I went on a cruise last week with Kris and her family on Royal Caribbean's "Mariner of the Seas" (3500 guests plus 2500 crew) - a really big ship.
Our original destinations were Bahamas, St. Thomas and St. Maarten, but since there was a storm, we diverted to San Juan PR instead of the Bahamas and then on to the other two ports of call.
It was a nice cruise, but I've done it twice now and won't do it again. I guess I just didn't notice as much the first go-round, but there were a LOT of people on this ship, they were EVERYWHERE, and you could tell that some did not bring their company manners with them. I think I'm just getting old and crotchety, but long about Thursday, I just wanted to come home.
Kris and I had a room with a balcony (also referred to by other members of our party as a "porch", but I called it the "smoking room".) I liked getting up in the morning and having room service deliver my coffee so that I could sit out there and smoke - and tan my legs. We were on the port side of the ship, and got the best port views and the morning sun.
/>The first day (Sunday) we boarded about 11 a.m., and went to the Windjammer buffet for lunch while we waited to get into our cabins. Actually, the first area was called "Jade" and served Asian fusion food - buffet style. It was not a hit with the guests, most people looked at it and walked right by into the Windjammer where they could feast on platters (yes, platters) of hamburgers, hot dogs, chicken fried steak, gravy, mashed potatoes, beef tips, rice...well, you get the picture. Haute cuisine it was not. And, oh, yes, a salad bar for those who felt a little guilty.
I have to say that I did get a platter of food the first day, but could not bring myself to eat lunch there any other day. It was basically the same menu with reconstituted meat dishes (beef tips with olives, chicken with peppers, etc) that seemed to be leftovers from the previous night's dining.
We got into our rooms around 2, and our luggage was delivered later in the afternoon (I think after we were underway). Dinner the first night was casual, so no need to change anyway. There were several experienced cruisers who brought bathing suits and towels aboard in their carryon luggage in order to take advantage of the pool (and sun) without waiting for their luggage.
Kris and I explored the ship, though it was laid out the same as the "Explorer of the Seas" - with very few exceptions. I made our reservations at both Portofino's and Chops (the $20 per person additional tab was definitely worth it - more on that later), and Kris made spa appointments for us.
Smoking -
As the port side of the ship was the side designated for smoking, I quickly figured my right from my left, and stayed on the left side for the remainder of the cruise. You can smoke on your balcony (if you have one), portside by the main pool (but not the adult only pool), Deck 4's gallery portside, the casino, Bolero's Bar (next to the casino), The Wig and Gavel pub in the promenade, and in the back and on the upper level of the "Dragon's Lair" disco. Pretty much all the non-smokers were good about staying out of those places, and left us smokers alone, and I bonded with quite a few people over the course of the cruise by sitting and smoking with them. I enjoyed talking to the guy who is a tour guide at Jack Daniel's distillery in Lynchburg, Tennessee. He was as country as they come, but hey, that's why he has the job he does.
Cabin service -
Kris left the cabin steward a note and $10 to bring more pillows and an ashtray for the "porch". Funny, when we got back from dinner, nothing. We stayed out of the room most of the evening, and upon our return, still, nothing...
We figured out the next day that you have to put the "Make up my Room" card in the key slot, or they won't come by at all. That wasn't how it used to be, but maybe this is better. If you don't want to be disturbed, you have to flip the card over to the "Do not Disturb" side.
Dining -
Dinner the first night in the dining room was good, though with an 8:30 seating and 13 people in our party, we didn't leave till nearly 11 o'clock. There were long pauses in between courses (10-15 minutes, or so it seemed), and we had to ask for more bread and water several times. The food was good (you can find the menus on www.cruisecritic.com), but nothing really spectacular. We had three teenagers in our group, and they were really over sitting with all of us for that long.
I pre-ordered room service to have coffee delivered the next morning and that did come at the appointed time. Kris slept in (nothing unusual there), and so I finally left and got breakfast in the Windjammer where I could sit and read at the countertop and not have to talk to anyone. Though the dining room had cooked to order breakfasts, I didn't want to be jammed into a table with folks who wanted to TALK at that hour of the morning, and certainly not with people and their uncontrolled children.
Monday was a sea day since we couldn't dock in the Bahamas due to the storm. We were moving at a pretty fast clip to make San Juan the next afternoon, and the ship rocked a bit. It never bothered me, and I never got seasick - until I got HOME. I've had nausea and vertigo for two days now.
Monday night's dining experience was the same long, drawn-out affair. The wait staff were nice, but again we had to ask for more water and didn't get fresh bread. One of our teen trio was a boy with a hollow leg, and he learned tonight to go ahead and order two entrees if he wanted, rather than wait, because it would take ANOTHER fifteen minutes to get the second entree after he ordered. By the time we finally finished dessert, it was AFTER eleven o'clock, and we were some of the LAST people to depart the dining room. Most of our party were unhappy with the fact that we'd been at dinner for almost THREE hours and vowed never to go back to the dining room the rest of the week. So, Tuesday I tried to arrange to see (and tip) the headwaiter to get some better service, but he was not available at breakfast and I was rudely turned away by staff right after the lunch service, told that I should see "guest relations". I talked to a nice young woman at the guest relations desk and explained our problem thusly:
"We have a wonderful wait staff, but our dining experience is just not what we think a Royal Caribbean dining experience should be. Now, I'm sure that our waiter and assistant waiter are doing all they can, but maybe they're just really busy, and maybe they need some help? It would be so nice if we could get more bread, water and drinks during the meals without having to ask for it, and well, we're having to wait so long for our food, I'm afraid our party is just tired of those long dinners. I know that the food is pre-cooked, so do you think it might be a logistics problem? Maybe you could talk to our headwaiter - as I can't - and explain that we would like to get out of the dining room before midnight?"
She was so nice, and assured me she would send an e-mail directly to our headwaiter about it, and I made her promise me she would not get our waiter or assistant waiter in trouble, I was sure they were doing the very best that they could. She told me that would not happen. Kris and I were indeed the only ones in our party who ate in the dining room that night, but when Tolga came to see me, he assured me that our problem had been resolved. Our waiter figured out (by watching Tolga talking to me) that I was the one who had "complained", but he was not - or didn't seem to be - upset. He explained that they're trained not to rush anyone, and they were waiting till we ALL finished our appetizers before bringing the entrees, and same for the desserts. With a large party like ours (and several of us ordering more than one of each selection), we were indeed having to wait till we all finished. I assured him all was fine, but did request that, for future meals, NOT TO WAIT till everyone finished, and we could eat at our own pace.
All was perfect the next evening, so I heard, as Kris and I were eating in Portofino's that night, and for every night after that. The bread was offered at least twice and water refilled regularly. It was just a matter of meeting expectations. If you want a long meal, you can have that, but if you want it to move more quickly, make sure to tell your waiter. I talked to our waiter again the last night of the cruise, and he said that I was one of the most helpful diners he'd ever had (and that was after he'd gotten his tip).
While I wouldn't rank the dining room food as wonderful, on the whole, it wasn't bad. After all, this wasn't a cruise for gourmands.
There was a 24 hour cafe in the promenade (the indoor mall) that served small sandwiches, cookies, and microwaved pizza slices that were, in a word, NASTY. Two bites and I was DONE.
Johnny Rockets - which I would never visit in Atlanta - was a welcome respite from the gorging hordes, as you had to pay a $3 service charge and it wasn't a pileyourplatefull kind of place. It was really discordant to have wait staff dressed in the soda jerk uniforms who had no idea what a soda really was. Kris tried to order a chocolate soda, but when the waitress asked if she wanted chocolate ice cream in her orange soda, it got confusing, and Kris just told her never mind. The staff also has to stop and "dance" every now and then, so don't be in a hurry or upset if they can't serve you right away. It's one of those kitschy things that someone in management thought would be good entertainment. It sort of creeped me out to watch these exhausted folks have to dance on top of scurrying around getting orders to us.
Staff -
Long about Tuesday, the guilt started to set in. I watched the very sleepy staff in the Windjammer each morning, who had probably been up since 6 a.m. going around cleaning tables and picking up after folks. I ended up in conversation with one of the staff - a guy from Bulgaria - who was really interesting to talk to. We discussed his homeland and how he was a teenager when the communists took over. He said that in his opinion, communism was a good thing for his country. It evened the score, so to speak. They had national health care, social security, reforms they never would have had otherwise. Of course, he was resentful of the "gypsies" (I forgot what he called them), and said that they didn't work and got everything for free, even a place to live and money to spend. As we're having this conversation about communism and that fact that in some countries it wasn't a bad thing, I could see the older couple at the end of the table (he looked to be ex-military) stiffen with resentment, but at that point, I didn't care, I just kept him talking as long as he could. Frankly, it was a really intellectually stimulating conversation, and I was grateful for the opportunity to hear his opinion.
Guilt -
I know that these cruise lines - and therefore, we, as the consumers - provide jobs and money for these folks who might never have opportunities to make even the small amounts of money they do, and I also know that their money usually goes farther in their home country than it would here in the US or in most of the European countries. But it still breaks my heart to hear that our waiter will not see his son until November - when he gets six weeks off - and can't call unless the ship goes into San Juan because phone calls to the Phillipines are very expensive from most of the other ports, never mind a ship to shore call. He usually e-mails his family several times a week, but still, it would be really hard to be away from your family for six months at a stretch.
But I look around at all of us (including myself) - overweight, rude, pushy, demanding AMERICANS and I think - "What makes me so special that I can sit here and have my food brought to me and these people have to work 14 hour days?"
There's no easy answer, but I did try to be overly nice to the staff, at least I think I did, I hope I was. I enjoyed meeting a few of them (again, a huge ship, so there were lots of us, but lots of staff). But that's probably the main reason why I won't do a cruise again - I just can't handle being in that position. I work for the money I make and I do deserve a vacation, but I'm thinking maybe should choose to spend it where it makes a difference - would that be a cruise and buying trinkets from the twenty women who slog up and down the beaches hawking beach bags and necklaces in St. Maarten to make money to feed their families? I don't know the answer, and I don't know that there is one.
General impressions -
The shows I saw were good. I wasn't too keen on the dancing and singing revues (Broadway has pretty much spoiled me for anything else), but I did notice that most of the entertainment was geared toward the 40-50 year old crowd. One night there was a "Seventies Dance Party" in the Promenade. Kris and I were down there, and I started looking around at all these OLD people dancing to the music, and mouthing the words. I was astonished that they knew all the words to the songs, and then I realized, "Oh, my God - they're MY AGE!".
As with most cruises, the two best shows are the audience participation shows - the "Love and Marriage" show - three couples - one newlywed, one married 25 years, one married 50+ years compete against each other a la "The Newlywed Game", and then "Quest", which is sort of like a drag version of "Let's Make a Deal".
Destinations - San Juan is fine to visit, we had a Pina Colada at Barrachina, the restaurant that supposedly invented it. But there are Puerto Ricans there who do not like Americans, and we encountered one of them, marching up and down the street in the old town with his bullhorn and Puerto Rican flag, screaming about "gringos". We pretty much hustled back to the ship after encountering him, it kind of scared even me.
I didn't get off the ship in St. Thomas at all - too much drama, and I enjoyed having a nearly empty ship for a few hours.
St. Maarten (the Dutch side) was our beach destination. We ferried over to the beach where "Sweet Michael" was hustling umbrellas and beach chairs for $8 rentals. We took him up on it, and paid for the teens' access to a big trampoline anchored in the 3 foot deep water. It was cloudy so not too hot, and therefore a perfect day. Sweet Michael's sister brought us menus and we could order our food from the restaurant behind us. Kris and I stayed out about 3 hours, and then found an internet cafe where we could check e-mails at a much lower fee than the ship's exhorbitant price of 50 cents a minute. The internet place was behind the gold and diamond shops, accessible by some back stairs, but air conditioned (thank God) and high-speed. $4 for 30 minutes.
Two sea days, three port days, two more sea days.
Bars and other areas on the ship -
I walked through the casino on the way to one of the shows, but as I am not interested in gambling, I never even dropped a coin.
Each bar had its own character - Wig and Gavel was a British style pub with the appropriate offerings of Stouts, Bolero's served Latin drinks like mojitos, Vintages had a great wine selection, etc. Some of these bars even served canapes or nibbles from 5 to 8 every evening - a nice surprise.
Spa - the spa was a bit shabby. The chairs were well sprung, the paint was peeling in the corners. I wish the staff had been a little more experienced, as we signed up for the wrong massage, told her - before the massage started - that we were expecting something different, and didn't find out till AFTERWARDS (at twice the price we were expecting to pay) that they had what we wanted. Their comment? "Well, you'll have to come back and try the other one." Fat chance.
Workout Room - I actually remembered to bring tennis shoes and socks on this trip, so was able to take advantage of one of the twenty up-to-date treadmills. (I was the one walking while everyone else was running at top speed.) They also had about 10 elliptical trainers, a yoga/spinning room, a huge weight room and a hot tub. This was by far the best, calmest area of the ship. I think this was where all the thin people stayed during the cruise - I certainly didn't see them in the buffet line.
Pools - the big pool area had about 800 chairs laid out on two decks. However, the prime seating spaces were on pool level, and sun access was at a premium. One woman rudely told me that she was SAVING the four chairs behind her, and had been since six o'clock that morning. I wasn't in a very good mood, and hoped she'd fall off the railing she had perched on to watch the belly flop contest. But then I realized she'd get sympathy, and didn't want that, so I hoped she'd get a really bad sunburn.
There was another pool area which was supposedly adults only, but every time Kris and I were there someone had their children in the pool. I didn't care, though, since practically the whole area was covered and there was no sun to be gotten unless you put your chair INTO the pool.
Stuff to buy - if you HAVE to buy something on the ship, wait till the sales come out do it. They put everything that will be on sale out the last few days, and if you HAVE to buy a watch or a ring or gold by the inch, don't do it the first few days of the cruise.
You should also check your seapass charges on the TV (under the Menu button) rather than have to keep up with the individual receipts.
All in all, it was a good, if not great, cruise, but I'm glad to be home. I had two excited kitty cats when I walked in the house (even if it was because they knew I'd be giving them treats).
And, I missed all you guys!