I started it with Heroes, but I'm gonna continue it with True Blood (because it's becoming as thought-orgasm inducing as Heroes used to be).

• Oh, Eric. IS THERE BLOOD IN YOUR HAIR. You're adorable.
  
  
  • And Lafeyette is all WTF-ERY?
  
  

• What happened to the other people in the basement?

• I love that they're keeping to continuity with Sookie's injuries from the season one finale.

• Oh, schnapps, Sookie! BURN. TOTAL BURN ON BILL. "She's a teenage girl."

• Awww, the fighting? THE BEGINNING OF THE END. LONG LIVE ERIC/SOOKIE, BITCHES.

• "Well, I said I was sorry, Pam. HE TOOK SILVER TO ME." Petulant Eric is so adorable.

• AWWWW, SCHNAPPS! I LURVE YOU LAFEYETTE. I LURVE YOU. TAKES SOME SERIOUS BZNS TO STAND UP TO ERIC AND PAM.

• Oh, shitz. DESCENDING INTO TONGUES. Or whatever language it is that Eric speaks. Umm...Swedish?

• Also, when we gonna see the Pam/Sookie friendship form?

• Eric saying the word "pussy" amuses me terribly. He says it so...cold and un-emphasized. Even Lafeyette emphasized the word, but Eric is toneless.

• FIGHT LAFEYETTE! FIGHT!

• Whoa. Sheezus. Jason is all...clean-shaven. And...clean. ZOMG, WTF? GIVE ME SHIRTLESS NEKKIE JASON.

• And this football conversation has alot of homosexual subtext.

• And suddenly Jesus got pulled into the homosexual subtext.

• And suddenly the married vampire-haters are pulled into the subtext and Jason is teacher's pet.

• Also, actually...technically...the vampires were here first. Before us, this generation at least. Our grandparents were mayhaps here first, but we ourselves weren't.

• Also...GODDAMN. Eggs is one hot chocolate truffle. SHEEZUS. I DID NOT SEE THAT FROM THE BOOKS.
  
  
  • Drugs...possession or dealing...
    
    
    • Eggs is a bad ass.
    
    
  
  

• Oh...it's the wee winky plaid shorts.
  
  
  • WTF is up with Sookie's hair?
    
    
    • HOLY SHIT, THAT'S GOOD CASTING. THE WOMAN PLAYING JESSICA'S MOTHER ACTUALLY DOES LOOK LIKE HER.
    
    
  
  

• ...WTF? DOES EVERYONE SHOP AT WALMART? A chick at the church gathering has on the same shorts as Sookie.

• Jason, you're a moron.

• Oh, NOES. I JUST HAD A THOUGHT. WHAT IF...THE TERRIBLE THING THAT HAPPENED IN THE SECOND BOOK BUT DIDN'T HAPPEN IN THE SHOW (LONG LIVE LAFEYETTE) INSTEAD JUST HAPPENS LATER IN THE SEASON?! ORGIES, BITCHES. ORGIES.

• LAWL. Maryann is gonna eat him out of house and home. And maybe his clothes.

• Once again with the homosexual subtext. WHO'S THE CATCHER, JASON? FIGHTING FOR DOMINANCE, EH?! (Also the music pulls Jesus back into the subtext, too.)

• No, but seriously...what happened to the other people who were in the basement with Lafeyette? Between one episode and the other they disappeared. One minute they're turning the turnstile so one dude can do the dang-thing, and then they're GONE.

• Also, holy shit, that leg has TENTACLES.

• Lafeyette is kinda tweaking out. And making me tweak. Holy sheezus. That's...creepy.

• Vampires can hear EVERYTHING. THEY HEAR YOU ESCAPING, LAFEYETTE. THEY HEAR YOU.

• Listen to your instincts, Tara.

• Tara/Sookie is covered in awesome sauce.

• Sam and Daphne is...leading. WHAT IS IT LEADING TO?

• Whoa, Maryann, tone down the flirting with Sookie.
  
  
  • Also, WOOHOO. TRYING TO READ THE ANCIENT CREATURE'S MIND. AND IT WAS SUITABLY INDECIPHERABLE.
    
    
    • Also, "moving in" totally just painted a target on Sookie's back.
    
    
  
  

• I like that they've changed the reason for Sookie's attack. Instead of being a proxy for Eric, now it's PERSONAL.

• Also, WTF, crazy waitress.
  
  
  • ZOMG. LAFEYETTE.
    
    
    • She considers that flirting?
      
      
      • SHE SHOT LAFEYETTE.
        
        
        • This is where you convince her to take you to the hospital.
          
          
          • We don't care if it's dirty.
          
          
        
        
      
      
    
    
  
  

• "Taught your baby girl how to ride"? Srsly?

• I don't like this song.

• Those are incredibly lusty gazes for a concert at church leadership camp.

• I always pictured Newlin from the books as older.

• Awww, it's ALWAYS JASON. TEACHER'S PET. TEACHER'S PET. Totally getting anal-raped in the bunk later.

• ROFL, Jessica's impression of Bill is dead-on.

• Dude, Jessica...LONGER SKIRT, PLEASE. We almost saw your cootie-cat. I know this is HBO, but don't be a ho.

• Plain tissue won't get blood off. She needs a wet nap.
  
  
  • On that note, Sookie should be carrying them considering the dirty sex she and Bill get up to.
    
    
    • If vampires don't cry normal tears because they don't have the fluids...and I dread to even ask this...what does Bill...ermm...ejaculate?
    
    
  
  

• I told you the tissue wouldn't get the blood off.

• Jessica is totally playing Sookie. TOTAL. PLAYAH.

• LAWL, SOOKIE IS NO FOO! DON'T MENTION IT TO BILL.
  
  
  • Who is shopping in a mall.
  
  

• Awwww, he's SHOPPING FOR JESSICA. THAT'S ADORABLE. COMPLETELY FRAKKING ADORABLE.

• I think this lady should not be shopping with a father for a child.

• Bill...is doing the sexy eye stare.
  
  
  • And outting himself in public.
    
    
    • No, that's not a euphimism.
    
    
  
  

• Bill is covered in sexy sauce.

• Awww, look at Eric's HAIR.
  
  
  • Bill/Eric...wow...sexy sauce again.
    
    
    • This show has a lot of homosexual subtext.
    
    
  
  

• Also, OMG, so cheesy.

• Jason just almost killed Sarah.

• Should've done it.

• Sarah wants to jump Jason's bones.

• Arlene/Terry is made of win...or would be if I didn't hate Arlene.
  
  
  • I do completely ADORE Terry, though.
  
  

• Gosh. Sam is...so cute. Like a shaggy puppy dog.

• Epileptic...on meth...

• LAWL.

• Uh oh...Maryann is laying down the sexy mojo.
  
  
  • WHOA. DUDE HAS SOME SERIOUS R.PATZ HAIR.
    
    
    • And, OMG, WRONG. DO NOT NEED TO SEE THESE PEOPLE ORGY-UP.
    
    
  
  

• Eric is taller than Bill, and that makes him uber-sexier.

• Does vampire hair grow in this universe?

• Take her, Eric. Take. Her.

• "Poorly played, Bill." So calm. This does not bode well.

• Oh, Sookie. Technically...in the timeline...you didn't do this. Eric did this when he asked for your help. Blame Eric.

• This isn't going to end well. NO SIRREE.

• JANE BODEHOUSE. WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR HAIR?

• Yelling makes Tara easier to deal with, lol.

• Eggs. I think I like you.

• Maryann is drunk.

• And here comes the obligatory jail-bathroom-rape scene.

• MUSLIM BUFFY WITH A DICK.
  
  
  • I love this show.
  
  

• Mayhaps y'all shouldn't have bunked together.

• Jason. You don't hate vampires.

• ...total epileptic on meth.

• I wanna party at this bar.

• SEX ON THE TABLE WHERE WE EATS OUR FOOD?!

• I'm having flashbacks to the Butterfly Effect with all this shaking.

• Bad to worse.

• Worse to worse.

• HOLY SHIT. TEETH CAME OUT.

• Lawlz, move earth and heaven GO-GO STYLE.
  
  
  • This show has lines in it that just make me smile.
  
  

• Total chemistry there. This homosexual subtext is not so much subtext as...text.

• How does she talk with those teeth? No lisp?

• 'EY! DON'T TELL SOOKIE TO SHUT UP.

• Bill is working the sexy mojo.

• Hey...can you invite someone in and have it work when its coerced? That's like cheating.

• They're back to fighting again.