(Read Part 1.)

Cut to Hero and Foxxy's room. Both are undressed and in bed. Foxxy holds a remote control while Hero holds a packet of nuts in his hand.

Hero: (spitting violently) Ecch! These peanuts taste like crap!

Foxxy: I always did say those minibar snacks was overrated!

Hero: (puts the packet on the table next to him in disgust) Forget it! I'm not paying for those! I'll just have Wooldoor make me a cheap knockoff later to replace them! (He turns to Foxxy.) So what's on TV, Foxxy?

Foxxy: TV? Oh, I ain't watching TV!

Hero: You're not? Then why are you holding the remote?

Foxxy: This ain't for the TV! This is what controls the magic fingers on the bed!

Hero: I didn't realize this bed had magic fingers!

Foxxy: Hero, I've had the magic fingers going for the last half hour! Didn't you notice the bed vibratin'?

Hero: I just thought we were having a continuous series of tiny earthquakes!

Foxxy: Hero, I was trying to get you in the mood!

Hero: The mood for what?

Foxxy: God, I sure hope our kids get MY intelligence! I meant the mood... (Foxxy turns around and snuggles up in front of Hero and begins speaking seductively) ...to make love!

Hero: (realizing) Ohhhhhh! (His voice becomes seductive as well.) Well, Foxxy, you should know what YOU would need to do in order to get me in the mood!

Foxxy: (rubbing her fingers over Hero's chest) Breathe?

Hero: Sometimes not even that!

Hero grabs Foxxy and begins kissing her passionately. Still kissing, the two recline and fall back on the bed.

Foxxy: Oh, Hero!

Hero: Oh, Foxxy! (Just then, Hero's cell phone rings. Hero immediately answers it.) Yello!

Foxxy: Goddammit, Hero, I thought we agreed we was gonna turn our phones off this weekend!

Wooldoor: (in his drawer, talking on the phone) Hey, Captain Hero!

Hero: Hi, Wooldoor! What's up?

Wooldoor: Are you making sex with Foxxy yet?

Hero: I'm about to! In fact, I was in the middle of having sex with her when you called!

Wooldoor: Wow! Are you in her right now?

Hero: Not at the moment! So what are you guys up to?

Wooldoor: Guess what? After you and Foxxy decided to go skiing, the rest of us decided that was a fun idea, so we've all gone skiing too! We're at the ski lodge right now!

Hero: Well, isn't that a coincidence! We're both at the ski lodge at this very moment! Only not the same one!

Wooldoor: That's right! We are definitely staying at two completely separate ski lodges and thus there is no chance we'll be running into each other this weekend at all! Crazy, huh?

Hero: That's right, Wooldoor! Totally crazy!

Wooldoor: Well, I'd better go. Clara and Ling-Ling are looking at me funny. I think they want me to go to bed so they can have sex now!

Hero: Okay, then, Wooldoor. Well, it's nice to hear from you! I'll talk to you later!

Hero hangs up the phone and turns to Foxxy with a look of confusion.

Foxxy: So that was Wooldoor, huh?

Hero: Yeah. Apparently the rest of the housemates decided to go skiing too.

Foxxy: Well, that's nice. So what are you looking all confused about?

Hero: I think Clara and Ling-Ling are having a threesome with Wooldoor!

Foxxy: (thinking) Clara and Ling-Ling and Wooldoor... oh, I've got it! Clingdoor!

Hero: I'm bored with that joke now.

Foxxy: Yeah, me too. You wanna get back to having sex?

Hero: You bet! (Hero gets off the bed and picks up the ice bucket.) But first I think I'll get more ice!

Grabbing the bucket, Hero starts to walk out the door. However, Foxxy stops him.

Foxxy: Oh, Captain Hero?

Hero: Yes, Foxxy?

Foxxy: Before you go out to the ice machine... don't you think you need to... do something?

Hero: Like what?

The camera shows Hero in full view. He is completely naked.

Foxxy: I don't know... like put on underwear or something?

Hero: Foxxy! I can't go out to the ice machine in my underwear! It would be indecent!

As Foxxy wrinkles her brow, Hero turns and walks out of the room. The scene cuts to Clara and Wooldoor walking down the hallway.

Wooldoor: Come on, Clara! You have to get rid of them for me!

Clara: Wooldoor, I feel relatively certain that there aren't any monsters in the ice machine!

Wooldoor: (menacingly) That's just what they WANT you to think!

Clara: Fine, then. We'll go to the ice machine and I'll prove to you that there aren't any monsters!

Wooldoor: (hugging Clara's gown) Thank you, Clara!

The scene quickly cuts to Hero at the ice machine filling up his bucket and whistling, then cuts back to Clara and Wooldoor.

Wooldoor: Are you sure the ice machine is this way, Clara?

Clara: I'm positive, Wooldoor.

Hero finishes filling his ice bucket. He picks it up and walks back down the hallway. The scene cuts back to Clara and Wooldoor walking to the ice machine. We see Hero at the other end of the hallway walking toward the pair carrying his ice bucket and whistling to himself. Clara suddenly stops walking, prompting Wooldoor to stop also.

Wooldoor: What is it, Clara?

Clara: You've got a little something on your shirt. Here, let me clean it off you. (As Clara takes a tissue and cleans the stain on Wooldoor's shirt, Hero passes them, completely oblivious to their presence.)

Wooldoor: Did you get it?

Clara: Yes, I think I got it.

Wooldoor: Wheeeeeeeee! Then let's go to the ice machine!

The two arrive at the ice machine. As Clara starts to examine the machine, Wooldoor takes off down the alcove on the other side.

Clara: Wait! Wooldoor, where are you going?

Wooldoor: I don't want the monsters to catch me!

Clara: Wooldoor, there aren't any monsters, I'm telling you!

Sighing in frustration, Clara turns back to the ice machine and begins looking it over again. Suddenly out of nowhere, someone appears behind her.

Hero: (grabbing a key off the counter next to the ice machine) Whoops! Nearly forgot my room key! Wouldn't do well to forget that, now would it?

Suddenly Hero and Clara become aware of each other. Both recoil with a start.

Hero: Oh, my God!

Clara: Oh, my God!

Hero: What are YOU doing here?

Clara: Well, what are YOU doing here? (She gasps.) And why in God's name are you naked?

Hero: I could quite easily ask you the same question! It wouldn't be appropriate to the situation given that you're not naked at all, but I could still do it!

Clara: So which one of you am I supposed to be talking to right now?

Hero: Which one of who?

Clara: Big Hero or Little Hero?

Hero: What's the difference?

Clara: Maybe I should talk to Little Hero since he's the one who does most of your thinking for you anyway!

Hero: Sounds good! So anyway, Clara... what the hell's the big idea anyway?

Clara: What are you talking about?

Hero: The whole point of this weekend was for Foxxy and me to get a little privacy, and you just had to go and follow us here, didn't you?

Clara: Hero, we didn't follow you! We thought you were going to Vermont! That's why we came HERE!

Hero: Oh. I see.

Clara: So why aren't you in Vermont?

Hero: We decided Vermont was farther away than we wanted to go, so we decided to come here instead. We would have said something, but obviously we had no idea you guys would want to come skiing too and show up at the very same ski lodge!

Clara: I suppose not. (She calms down.) Look, Hero. I'll cut you a break. You and Foxxy wanted privacy this weekend, right? (Hero nods.) None of the others know you're here yet, so... I just won't tell them. And... I guess we can just try to stay out of each other's way. Okay?

Hero: Thanks, Clara. That really means a lot to me.

Clara: (lightly punching Hero on the shoulder) Hey. What are friends for?

Hero: So you promise you won't tell any of the others that Foxxy and I are here?

Clara: I promise.

Just at that moment, Wooldoor comes rushing back onto the scene.

Wooldoor: Hey, Clara, guess what? I decided it's time to face my fears and stand up to the evil ice machine monster and- (he sees Hero) OH MY GOD! Captain Hero!

Hero: Hi, Wooldoor.

Wooldoor: (looks down at Hero's nether regions) And you brought Little Hero too!

Hero: That I did!

Wooldoor: (looking up) Oh my God! I can't wait to tell the others you're here! Just think! We can go sledding, and build a snowman, and pee our names in the snow, and bury Xandir in an ice drift, and make snow angels...

Clara: Actually, Wooldoor, we can't let anyone else know Hero and Foxxy are here.

Wooldoor: (surprised) Foxxy's here too???

Clara: Yes, Wooldoor. They came here for some privacy.

Wooldoor: Wait. I thought you were going to Vermont for that!

Hero: It's a long story.

Clara: Anyway, the upshot of it all is that I promised Captain Hero not to let the others find out that he and Foxxy are here.

Wooldoor: (turning to Hero and saluting) You can count on me, Mr. Hero, sir! I won't let anyone know you're here!

Hero: Thank you, Wooldoor!

Just then, the group hears voices coming down the hall.

Marty: I just don't get why you need ice all of a sudden!

Toot: Well, the loving was really, really hot!

Marty and Toot approach the area where Clara, Wooldoor, and Hero are standing.

Wooldoor: (panicking) Waaaaaaggghhh! (turning to Hero) We can't let Toot and Marty see you here!

With one swift motion, Wooldoor grabs Captain Hero and quickly shoves him up his ass.

Hero: (from inside Wooldoor's ass) Hey, what the- oh, wow, it's really nice in here! I love what you've done with the place!

Toot and Marty walk up to the group.

Toot: (to Marty) I just figured that if we could get the lemon wedges down my boobs FASTER, we could- (sees Clara and Wooldoor) Clara? Wooldoor? I didn't know you guys were still up!

Clara: Wooldoor thought he heard a monster in the ice machine!

Marty: Wooldoor, you know the sound you hear is just the machine that crushes the ice, right?

Wooldoor: (becomes terrified) You mean it's a MECHANICAL beast? Those are even scarier! (He immediately regroups.) Oh, except giant robots. Giant robots are cool!

Toot: Well, good luck catching the monster. Marty and I are going to go get some ice. (Shaking their heads, Toot and Marty walk on down the hallway toward the ice machine. Wooldoor calls after them.)

Wooldoor: I think you misunderstand! We don't want to CATCH the monster! It could totally eat us!

Clara: That's enough, Wooldoor. I think it's time we go back to bed.

Wooldoor: Good idea.

Clara starts to lead Wooldoor back to their room. At that moment, we hear a knocking sound.

Hero: (still inside Wooldoor's ass) Hey, guys, could you let me out of here now?

Wooldoor: (suddenly remembering) Oh! Right! (Wooldoor reaches into his ass and pulls out Captain Hero. He sets Hero down on the floor.) Sorry about that!

Hero: Think nothing of it!

Clara and Wooldoor walk back to their room. Hero starts to walk back to Foxxy's room. However, he sees Toot and Marty coming down the hallway toward him and begins to panic.

Hero: Oh, my God! No place to hide! Whatever will I do?

Hero turns to face the wall, then bends over and tucks his head between his legs. Toot and Marty approach the spot where Hero is standing.

Toot: Oh, would you look at that, Marty? Someone left a perfectly good ass right in the middle of the hallway!

Marty: (to Hero) Hey, buddy, I don't want to tell you how to live your life, but there's a very sex-thirsty gay man on the premises, and if he sees you standing like that, he's going to come stick his umbrella in your canister!

Hero: (voice muffled) Okay! Thanks for the warning!

Marty: Don't mention it!

Marty and Toot walk off. As soon as they are gone, Hero straightens up and scampers back to his room. As soon as Hero is gone, Xandir immediately appears in the hallway looking around eagerly.

Xandir: Well, where is it? Darn, I could have sworn I heard someone say there was an ass in the middle of the hallway!

He looks around for another moment, but finding nothing, he sighs and shrugs. The scene fades.

Spanky (in confessional): I ended up spending the entire night in the lobby and never did see a cougar. In fact, I'm not totally positive that we weren't the only ones in the ski lodge this weekend! Actually, I take that back. I know there's at least one other person here besides us. When I checked us in, I saw that the register was signed "Captain Love". I guess there's a porn star convention in town or something, I don't know. Actually, maybe I should try to talk to this Captain Love person... I'm sure HE could hook me up with some cougars! (He thinks for a minute.) Nahhhh. Not sure if I want THOSE sloppy seconds!

Cut to Hero and Foxxy on top of the ski slopes. They are bundled up as if they are about to ski.

Hero: And when I went back to get our room key, she was standing right there!

Foxxy: So Clara knows we're here, huh?

Hero: And Wooldoor too. But it's okay, they promised to stay out of our way and not let anyone else know we're here!

Foxxy: That's good. Let's just hope we don't cross paths with them!

Hero: It's a big mountain! What are the odds that we could ever accidentally run into them?

At that moment, they see the others all getting off the ski lift. Foxxy turns to Hero with a stern look in her eyes.

Foxxy: Need I remind you that this is a sitcom we are living in? Wacky coincidences just tend to have a way of happening around here!

Hero: Quick! Let's get out of here! Come on, we'll ski down the mountain away from them! Won't a ski chase be such fun?

Foxxy: Oh, you bet it will! (They start to go, but Foxxy stops them.) Wait! I forgot, we STILL don't have any skis!

Hero: Well, then... we'll... SLED down the mountain!

Foxxy: But we don't have a sled either!

Hero: That's okay. We'll... (he gives her a seductive look) improvise!

Foxxy: Yeah?

Hero: Remember how our attempt to join the mile high club didn't go so well? I was thinking we could join the... "on the ground" club!

Foxxy: Hero, I like the way you think!

Hero: Is that outfit loose enough for me to get into it?

Foxxy: Would I wear any other kind?

They walk off. The others walk over to the spot where they were standing. They are all holding skis. Xandir is still walking around ass-out.

Xandir: I wish the hot guys would hurry up and find me! My ass is getting cold!

Spanky: You know, there ARE things you can warm yourself with besides some other guy's man meat!

Xandir: That's okay. Fortunately my ass is capable of withstanding a 200 degree range of temperatures! I found that out when I ventured into the volcano to capture the dreaded fire troll, and we ended up having a threesome with the ice prince-

Spanky: (cutting Xandir off) Hey, Xandir, I think I just saw a cougar!

Xandir: Cat type or woman type?

Spanky: Woman type.

Xandir: Aaaaaahhhhhh! (He freaks out and runs away. Spanky gives him a look of pity.)

Marty walks up to Clara and Ling-Ling, who are about to head on down the mountain.

Marty: Hey, you guys. Have either of you seen Toot?

Clara: Of course we have! She got off the ski lift with us!

Marty: I know! So why can't I find her?

Toot: I'm over here, Marty!

Marty: (looking all around frantically) Over where?

Toot: Right here, Marty! I'm waving to you!

Marty: I'm sorry, but I still can't see you!

Toot: Oh, wait. I know what the problem is! (She puts down her hood and immediately becomes visible.) Here I am!

Marty: (finally seeing her) Oh! There you are!

Toot: I guess maybe I shouldn't have worn a white coat, huh?

Cut to Spanky putting his skis on. Wooldoor rushes up to him.

Wooldoor: Hey, Spanky, hey Spanky! Guess what?

Spanky: You saw a cougar?

Wooldoor: No!

Spanky: Then I'm not interested.

Wooldoor: Spanky, I don't know how to ski! Will you show me?

Spanky: Show you how to ski? I don't know, Wooldoor. Skiing is a very complex skill that takes years of practice to master even after you get the very basics down. Sure, I could teach you how to ski, but I could never teach you well enough so that you'd be able to do it by the time we have to leave here this weekend. Quite frankly, Wooldoor, it wouldn't be worth the effort!

Wooldoor: You don't know how to ski either, do you?

Spanky: Not a lick. I was hoping one of you guys did.

Wooldoor: (turning to the side) Oh, Clara! Clara, could you come over here a minute?

Clara: (walking over along with Ling-Ling) What is it, Wooldoor?

Wooldoor: Clara, could you teach Spanky and me how to ski?

Clara: Why of course, Wooldoor! (She turns to the two of them.) First of all, you put your skis on. (She slides her feet into her skis and holds out her ski poles.) Then you slide down the mountain using these poles for balance!

Spanky: So how do you avoid hitting anything?

Clara: What do you take me for, an expert?

Wooldoor: (turning to Spanky) This is boring! Let's go play in the snow!

Spanky: Okay! (The two of them run off together. Toot and Marty walk over to Clara and Ling-Ling.)

Toot: Hey, I have an idea! Let's race down the mountain!

Clara: Oh, wow! I didn't realize you guys were experienced skiers!

Toot: We're not! It's just that they're having the annual Sonny Bono Memorial Run today, and everyone who makes it to the bottom without crashing into anything gets to marry Cher!

Clara: Oh, that sounds nice! Well, why don't you two go ahead and ski down without us? Ling-Ling and I will join you in a minute!

Toot: Wait a minute- I see what's going on here! You've planted a landmine on the slopes, haven't you? And you want me and Marty to go first so we'll hit it instead of you!

Clara: Darn you, Toot Braunstein! Somehow you've stumbled onto my secret plan to... do whatever it is that planting a landmine on the slopes will accomplish!

Toot: You can't fool us, Clara!

Clara: I know. I guess you're just too smart for me!

Marty: We'll wait on you guys to finish getting ready. Then we'll head down the slopes together.

Clara: Actually, Ling-Ling and I are just about... (she looks over at Ling-Ling, who nods at her) ...ready!

Both Clara and Ling-Ling are now in position. Toot and Marty immediately get into position along with them.

Toot: All right. On the count of three! One... two... three-

However, before anyone can shove off, Toot is smacked upside the head with a snowball.

Toot: All right! Which one of you assholes threw that snowball at me?

Clara: It wasn't me!

Ling-Ling: Not Ling-Ling!

Marty: Or me!

Spanky: (in distance) Woohoo! A direct hit!

Wooldoor: We got her, Sergeant Ham!

The foursome looks over to see that Wooldoor and Spanky are crouching behind a snow fort that they have built.

Spanky: Didn't I tell you this would be more fun than skiing?

Wooldoor: Sir, yes, sir!

Spanky: Private Sockbat... ready the torpedoes! (Wooldoor picks up a handful of snowballs.) And... FIRE!

Wooldoor and Spanky proceed to let loose with a relentless volley of snowballs. All four people get pelted with snowballs.

Clara: Eek! Oh, stop it, you guys! You'll mess up my hair!

Toot: Mine too!

Ling-Ling: How the hell they hit Ling-Ling so often? He too small a target!

Spanky: Keep firing, Wooldoor! We'll drive the red army back to France!

Wooldoor: Actually, Spanky, the French weren't communists.

Spanky: What are you, some kind of damn hippie tree hugger now?

Marty: I think it's time to retreat, you guys!

Clara: But how will we get away without getting pelted more?

Toot: I have an idea! Quick, hide behind me!

Turning her back to Spanky and Wooldoor, Toot opens her coat. Marty, Clara, and Ling-Ling all run in front of her as Toot envelops the threesome with her coat. She then turns up the hood on her coat and becomes invisible.

Wooldoor: Wait! Where'd they all go? They've all disappeared into thin air, Mr. Ham!

Spanky: Our enemy is trickier than we thought! (At that moment, a snowball smacks Spanky in the side of the face.) What the hell? Where did that come from?

At that moment, a barrage of snowballs begins to rain on Spanky and Wooldoor. The two manage to keep their ground and look out. We see that Toot, Marty, Clara, and Ling-Ling have built their own snow fort on the opposite side and are now counterattacking Spanky and Wooldoor.

Spanky: Those dogs! They've turned the tables on us!

Wooldoor: They've got us outnumbered four to two, sir! What are we going to do?

Spanky: We'd better round up some reinforcements!

Amidst the flurry of snowballs, Spanky hangs a sign over the front of the snow fort. The sign reads, "Hot naked guys here". Immediately Xandir appears behind the snow fort.

Xandir: Hey, guys! Where are the hot naked- (He is smacked upside the head with a snowball.) OW!

Spanky: Sorry about that, Xandir. It's just that we're having a snowball fight against the others and we needed some help!

Xandir: Oh, I don't want to have a snowball fight! It might mess up my ass!

Spanky: Too late, Private Xandir. You've been drafted!

Xandir: Oh, well.

Wooldoor: (shaking Xandir's hand) Welcome to the army, son.

Xandir: Thanks.

Wooldoor: Now then, private! Get to scrubbing out those latrines and peeling those potatoes!

Xandir: Yes, sir! (He turns around next to a huge pile of potatoes. He gets out a knife and begins peeling them.)

Spanky: I think we've made up some ground, Wooldoor. But they still outnumber us by one! (By this point, we can see Xandir in the background scrubbing a toilet that has just appeared.) If we just had one more soldier, I think we could take them!

Wooldoor: I know where we can get another soldier, sir! (As Spanky gives Wooldoor a questioning look, Wooldoor proceeds to split himself in half.)

Aloof Wooldoor: I'm the army now. Whee.

Aloof Wooldoor nonchalantly begins grabbing snowballs and hurling them at the other group. The scene changes to the group behind the other fort.

Toot: Oh my God, they've brought in reinforcements! How will we ever defeat them now?

Clara: I think we need to ready... the cannon!

Toot and Marty: (fearfully) Not... the cannon!

Clara: (nodding, along with Ling-Ling) Yes! The cannon!

Toot pounds her fist in her hand and gives Clara a steely look.

Toot: Let's do it!

As Ling-Ling quickly assembles a snow cannon, the scene cuts back to the other group.

Wooldoor: Sir! It looks like they're bringing in the heavy artillery, sir!

Xandir: (turning around wearing rubber gloves on his hands and holding a sponge) Hot guys?

Spanky: No, a cannon!

Xandir: Awwwww! (He turns away, disappointed.)

Spanky: Wooldoor, I think there's only way left to defend ourselves at this point. We'll have to call out... the shield!

Wooldoor and Aloof Wooldoor: (Wooldoor is fearful, but Aloof Wooldoor is nonchalant.) Not... the shield!

Spanky: Yes... the shield!

Wooldoor grabs Xandir away from scrubbing out the now-present bathtub and holds him in front of the snow fort.

Wooldoor: (calling out) All right! Do your worst!

Toot, Marty, Clara, and Ling-Ling begin to shoot a series of massive snowballs out of their cannon, but all the snow cannonballs collide squarely with Xandir's ass.

Xandir: Aaaaaahhhhhh!

Spanky: Now, then! While Xandir's ass is absorbing all the damage, we'll swoop in with our guerrilla attack!

As the snow cannonballs continue to hit Xandir, and Xandir continues to scream, Spanky and Wooldoor position themselves surreptitiously on the sides of the fort and begin hurling snowballs around Xandir back in the direction of the other fort.

Wooldoor: We're winning, Spanky! We're winning! (Spanky continues throwing snowballs while Wooldoor pauses.) The other me left, by the way. (Spanky nods in acknowledgement. The scene cuts to behind the other fort.)

Toot: Oh, my God! They've completely thwarted our attack!

Marty: I guess NOTHING escapes Xandir's ass!

Clara: For us to win this war now would take nothing short of a miracle!

At that moment, the scene cuts to Hero and Foxxy sliding rapidly down the mountain, their bodies completely enmeshed with one another.

Foxxy: Woohoo! On the ground club, y'all!

Hero: We went all the way down the mountain then went back to the top so we could do it again!

As Hero and Foxxy continue to speed along the ground, we see that they are heading directly toward Spanky and Wooldoor's fort.

Spanky: Oh, my God! What the hell kind of missile is that?

Wooldoor: It's heading straight for us! RUN!

Xandir gets off the side of the fort and runs away in terror. Spanky and Wooldoor try to run also, but only make it a few feet before Hero and Foxxy crash into the fort, completely destroying it.

Hero: (on the ground, dazed) Ow. Maybe the on the ground club isn't that safe either!

Toot: Woohoo! We won!

Clara: (looking up at the sky) Thank you, Jesus! I knew you were listening!

Toot: (looking at Clara in disbelief) You actually PRAYED over this?

Spanky walks around for a moment, frustrated over losing the battle. However, upon surveying the wreckage, he starts to notice something amiss.

Spanky: Wait a minute. That thing that crashed into our fort... it looks like... people!

Wooldoor: Yeah, it- (Suddenly he sees that the people on the ground are Hero and Foxxy. His eyes grow wide. He quickly runs over to Hero and Foxxy and throws himself on top of them.)

Spanky: Wooldoor, you just sat on the people who wrecked our fort!

Wooldoor: I guess I did!

Spanky: Well, get up, I want to see who they are!

Wooldoor: Um... um... (Thinking quickly, he reaches behind himself and shoves Hero and Foxxy both up his ass. He then gets up and gestures toward the now-empty space.) Oh, would you look at that? I guess there wasn't anybody there after all!

Spanky: I guess you're right. (He shakes his head and begins to walk off, muttering to himself.) Man! What the hell WAS that thing, anyway?

As Wooldoor stands alone on the scene, we hear Hero and Foxxy's voices.

Foxxy: (inside Wooldoor's ass) Hey, Hero, you were right! It IS nice in here!

Hero: (inside Wooldoor's ass) I think the potpourri is a nice touch!

Wooldoor turns and walks away. The scene fades. The camera then fades back up on the door to Hero and Foxxy's room later that night. Wooldoor walks up to the door. He reaches into his ass and pulls out a key and unlocks the door. He walks into the room out of the camera's view. After a moment, he walks back out. Hero pokes his head out the door.

Hero: Thanks again for hiding us, Wooldoor!

Wooldoor: You're welcome. (He becomes stern.) But be more careful next time, okay?

Hero: We will, we promise!

As Hero goes back into the room and closes the door, Wooldoor turns and walks away. The scene fades again. The camera then fades back up on Clara and Ling-Ling in their bedroom. Clara is in her nightgown again, obviously getting ready for bed. Wooldoor walks in.

Wooldoor: Boy, am I beat! I feel like I could sleep for days! (He quickly puts his pajamas on.) Goodnight, guys! (He begins to climb into the dresser drawer, but Clara stops him.)

Clara: (pulling Wooldoor out of the drawer) Oh, no, you don't, Mister! Not tonight! You slept here last night! Tonight it's Toot's turn to board you!

Wooldoor: Awwwww! But I'd rather sleep here with you!

Clara: What's the problem, Wooldoor? Why don't you want to sleep with Toot?

Wooldoor: It's just that you're always so nice to me, Clara, and Toot... well... I'm sure Toot will just get mad and try to make me sleep in the bathtub! (He looks at Clara pleadingly.) I hate the bathtub, Clara!

Clara: I know you do, Wooldoor. I'll tell you what. Go talk to Toot, and if she's not okay with you sleeping in the room with her, you can come back here. But you have to ask her first!

Wooldoor: Well... okay!

Wooldoor turns and walks out. Clara begins pulling Wooldoor's bedding out of the drawer. However, as she does so, she encounters something she hadn't counted on. A look of extreme confusion crosses her face.

Clara: What is this? (She reaches into the drawer and pulls out two huge handfuls of small packets of nuts.) Where the hell did all these nuts come from? (She puts down all the nuts she has in her hand, then reaches into the drawer and begins to pull out many more packets.)

Cut to Toot and Marty's room. Toot sits on the bed in her nightclothes holding a remote control while Marty stands in the bathroom brushing his teeth. Toot keeps turning the television on and off.

Toot: Goddammit!

Marty: (walking into the bedroom) What's wrong?

Toot: I'm trying to get the magic fingers to work and all I seem to be able to do is make the damn TV come on!

At that moment, there is a knock at the door.

Marty: Who is it?

Wooldoor: (outside door) It's me, Wooldoor!

Toot gets up and walks over to the door and opens it up.

Toot: What is it, Wooldoor?

Wooldoor: Can I sleep in your dresser drawer tonight? Clara said it was your turn.

Toot: Oh, I don't know, Wooldoor... Marty and I were kind of hoping to have sex tonight!

Wooldoor: (disappointed) Oh. Okay.

Toot: Let me check. (She turns to Marty.) Hey, Marty- were we planning to have sex tonight?

Marty: I figured we were.

Toot: Well, Wooldoor wants to sleep in our dresser drawer!

Marty: But... won't that preclude us having sex?

Toot: I don't know. Let me think. Now if we're having sex in our bed... and Wooldoor is in the drawer watching us... (She begins getting excited.) There's a good chance we might get caught!

Marty: Oh, yeah, you're right! Oh, it's so dangerous!

Toot: And Wooldoor's a big tattletale too! He's sure to tell everybody!

Marty: (turning to Wooldoor) Wooldoor... get in our dresser!

Wooldoor: Wheeeeeeeeeeee!

As Wooldoor happily jumps into the dresser and begins to make his bed, Toot and Marty fall back on the regular bed and begin making out. The scene fades.

Hero (in confessional): It was the final day of our ski trip, and so far, Foxxy and I had managed to avoid the others and have a nice weekend to ourselves! But how long would our luck hold out?

Hero and Foxxy stand at the top of the ski slopes once again.

Foxxy: (adjusting her gloves) So you're sure they won't catch us today?

Hero: I made sure they won't be anywhere near us all morning! While they weren't looking, I slipped them all a coupon for half off the Sunday morning breakfast buffet! There's no way those cheapstakes would turn down a bargain like that!

Foxxy and Hero look over in the direction of the ski lift. Sure enough, at that exact moment, the rest of the housemates can be seen getting off the lift. Foxxy turns to Hero angrily.

Foxxy: You mean the breakfast buffet that WE just got through eating at?

Hero: Oh. I guess I forgot that *I* can't turn down a bargain either!

Foxxy: Come on, Hero. Let's get out of here before they see us!

As the others get off the ski lift and begin getting ready to head down the slopes, Foxxy and Hero run off.

Hero: Oh, no, Foxxy! Where will we hide?

Suddenly, Foxxy sees something.

Foxxy: Oh, would you look at that! A hole in the ground!

Hero: They'll never find us down there!

Quickly, Hero and Foxxy climb into the hole and drop down. Right after they do so, the rest of the group whizzes by their spot on skis. The scene cuts to Hero and Foxxy inside the hole. We see that they are in a cave of some sort.

Foxxy: Oh, would you look how nice and quiet this place is? We'll be able to get all kinds of privacy down here!

Hero: I just hope we'll be able to climb back out of the hole when we're ready to leave!

Foxxy: Can't you just use your superpowers for that?

Hero: I suppose I *could*... Oh, I know what we'll do! (He flies up to the top of the hole and takes off his cape. He ties the cape very tightly around a signpost sitting next to the hole, then drops back down in the hole.) There! We can climb back out using my cape as a rope!

Foxxy: Sounds good! Now, then... I just hope this place is safe!

Hero: Of course it's safe!

As Hero and Foxxy begin to kiss, the camera pulls out of the cave to reveal the top of the hole. We see that the sign next to the hole says, "DANGER- COUGAR HABITAT. DO NOT DISTURB!". The scene then cuts to Wooldoor skiing happily down the mountain.

Wooldoor: Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

We see Wooldoor whiz past all kinds of trees and posts like they are standing still. With a look of determination in his eyes, he presses forward. We see the finish line come into view at the bottom of the mountain. Gritting his teeth, Wooldoor continues speeding down the mountain. Just as he is about to cross the finish line, however, his foot hits a rock, causing him to trip and fall. He rolls down the mountain, colliding with the pole holding up the finish line ribbon. Wooldoor finally rolls to a stop.

Wooldoor: Awwwwww! Now I don't get to marry Cher!

Wooldoor rolls around for a moment trying to get up. Right as he finally makes it to his feet, Toot, Marty, Clara, Ling-Ling, and Spanky walk up to him.

Marty: Hey, Wooldoor. Didn't quite make it down the mountain, I see.

Wooldoor: (disappointed) So how'd you guys do? Did you get to marry Cher?

Toot: Cher had to take an emergency flight back to Beverly Hills to have her face put back on. But she said she'd marry us next time!

Clara: She said she'd marry Ling-Ling first because he reminded her the most of Sonny!

Spanky: Yeah... and in the meantime, I still haven't bagged my cougar yet!

Wooldoor: Don't worry, Spanky! We still have a few more hours before we have to leave! You'll find a cougar!

Spanky: I hope so!

At that moment, Xandir walks up to the group. He is blushing and giggling.

Xandir: Hey, guys!

Spanky: Let me guess. You finally scored with a hot guy.

Xandir: (blushing) How'd you know?

Spanky: Just a hunch.

Toot: So who'd you make it with, Xandir?

Xandir: Oh, this really tall, dark-looking guy with a husky voice!

Wooldoor: What was his name?

Xandir: Oh, I don't remember what his name was. He wasn't the best looking guy I've ever seen- kind of had a face like Frankenstein- but I guess beggars can't be choosers, can they? Funniest thing- while we were doing it, he kept saying something about wanting to turn back time! (The others all look at each other.) And then he stood over me like he was- oh, I don't know- straddling me like a ship's cannon or something!

Marty: Xandir... are you sure this was a guy?

Xandir: Of course it was a guy! I mean, he may have had a really small penis- so small I couldn't even find it, in fact- but trust me... I know masculinity when I see it!

Toot: Of course you do, Xandir.

Clara: So, Xandir- what's that around your waist?

We see that Xandir has a yellow piece of fabric around his waist.

Xandir: Oh, that. Well, after I finally scored, I decided that it was okay to finally go ahead and cover up my ass, so I grabbed this piece of yellow cloth I found on the ground and I bundled myself up in it! (He pauses for a moment.) Okay, I'm burning up now. Time to take it off again!

Xandir pulls the yellow cloth off his waist and begins to fling it aside. However, Clara grabs it away from him.

Clara: Wait! That looks familiar! (Clara unfurls the cloth so it can be seen in full view.)

Wooldoor: Oh, my God! That's Captain Hero's cape!

Clara: Xandir, where did you find this?

Xandir: I found it up on the mountain next to a hole in the ground!

Clara: A hole in the ground?

Wooldoor: Oh, no!

Clara: (turning to the others) Come on, guys! We need to get back up that mountain STAT!

Cut to the hole. Clara skis up to the hole, followed by Wooldoor, Ling-Ling, Toot, Marty, Spanky, and finally Xandir.

Toot: (pointing to the hole) Is that your ass, Xandir?

Xandir: No, Toot! That's a hole in the ground!

Toot: (turning to Marty) Damn! I guess he DOES know after all!

Clara: Is this where you found the cape, Xandir?

Xandir: That's the place!

Clara: (leaning over the hole) Hello? Hello? Is anybody down there? (She turns around to the others frantically.) Something's wrong, guys! I can't hear anybody!

The scene quickly cuts to Hero and Foxxy in the cave having sex, completely oblivious to what is going on around them. The scene then cuts back to the others outside the hole.

Clara: Come on, guys! We have to get them out of there!

Marty: Get who out of there?

Clara: Hero and Foxxy! I think they're trapped!

Toot: Don't be ridiculous, Clara! Hero and Foxxy aren't even here! They're in Vermont right now!

Clara: No, they're not, Toot! They're here! They changed their plans and came skiing HERE instead!

Wooldoor: (turning to Clara angrily) Way to blow their cover, Clara!

Xandir: Oh my God! So that must have been Captain Hero's cape I found!

Everyone looks at Xandir.

Clara: Xandir, we don't have time to do the donkey gag right now! Right now we have to rescue Foxxy and Hero!

Xandir: But what do we do?

Clara, Toot, Marty, and Ling-Ling all look at each other.

Clara: Are you guys thinking what I'm thinking? (Everyone nods.)

Toot, Marty, and Clara: CANNON!

The scene quickly cuts to the group dragging a makeshift snow cannon around to the side of the mountain.

Wooldoor: All right, using my skills as a scientist, I've determined that the opening to the cave must be right around here somewhere!

Clara: And if we blast the side of the mountain with snow cannonballs, it should cause a minor avalanche and open up the cave entrance! Then we can just walk in and pull Hero and Foxxy to safety!

Spanky: Ready, Toot?

Toot: (manning the cannon) Ready!

Spanky: FIRE!!!

Toot aims the cannon at the side of the mountain and lights it. Everyone covers their ears. The cannon blasts a large snowball into the side of the mountain. There is some minor rock movement. Toot reloads the cannon and fires it again. There is heavier movement this time.

Clara: Keep firing, Toot! I think it's working!

Cut to inside the cave, where Hero and Foxxy are still having sex. They can feel the ground really beginning to rumble outside.

Foxxy: Oh, wow!

Hero: Didn't I tell you I could make the earth move for you?

Cut back to the others outside the cave. As soon as each snow cannonball hits its target, the group immediately reloads and fires again. Finally, the ground begins to shake.

Marty: Uh oh! Looks like the avalanche is starting, guys!

Spanky: Everybody! Duck and cover!

Everyone gets down close to the ground and covers their heads. A huge snowdrift covers everyone in the group. After a moment, the ground finally stops rumbling. One by one, all the housemates poke their heads out of the snow.

Marty: Did we make it? Are we all alive?

Toot: (checking herself) Looks like it!

Wooldoor: And look! (He points to the newly opened cave.) We opened up the cave entrance, too!

Xandir: Woohoo! We're heroes!

Clara: Come on, guys! Let's go rescue Hero and Foxxy!

Clara marches boldly into the cave with the others following behind her.

Toot: Do you have any idea where they are, Clara?

Clara: If my sense of geography is on target, the area that the hole was over should be right around... here! (She walks around a bend in the cave. Immediately her face goes white.) Oh, my God!

Marty: What is it, Clara? Are they okay?

At that point, everyone else in the group sees what Clara sees. Looks of astonishment cross everyone's faces. The camera view finally changes to reveal Foxxy and Hero in the middle of having sex. Foxxy, on top, looks up.

Foxxy: (angrily) Goddammit!

Hero: What?

Foxxy: Look!

Hero raises his head and turns around to see everyone standing there. Disappointed, he turns to Clara.

Hero: Awwww... you told them!

Clara, thoroughly confused, just stands and stares, not knowing what to say. Foxxy sighs and turns back to Hero. The rest of the group all turn and look at each other. The scene fades.

The camera fades back up on the entrance to the cave. Xandir, Spanky, Marty, Toot, Ling-Ling, and Wooldoor all stand around just looking at each other. Finally, Clara comes out.

Wooldoor: So are Hero and Foxxy still mad at us?

Clara: No. I explained to him that I tried my best to keep their presence here a secret, and think I finally managed to convince him that I only tattled because I thought their lives were in danger.

Wooldoor: Well, that's a relief!

Clara: Anyway, you guys, I know it's still a couple more hours before we were planning to leave, but... I think under the circumstances it might be better to go ahead and get back out on the road.

Toot: Yeah. We'll let Hero and Foxxy have some real privacy for a change.

Clara: Come on, guys. Let's go back to the hotel and get packed!

Clara walks off, followed, by Ling-Ling, Toot, and Marty. Spanky, Wooldoor, and Xandir stand at the cave entrance for a minute.

Xandir: Well, at least I finally got to score with a hot guy before we left!

Spanky: Sure, Xandir. Just keep telling yourself that.

Xandir: What's that supposed to mean?

Spanky: Oh, nothing. (At that moment, Spanky spies something behind Xandir and begins staring.)

Xandir: Spanky, I know you're disappointed because you didn't get to do what YOU wanted to do on this trip, but that's no reason to hold it against ME, now, is it?

Spanky: (stifling a smile) No, Xandir. I suppose it isn't. (Spanky looks over at Wooldoor and points behind Xandir. Wooldoor turns and looks at what Spanky is pointing to.)

Xandir: (standing with his back to the cave) What is it, Spanky?

The camera pans up to reveal what Spanky and Wooldoor are looking at. On top of the cave entrance, we see a large, angry-looking cougar circling around.

Spanky: Hey, Xandir, there's a cougar behind you.

Xandir: Cat type or woman type?

Spanky: Cat type.

Xandir: Oh. Well, in that case, I- (He turns around. Immediately the cougar pounces on him. As we hear the sounds of the cougar mauling Xandir, the camera view cuts back to Spanky and Wooldoor watching the action.)

Spanky: Wow.

Wooldoor: Uh huh.

Spanky: That is one first class mauling right there.

Wooldoor: You said it.

Spanky: So what's this, the second time this has happened?

Wooldoor: Yup.

Spanky: Cool. (As the cougar continues to tear into Xandir, Spanky and Wooldoor turn and walk away.) So, Wooldoor, how's your mom been lately?

As Xandir continues to scream, Spanky and Wooldoor disappear from the scene. The scene fades.


THE END