A/N - Sorry if the heroin experience is not exactly correct - I'm only basing my knowledge on the film Trainspotting and season 3 of 24 lol...oh and wikipedia *hugs wikipedia*

That first time he looked away, trying to calm his racing heart, as the needle had pushed into his skin.  Sure he’d smoked weed before and even tampered with E a few times…but never anything as hardcore as heroin. This was different, and totally intoxicating in a terrifying manner.

He felt nothing at first; he stared at Chris and Steve, wondering when he’d start to feel the giddy happiness the girl behind them was currently experiencing.  He wanted it now.

Then he saw in front of him the men who he’d thought were his best friends and they’d let him…hell, they’d encouraged him, to just do something as stupid as this.

The drug was already inside him, there was nothing he could do, and panic began to take over.

“What the fuck did you just do?”  He cried, pushing Steve back against the wall, “What the fuck?!”

Chris lazily waved a hand at him, “Just go with it Jensen, don’t freak.”

Steve looked up at him wide-eyed and nodded, his head lolling everywhere, “Just go with it, man.”

Jensen turned and walked back into the smoky room, his head starting to swim as he made his way slowly and carefully to the bar, trying to keep his heart rate under control.

“Whisky, straight,” He croaked out to the bartender, slumping down on a barstool and self-consciously rolling his shirt sleeve down to cover the indistinct needle mark.

He downed the whisky in one, gasping as it burned his throat, but relishing the feeling; just glad he was still conscious enough to feel that. 

Then a wave of…something hit him, and he unwittingly felt the corners of his mouth curl up in a small smile.  The worry that had consumed him just minutes ago seemed to be dissolving as some other feeling ate away at it.

He stared into the bottom of his glass and inhaled, the smell of the alcohol rushing up his nose and tingling whatever receptors were up there.

“You have a real strong love for whisky there, don’t you?”  Someone whispered huskily into his ear, that someone being a man.

Jensen surprised himself by not caring, he would have normally run, or politely walked away.  Instead he smiled and replied, “You have no idea.”

A dizzying wave of euphoria danced through his head, and the guy sat down next to him.  He had no idea what he was doing, but he managed to keep up a conversation, about god knows what, for the crucial few minutes it took for this guy to decide he wasn’t an axe murderer.

“So you wanna get out of here?”

Jensen opened his mouth to reply but stopped, not knowing what to say. The guy was good looking, and he clearly knew it.  But there was…something, just on the edge of his mind that was telling him this guy was off somehow.

But he didn’t say any of that, and the guy stretched out a hand to rest on his thigh. Jensen felt warm tendrils of heat creep up his body, and he smiled lazily and licked his lips.

The guys’ head snapped up to focus on his lips, and Jensen realised, somewhere in the depths of the rolling waves in his mind, that he didn’t know this guys’ name;  nor had he even properly looked at his face…or into his eyes.

That didn’t stop the guys’ hand from progressing further up his leg, which in turn caused some interesting reactions in his groin area.

“Or maybe you just wanna head to the bathrooms?”  The guy suggested silkily.

Jensen’s head lolled back as the guy reached his destination and darts of pleasure hit him.  He stood up grabbing the guy’s hand, not even caring that he had never done anything with a guy before, and just said, “You lead.”

He noticed Chris and Steve watching him with interest in their eyes, dulled by the heroin, as he wound his way through the crowds, an obvious bulge at the front of his jeans.

The guy pushed him roughly against the cubicle door as they managed to jam themselves in one of the free ones, ignoring the looks they were getting.

Jensen didn’t do anything, just let the guy kiss him as he zoned out of his head and focused on the pleasure, and not the person who was doing it.

“You’re so hot,” The guys’ hand worked on the button of Jensen’s jeans, “I saw you sitting there…” He unzipped them, “And knew I had to have you, or at least taste you.”

He knelt down in front of Jensen and looked up at him and met Jensen’s eyes, and Jensen saw the guy, really saw him for the first time, and knew it wasn’t right.

The room seemed to be coming in and out of focus, and he knew it wasn’t right, but the guy had already taken him in his mouth and was licking and sucking and…

Jensen braced his arms against the cubicle walls…and cried out Jared’s name when he came.

 

>The next morning Jensen hated himself for what he had done, he had been reduced to that because he couldn’t handle his own feelings?  The idea sickened him and he promised himself he would never do it again.  

But then Jared stopped by towards evening.

“Hey,” Jensen said completely shocked to see Jared standing on his doorstep.  

He had opened the door expecting it to be someone selling something and he hadn’t bothered to actually try to make himself look in any way presentable.  He knew his eyes were bloodshot from last night and he felt like there must be a label stuck on him somewhere that said ‘A guy sucked my dick last night while I was high’.

“So err, I was wondering if you wanted to come over for dinner tonight.  Sandy’s cooking you know…it’ll probably just be ready meals ‘cause she can’t cook to save her life but…” Jared eyed him hopefully and Jensen felt something inside of him break.

“I don’t think I can, sorry,” He said more abruptly than he meant to.  Trying his best to ignore the wounded puppy dog expression on Jared’s face he said the only thing he could, “Chris and Steve are only in town for a short time you know?  They wanna hang out as much as possible.”

Jared nodded understandingly but there was still curiosity in his gaze, “Sure man, just…keep in touch yeah?”

Jensen nodded and shut the door hoping Jared hadn’t wanted to be invited in for beer and playstation or something.  He couldn’t deal with that right now, not when every time those eyes looked at him he felt like he couldn’t breathe.

His phone buzzed and he looked at the caller ID, it was Chris.

“Hey,” He said cautiously and his fears were confirmed when Chris’s drunken slur came through the phone.

“Dude, where did you disappear to last night,” Chris shouted over the pounding music in the background, “with that guy?”

Jensen froze; he had forgotten they had seen him.  Oh shit, they know…shitshitshit.

“Oh Chris man…I” 

But Chris cut in saying in a playful tone, “Dude whatever, me and Steve suspected it for ages…we just didn’t think you were such a slut!”

Jensen stuttered something that sounded suspiciously like, “Whaaanowaitheywhat.”

“So you coming out tonight or what?”

Jensen was silent for a few seconds while a battle raged inside of him.  That feeling that he had experienced last night, that had freed him from all the pain but…it was wrong.

It didn’t stop him from saying yes and making arrangements to meet Chris in twenty minutes though.

God he had such crap willpower.

As soon as he walked into the club he knew what he would be doing tonight.  The music and the lights and the heavy mass of people all moving together as though they were all in a trance gave him such a longing to feel it like he had last night. 

 He quickly spotted Chris sitting at the bar with his arm around some tiny brunette chick.

“Chris,” He said in greeting noticing that he had his sleeves rolled down even though it was hot enough in the club for the sweat to be condensing in the air.

“Dude meet Leighton, sweetheart this is my buddy Jensen.  He’s awesome.”  Chris drawled.

Jensen nodded at the girl who didn’t seem to notice, she was swaying in time to the music and her skin glistened with sweat.

Jensen didn’t know how to ask but Chris seemed to understand and he dislodged himself from Leighton and glanced inquiringly up at him.

“You want more?”

Jensen just nodded wondering really what the hell he was doing.

He spent the rest of the night completely zoned out grinding with some guy who reminded him vaguely of Jared but that was not the reason he was dancing with him.  If he could call it dancing, it was more like dry sex.

 

‘After such nocturnal reconnoitre it is hard to get back to earth’

-          Thomas Hardy ‘Far from the Madding Crowd’

A/N - I'm glad people understand that Jensen is mature enough to make his own decisions and could say no if he wanted - Chris and Steve know that and trust his decision.  Sorry if this is still not alright but honestly there isn't much that can justify their actions just that it's the natural progression, they want to share their experience with their friend.