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Published : 5 months, 3 weeks ago (Fri, 19 Jun 2009 11:52:44 PDT)
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http://colettegurl.livejournal.com/285487.html 0 links
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Lifegroup ![]() Colette Eheh (catalyticaavaira@hotmail.com) | | Fri 6/19/09 2:20 PM | | markb@cedarcreek.tv |
Dear Mr. Bernard,
I understand that you are the pastor at the Toledo campus, and therefore I feel it is appropriate to turn to you with this very serious issue I am facing. I am going to remain anonymous for my own protection, but if you have any questions and would like to speak with me, please call [removed for LJ], and please do not reveal that phone number to anyone else. It is not my number, but it is important that any information I am giving you remain confidential.
I have had a very negative experience with one of the lifegroups I have been attending for the past month or so. This lifegroup is lead by Zach Shepler, and kids ranging from 18 to 20 years old attend. It is held in Maumee. Everyone has been pretty nice to me since I started to attend, and Zach has tried his best to include me in the group discussions and talk to me when everyone else was talking amongst themselves. I felt very safe there, and that meant a lot to me because I have gone through a lot of suffering this year. I felt I could trust everyone in the group to be good to me on a basic level, and I enjoyed their company. Many friendships of mine have died out this year, so I joined the group to meet friends as well as learn more about religion.
Zach had my e-mail address from when I had e-mailed him about a month ago to ask when and where the lifegroup met. A week ago, he messaged me on Gmail Chat, so we talked a little bit about music and what we're doing with our lives currently. We continued to talk online through AIM because I enjoyed talking to him and felt like I had another friend. It remained casual. One night I asked him what he was up to, and he said he had been thinking. I asked about what, and he said, "Oh, just wondering why I haven't had a girlfriend in 6 years." I thought it was odd he was telling me that, but I have confided in my friends about my recent break-up with my boyfriend, so I figured he just needed a listening ear. I said I was sorry to hear that and told him I could understand because of my break-up. That's all I remember saying. One day he asked me out for coffee, and I didn't have any other plans so I thought that sounded like fun.
We went to Starbuck's, talked a little, and then he suggested coming back to my house. So we did, and we talked in my back yard. We talked about religion. At one point, something embarrassing happened. A firefly landed under my shirt while he was talking, and I told him what happened and that I would have to turn away for a moment to get it out. He said, "I wouldn't mind," to mean he wouldn't mind seeing my chest. He also said, "Fine, I can't look" when I actually did turn away. I thought that was strange, but in my mind I wanted to believe I could trust him and a lot of creeps have been in my life recently, so I decided I was paranoid and he was just trying to joke around or make the situation less awkward. We continued to talk about religion out on my back porch, and we talked about the struggles of the kids in the lifegroup. Suddenly he was telling me what an awesome person I was, and I was at a loss for how to respond because I was getting the feeling he liked me, but I did not feel the same way about him and had not shown any interest beforehand. I've been asked whether I flirted with him or not, and I never did that.
I felt very awkward however and said I liked him too, but it was obvious I was uncomfortable. I kept looking away and down constantly and I'm sure I looked nervous as well. Without warning, he suddenly grabbed my head and pulled me to kiss him. He kept my head in place by holding it there. After that, he said, "You weren't expecting that were you?" No, I wasn't. He then asked me to "give him a chance." At this point, I was feeling very, very uncomfortable and wanted to leave, but I was alone at home and I was afraid of him. He's 6 feet and is a lot larger than I am. I told him truthfully that I wouldn't want to hurt him. I went along with what he wanted to hear again because I was afraid of him and because I also felt bad for him, which made me feel extremely awkward. He started to pull my shirt forward and asked if I minded. I did mind, but I was in shock by that point and didn't know what to say so I lied and said it was okay if he looked at my chest. He started to feel around my chest after that without warning. He felt around under the bra for a minute or so, while I just sat there feeling violated and betrayed. He then said "they're nice" in reference to my chest, and he also put his hands under my chest once and pushed it up so that it would bounce, which is very uncomfortable and upsetting for me to even think about. He made several comments about how "smokin' hot" I was as well, yet claimed there was more to me even though he was making me feel like an object.
He pulled me to kiss him several times after that and said, "We should hang out more," although I had not said anything about hanging out again myself. What I said to him was, "It's nice to have a friend who cares because I've been a little lonely." I kept saying that over and over, trying to emphasize that I saw him just as friend and more importantly, as a friend I could trust. I also told him how many creeps had taken advantage of me before he took advantage of me himself. Finally I said I had to go, and I got him out of there.
I am VERY disappointed and disturbed that this happened to me and if it wasn't for the hassle that comes along with taking legal action, I would. This guy represents a member of your church, someone who is meant to lead others in holiness and to practice morality in his every day life. What kind of example is he setting? I was so traumatized by this event that while it was occuring, I literally stopped thinking and shut myself off. I found that afterwards, I didn't even believe it happened. I'm still in shock, and when I think back to it, I think, "Oh, that's just a bad dream." When I go into shock, I disassociate from reality and cannot function normally.
Zach took advantage of me by demeaning me, turning me into a thing, and showed me that even someone I thought I could trust and count on to be a good friend was in fact just as creepy as all the other guys I have been used by. Ever since this event, I have not spoken with him at all, and he has been trying to get in contact with me through all means possible except showing up on my doorstep. He has called me several times, text messaged me several times, messaged me on AIM, messaged me on Gmail Chat, sent me an e-mail with the subject line "Mad at Me?," and worse yet, I removed him as a friend on Facebook and he tried to add me back even after telling me that I would not hear from him again.
I am telling you all of this for several reasons. I don't want this to happen to anyone else, and seeing as Zach is the leader of that lifegroup and so involved with the church, he could try this on another girl, and I could never live with myself knowing that I said nothing and essentially allowed for that to happen. I am telling you this so that you can decide whether or not you want a guy like that representing your church. And finally, I am telling you this because I would like to maintain what little dignity I have left by standing up for myself for once and taking action. This kind of event has happened to me multiple times within the past few months, and this is it. This time, I am not going to sit back and watch.
If you don't believe me or think this is some kind of prank, I am willing to present all the messages he has sent me, including any voicemails or e-mails. I will gladly forward them to you. This is very serious for me, and I would like action to be taken. I understand if you need more information or evidence, but I am not afraid to present that, and I will find a way to do so, whether that be through having a friend show you or one of my parents.
Thank you for your time. Sorry to deliver such bad news. I hope to hear back from you as soon as possible.
P.S. I forgot to add that Zach tried to apologize, saying he "messed up bad." I'm not saying that for his sake, I'm telling you because even he knows what he did was wrong. I can't be sure whether he said it for his own sake, to protect his own reputation, or whether he meant it, but in any case, those are his own words.
He also said "You won't be hearing from me again," but obviously that was a lie considering he's tried to contact me at least twice since then. My guess is he's worried I'm going to reveal this to others.
I'm a little worried about my safety since he knows where I live. If you have any suggestions regarding that as well, please tell me. Thanks again.
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That's the e-mail I sent. I keep feeling like this is my fault. There were so many warning signs. The first warning sign was when he told me about going to Japan, and how he was stuck staying in a bath house with Japanese prostitutes. He said he had to keep his door closed and it was hard to resist because they were "so cute." God, only a pervert talks like that. He even said it in a creepy way. Then there was the whole "I haven't a girlfriend in 6 years" and the firefly landing on my chest, and god... What is wrong with me?! I am so fucking naive...
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