A/N - This chapter contains scenes of a Jared-and-Sandy nature and if anyone is feeling sensitive about the recent news then you've been warned.

To say Jared was confused would have been an understatement.  He’d come straight home from Jensen’s house and collapsed onto the couch, staring at an old picture of him and Jensen, grinning like idiots at the first Supernatural crew party. 

He’d stared at it for at least an hour, thinking…hard.  He knew he loved Jensen…like a brother, like a best friend.  He was just looking out for him, making sure he didn’t make stupid decisions with his life.  Jared flinched at that thought; he hadn’t done so well with that so far, Jensen had already managed to screw up pretty badly in that department and Jared had done nothing to stop him.

He should have noticed the signs earlier, should have pressed Jensen harder, made him tell him what was happening. He should have taken better care of him…the possibilities ran endlessly through his mind, as he sank further into guilt.

~**~

He was still lying on the sofa four hours later, eyes staring impassively at the ceiling, definitely not wondering what Jensen and the Jerk were doing in the shower, when Sandy came home.  She yelled his name up the stairs, and wandered slowly into the living room when he didn’t reply, eyes widening in shock at seeing him on the sofa.

“Jared, what’re you doing?”  She made her way over, taking in his bleak expression.

“Just…thinking…” He replied slowly, finally gathering the energy to sit up and make room for her next to him.

She arched a delicately plucked eyebrow, “Come on Jared, I know you better than that.  You don’t brood over just anything, and you’ve been damn broody these past couple of weeks.  You seemed to be happier recently, what happened?”

“It’s my fault, Sandy…that Jensen is doing this to himself…I should have noticed…I should have…”

Sandy interrupted sharply, “Shut up Jared, and stop with the self-pity. It’s unbecoming.”

Jared turned to her, shocked at the outburst, but the corners of his mouth were tugged into the beginnings of a smile, “What?”

Sandy grinned at him, “You’ve got to stop blaming yourself over this thing that Jensen’s going through, it’s his problem.  You had no idea, and had no reason to think he would have been doing that.  You found out eventually, and got him to stop, that’s what matters right?”

Jared sighed, and mumbled something into the air that sounded suspiciously like, “I don’t think he’s stopped.”

Sandy’s eyes widened, “But I thought you said he was getting help, going to meetings, or something?”

Jared shook his head in despair, “I don’t think he is…I…hate to think of this Sandy…but I think he’s in deeper than I thought.  I thought this was just a social thing, a bit of fun here and there…but…I think he’s too far gone.”

Suddenly the words were spilling out of him, as if the floodgates to his inner thoughts had been opened, “I don’t know what to do, I’ve never had to deal with anything like this before Sandy, it’s fucking scary.  He’s seriously hurting himself, but if I call someone, or do anything, his fucking job’s on the line, I don’t want him fired I don’t want a huge fuss made out of this, but if I don’t…”

He trailed off, pressing his lips together, as he resumed his staring into space. He started when Sandy gently laid a hand on his shoulder. She took a deep breath, “Jared, I have to ask you something, but promise you won’t get mad.”

He looked at her curiously, “Why would I get mad?”

Sandy resisted the urge to say something flippant about his masculinity but wanted to stick with the serious moment, and continued, “You’ve known Jensen for a long time now. You guys spend practically every waking minute together on set, and a lot of time together, even when you’re not filming.”

Jared nodded at every word she was saying, a slight smile ghosting over his face as memories surfaced in his mind of all the good times they’d had together, but her next words caused the thoughts in his brain to come crashing down around him.

“Do you…like him, Jared?”

There was no questioning what she meant, it was obvious by her tone, and Jared initially had the overwhelming desire to just burst out laughing, but then he thought about what she was saying.  He thought properly about it, and the urge to laugh gradually melted away, leaving him more with the desire to continuously bash his head against the wall.

A nervous smile graced his lips, and he licked them hesitantly, nervously, “Wha…what do you mean?”

Sandy smiled sadly, but her tone was encouraging, “You know what I mean, Jared.”

He forced a grin to cover the whirlwind currently tearing his brain apart, “What?  That’s ridiculous!”

“Jared, I’m being serious.  I’ve seen the way you are around him,” Sandy said, her tone edging on hostile, even though she tried to prevent it.  Yes, she loved Jared, and that meant, at least to her, that she wanted him to be happy, but it was hurting her deeply to have to go through this with him.

Jared shifted nervously in his seat. He really wasn’t up to facing these thoughts right now, this was not a good time, “Sandy…I can’t do this right now.  I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“I want you to realise what’s been obvious to everyone else for a long time, Jared!”  Sandy said in exasperation, “I thought maybe I could deny it at first, you know. That maybe we could get past it, but it’s been getting stronger, hasn’t it?”

Jared had no idea what Sandy was talking about, and could only stare at her in blank consternation, “Sandy, you do realise I have no idea what you’re thinking.”

Sandy sighed half-heartedly, “That’s the problem, Jay.”

He dropped his head into his hands, speaking into them, so his voice sounded muffled and distant, “Sandy, I don’t know what you’re trying to say here.”

“You love him Jared…more than you think you should, and you’ve been hiding from it.”  She said bluntly, sneaking a glance at him to see his reaction, but his face was still buried in his hands.

He was silent for seconds, but they seemed like hours, the air between them growing thick and heavy with tension and unspoken questions. Finally Jared broke the silence, his voice startling both of them from their thoughts, “Sandy…” his voice cracked, and he was silent once more.

She bit her lip, suddenly feeling her eyes fill with tears as the prospect of what she was losing hit her, “Jared, I don’t like this any more than you do, ok?  But it’s what’s happened.”

Finally Jared lifted his face from his hands, staring at her with eyes shining in the lamplight, “You’re wrong…I don’t…I can’t…not Jensen…”

Sandy had thought that maybe Jared just…didn’t know, that he hadn’t acknowledged his feelings yet, and his response only served to strengthen this realisation. 

She started as Jared suddenly stood up, standing still, but clenching and unclenching his fists. His face was impassive, but his entire demeanour screamed ‘repressed emotion’. 

“Jared…?”  She asked hesitantly.

He whirled around to face her and spoke softly, but his voice was sharp and sure, “I don’t….think of Jensen like that Sandy.  I’m not gay.  Just because we’re good friends doesn’t mean I have to want to fuck him.  You’re wrong…you’re wr…why would you even suggest that?  Do you want to break up with me?!”

Sandy narrowed her eyes, and stood up alongside him. She could still be pretty intimidating, even though she was more than a foot shorter than him, “Don’t give me that crap Jared, I love you, probably always will, but I’m not gonna hang around while you’re pining over someone else.”

Suddenly all the fight seemed to ebb out of Jared, and he collapsed back onto the couch, muttering denials under his breath, completely ignoring the tear that fell from his eye, tracking its’ way down his cheek. 

Sandy watched him for a few seconds, taking in the way his hair curled as it reached the base of his neck; the way he licked his lips, betraying his nerves; the way the tears were trapped in his eyelashes, glittering against his cheeks when he blinked.  She saw this all, and then she turned and walked out of the room, leaving Jared to his own thoughts.

She’d put the idea out there, now Jared just needed to acknowledge it.

~**~
 

“Jared?”

The sound of Jensen’s voice made him hesitate before he answered, a little breathlessly, “Hi.”

“Why are you calling?”  Jensen asked, curiosity prevalent in his tone, his voice melting through the phone and into Jared’s senses.

“Just erm…haven’t seen you in a while I guess. You wanna do something now?”

“It’s only been a couple of days since I’ve seen you,” Jensen replied, but amusement laced his tone, and he carried on, “Sure, what did you have in mind?”

Jared hadn’t seen Jensen since he’d had that conversation with Sandy, and he couldn’t help but wonder if it would be different now.  Not that he was admitting that she was right, because she wasn’t, but would he notice things he hadn’t before? 

“We could hit that new bar that opened down from my house,” Jared suggested, “See if it’s any good?  Maybe score you a chick…or a…um…guy…”

Jensen laughed loudly at how awkward Jared sounded saying that, “Dude it’s okay, you don’t have to do that,” he replied between snorts, “But yeah, sounds fine. I’ll meet you there around eight ok?”

Jared nodded, before he remembered that Jensen couldn’t see him, and said instead, “Sounds fine.”

Jared hung up and took a deep breath, nothing would be different.  It would just be two old friends having a drink and a laugh, and just…hanging out.

~**~

Jared downed his fourth shot, relishing the burn that spread down his throat and into his stomach.  He winced slightly, and slammed the empty shot glass bottom up on the bar.

He checked his watch again, and pressed his lips together in anger as he got up to leave.  How could he have expected Jensen to show anyway?  It was probably too much to ask that his best friend meet him for drinks.

He was halfway to the door when it opened to admit a flustered Jensen, already searching the room for Jared, so that when his eyes fell on him, so close, he grinned broadly and walked towards him.

“Hey, sorry I’m late man, I erm…had some stuff to do,” Jensen said happily. Too happily. His eyes were bright, almost feverish in their intensity, and he couldn’t stop grinning.

Jared’s stomach flipped at the implications, but instead of fear or worry, suddenly all he felt was red hot anger, coursing through him, nudged and speeded along by the alcohol burning in his stomach.

“What were you doing?”  He asked bluntly, voice raised to carry over the background noise, even though right then, in that moment, it was like all he could see was Jensen, standing in front of him, pupils dilated and hands shaking.

Jensen looked cornered by the question. His eyes widened, and he held his hands up defensively, “Woah, what are you getting all angry for Jay?  I’m here now, aren’t I?”

“Are you?”  Jared asked, moving closer to Jensen, making the other man step backwards, “Are you all here?”

Jensen backed up until he couldn’t go any further, thanks to the wall, “Jay, hey what’s up?”

Jared was realising how close they were and, if he breathed in deep, he could smell Jensen. How he smelled of leather from the jacket he always wore, and he could feel the heat radiating off of him.  He blinked, suddenly confused as to what he was feeling.

Shaking his head to clear his thoughts, he focused on what was important, “Just admit it Jensen; admit why you were late. Had to go shoot up somewhere?  Am I right?”

Jensen’s eyes narrowed, and he spat out, “Fuck you Jared, you don’t know anything.”

“Then enlighten me Jensen, ‘cause really? Right now, I have no fucking clue what’s going on with you. You said you were going to quit.  Why didn’t you tell me you needed help, that you were in too deep?”  Jared felt tears welling up in his eyes again, and he swallowed them back down angrily. He wasn’t gonna cry, “I’m gonna help you Jen, you’re gonna stop this.”

Jensen noticed the change in Jared’s attitude and gradually let his hands drop, his defences crumbling under Jared’s determined gaze.

“I’m sorry Jay,” his voice cracked as he spoke, “I should have…told you…”

Jared nodded shortly, but swung an arm around Jensen’s shoulders, just like he always did. He pulled Jensen close, relishing the feeling, “You’re gonna get through this, Jen. I’m gonna help you every step of the way.”

‘Ain't found a way to kill me yet
Eyes burn with stinging sweat
Seems every path leads me to nowhere’

-    Alice in Chains ‘Rooster’