The little witch has gone off to "look for Bela ", by which I can only assume that she's looking for Mandos. I couldn't figure out how the hell she found out about the Halls in the first place, seeing as she's never so much as seen a dwarf in her insanely short life... until I found canonical text lying all over her room. In this house, we leave the guns out in the open, and we lock up the canon...

Thanks to Rivendell's favourite hypergrowth demon-children, the back of our house is missing . Celeborn had banned Bela from the house after the boy blocked the hall toilet with a severed orc head, but he stuck around in the backyard with Claude in the My Little Pony tent, killing and roasting Celeborn's pets for "food" and occasionally "in the name of science." After the explosion, I decided...

The stupid big kids that keep eating all the Jello are even bigger now and are looking at my Playstation funnily and I hate them. Celedaddy says I can kill the short ugly one if I want but says no I can't kill the stupid annoyinger one because she's his baby precious girl or something stupid like that. Glorfiedaddy says no don't kill either of them because I don't want you to get into the habit...

The dumb blond big kid that lives in the backyard made a big explosion and now the back part of the house is gone and now I think the big kids are going to fight!!! This is so neat. Celedaddy is SO MAD and it's funny because the big purple vein is sticking out. He's yelling at the big dumb blond kid that I hate because HE DELETED MY TEKKEN GAMES AND STOLE MY MEMORY CARD AND I HATE HIM HATE HIM...

and I guess I had a thought or something and decided Middle-Earth doesn't have a good magazine for sexy bitches. I was thinking if Other Me combined efforts we could bring one beautiful magazine spectacular of sexiness to Middle-Earth. He can give you the male goods, I'll give ya'll the womanly goods. It sounds pretty lame, but I like nudie pics, fuckers. Most of you are perverts and you like nudie...

So, yes, Celeborn is pregnant and a woman at the moment. Again. He seems to be enjoying both a little too much this time around. The woman thing was an accident-- it's easier than I realized to let new Super!Maia!Powers get out of control. During one of his several hormonal rages that afternoon, Cel chucked a very heavy, hard bound trash novel at my head. When I turned to glare at him, running...

ANYONE , ESPECIALLY INDIVIDUALS WHOSE NAMES BEGIN WITH "G" AND END WITH "ALATHIL", WHO FUCKS MY HUSBAND/WIFE/WHATEVER DURING THIS PERIOD OF HORMONAL WEAKNESS WILL BE TURNED INTO A GOBLIN FORTHWITH AND KEPT IN A CAGE IN THE OVEN. And Celeborn , DEAREST, you I will leave unscathed UNLESS you should fuck your slimy fuckwit brother, IN WHICH CASE you are SO going through natural childbirth AS. A....

::studies the current Celeborn in custody:: Interesting. Very interesting. He really does look like Bernadette Peters with those tits. Maybe we should give him some implants. Hmmm. Anyway, back to business. We need to correct the programming damage from the "Easter cookies and sprinkles and yay juice", or whatever the hell Huggz put in the washpotion. Somebody's bound to come try to be a hero...

I woke up this morning and thought, Today is going to be a shit day. I'm staying in bed. And I tried to, but Celeborn forced me out after a few hours so he could make the bed. No matter how many limbs are lost or natural disasters occur, premonition and blatant foreshadowing are always secondary to OCD in the Celeglorf household. So I went to work. I was sexually harassed by a perky young exec...

Celeborn Reclamation Society, Operation One . Successful and so beautifully executed. Except... WHY THE FUCK IS HE STILL TRYING TO BANG THAT GREASY-HAIRED HAT FETISHIST? Damn it, Ph33r , your electric eel potion was supposed to, and I quote , "FRY the fairy right out of him." We'll never meet our deadline if this keeps up. ::SIGH:: I'll go eel fishing again tonight, and when I get back we're...