I think nokomis305 has some kind of crazy special powers that make me start chatficcing almost every time I talk to her. Because dude.



perspexsea (8:48:47 PM): So like.
perspexsea (8:50:05 PM): I think Bob Bryar should be the host of some crazy mountain man TV show. Like, he teaches people how to survive in the woods, he's all burly, and wearing flannel, and teaching people how to hunt with sticks and fish with their bare hands and build shelters out of rocks and the best leaves to use as toilet paper substitutes
nokomis305 (8:50:23 PM): BOB AS BEAR GRYLLIS?
perspexsea (8:50:38 PM): UM, SURE?
perspexsea (8:50:40 PM): IDK WHO THAT IS
nokomis305 (8:50:55 PM): Bear is my FAVORITE SURVIVALIST EVER. He's the one who does Man vs Wild?
perspexsea (8:51:04 PM): Oh!
perspexsea (8:51:58 PM): But Gerard watches the show obsessively! For when he goes to live all alone in the woods at some time, he's totally planning on doing it, he will, stop looking at him like that
perspexsea (8:52:24 PM): And he always takes Mikey out to the state parks and makes him reenact everything
perspexsea (8:53:09 PM): He's like MIKEY, MIKEY, WE ARE ALL ALONE OUT HERE, NO ONE FOR MILES, WE MUST CATCH OUR FOOD. WITH OUR HANDS. AND KILL IT. YOU CAN KILL IT. YOU GO AHEAD, I'LL LET YOU HAVE THIS HONOUR
perspexsea (8:53:28 PM): But Mikey's just like, dude, there's a gas station 10 minutes away, I'm gonna go get a sandwich
nokomis305 (8:53:57 PM): ....i love this already
perspexsea (8:54:26 PM): And Bob! Bob does like, a state park tour! He puts on shows at at least one park per state!
perspexsea (8:54:54 PM): And Gerard goes! He's such a huge fangirl. He drags Mikey along too. His idol! HE CAN'T BELIEVE HE GETS TO MEET HIM.
perspexsea (8:55:17 PM): He gets there like, a week in advance. Camping out. Gotta make sure there's room for him in the crowd!
perspexsea (8:55:51 PM): And Mikey just rolls his eyes and is like GERARD, NO ONE WILL BE HERE. PEOPLE WILL PROBABLY SHOW UP BY CHANCE TWO MINUTES BEFORE HIS SHOW STARTS
perspexsea (8:55:55 PM): But then!
perspexsea (8:56:25 PM): Then they run into this little dude wearing a shirt with Bob's face printed across the chest
perspexsea (8:57:14 PM): He's been there since Wednesday! CAN'T BE MISSING THIS OPPORTUNITY, DUDE. I'M TOTALLY GETTING BOB TO SIGN MY LEG AND THEN GETTING IT TATTOOED.
perspexsea (8:57:27 PM): Gerard immediately starts making hearteyes at him
perspexsea (8:57:37 PM): Mikey just rolls his eyes harder
nokomis305 (8:58:23 PM): I am dying from the awesome of this
perspexsea (8:58:25 PM): So Gerard and Mikey move their campspace right next to Frank's
perspexsea (8:58:50 PM): Ray is a park ranger!
perspexsea (8:59:07 PM): He shows up every day to just shoot the shit with them, make sure everything's going alright
perspexsea (8:59:43 PM): Because he can see that Gerard and Frank, while enthusiastic (they totally get an A for effort!) really aren't very good at this stuff
perspexsea (9:00:10 PM): He always takes Mikey to the side every day and gives him advice
perspexsea (9:00:36 PM): And please, for the love of God, don't let them do the fire. Please.
perspexsea (9:00:46 PM): They don't need this place burning down, seriously
nokomis305 (9:00:48 PM): oh god, mikey as the responsible one
perspexsea (9:01:17 PM): He actually brings Mikey a fire extinguisher one day
nokomis305 (9:01:25 PM): <3333
perspexsea (9:01:36 PM): And Mikey, he dissapears for a couple hours every day
perspexsea (9:01:58 PM): And Frank and Gerard go out to try to catch fish. BECAUSE THEY MUST DO THIS RIGHT. NO BUYING FOOD.
perspexsea (9:02:20 PM): But Mikey just borrows Ray's car and goes down to the fish market
perspexsea (9:02:39 PM): He fills up the fish bucket with fish he bought when Frank and Gerard aren't looking
nokomis305 (9:02:49 PM): of course he does
perspexsea (9:04:02 PM): And of course, when he's out, he buys himself a huge lunch, and brings back all kinds of snacks he hides in his sleeping bag
perspexsea (9:04:56 PM): And see, Frank and Gerard's aspirations wouldn't be so crazy if they weren't so terrified of nature!
nokomis305 (9:05:40 PM): Gerard squacks the first time he actually gets a bite, y/y?
perspexsea (9:06:27 PM): Frank flips out every time there is a spider. He gets Ray to build him a like, cot thing, so he doesn't have to sleep on the floor the first time he finds one in the tent.
perspexsea (9:06:50 PM): Mikey was smart enough to put his foot down when Gerard suggests spraying bug killer all over inside the tent.
perspexsea (9:07:01 PM): YOU WILL DIE, GERARD, NO!
perspexsea (9:07:30 PM): Mikey goes to the park ranger's hut every morning to take a shower
perspexsea (9:07:51 PM): Frank has to deal with the freezing cold lake, and Gerard just doesn't worry about it
nokomis305 (9:08:18 PM): hahhaha, of course he doesn't
perspexsea (9:09:17 PM): Then the day of Bob's show comes! And it turns out the Frank has an extra one of those Bob-head shirts! (actually, Mikey's relieved to find out, many extras, as it's the only thing he's seen frank in all week) So both Frank and Gerard are wearing those horribly embarrassing outfits
perspexsea (9:09:29 PM): Screaming like preteen girls
perspexsea (9:09:52 PM): Seriously, they are talking so fast and in such screechy voices Mikey can't even understand anything they're saying anymore
nokomis305 (9:10:57 PM): Mikey's life is hard
perspexsea (9:11:06 PM): They sit in the front row. Mikey wants to sit in the back and pretend he has no idea who they are, but. He has to keep them under control, so. He sits right next to them.
perspexsea (9:11:59 PM): Bob wrestles an alligator and they both clutch at their hearts and sigh. Bob looks up at them and winks, and both of them look as though they're about to faint
nokomis305 (9:12:18 PM): Bob is a total heartthrob
perspexsea (9:12:27 PM): Mikey has to keep Frank from throwing a pair of his underwear with his number written on them at Bob
perspexsea (9:12:33 PM): Gerard gets kind of surly at this
nokomis305 (9:12:38 PM): hahahha
perspexsea (9:12:51 PM): He just crosses his arms and huffs and wont talk to Frank the rest of the show
nokomis305 (9:13:10 PM): somone's jeaaaaalous
perspexsea (9:15:30 PM): And they wait in line to meet Bob after the show, and Frank gives Bob the biggest hug! And then Gerard is totally snippy with Bob next in line. Bob's the sweetest guy in the world! And Gerard just glowers. You're not that awesome, you know. I bet half your show is fake. Asshole.
perspexsea (9:15:47 PM): And Mikey has to apologise for him, he fucking hates his brother
nokomis305 (9:15:54 PM): hahahhahahaa, I love snippy gerard
perspexsea (9:16:34 PM): And Frank feels betrayed! How could Gerard be mean to Bob! He thought they loved Bob! Has their entire relationship been a lie?
perspexsea (9:17:05 PM): So THEY FIGHT.
perspexsea (9:17:12 PM): It is epic! And bitchy!
perspexsea (9:17:25 PM): And Ray and Mikey watch it like it's a tennis match.
perspexsea (9:17:41 PM): But, you know, one that's actually interesting.
nokomis305 (9:17:46 PM): hahaha
nokomis305 (9:17:56 PM): and they're getting more and more rilled up, right?
perspexsea (9:18:22 PM): Frank finally tells Gerard about how bad he thinks he is at nature shit.
perspexsea (9:18:29 PM): And that's just too much for Gerard to handle.
perspexsea (9:18:59 PM): He gets Mikey to help him drag the tent away. But, you know, they're Ways, so. They only get about six feet.
perspexsea (9:19:11 PM): Gerard's all TAKE THAT, ASSHOLE.
nokomis305 (9:19:50 PM): hahaha, and it's all crooked now
perspexsea (9:20:04 PM): But they still have to share the same fire and everything, so. They're sitting at opposite ends of the fire, alternating between glaring at each other and talking to Mikey and Ray (who's with Frank) about how much of an ass the other is
nokomis305 (9:20:44 PM): <3__<3
perspexsea (9:21:23 PM): So eventually Ray's like 'Mikey, dude, we've got some beer down at the ranger hut, want some?'
perspexsea (9:21:40 PM): And so they leave and it's just Frank and Gerard glaring.
perspexsea (9:22:07 PM): And then! Then there is a BEAR. A tiny adorable, baby BEAR. It is TERRIFYING.
nokomis305 (9:22:17 PM): hahahhahaa
nokomis305 (9:22:26 PM): DO THEY HUDDLE IN FEAR TOGETHER?
perspexsea (9:23:01 PM): They start shreiking like women and OMG IT'S A BEAR. And Gerard! Runs immediately over to Frank and steps in front of him all, STAY BEHIND ME FRANK, I'LL SAVE YOU. YOU RUN AWAY WHEN I TELL YOU, OKAY?
nokomis305 (9:23:26 PM): <3333333
perspexsea (9:23:39 PM): But Frank's too busy clutching at his back in fear. And maybe a little bit feeling him up, but. Gerard puts that down to fear. And the sniffing he hears is totally Frank crying, not smelling him.
perspexsea (9:23:59 PM): Frank kind of regrets the smelling him part after he does it, because hello, week of camping, but.
perspexsea (9:24:16 PM): Then their shreiks attract Bob!
nokomis305 (9:24:46 PM): of course! Bob to the rescue!
perspexsea (9:25:06 PM): Bob just walks up to the bear cub and is all 'Awww, aren't you a cute little bear? Yes you are! Yes you are! Come give Uncle Bob a hug!'
nokomis305 (9:25:26 PM): *melts*
nokomis305 (9:25:51 PM): (nevermind you should always stay away from baby bears because mama bear is always nearby)
perspexsea (9:26:03 PM): But the bear actually belongs to Bob!
nokomis305 (9:26:12 PM): bob's bear!
perspexsea (9:26:38 PM): He found it in the woods in Canada one time, crying next to it's momma, which had been shot by illegal bear poachers
perspexsea (9:27:19 PM): He made an entire extremely dramatic episode about it, and the tour is actually to raise money for some like, endangered bear charity
nokomis305 (9:27:24 PM): awww
nokomis305 (9:27:32 PM): Bob is a HERO!
perspexsea (9:27:41 PM): And once Frank and Gerard calm down a little, they totally recognize the bear
perspexsea (9:27:55 PM): Because they only watched that episode like, 15 times crying their eyes out
nokomis305 (9:28:00 PM): it's wearing like a pink collar or something, right?
perspexsea (9:28:13 PM): they actually spent a good 2 hours blubbering about it the first day they met
perspexsea (9:28:36 PM): Ahaha, it is, and a flannel shirt Bob puts on it for the shows
nokomis305 (9:28:45 PM): hahahhaa
nokomis305 (9:28:54 PM): (BOB AND MIKEY: MFEO)
perspexsea (9:29:03 PM): which, okay, Gerard found that kind of weird, but. That bear could have EATEN SOMEONE. AND STOLE HIS SHIRT. AND FIGURED OUT HOW TO PUT IT ON.
nokomis305 (9:29:11 PM): hahahhahaha
perspexsea (9:29:27 PM): He doesn't get much time to feel stupid about it, though
perspexsea (9:29:47 PM): Because he turns around and Frank is looking at him with huge eyes, mouth hanging open
nokomis305 (9:30:03 PM): Gerard tried to save him from a BEAR
perspexsea (9:30:10 PM): He's all, You hopped in front of me! You were willing to sacrifice yourself for me!
perspexsea (9:30:30 PM): That is the hottest thing I've ever seen. Fuck, you're the hottest thing I've ever seen in my life!
perspexsea (9:30:46 PM): But Gerard's just like BUT. WHAT ABOUT BOB. AND YOUR UNDERWEAR?
nokomis305 (9:31:10 PM): (my new favorite question EVER)
perspexsea (9:31:46 PM): Frank's just like. I hated that underwear. I just wanted to get rid of it, dude. You can have them. And my number. And me. I would like it if you took me right now, actually
perspexsea (9:32:39 PM): And Mikey shows up in time to see them start making out, and see Bob bugging out because seriously, what the fuck is going on? What does he have to do with that tiny dude's underwear?
perspexsea (9:32:59 PM): And Mikey just shakes his head, take's Bob's arm, and walks off.
nokomis305 (9:33:07 PM): <3__<3
perspexsea (9:33:12 PM): And they all have sex, end scene


Idek, you guys. WHAT.