”If human cloning ever becomes a reality, I’d like to pre-order one of you in gay.” No joke, kids; did you see Jason Beghe as the alcoholic literatureprofessor on Californication? I thought I was gonna pass out. Slightly dented, well-worn daddy-type with an advanced liberal arts degree? Yes, please. As many as you have, in fact. (And yes, I know there are plenty of perfectly good gay...
So maybe I’ve gone a little overboard in the last few weeks. Being feels a little weird lately and I’m just getting music to vanish into. Some notes: Yes, I want to have sex with Willie Colón. In every decade from the sixties forward. I thought you knew… They rockin’ stilettos, ho! I think I want to go salsa dancing with Ntozake ...
People may well hate me today for being this cynical… So here’s my problem with the core issue at the center of The Box (I presume; I’ll be damned if I lay out $10 for a Cameron Diaz film). $1,000,000 for pressing a button, whereupon someone Cameron’s character doesn’t know will die. I understand that this is supposed to be a moral dilemma, but I’m just not seeing it, and I’ll tell you ...
And now is the time where I embarrass my parents even more than I do from just being alive… From that: To this: My parents are nothing if not creatures of habit. Forty years later, and my father is still sitting with the baby to his left. Aside from the darker skin tone (and you can see where mine falls even at a month old), my father looks like I did at seventeen. Well, what I ...
Listening to all of the Prince albums (and yes, I am the completist, so I’m already three back) in reverse order over the weekend. Is it sad that I’ve developed a habit over the past few years of listening to Prince without paying attention to while willfully ignoring the lyrics? Y’all, Prince’s lyrics are getting to be every bit as bad as Beyoncé’s. I dunno, judging from this album, ...
I had to do it. Weeks of that sacrilegious Lincoln MKT commercial drove me to it. Marketing executives keep ruining all my tortured angst-ridden painful mildly annoying childhood adolescent childlike childish young adult memories. I couldn’t bear one iota more of nostalgic disillusionment delusion in my rapidly approaching (to say nothing of surprisinglyregressive) dotage...
OMG They’re still selling this crap? To WHO? I think I must have been 21 or 22. I thought Zima was cool for about three days — one day less than believing the same thing about wine coolers. Three days. Then I had to upgrade to Stolichnaya. Zima is too lame for even me to drink, and I am King Lame-O.
I think I just realized something. I may be black. Whatever will I tell my parents? I think my father has had his suspicions over the years, but I’m not sure my mother will handle it well. In any case… Connect this sistah with this one . If you didn’t know, now you know. And yes, I have seen the latest Wanda Sykes special seven times in the last eight days. That doesn’t mean...
I haven’t really considered myself much of a goal-oriented person, ever. This month, however, I think I have been shown my true mission: to destroy Tyler Perry. I have always found his work mildlyannoying — if not outright offensive — but I always thought to myself that at some point someone like a Spike Lee or a Mario Van Peebles would take the air out of this tired huckster of a ...
