom and I glanced into the living room, to find Sandy holding an exhausted Bryce against her chest.

 

“He’ll be fine,” she assured me. “Take care of Liv.”

 

“Call us when you know anything,” Jay spoke up, as we got her settled in his warm truck.

 

“Thanks, man,” I reached out and shook his hand, only to be dragged forward into a Padalecki hug.

 

“She’s tough,” he muttered. I wasn’t sure if he was trying to reassure me, or himself.

 

I’ve always hated emergency rooms, ever since the first time I’d been in one. I’d fallen out of my cousin’s tree house when I was ten, and I’d bashed my head pretty good. Between the tears, and some nurse pulling me away from my Mom, I learned how to hate them. Of course it was the waiting that I hated the most. They’d once left me bleeding from the chin for almost two hours, after I caught a foot to the chin during football practice. It was a good thing that chicks dug scars… Or so I’d been told.

 

Olivia’s fingers curled in my collar as she sat in my lap. She shivered and shook so hard, it actually scared me to leave her alone in the chairs while I filled out paperwork. Now, all I could do was hold her in my arms while we waited to see a doctor.

 

“Jensen?” The soft sound of my name startled me.

 

“Hey, Sparky,” I murmured, and brushed my lips across her temples.

 

“Missed you,” she sounded so miserable and lost. “I’m sorry.”

 

“I’m the one who’s sorry,” I hugged her tighter and arranged her blanket more securely around her. “I’m so sorry Liv.”

 

“Don’t go,” she whimpered. “Just make it stop hurting.”

 

“I will,” I buried my face against her shoulder and hair. I had to squeeze my eyes tight to keep the tears in check.

 

Olivia?” a voice cut through my thoughts. “Olivia Lucas?”

 

“Here,” I looked up and cleared my throat.

 

I was just thankful that triage went quickly, and we were soon shown into a private room.

 

“Sir, if you’d like you can wait in the waiting room out front,” the nurse told me in a distracted manner.

 

“I’ll stay,” I told her, and swallowed hard when she glanced up, giving me a funny look.

 

“Family members only,” she told me quietly.

 

“My wife,” I muttered. It was the first thing that popped into my head. I was just glad that she didn’t argue with me.

 

I stayed with Liv through the blood tests, nebulizers, chest x-rays, and IV antibiotics. Whenever I could, I just sat and held her hand, but I wasn’t moving. I’d promised. My head echoed with the doctor’s words by the time we left.

 

“She’s dehydrated, exhausted, and has a severe case of bronchitis,” he looked at me sternly. “IF her fever doesn’t break in a few days, or she seems to have greater difficulty breathing, bring her right back here.”

 

“Yes sir,” I muttered meekly.

 

“And she’s to have complete bed rest. Nothing strenuous,” he patted me on the back. “The medication will make her groggy, and she’ll probably sleep a lot. Just have her follow up with her primary care doctor.”

 

I carried her outside, and was surprised to see the sun rising. I called Jay on the ride home, and listened as he relayed the information to Bryce. The poor kid had been up most of the night.

 

When I got back to Liv’s, Jared and I made plans to take care of both her and Bryce. Sandy tried like hell to change her plans so that she could help. Unfortunately, there was no way her agent could let her. Jared drove her to the airport, taking Bryce with him so Olivia could rest, and then they headed out to pick up dinner.

 

Between the three of us, we took care of Liv, waking her only long enough to force fluids and meds into her. In the quiet moments, I prayed that she’d forgive me. I felt I was taking advantage of her weakened condition, just to feed my need to be near her.

 

By Monday, I was exhausted, and was trying to get a few hours of shuteye before we had to go to the set, when Liv’s low, ragged cough startled me out of my sleep. Seeing her weakened form weaving as she struggled her way through a series of coughing fits motivated me up and off the couch like someone had lit a fire under my ass. I led her to the edge of the sofa, and gently sat her down.

 

“What are you doing here?” she choked out. “Where’s my son?”

 

I rubbed soothing circles between her shoulders waiting for her flinch away, or for a slap to the face, but neither was forth coming.

 

“Easy,” I murmured softly. I was scared that she’d just throw me out of her house and tell me to go to hell. “Bryce is at school, and I’m here in case you need anything.”

 

“Why is Bryce at school?” She frowned, and eased away from my hand, as though just realizing whom it was. “It’s Sunday.”

 

It hurt more than I could say to watch her pull away. I guess I’d spoken to soon.

 

“Liv,” I wasn’t sure how she was going to take this, and glanced at her hesitantly. “It’s Monday. Jared is on his way to pick him up.”

 

“Monday?” She gaped and looked around frantically.

 

“I… We took you to the emergency room Saturday night, when Bryce couldn’t wake you up,” I patted her knee, comfortingly. Damn it, I couldn’t keep my fucking hands off her.

 

She stared at me like I’d been the one to tell her that there was no such thing as the Easter Bunny. I could feel the heat creeping up my cheeks.

 

“You told them that I was your wife,” she suddenly gasped. I guessed things were starting to come back.

 

“You didn’t want me to leave, and they wouldn’t let me into the exam room otherwise,” I ran a tired hand over my face. “Can I get you something? Jared and Sandy totally stocked up,” I changed the subject abruptly to cover my uneasiness. “I think he bought every variety of orange juice he could get his hands on.” Even though she was ill, if I kept sitting there, I was going to do something we both would regret. Oh yeah, I was a shining example of nobility, I thought, disgusted with myself.

 

I got up, heading for the OJ and Liv’s meds, when the phone in the kitchen rang suddenly. I automatically started to reach for it, before I remembered whose house I was in.

 

“Do you want…?” I asked.

 

“Could you get that for me, please?” Another bout of coughing tore through her.

 

“The Lucas residence,” I answered keeping an eye on her for distress. A small part of my brain processed the fact that it was the school asking for Ms. Lucas.

 

“It’s the school,” I murmured. “And you should be in bed.”

 

I busied myself with getting her some juice and her medicine. I didn’t like the way she shivered still. I didn’t like the pallor that lingered in her cheeks.

 

I watched as she dragged her bathrobe tighter around her, and toddled her way into the kitchen to tiredly drop the phone back in the cradle.

 

 “Good lord,” she muttered, and laid her head on the cool marble of her counter.

 

“Here,” I held out a few pills and juice.

 

“Thank you,” she murmured. I watched her flinch when she touched my hand.

 

“So what was that about?” I asked to hide the ache. She couldn’t even stand to be around me.

 

She told me about the conversation as she wandered back into the living room and flopped, boneless, on the couch.

 

“Evidently his teacher is a fan,” she finished and I couldn’t help the faint feeling of uneasiness that tightened my shoulders. “Hey? What’s the deal?”

 

“Nothing,” I muttered tightly. Crap! It was hard enough being in this profession and trying to maintain a normal life, but I was always a little scared of what would happen if someone close to me got hurt because of what I did, or didn’t, do.

 

“You don’t like the fact that she’s a fan?” She asked with a faint frown.

 

“I just,” I sighed and gingerly sat on the coffee table in front of her trying to gather my thoughts. “I know that things aren’t… I mean, I understand that you don’t really like me much right now, and you’re mad at me,” I cut her off before she could say anything. “And you have every right to be. But I don’t want you and Bryce getting caught up,’ I gestured helplessly, feeling like a complete moron. “In all of it.”

 

“Are you afraid I’ll go running to the tabloids?” she asked harshly.

 

“What?” Her tone surprised me, but what she said hurt even more. That thought had never crossed my mind. “No! God, no! I just don’t want you or Bryce getting hurt. The press… The fans… They can be…”

 

“A little ravenous?” She glanced away with a faint frown.

 

“Yeah,” I slumped slightly. “It gets a bit much. I mean it’s very kind, and they’re sweet, but sometimes I feel a little bad.”

 

“Bad?” she sounded slightly surprised.

 

“Jay and I’ll get letters or presents in the mail sometimes, and I know that a fan’s spent their hard earned money. Money that they could be using for something else,” I shrugged feeling the familiar sting of uneasiness. “Or they’ll go on about how much the show means to them, and it just gets weird. All the attention,” I ran a nervous hand over the back of my neck. “But the press is worse. They’ll take an innocent comment or situation, and suddenly I’m having to call my Mama and assure her that I’m not a drug addict, nor sleeping with my co-star,” I couldn’t bring myself to look at her. I hated the thought of sounding pompous or ungrateful. “I’d like to talk about it with Bryce, if you don’t mind?” I asked hesitantly.

 

She reached over and patted my knee. “Don’t worry so much,” even pissed off and sick she was trying to reassure me.

 

“I don’t ever want to be the cause of you or that little boy getting hurt,” I told her fiercely. I couldn’t live with the thought of them getting hurt, especially because of me.

 

“If it’ll make you feel better…” A harsh barking cough tore through her.

 

“Come on, back to bed,” I reached down and wrapped an arm around her waist. “I’ll get you settled, and then bring you some soup.”

 

“I need to shower, and to change the sheets,” she said, with a tinge of embarrassment in her voice. “My fever must’ve broken while I was sleeping, and I feel awful.”

 

“Go get the sheets, then get in the shower,” I gave her a soft nudge. “The doctor said that steam would help loosen up the congestion.”

 

I was used to looking out for myself. That was something that I knew how to do. On the rare occasion that Jay got sick, all that was required was for a box of Theraflu to be lobbed at his head. It felt a little strange taking care of someone else.

 

“Thank you,” she choked through her coughing. “Thank you for...”

 

“Go get cleaned up, Sparky,” I smiled at her. She hadn’t cussed me out or thrown me out of her house. It gave me a little hope, and I grabbed onto it with both hands.

 

Jay dropped Bryce off but didn’t stay. He looked as tired as I felt, so I encouraged him to grab a few hours of shuteye before we had to be on set.

 

Bryce was strangely subdued compared to the little hyper ball of energy he usually was. A faint sense of uneasiness danced up my spine. Christ, what the hell did I know about looking after a kid? Evidently, the same sorts of thoughts were running through Bryce’s head, because he was giving me the eye too.

 

“Um just… Wait… I’ll be right back,” I told him, and went out to the garage. Crap! I couldn’t call Jared; he was dead on his feet. None of my other friends had kids. So I called the one other person whom I knew had my back.

 

“Hi Mom,” I smiled when she answered the phone.

 

“Hey baby,” her smooth tones eased my frazzled nerves. “I haven’t heard from you in almost a week. Is everything all right?”

 

“Yeah,” I cringed at the light rebuke in her voice. “Every thing is… A little crazy right now,” which wasn’t far from the truth. “Listen, I’ve kind of got a problem.”

 

“What’s wrong?” I suddenly had the impression I had her full attention.

 

“Well, you remember me telling you about my neighbor?”

 

“The one with the little boy?” She asked.

 

“Yeah. Well Liv is sick,” I told her and shivered in the cool air of the garage.

 

“Oh my goodness,” she gasped. “Is it bad?”

 

“Yes and no,” I told her. “She’s got bronchitis.”

 

“Poor thing,” mom tutted.

 

“Anyway, I’m kind of helping her out with Bryce.”

 

“That’s so sweet of you, honey,” I could hear the frown in her voice.

 

“Well, I don’t know what to do with him,” I blurted in a rush.

 

“I see,” I could almost hear the wheels in her head turning. “Honey, are you sure you should be doing this? I mean, isn’t there someone else who can help?”

 

“No, not really,” I sighed. “And Liv is a friend.”

 

“A friend,” I could hear the skepticism in her voice.

 

“Mom,” I huffed.

 

“Okay, okay. I know you have a heart as big as Texas honey, but…” she started in on her lecture.

 

“I like her, mom.” I cut in. “I like her a lot.”

 

There was a heavy silence.

 

“Jensen,” she sighed down the phone. “She’s got a son, honey,” she said softly.

 

“Who is a great kid,” I defended.

 

“And where’s the father?” she asked. “She divorced?”

 

“No ma’am, she’s a widow. Her husband died a while ago.”

 

“So what’s the problem?”

 

“Problem?” I hated it when she switched gears on me like that. “Right. I don’t know what to do with Bryce, and Liv is in no condition to tell me anything.”

 

“What’s he doing?” She asked.

 

“I don’t know,” I poked my head in the house to find him sitting at the dinning room table, with his head resting on his arms, staring right at me. “He’s looking at me,” I told her after a moment.

 

“How old is he?”

 

“Ten. I think he’s ten,” I hesitated.

 

“I’ll be eleven in March,” Bryce called through the door.

 

“Let me talk to him,” my mom instructed.

 

“Mom,” I started.

 

“Now, young man,” she reprimanded me.

 

“Yes, ma’am,” I handed the phone to Bryce, and mouthed that it was my Mom.

 

“Hello, Mrs. Ackles,” he chirped cheerfully. I could almost hear my mother melting on the other end of the line.

 

“My mom is sick, and Mr. Jensen is taking care of me,” his tone dropped to a low murmur. “But I don’t think he knows what he’s doing,” he told my mom. He listened for a moment before replying. “Cause he looks like Dean when he’s confused.”

 

I wasn’t sure if I was amused or hurt.

 

“Yes ma’am,’ he murmured. “Nice talking to you too.” He silently handed me the phone back and headed down the hallway. I could hear the peals of laughter from my mother.

 

“Mom?” I asked, confused by what she found so damn funny. “Mom?” I tried to get her attention through her snorts and giggles.

 

“Oh Jensen!” She gasped. She was almost sobbing with laughter. “He’s just delightful.”

 

“Yeah, he’s great,” I sighed and enjoyed the burst of warmth in my chest. It took me a moment to realize that it was pride. God, I was in deep.

 

“So I told Bryce he was going to have to show you what his evening routine is,” she continued on.

 

“Routine?” I frowned. There were after school activities, practice, dinner, and homework.

 

“He’ll take care of you son,” she still had a hint of amusement in her voice. “This is a very generous thing that you’re doing,” I could feel my face flush at my mother’s praise. “I’ll pray for - Liv, was it?”

 

“Olivia, yeah Liv,” I swallowed past the lump in my throat.

 

“Okay, go see what he’s up to,” she told me. “God keep you and watch out for you all.”

 

“Thanks Mom,” I smiled. “I love you.”

 

“Love you too.”

 

Bryce came out of his room carrying a few of his books and plopped them down on the table. He gave me a jaundiced look before seating himself. I got the impression he didn’t have had much faith in my parenting skills. That was all right. I wasn’t so sure myself.

 

“Your Mom sounds nice on the phone,” he told me.

 

“She is nice,” I nodded.

 

“Do you miss her?” He asked curiously.

 

“Sometimes,” I answered him honestly.

 

I’d always liked that about Liv. She’d never dodged his questions. She’d answered them as honestly as she could.

 

“So, do you have an afternoon routine?” I asked, as I leaned over the back of a chair.

 

“I usually watch TV, or come bug you, until Mom gets home,” he shrugged.

 

“Well, now you don’t have to come bug me,” I grinned, pleased when he smiled back. “What about dinner?” I asked.

 

“Mom comes home and cooks,” he shrugged. “Do you know how to cook?” He cocked his head at me.

 

“Oh, you mean something edible?” I teased. “Not really. SO,” I clapped my hands lightly together. “We’ll rough it out like a pair of real men.”

 

“How’s that?” Bryce asked suspiciously.

 

“We’ll call for pizza.”

 

Bryce, without Jared around, was almost a different kid. He still cut up, but there was suddenly this air of maturity, which would peak through. He asked a ton of questions about my family, work, and if I thought that he could talk his mom into a puppy for Christmas.

 

In return, I found out that Bethany still gave him fits, but that he liked some little girl named Erica. She could spit further than any boy in his class, himself included. That school was okay, but sometimes he missed his old school, and his old friends.

 

Every time Olivia coughed in the bedroom, his head swiveled in her direction. To distract him we talked about everything, and munched on our pizza and hot wings. After dinner, he informed me he had to do his homework, but that he needed help.

 

Some of the stuff came back quickly but other stuff took me a few minutes to remember. Christ, I didn’t feel very old until I had to remember how to multiply fractions. Olivia’s coughing drew our attention as she shuffled into the kitchen.

 

“Mom,” Bryce grinned. “Are you better?”

 

“Getting there, Angel,” she braced his head in between her palms and dropped a kiss on his head. “I’ll probably go to work tomorrow.”

 

“You were out like a light when I brought you something to eat earlier,” I murmured quietly.

 

“Sorry,” she shuffled over to the counter and put her teakettle on.

It was on the tip of my tongue to offer to make it for her but I was nervous about getting under her feet. Truthfully? I was scared that she’d suddenly remember she didn’t want me there, and send me packing.

 

“Why aren’t you working?” She asked with a faint frown.

 

“Jared’s got some interior shots to do, and I’ll go in later,” I told her, and leaned back to stretch. “But my man here needed some help,” I teased Bryce.

 

“How’s it coming?” She asked, and glanced at the worksheet he was working on.

 

“He’s getting it,” I smiled, and ruffled Bryce’s hair.

 

“Is this it?” Bryce asked, looking up from where he was writing. He slid it towards me for a look.

 

“Nice job, buddy.”

 

The kid was smart as a whip.

 

“Bath and bed, Bryce,” Olivia bit out shortly. Her back was to us as she steeped her tea.

She seemed tense standing there, but she still looked tired and drawn. 

 

“Did you guys eat?” she asked suddenly.

 

“Yeah, I ordered pizza,” I nervously straightened the papers on the table. “It’s the extent of my cooking, and even then I am stretching it.”

 

She wasn’t well, but she was up and about under her own steam. I’d had a lot of time to think while she was waiting to get seen by the doctors. I didn’t want to let her slip through my fingers again. Suddenly I found myself standing in her space and turning her around. I had to take the chance, and hope she wouldn’t shoot me down.

 

“I want you to trust me,” I drank in her features. I hated that she looked everywhere but at me. I didn’t want to hear her rejection when she opened her mouth to speak. “I’m just asking for the chance to put things right, Liv. Give me an honest chance, that’s all I ask.”

 

Whatever she read in my face at that moment seemed to soften her attitude towards me. She didn’t flinch away when I pressed my lips against her forehead to check for fever. At least, that’s what I told myself. She let me escort her back to her room and get her settled for the rest of the night. She even took the fact that I’d dealt with her bosses better than I expected.

 

Over the next couple of days, things steadily improved between us. I still trod very carefully, not wanting to give her a reason to tell me to leave, but when she looked at me, eyes shining from playing with her son, I almost forgot how to breathe. It was almost as good at getting a good night hug from Bryce. But then, when she kissed me, I knew we could work our way back.

 

Then Rosenbaum showed up, and my world came crashing down again.