Yes, I'm back from PSG.  The land and people were wonderful.  I was in a personal funk so I didn't enjoy it as much as I wanted to, but it was eye opening for me on a personal level and gave me lots of things that I need to work on.

There are several people I need to talk to, several things I need to fix, several things I need to anyalze.  Overall, it was a good growth experience, although not in the way I expected.  One great thing is that before I went, I set a few personal goals for myself.  Number 1 was to control my drinking.....not to drink alcohol each evening and not to get so drunk that I didn't remember anything....not even once.  I passed that test and am proud of myself.  Even at Pan's Ball which is usually my big drinking night.  I did drink but I did NOT eat the fruit and after my 4th cup and a good buzz, i switched to water like a responsible person.  I was proud of myself.  I still had a great time and didn't need to be trashed.  :-)   My other goal was a very personal one and thus I won't detail it here, but I passed with that personal test as well and am proud of myself.  Many other things that I dealt with were surprising and I need to deal with some feelings I didn't know I had, or didn't know were so prominent.  That will take some more personal exploration.

But, instead of a big PSG update (I promise, it will be forthcomming)...l am going to put a couple of my weird dreams down.  The past couple days, they've been odd again.  Feel free to analyze away.....

Dream 1......Hidden Utopia......
The world was mean.  There had been some catastrophic change which caused everyone in the world to be hateful and horrible.  It was something in the air, I think.  There was general lawlessness.  The bits that stick out are that people would drive on train tracks if they felt like it.   They would crash into each other for the fun of it.  Lots of people were getting shot.  Huge groups of gangs roved the streeets.  Litter was everywhere.  There were fires, vandalism and crime everywhere.   People would shove and push each other in lines, punch strangers, scream at each other.  Someone would punch someone else just for the fun of it and they woudl take momentary pleasure at seeing the blood flow.  It was horrible.  Picture 24/7 road rage but scale it up.  There was constant chaos and hatefulness everywhere.  But somehow, I invented something that could purify the air on a small scale.  I rented the second floor of a large building and retrofitted the HVAC system so that the second floor would be utopia. Somehow (I have no clue how I paid for all this) I designed and built the interior to be a beautiful self-sustaining sub-world.  There were personal suites with small bedrooms, living room, bathroom and a tiny kitchen.  Then there were large common rooms for gatherings, a library, media room with TVs, video games and a pool table, a garden room which simulated the outdoors complete with plants, small wildlife, breezes and a waterfall and stream, and a research lab where we kept testing to find a way to increase the scale of my purification system.  The hallways were bathed in a muted blue light all the time...it was beautiful and peaceful on the second floor.  My closest friends lived there with Gary and I.  The first floor of the building was a bank and post office and lawyers office.  The upper floors were random buisness offices, lawyers and other coprorate offices.  The entire building was part of the hatefullness and chaos except for this second floor utopia.  We didnt' need to leave, it was completely self sustaining.  We ate food we grew in teh community garden and drank water from the stream.  It was lovely.  Somehow I had devised a way so that no one who wasn't supposed to be there could gain access.  I don't remember how I achieved this, but it seemed like the elevator would not open at the second floor unless you were SUPPOSED to be part of the utopia world we had created.  We could leave and return if necessary but we had to return within a short amount of time or the 'bad air' from the real world would begin to effect us and we would forget about utopia and begin to turn hateful and violent like everyone else. 

Every once in a while, we would become aware of someone like us, who wanted to live peaceful and happy.  They were people who showed some personal attempt at resisting the hateful infection.  When we suspected we had found someone suitable to join the group, the elders of the group would sneak out and survey the person.  They would bring back several weeks worth of recorded footage and we would watch and vote as a group as to whether or not this person should be brought to our utopia world.  If the answer was yes, then the elders would sneak back out and get the person and bring them to our world.    I remember waiting for the elevator on the first floor and seeing 2 guys with guns and backpacks going in to rob the bank while customers were fighting in line.  I had to pretend I was hateful too so that they wouldn't spot me as being different.  There was danger in someone acting different and we were afraid that it would lead to discovery and the demise of our utopia.  So I stood there cussing and screaming wildly at everyone who passed by until I could get on the elevator alone and press my 2nd floor button.  I also at one point snuck out via a utility duct and got on the roof to rescue a cat who was stuck on the chimney.


Dream 2.....Movies
Again, a fight theme?  I was in a theater of some sort.  It was like a move theater, but there was also a section for standing and we coudl look down on something below,....kind of like a raised platform you might be on while waiting for a Kings Island ride.  So anyway, these people got in a fight over something small.  I don't know what it was now though.  Anyway, they got in a fight and it seemed like it was a big misunderstanding that got out of hand.  One part of the group mistook something someone said (about bubblegum, I think) as being a racist statement.  From an outside perspective I could see that the first group definately didnt' intend anything racist, but I could also see how the second group could have misunderstoond and took it as racist.  So there was a big fight and everyone got kicked out of the theater.  Somehow I had been kicked out as well even though I wasn't part of the fight.  I went back in and asked to speak to the manager.  I tried to explain that neither group intended to cause a fight and it was all a big misunderstanding.  I tried to explain why each side thought the other had started it by doing some great wrong.  The manager looked at me blankly and very seriously, yet plainly, said "I don't believe you" and he made me leave again.  I was hurt and humiliated that he wouldn't believe me.

Dream 3...School and parenting?
This one is only bits and pieces.  I was pretending to be a middle school student.  I was riding the bus home and Miranda was also on the bus.  Then I was in the middle school and was late to class.  Then I was in the hall way and I confessed to the gym teacher that I was actually an adult and Miranda's mom but that I had wanted to experinece middle school and high school as the person I grew up to be instead of the person I was as a kid that had a horrible time when I was a teen.  The gym teacher was OK with that because she said she knew what it was like and it sounded like a fun experiment to live middle/high school as an adult instead of a teen.  So I continued to go to school and act like I belonged there.  I had to sneak though on days that I drove so that kids wouldn't see me driving myself and Miranda to school.  The best benefit of all this is that I could help Miranda out.  When kids would pick on her, I could stand up for her as a friend.  Since everyone thought I was a cool person, they would leave MIranda alone when I told them to.  I could help Miranda fit in and make friends without seeming all parental.  I also helped Miranda by talking to her after school about the things she did that upset people and make them not like her.  Giving her that feedback helped her alot.  But then for some reason, something happened on the bus to blow my cover.  I don't remember what it was.  Suddenly, Miranda was being teased again and I was conferencing with the gym teacher.  I apologized for lying to her and explaine that I wasn't Miranda's mother but I was in fact, Miranda's Grandmother!  I explained that I was embarrassed to admit that I was a grandma already because I was embarrassed that I had children so young.  The only solution was that I stopped the experiment and they immediately moved Miranda to the highschool were no one knew here and she could get away from the mean middle schoolers and start over.

Random bits of dreams.....these may or may not have been related, I don't remember
- Sneaking down the streets of Harrison late at night, trying to hide from an Abrahm Lincoln impersonator
- Living upstairs of a pub type restaraunt.....pretending to be a normal person and hiding the fact that I had witchy powers.
- I was a small poke-mon type character and I worked with a talking bird to devise a plan to kill a dragon that was causing chaos and fires.  The bird shrunk me down to a tiny thing and fed me to the dragon.  We were banking on the hope that the dragon would swallow me whole.  Chewing would definately kill me.  He swallowed me whole (yea! I wasn't dead) and I used my super powers to blow him up from the inside.
- I was in a crowded pot-luck line.  It wasn't a Pagan Potluck like we usually go to.....it seemed like it was city wide.  There were large amounts of food but it was all meaty.  I ended up eating doughnuts, broccoli and a bun.
- Gary tried to flush his utilikilt down the toilet....I have no clue why.
- I was trying to get the old windows to go back in their holes in the room that I had as a child.  These windows didn't really fit in the window-hole and so I balanced them there carefully.  I begged my sister to get new windows before she allowed Jarrett to have that bedroom because I was afraid he would fall out of them.  (OK....some background....in real life (not dream world), Jarrett is my nephew.  My sister bought my childhood home from my parents and so my nephew Jarrett now has the room that I had as a teenager.  The old windows really didnt' fit well and often the storm window would fall out if I wasn't careful.  Jenni installed new windows before she moved the boys in).
- A bull dozer was digging up my mom's flower bed.  We had no right to stop them.  Some sort of right-of-way thing for the gas company.
- My cats kept trying to escape from some place....it wasn't our house and there were many other people there.  I kept grabbing them and trying to lock them in a bathroom.  Each time I'd put one in, another would escape.  There were other cats there trying to give my cats fleas.
- seeing tons of cereal boxes way up high on a stairwell wall where no human could possibly reach them.
- being part of a witchy sisterhood who had real powers (I promise....I have NOT been watching Charmed...lol.  I have no clue why this theme is pervasive suddenly).  We were wondering what would happen if our power failed because we were holding the evil demons we had captured in a cryogenic holding vessle (kind of like in the original Ghostbusters).  We decided to do a quick test and cut the power for a second.  It caused catastrophic failure and our entire huge piece of land was contaminated with radiation and everything turned a sickly blue.
- I flew again.  I love flying.
- Old horse drawn carriages and large bulky dresses.....trying to walk without getting my skirts in the horse tracks while the 'fancy people' got to ride in the carriages.
- I had a talking  cat.  I don't remember what he said though.

SO there it is.  Odd dreams and random bits.  I sometimes wonder what the hell my brain is trying to tell me.