Craigery Owens and Anthony Green. Two of the people I have most respect for in this world. I just listend to Anthony Green's new cd "avalon" and am in completely in love with it. It amazing how much one person can create. To see how far he has came since he was a child is unbelievable. Anthony has gone through much addictions and deppresions, at one point he wanted to end his life. His girlfriend, and now his wife, Meredith, are happily together. He went through a very tough time when he did not know himself. I think he found himself on his new record. When he was deppressed and away, he would have all these relationships with other girls other than his girlfriend. meredith said she waited for him even when it was hopeless. Now she says that she has forgiven him and she tries not to think about it. They were young at the time. He messed up. It's really sweet to think how in love they are now. It gives hope to me. After 7 years of fighting for a cause and believing when there's no hope..it worked out. It amazes me. How she can forgive him and just say how she tries not to think about it and how they can both be passed it. I mean it's so sweet..just how that can happen. I wish i was so forgiving. But I'm not. So far from it. It's just...too hard..way too hard. I can't even begin to explain. But this, it just gives me hope. Something to believe in. For without hope, we are truely lost. Knowing our fate, knowing nothing we can do to change ourselves or the future, that's true misery. I also believe "hope is the denial of reality." Both statements are true to me. I don't want to live in a world where I have no chance or I live the same day everyday. I want to make a diffrence in this place what we call life, but i don't really know how. As buddy would say, "we are a spec in time." I don't think one person can change that. Anyway, I'm still amazed of how Anthony Green was able to create such imsperational lyrics with a guitar. He is one of my favorite idols and I would love to meet him. He has come so far and it is about time he is reconized. I wish him the best of luck with his life and new wife, I am excited to see him in concert again and see what else he can create for everyone.

     Craig Owens is another one of my idols. I have met him twice and both times he made me feel very special. I have been following along his writings and cannot wait until his book comes out. I'll be the first to read it and I'll read it over a dozen times. After reading much about his life, it is absolutely amazing how he has become today. To think that a man who has tried to commit suicide has become such a inspiration and heroes to others is remarkable. He claims he is not a savior, but he defintly has left his mark on me and many others. I really hope he is able to set his life back. He can do so much with his voice and other talents. I hope to be able to meet him again one day and carry out a conversation. Mucisians do not get enough credit. Expecially him. I know he has gone through a lot but I hope he is able to find the strength within himself to keep going, step by step. That's what everyone needs to do. Just slow down, and take life step by step. We all just need to relax and see the important things in life. A lot of us don't even know what that is. I think I have an idea, but I could be off by a long shot. I grow older each day, and wiser too. I feel like I'm letting my life slip away. And it scares me to death. Is that how everyone feels? I wish I had the anwers. I have a sense that as I'm writing now, Craig is also putting his pen to his paper. It is a comforting thought, i just wish I could be at his level. But he is just human, as am I. As long as I have the desire to create I'll be content. He is one of the most interesting and inspirational people in my life. I hope he always had the desire to create. He is such a talented man and I don't think he realizes how much he affects other people, I hope he does one day. I'd like to be the one to show him. Because he has shown me more than he will ever know. One day, I'm going to change somebody's life...



"i hate myself, thus hating everyone else when i am in this city. humidity and heat seeps in slowly through this halfway cracked window, and i can feel it opening and releasing my open pores. wide and gaping. the sound of laughter, bliss, and ignorance reems it’s way through the air and torments my very breath that fills my cold and empty lungs. this, coming from a person who lays in bed at night and turns the sounds of car engines into laughs at his own expense. to find peace is to be asleep, and happiness only returns in the forms of excessive liquids, and pills. blurs of instant gratification. so, for now i will devastate and ruin until i can fall asleep. all of this helps me to remember; i need to shut the window before bed."
               -Craigery Micheal Owens



sometims..i feel the exact.same.way.




I want to be happy. To enjoy myself and life itself. I tell myself "tomorrow will be better." I don't know how much longer I can tell myself..I just want to be happy.



These are two of just many many many people who inspire me. To show me what life is really about and how even in the darkest holes we can find light.

always beliving
always fighting
always loving
ALWAYS LIVING


I hope both these men will find their way in their own world. They both deserve the best. Maybe one day I'll find them in a cafe and be able to have the privelage of talking to them. They do more than they know. Keep creating. It's how we live. Best of luck...


devils song.