I honestly think that i need mental help.I cant figure out what the hell happened to me.While i know where it began,i dont know how it got to this point so quickly or more importantly,how to stop this shit before i go too far or end up doing something that is going to completely ruin my life.In December of 2006,my beautiful baby lailah was shot in the face by my son Timothy who was 3 at the time,lailah was two.The gun belonged to a boyfriend of mine and he made a careless decision, left the gun unattended and my son picked it up and it fired in the direction of my daughter hiting her in the face.She was immediately taken to the hospital and was later released.She was going to be ok.However,there was a woman waiting for me in the waiting room.Im sure you know where this is going.I was told that my children were going to be taken into protective custody until i could prove that my home was safe enough to have children in it.After months of fighting i was finally awarded custody of my babies again.Only to find out that i would be fighting once more for custody with their father.Ultimately,he won the custody case and my rights as a mother were terminated.There are alot of things that i did wrong in my life but more regretfully the lives of my children(all 5 of them)So, how do you ever get over spending 7 years as a single mother,fighting to be a great mom,realizing that you need help,making the wrong choice of man because you are desperate for a someone to help with the struggle,losing everything ,getting it back,and untimately,losing it all again for good.Now thats just a short summary of the things that led up to this point in my life.I am now suffering from panic attacks,alchoholism,drug addiction,on top of that i have been diagnosed with post traumatic stress dissorder, and bipolar disorder.I am at my ropes end and dont know what else to do.i see my life ending very soon if i cant get this shit back on track.last 2 days ago,i found myself drunk at the airport with a ticket paid for by a man i met on the internet that very day.i had nothing with me no money no clothes,i was just gonna hop on the plane and fly away to live happily ever after,only they wouldnt let me on the plane due to the very strong smell of alchohol on my breath.Thank God!What is it gonna take for me to make this shit make sense to me.Am i losing my mind?