As usual, previous entries must be considered.


Can' t help but feel relieved. Yesterday i tried some of those old links
on one of my old hd' s that led to Valérie' s My space and her lj. And found out
both of them are deleted. As well as rotch' s lj is deleted.
This made me fear the worst. Since i had sensed that Valérie was in quite a
" depressive " state after i had predicted that her affair with Jerry would come
to an end. Nobody would believe that.
But then it happened, against all odds, and this showed Valérie that i must
have been right or at least on the right track since i began posting on her
journal about 5 years ago.

On a side note, it was quite going from one extreme to another. When i began
posting on her lj she had first considered me " crazy" and soon after that
a " threat " and later on " creepy " which was all very inviting as you may guess.
And then, only after i had correctly predicted that her affair with jerry wouldn't
last and after a series of " bad luck" which culminated in this car accident
where she barely escaped death after i had left her journal in anger would she
begin to come to her senses.
For some reason ( dental treatment) she had left Philly and was back in Montreal for a
while.
And in the first entry there, beginning with " I' m in Montreal. " she had practically
invited me in her sister' s home where she stayed by providing a link to her
sister' s place inside the entry.
Like i said, definitely going from one extreme to another.

Looks like she didn' t consider me all that creepy anymore...

Fuckwit rotch -blind slug that he is - had posted a comment in there without noticing that
Valérie had posted this link inside and the general mood of the entry which showed
that Valérie had finally begun to take me serious.
To which comment she had replied that he hadn' t read her journal and called him
a "bad stalker "( " But yuo didn' t. Yuo are a bad stalker. " ). Yes, like that.

But then the " prince " didn' t appear magically and she fled back to Philly,
pretending and / or deluding herself that she had " missed Kiefer "
( posted in her my Space like that )and her " sober " state was because of that.
More from this entry ? She finished it with : " It wouldn' t take much to keep
me here.", and the " mood " was ' sad '.

The next entries before she fled back to Philly showed her as being in a similar " mood ".
She stayed something like 2 weeks in Montreal and then fled back to Philly.

Looks like Valérie had seriously expected i could pack my shit and organize all
my affairs here within a few days and take a flight to Montreal, even possibly
never to return, just because she had finally begun to take me serious and
inviting me.


Not quite realistic...


In general one may say that Valérie had begun to take the road to sanity by
that time - which is what a " psychosis " is basically about - and of course
this caused some kind of depression, in her case close to suicide considerations.


Beginning to realize the truth usually doesn' t make you feel like laughing
all the time...



It is very likely that i post more details on past events here over time, but
for now let' s switch to the present, more or less.

Yesterday (Tuesday ) i was here at my journal for the first time in about 2 years.
And then checked Valérie' s former lj and found out that it has been deleted
( see above ).


This caused horror and pain and depression and torment. She had been close to
suicide by that time and this made me consider seriously that she is dead

One may say that this was also stupid of me, since..... ( details probably
later).
But this was how i felt.

Now, if you haven' t figured that out yet, i happen to be good at finding.
It didn' t take me long and i found her again.
She has created a new My space account and calls herself " Mouliche " now.

Anyway, this made me feel relief insofar i got confirmation that she is alive.
Neccessarily, this put me through a spin, but she is alive.
Thank the Lord, she is at least alive.


Here are exerpts of what she tells about herself :

"

Mouliche's Blurbs
About me:


My being intelligent is pure speculation based on the fact that I have little knowledge

about a lot of different things and have acquired decent street smarts through the years by

being insatiably curious and retaining riduculous amounts of useless information and using

this fabulous notion commonly refered to as "logic".

My being pretty is also pure speculation on the account of my fake hair and fake lashes,

beauty optained via said street smarts from my life on da streetz (duh) and mastered by my

hidden hairdressing talents handed down to me by my sistahs. My chameleonesque charms can

only be conveyed through myspace/facebook pictures or on a dark dance floor while

intoxicated only. My flirting techniques include doing a Getzky slide, yelling and screaming

insanities, laughing at my own jokes, punching and pretty much anything a 7 year old would

do to win their sweetheart's undivided attention.

I only listen to obscure indepedent music and once I find that someone I've encountered also

shares the same love for a particular band I truly adore I will, without hesitation, delete

said band from my black ipod. I spend entire days formulating clever playlists compiled of

illegaly downloaded albums and songs from the world wide web because I'd rather spend my

hard earned money on everything bagels, fruit cups and anything sporting deers on them.
I read when it's convinient for my brain. I write when I explode with emotions stupid boys

make me feel. I write poems about how I wish they would stop sneaking in my room to read my

diary. I write poems about boys and myself. I love to talk about myself and I love being the

center of attention especially when surrounded by rich or "famous" people. I love to tell

rich people that I buy fake designer bags on Canal Street simply because I am a vegetarian

who does love the look of the designer pocketbooks but that as an animal rights activist

cannot condone killing animals for the use of their skin for fashion or as use for food.

Reality is, I'm a cheapstake.

I find cheeze that needs no refrigeration one of the most traumatizing and repulsive concept

in food today, or ever for that matter.

I am a passionate kisser and my bedding techniques are out of this world, I lay there like

no one you've ever been on top of as laid there before.

I am a minimalist, I give away most of my clothes every few months to the salvation army to

see how much they will retail my fashion giveaways to the less fortunate. Anything under

1.50$ is truly an insult. I am a swell dresser.

I adore cooking and playing housewife but I am too proud to be tied down. I desire only a

hockey player with an extensive training and game schedule for a husband. Preferably dumb

and good looking, but not a must. After I clean him off of his cash because he was too dumb

(*cross fingers*) for a pre-nup it's open for business, your chance will have come to con me

into sharing my wealth and my home/farm in the mountains of Montana with you. Please be semi

good looking and mildly entertaining, as you should, in exchange for this wonderful life

I'll be offering you. I'll be using you, come prepared.

I am a recovering craigslist addict. Reading and judging personal adds based on pictures and

title alone was once a shallow passion of mine. I adore fake stalking people on myspace. I

say fake because I am too vain to lower myself to full on stalker status. I will add (send

requests to) people I fancy and never view their profiles making me the worst stalker in

history. My prefences in men "stalkees" are usually solely based on facial hair creativity

showcased via main profile picture only. Women : young and "emo" looking teenage girls who

(preferably) listen to bands I truly despise and who's main profile picture showcases

indecent hair styles that covers most of their face and an angle that does not disclose

their true body size. Keeps me guessing *swoons*

I always get offended when asked if I would like whole or skim milk in my latte. The answer

is whole. This body defies time and all food. My latte order goes as follow if you would

like to tempt me into liking you by form of liquid bribe : tall/venti decaf soy 2 pumps

vanilla latte. Thanks.
If you wish to buy me a drink do not try to quench my thirst with juvenile drinks such a

jager shots (or jager bombs) or malibu bay breezes, a simple gin (bombay a MUST) and tonic

with a splash of lime will do. If you wish to keep your face intact or your pants on refrain

from ordering me a tulla/jameson ginger.
I not above dancing to anything while in party-mode at a club and I will not find offense if

you chose to judge me if I sing along to the lyrics of "disco stick" by Lady GaGa.

Sometimes I cry.
It's the title of an album I like.

I most likely have given you a nickname if you're number is in my phone. "



There are 11 paragraphs, and 8 of them begin with " I ". About two years ago, after
she had finally begun to take me serious, she had responded to entries on my journal
in her My space back then like this :

" I have never travelled overseas. I create burlesque shows if i feel like it.
I can read and write. "

Etc. Though " create " may be wrong, at the moment i don' t remember precisely.
If memory serves me well, there were 13 sentences and all of them began with " i ".

What had happened back then was that Valérie was in some kind of panic state :
Her wonderful fake reality was threatened and she was on the verge of a breakdown
( actually, the second time. She had written some time before this in her blog that
she was " a xanax away from a breakdown " because basically everyone let her down
after the thing with Jerry came to an end ( which proved me right ) and she lost
practically all of her friends- something i had predicted earlier on in one of
my comments on her lj ).

And since she still refused to talk to me online back then, i could not have
caught her if she fell, and causing a breakdown without me being present
to assist her during the dark journey that is usually to follow is about the
last thing i want to do.


And then i was taken off the web against my conscious will.


By about december 2007 ( i think ), one morning i woke up with the song
' The letter ' by the Box Tops playing in my head. Check the lyrics yourself,
one line goes like this :

" My baby, she wrote me a letter ".

IF she has written me a mail back then i cannot tell : My mail box doesn' t
contain a trace, it' s been a while.


More from Valérie' s current My space :


Headline : " Not all who wander are lost "


Maybe so, but where are you heading ?


More :

"

Mouliche's Interests
General imprudent marriages and shotgun weddings
Good wrestling. Camping. Making plans to move places where nobody knows my name
being a pretend writer/musician/painter/quilter/psychologist

i smell manure, it's coming out of your ears
Music any piece of music that makes me want to waste my life away and lay on the ground

tearing up, floored by it's fullness of sound and the illusion of a drugged body.



The Dears. Ryan Adams. Whiskeytown. BowerBirds. Bonnie Prince Billy. Townes Van Zandt. Neil

Young. Bill Whithers. The Black Keys. Alaska in winter. Hard-Fi. Art Brut. Arctic Monkeys.

Mew. Maximo Park. The Smiths. Blur. Bat For Lashes. Cold War Kids. Echo And the Bunnymen.

The Jesus and Mary Chain. The Walkmen. Jonathan Fire Eater. Ours. Interpol. The Editors. The

National. The Klaxons. The Cure. Marc Dery. The Faint. The Presets. MGMT. Hot Chip. Of

Montreal. Pendulum. Airborn Toxic Event. Glasvegas. White Lies. My Bloody Valentine. Besnard

Lakes. Caribou. CSS. The Dears. Tapes 'N Tapes. Cut/Copy. Band Of Horses. Franz Ferdinand.

Death From Above 1979. The Rapture. The Kaiser Chiefs. Visage. Beirut. Bright Eyes. A Place

to Burry Strangers. The Mountain Goats. Electric 6. Less Than Jake. Social Distortion. NoFx.

The Bloodhound Gang. The Buzzcocks. The Damned. Bauhaus. Nick Cave and The Bad Seeds. Tom

Waits. Muse. Tricky Woo. BRMC. Rocket from The Crypt. The Temptations. The Four Tops. The

Kinks. Marvin Gaye. The Andrews Sisters. Gustav Mahler. Richard Wagner. Wolfgang Amadeus

Mozart. Goran Bregovic. The Swans. Depeche Mode. The Love and Rockets. The Servants. The

Bravery. Hot Hot Heat. Altered Images. Joy Division. Indochine. Daniel Belanger. Tears For

Fears (<3). Harmonium. Supertramp. King Crimson. Anything Mike Patton. Anything Maynard. Old

U2(pre all you can't leave behind). Stefie Shock. Glam.


Movies RUNNING WITH SCISSORS/pride and prejudice/may/quills/star trek/kissed/v for

vendetta/donnie darko/batman begins+the dark knight/secretary/saved/star wars/the cell/la

reine margot/un, deux, trois soleil/atonement/30 days of night/no country for old men/the

shinning/children of men/the boondock saints/eternal sunshine of the spotless

mind/perfume/requiem for a dream/true romance/kill bill 1&2/anne of green gables/gran

torino/grandma's boy/the wrestler/mandy moore movies...
Television LOST. 24. House. Nip/Tuck. Dexter. Rescue Me. The Alaska Experiment. Top Chef.

Dirty Jobs. FireFly. Captain Harlock. Cowboy Bebop. Cat's Eyes. Sailor Moon. FLCL. Read Or

Die.
Books The Fountainhead. Augusten Burroughs. Bret Easton Ellis. Sebastian Horseley's bio

Dandy in The Underworld,Alexandre Dumas, Dostoevsky, Beaudelaire, Victor Hugo, C G Jung,

WallPaper, Dwell, National Geophraphic, Smithsonian, W & Q Magazine.
Heroes

note, this dude's HAIR, ARM BANDS, STRAP AND EARINGS are showing some Keytar Pride... maybe

even his teeth and who knows what else. God Bless.

HOWARD ROARK

Hugo Weaving's voice

Lanny McDonnald!!


Mouliche's Details
Status: In a Relationship
Hometown: Rosemere, Quebec
Zodiac Sign: Gemini
Children: Someday
Education: Some college


Mouliche's Companies
Pierce & Pierce
NYC, NY US

Murders & Executions "




And more :

Replies and / or comments to rotch (!) in his My space :



"
Jun 28 2009 8:06 AM

old school kid kamikaze. i forgot he existed. how foolish of me. <3 this song!
MoulicheValerie T. Jun 20 2009 11:23 AM



Can I come home now? :C
Mouliche Valerie T. o 13 2009 8:42 AM

Holy shyte once-a-husband!
I still have the ring. Haven't eaten it yet. It's probably not good anymore, to eat at

least!
That's fucking banging news man! I wish I was coming back but I got my own place and stuff

now. Doing a lot of shit too on my end.

Miss you chicken fucker
MoulicheValerie T. may 24 2009 6:57 PM

i dont know much... but i know i love you!

i heard this song on a 80s love compilation in an informercial. it really expresses how i

feel.

miss you too bro "



" Mood " is " at&t-ed " and a smiling smiley. Last login says 11/ 10 / 2009.



She is still ( again ) friends with idiots like rotch and Kiefer ( whom she
has called an idiot herself ).


Her current friends list is made up of 109 people, it used to be about 4000
" friends "or more ( i think ).


And here a reply to one Victoria :

"
Oct 25 2009 9:22 PM

haha that's ALOT of questions!! PA is not too bad right now, weather's nice and sunny. work

is... well, ya know, same shit. as for me, going to school, travelling, trying to get things

rolling...


how's FLA?? what's going on?!?!?! "


Her blog i cannot read since it is " friends only" and i refuse to join My space
and make her a " friend". The headlines are :

"
tidal (view more)


black keyboard, black keys (view more)


all the clouds have silver linings. (view more)


when listening to mika makes you cry (view more)


The Last Frontier (view more) "




Considering all of the above findings i want to say : Incredible. Sad but true.
In general it turns me off apart from the fact that it hurts me like shit.



There is only one thing i like : A link / banner that leads to 'think organic.com '
This is about the only good idea Valérie has shown during the last 10 years or so.

And / or, more or less the only sign of sanity i can detect.


What she exactly does is unkown to me. The above reply to this Victoria would
imply that she goes to school. And if so, what kind of school ? She used to go
to cosmetic school.
If we assume she is studying something this would imply that she is at least
stable enough to concentrate on given tasks and can muster some discipline.

But this is not neccessarily a sign of sanity, much less consequent sanity -
i went to school with some truly insane people, and at least one of them made
her grade - though also by some cheating and general dishonesty, indecency and
shabby trickery.


Since i was off the web for about two years now ( could you live without this ? )
i cannot tell what Valérie exactly went through. Presumably some hard times.


Of course, if i look back at this time about two years ago, i feel shame and
guilt. IF Valérie had sent me a mail - and even if she has not, but in particular -
this would imply that i have let her down when she needed me.
But i haven' t done this intentionally. It is easy to say i should have pushed
harder or something like that, but be it as it may, at the very least i didn' t do
this intentionally.


Hoe does she make a living ? Still stripping ? Assumedly, this would be the only
job where she could make good money, and she doesn' t seem to be poor, the above
exerpts imply some luxury.
She has made a living by stripping for several years after she left WRP apart
from a short period where she worked at Mcgill university, and has never
written anything about it why she quit that job. Too strenuous and not glamorous
enough ? And not enough money ? And not the attention and adoration she gets
as a stripper ?
She was first glad she she found this work, some time ago she had written about
stripping " It destroys my life ". On her journal i had written a comment about this
and received quite a defensive reply from her - she had read this comment for two
hours and then replied by insulting me. And this was the only time where she hadn' t
even logged in to reply - go figure.

Allright, so i basically don' t know what she does for a living.


If you take a look at the lanolins site, the "fake band " she had created about two years

ago, you find that it is obviously not cared for or updated - the last login says
6/29/2008 . Can you say " brainfart " ?


As you can read on my journal here, she had also begun by that time to revive
her burlesque project. Now go to the Corral Lees site and take a look, it is easy to find.
The project never took off ( necessarily...) and the only burlesque show that happened
is this:

June 17th, 2007
Burlesque Vaudeville Show
Creekside Cabaret
(Colmar, Pennsylvania)

And that' s it, the site is not updated, it is dead. The description reads :

" Elsa Lee is a bitch'n moronic neo-burlesque stripteaseuse "


Anyone out there who wants to have something to do with a " bitch'n moronic
neo - burlesque stripteaseuse " ? Maybe so, and this would be your problem.
But count me out.


*break*


Probably i post more on this later on, using a more analytical approach, but at
the moment...there are limits to what i can stand.



What this boils down to right now is the following :


Why do i write this journal ? For what purpose ? And for whom ?

It is rather likely that Valérie has stopped reading my journal a long
time ago. If only because she would feel that i have abandoned her, which i
have not.
Why should she read this ? It only hurts her, stirs up memories she prefers
to suppress and gets her wonderful fake world in disorder.

As her My space says, she is " in a relationship". Meaning that she has a boyfriend.

So why should she need me ? What do i have to offer her ? True love and a
music and writing career, but in turn she has to buy off a tremendous load
of pain ?

Why should she risk what she currently has by checking my journal ?
And i cannot and don' t want to notify her.

So, my basic assumpion is that she has abandoned me and wants to forget
about the past. She seems to get along with it that this also implies to bury her
dreams.
By general standards she seems to be well off and can do what she does for quite
some time to come. She has resorted to utter stupidity, allright. Many people
do this.
At the moment there is no sign of a (new) crisis to be seen, this would
probably only happen once the " relationship " breaks up.
If she can do what she does for the next 20 years or so is questionable, but
not totally ruled out. There are arguments for and against it, and at the moment
this cannot be ultimately decided.


This puts me in front of some kind of void. But at the moment i feel that i
should continue to write my journal, if only as some kind of source where i
can draw upon for certain projects.
And there is still this obligation to help her, though it doesn' t look like
it at at the moment that she needs any help. Or would want it. Love hurts.
Motherfucking void.



But she is alive, and this made me feel relieved.