There comes a point where you just have to tell. It is a secret that must be shared. You tell the safest ones first. For some reason I cried when I told one of my cousins. That was exceptionally hard.

Every Gay man has two births. The first is biological. The second birth is when you know you are gay and start acting that way. Life progresses along the stages. If you are lucky then Physical Adolescence coincides with Gay Adolescence. In my case they were separated by 18 years. I know one man who came out after his wife had died and his gay son was 50. He had a difficult adolescence because he was a gay teenage at 70 years old.

Coming out is a cathartic experience. You need to do it every once in a while just to give your spirit a boost. You take someone aside and drop your bomb. Lately there is less surprise. I came out to a 20 year old cousin. His reaction was, "So."

A classic joke fits here.
"Do you know the difference between a black man and a gay man?"
"The Black man doesn't have to tell his parents."

One of the best coming out episodes was with my stepmother. With my mother gone my father was lost. He started dating. In the Senior set he was a hot commodity because he was still around and he was "well to do." Most women outlive their men. When they locate a "live" one they start to work being "nice." My father finally "popped the question" to Ethel. Her daughter's first reaction was to ask if it was a "have to" case. Before they were officially married, I took Ethel aside and had "the talk." I like to called it the "Bees and Bees" talk because there are no birds involved. I told her I was gay and that I liked leather. Much to my relief she said, "If you find someone they are welcome in my home."

I subscribe to the idea that we must come out to those who don't want to know. It is necessary to put a face on Gay Men and Women. When we do that, we are no longer "Them Gays" in the big city. We are So-n-So's boy. I think it makes a big difference.

I don't, however, out people. Sharing your secret is your work and not mine. It isn't proper for me to break that covenant and cause another to suffer.

I even talk sparingly of those who cannot be hurt anymore. One man who attended high school when I did may have died of AIDS. It was only said that he had inoperable cancer but everything pointed to HIV. As surely as I know in my heart that he was a gay man I was never told that so It is not for me to say.

Several years ago in San Francisco I met Marty. Marty is from Kansas. When I said that he probably had never heard of my home town, he surprised me by proving it. In fact, he knew someone who was still in the closet there. That one we don't share with anyone lest he be outed by a stranger. Yes, Sometimes I just want to shout, "We really are everywhere. Look there's one now." It isn't a good idea. When I out myself, I do it quietly and deliberately.

Copyright 2009 By Van Lynn Floyd