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Tags: dear diary
Published : 8 months ago (Wed, 02 Apr 2008 04:52:24 PDT)
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http://simtasia.livejournal.com/20622.html 14 links
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September 17th
Dear Diary,
Motherhood is just amazing.
Yolanda doesn't sleep through the night as yet, so I'm up and down a lot. And she doesn't always settle easily, so I'm walking her around the house a lot to calm her.
But she's worth it.
I love taking care of her. I love her smiles and her giggles.
When I found out I was pregnant, I was terrified. Now...sure, I have some bad days, and some days where I don't get out of my pyjamas, but watching her grow and develop, getting interested in the world, it's worth it. It's worth every minute of missed sleep. Every moment of fretting.
She's encouraged me to be better, to do better. I'm still reading those college text books when I can, and even better - I'm finally taking some care in my apperance. Alfred had always told me I wasn't attractive, that I was too fat, and that I was lucky I had him, because no one else would want me.
Some days it was hard to look in the mirror, to really see myself. Especially since having a baby!
But, since I'd decided I wasn't going to let him hold me back any more, I was going to do something about it!
Every day I spend time on the treadmill or working out to a video. Sure, I could be sleeping, or cleaning, but this is important too.
I feel so alive.
I feel so beautiful.
It feels so good to be me.
I decided I was ready to grow more, to change, to stop hiding away in frumpy clothes and fluffy hair.
So the first thing I did was get some new clothes.
And then I started drinking those meal replacement shakes. I didn't like them much, but they helped.
Finally, I got a haircut! I bought a hair straightener, and had the hairdresser show me how to use it. I LOVE my new look!
All that effort on the treadmill and working out to those exercise videos soon paid off - I look HOT.
Even I can see that!!
Though at times, it's still hard to believe that it's me, and that I do look good, that someone else would find me attractive.
But it is fun to play around in front of the mirror. I feel like a kid playing dress up! I'm just amazed at who I've become.
Since I've been feeling so good, I've taken up painting! I'm not very good, and I don't know if I ever will be, but it's fun, and it's nice to do something for me.
It's also nice to not be bothered by Alfred lately. I haven't heard from him in a while, which has been a relief. I know that Nina's moved in, and is quickly spending all his cash, from what Kaylynn told me.
I hope he doesn't find out how much I have!
Z.
April 20th.
Dear Diary,
Has it really been so long since I've written? I've been so busy with Yolanda, with my studies, with life in general, that I've forgotten to write in you.
Yolanda turned one recently - how can she be one already??
It's gone so quickly! Even those long nights, when she wouldn't sleep!
It was just the two of us, I didn't want to throw a party and have Alfred crash it.
She's such a gorgeous little girl, now! With lovely dark hair, and beautiful eyes.
She looks so much like Alfred...but still so different.
She's so inquisitive, always trying to get into the bathroom to play with the toilet, which drives me batty!
But she's so adorable, and she loves me.
Almost as much as I love her.
She has such a great sense of humour already, so full of giggles.
How can someone so little be so full of life?
I could go on and on and on about how fabulous she is!
She makes me so happy, having her in my life.
I can't imagine life without her.
She makes me want to be a better person.
And I know this is terribly selfish, but I'm glad I don't have to share her with Alfred. I wish it could always be like this. Though, there are times when I wish I had someone to share the load with, but not at the expense of myself.
The other day, I took myself out to see my financial advisor (leaving Yolanda with a sitter for the first time!), but first, I stopped in a nearby bar.
I felt so out of place! I love how I look now, but this was the first club I'd been to!
I wasn't too keen on the taste of the drinks, though I had a few, because I wanted to relax a bit before going in.
I gave up on the bar, and went to get something to eat from the restaurant next door. I tried not to laugh out loud - but, they looked so silly! I don't know if they're always like that, or if it was some theme day I wasn't aware of!
I decided I should go see Oliver before I lost my nerve completely, and hurried over to his office. Luckily, it was close by.
I told him that I wanted to do what I could to make sure that Yolanda and I would always be taken care of. I had a nice nest egg sitting there, but I wanted to be sure that I wouldn't be taken by surprise.
Money matters aren't my strong suit, so I'm a bit inexperienced about what I can and can't do. But Grandmother recommended him, and I trust her judgement.
Luckily, Oliver is honest, and is happy to do what he can to make more money for me. The more I get, the more he does, he said, laughing.
Which worried me at first,
But he assured me that was just a joke he and his colleagues had, and that he wouldn't violate the trust I'd placed in him.
It's nice to be able to trust men again.
As long as that man isn't Alfred, I think I might just do ok.
part one.
part two.
part three.
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