You gonna don gon do it, you gonna make me cry...you gonna don gon do it, you gonna make me cry...
High, high, high.
Haunting noises.
Gamelan by Sofa Surfers. Even creepier.
Why are the potato chips called "Lays"? What does that refer to? The verb, the action, to "lie down"?
Whine Up as opposed to Wind Up. I guess that purposeful misspelling is useful...no way they can mistake the verb for the noun!
I sound like that girl from school who liked to say ridiculous things in French.
I need to go to the bookstore tomorrow.
I wonder what Hannibal Lecter would be able to deduce by that. Hmmm, nyes, she goes to a college. Hmmm, yes, yes.
Snape. Slytherin. Gollum. Icky things.
Alex Grey. Radiant things instead.
How long am I going to go on like this?
I am referring to this entry, of course. Or perhaps I meant something else.
Ah, the power of metaphor, suggestion, persuasion, double meaning, ambiguity. Such a lovely, broad, joyful word. Ambiguity. Too bad its meaning is not very joyful in particular.
I went to that water theme park when I was six. Or at least that is the age I am thinking of. Could have been later. Twelve. Something like that.
Boring. Boring. Boring.
But, no, not boring. I have found freedom.

When I write, I do not think of images. I do not try to imagine the scenes I am writing, or reading about, or at least I don't try to realise images as much as I used to. Now I focus more on the sounds the words make and the vague sensations they create. Like vibrations. It's more of a felt or heard thing, like music. Feelings are created, but not images. That's why when I try to write stories, often enough they don't make sense. Their reality crumbles.

Fish.
Big Fish.
Crying my eyes out and feeling happy about it.
The beach on the far island. Flowers as far as the eye can see in a quiet field, all purple and long like cat tails and lavender combined. If that makes any sense. But it sounds good. Like a fancy menu at a fancy restaurant where you have no idea what you are ordering but you order it anyway.
Typing is so easy, and fun! I love it. Mine. Mine. Mine.
This journal, this space, this page is all mine, and you can't have it. WHOEVER YOU ARE.

Some questions I will now ask you to better understand who you are:
1. Do you like to travel?
2. Do you have any siblings?
3.

Feeling sympathy for the dark-haired man tending to his father, not the younger version of the father with a smile that is too big and too picturesque, like an antique advertisement. Why are advertisements so WEIRD nowadays? Back then they were straightforward. Buy this gum. Buy this car. Because it is good, that's why! Nowadays it's like a TV commercial has to tell a story, or tell a joke, or bombard us with information, and so on and son on. Commercials are packed with subversive methods of advertising, doing studies to figure out what we like, what colors set us up psychologically to buy things, how we can be lured like cows to slaughter to buy our product, to get slaughtered, so seal the deal. And the worst part is, advertising companies consult anthropologists and sociologists...people who should be helping humankind are sealing their doom behind fake smiles and plastic lives! NO.

What do I want to be when I grow up? Well, aren't I grown up? Or growed up, as they said with those new Rugrats cartoons, All Growed Up?
Ick. Ick. Ick. Yuck. Jonas Brothers. Yuck.

The Jonas Brothers make me pine for Britney Spears.
That's just pathetic.
If Britney Spears has more talent than you as a musician, you're in trouble. And that is definitely the case with the Jonas Brothers.

My friend is close by and I want to say hello but the bus has stopped circulating by now. I am pretty much stuck on campus, but that's okay, because it's getting time for bed. I don't want to go to bed, though. I want to stay up and let the sugar wear off gradually. I will probably sit in front of my computer until midnight, or 12:30, or 1:00, listening to music and browsing the many by-ways, short-cuts and back alleys of the internet world, most of them through Youtube. Going beyond the mainstream scares me, unless someone introduces it to me, like a middle man. A conveyor. An ambassador of beyond the mainstream.

I want to join Radio. Badly. So that I can share my tunes with everyone. Not all of them are good.
Here's how I would describe my music: danceable, intense, epic, fast-paced, modern, electronic, bold, percussive, aggressive, ambient, ominous, savage, violent, happy, celebratory, exciting, fusion, festive, pulsing, laid-back, cool, far-out, spiritual, genuine, soulful, funky, rare, unusual, eclectic, rocking and rolling, orchestral, nostalgic, warm, cold, weird, repetitive, difficult to play, technically advanced, sophisticated, ethnic, exotic, ponderous, scary, absurd, sacred, tribal, big, meaningful of something bigger and more important than itself, continuing, haunting, gentle, pretty, awesome, ridiculous, speculative, philosophical, technologic, fun, fiesty, spicy, zooming, thrilling, powerful, rebellious, breaking through, spirited, loving, passionate, dramatic, serious, human, lively, genius, amazing, visionary, captivating, stinging, tear-jerking, soporific, foreign, inspiring.

Just a wee little list of things. I like making lists of things.

Right now I am writing to let out steam. Steam from what, I don't know. I was crying earlier today, because of a movie I watched, so I've been on a roll, I guess. Doubtful about many things, too. That much I cannot help. It is age-appropriate to be caught up in mindless crap. Or rather crap that results from thinking too much, anyway. No milk or cookies tonight. Just me and the music. Or, I will have to go upstairs for the music bit, because right now, I am not even typing on my own computer. Ha.

I used to be an artist. I used to be a black belt in Tae Kwon Do. I used to be a lot of things. 
Now, what am I?
No, no, no, no. I do not want to get caught up in all of this. I clearly had a little too much ice cream. I get upset if I have too much sugar. It messes with my body chemistry. The only reason I had that damn ice cream in the first place was because it was free. And I didn't even want the bag of chips. I just got it because, well, it was there, and I wanted to see what the cheddar/sour cream chips tasted like.
The answer: like crap.
But, oh well. Now I know. Another thing to add to my list of wisdom.

And what is my list of wisdom? My best qualities are things that cannot be seen, stored carefully in my brain, yet I cannot really explain any of it in words, so what good is it, in a practical, money-making sense? Ah, here we go with the god damn MONEY again. I hate money. I hate modern things and technology because it is all bloody ridiculous.
I hope all the gas runs out in the world and we all return to the 1800s. We'll still have the good things of the new century. Medicine. Women's rights. All that. But no energy that isn't solar-powered or wind-powered or water-powered. So a lot of things will be destroyed and a lot of people will die, right? So. I suppose that will happen eventually. But humankind won't be able to stop it, will it? It'll happen, sooner or later. The new century will come to a crashing halt, for our own good. Because we cannot continue like this. We are making progress, yes. We are doing good, yes. But something is terribly wrong, here. And it has nothing to do with justice, good or evil. It's simply what feels good to us or bad to us, deep down in our gut. The gut Mother Nature gave us, that we neglect.