And now I can’t fucking think.  These screwed, shitfaced people blinding me with their dumbass light from their over the top cameras are really starting to piss me off.  But, then, as Jimmy shifts a little, I know it’s not the people I’m really mad at.  It’s myself.  I mean, how could I fucking do that to him?  Of all people?  I just want to die…

--

Thankfully, Brian doesn’t catch my slip-up.  I, myself, am starting to get a little worried, however.  Like, what the FUCK is going on?

‘Are you gonna give me the dope or what?’ he questions, roughing me back to reality.

‘Oh, yeah, sorry, man.  Here it is,’ I mumble, tossing him the Nyquil.

As he’s taking the right dose, I lay some more blankets on top of him, leave the bottled water on the nightstand, and head toward the door.

‘I’m just gonna go downstairs real quick, mmkay?’

‘No!’ he moans, pushing at his blankets.

‘Brian!  Stop it!  God, you’re acting like a fucking little kid!’

‘Zack, I can’t.  You have to stay with me.’

‘Brian, I’m so tired.  I need something to drink.’

‘Call room service.’

‘Bri,’ I grumble, gripping the door handle.

‘Fine,’ he gripes, crossing his arms and turning his back to me.

I have half a mind to just tackle him, but the other half dying for some Jack sends me out the door.  I jog down the hallway as silently as I can, keeping in mind the people still sleeping as it is only a half hour after two now.  I skip between the elevator and stairs momentarily before deciding on the elevator as we’re something like seven floors up or whatever.  So, the elevator takes forever and by the time I finally get downstairs, I have to pee like a dog after a day or two in a cage with a huge bowl of water in reach.

As I’m hurrying back upstairs, Jack in hand, all I can think of is Brian and his awful dreams.  It’s been like this for months now.  At first, it was only little scares like having a gun pulled on him or falling off his bike, but it’s gradually worsened to being shot at a multitude of times by a machine gun and then living in a vegetable state for years after, or falling off his bike and his entire top two layers of skin being torn away, or being tortured to the point of death and normally me having to watch, or some other psychotic and messed up idea.  I’ve talked to the guys about a therapist, but Brian’s fully against them and I think it’ll only increase them… seeing as he was raped by a therapist in one dream.  He usually tells me what they’re about, but they’ve become so frequent now that his insomniatic state can’t handle full conversations.  He’s so fragile now, anyway, that it’s just hard to talk about them most of the time.

I reach the room in substantial time, happy to hear his familiar snoring.  It’s like a light wind on a calm sea.  His breathing is always steady, no matter what, but he’s got this cute little snore that he’s obtained over the years.  I tiptoe into the room, leave the Jack on the dresser, and then go to check on him.  As I’m kneeling down, he shifts lightly and I smile as his hand falls out of his confines.  I move to lift it, but the second my fingers brush his, his fingers curl and his knuckles come in contact with the side of my head.  As I let out a shriek and fall on my butt, he sits upright in the bed, his breathing hitching as he screams.

‘Brian!’ I yelp, stumbling up and away from the bed; he’ll start swinging any second.

I get no response.  No response except a choked sob.

‘Oh, God, Bri,’ I gasp, staggering forward, the pain in my head forgotten as I fall onto the bed in front of him and wrap my arms around him, bringing his shaking body close to me.

‘Shh, it’s okay.  I’m here.  You’re safe.  It’s okay,’ I coo, rubbing his bare, sweaty back as he clutches at my shirt, nose tucked into my neck.

There are hot, slow tears dripping onto my skin, but I don’t comment on them as I know he hates to show his weak side.  Brian hardly cries, and the few, rare times that he has have been in front of me.

‘Are you gonna be okay?’ I whisper after a few minutes.

‘Don’t leave me again,’ he begs, holding onto me tighter.

‘I won’t.  I promise.  I’ll stay right here.’

I can’t tell if it’s the probable delusion setting in with his raging fever or just the fear of the dream, but Brian’s shaky, frightened tone sounds strangely sincere.

‘You lie back down in bed.  I’m just going to go get the thermometer, a wet cloth, and another water, okay?  And then I’ll be right back and I’ll stay with you until you wanna get up.’  I keep my voice as soft and calm as I can, not wanting to scare him.

‘Okay,’ he murmurs, allowing me to push him back down in the bed.

I can feel his eyes on my back as I get up and head toward the bathroom and it nearly breaks my heart to think of how much pain he’s in right now.  After finding a bucket lying around in the bathroom (dunno why it was there), I fill it with freezing water from the shower, dump a load of ice in it from the mini-fridge, and get another bottle of water since he drank the other one already.  He eagerly starts drinking the new water while I dip a small cloth in the water, wring it out slightly, and then press it to his forehead.  He stares up at me, his big brown eyes child-like and wide.  He opens his mouth so I can stick the thermometer in before I take the bucket with me to the other side of the bed, set it down next to the wall, and then climb into bed next to Brian.  The thermometer beeps, so I take it out to find he’s gone up three degrees.

‘Fuck, Bri, you’re really sick.’

‘I feel it,’ he mutters, pulling the blankets closer to his chin.

‘Are you cold?’

He nods fervently, sending beads of water splashing onto his face.

‘Alright, well, I’m gonna lend you some of my body heat, then.  Especially considering I know you don’t want to be anywhere near alone right now.  So, scoot over.’

He quickly obliges, I taking the cloth off his forehead as he does.  He curls up next to me, and this time I comply instantly, leaving one arm resting under my head, my head propped up, and the other already trailing through his hair as he snuggles against me, holding onto my shirt.

‘Just try to go to sleep,’ I whisper, tugging my way through various snarls.

‘I don’t want to close my eyes,’ he murmurs back, his hot breath going right through the thin layer of my shirt.

‘It’s gonna be okay.  I’ll protect you.’

‘Promise?’

‘Pinky swear.’

Brian merely sighs and moves closer, tentatively moving his hand up a little.

‘It’s okay.  I’m here for you when you need me.  That’s all that matters,’ I assure, wrapping my arms around his shaking figure and drawing him against me.

He takes this confirmation and slides his arms around my midsection, holding onto me tightly.  And, for whatever reason, this doesn’t make me go berserk at all, even with how obnoxiously close we are…

--

It’s lighter when I wake up again, and there’s a soft breeze trailing over my exposed chest.  I yawn, stretching a little cat-like, causing something, or someone, to giggle.  Confused, I slowly blink my eyes open to find Brian propped upon his elbow, his fingers dancing over my chest.

‘What are you doing?’ I mumble, gazing up at him.

‘Tracing your tattoos.’

‘Why?’

‘I got bored waiting for you to wake up.’

‘So… you took off my shirt?  To trace my tattoos?’

‘Well, I’d already done the ones on your arms, and I got frustrated with not being able to trace the rest.  Besides, you looked a little overheated anyway.  You were all flushed.’

‘How are you feeling?’ I query, ignoring him and lifting a hand toward his head.

‘Fine,’ he snaps, moving away from my touch and lying back down.

That’s when I realize that I’m on my back, arm underneath Brian, and he’s half-draped over me.  Shrugging it off, I snap my hand back to his head, receiving a grunt from him.

‘Your fever broke,’ I comment, satisfied as I drop my hand back down to the bed.  It lands between Brian and me.

‘Zacky,’ he suddenly coos, surprising me as he uses my stage name; he always calls me Zack, Zachary if he’s pissed off or wants something, but only Zacky when he’s saying something he shouldn’t.

‘Yes, Syn?’ I retort, causing him to roll his eyes.

‘What were you dreaming about?’ he whispers slyly, dropping his head down next to mine and flattening his hand on my chest, his fingers lightly drumming out a random tune in a dance around one of my nipples.

‘Why?’ I breathe, closing my eyes as his chin rests just above my shoulder and he lets out a puff of hot air next to my ear.

‘Cos you were moaning.’

‘Was I?’

‘And you said my name.’

I freeze at this.  I had been trying to play innocent, but his absolute bluntness catches me off guard.

‘And, you said something about fucking Gena.’

I remember that part especially.

‘Fuck Gena.  I want you.’

‘Just a nightmare,’ I try, biting my lip as his breath moves closer to my skin.

‘Just a nightmare?’ he whispers, his tongue flicking against my lobe.

‘Yeah,’ I gasp, subconsciously leaning closer to where I know his lips are.

He giggles before nibbling lightly on my ear.

‘Zack.’

‘Yeah?’

‘I-’

‘Oh my fuck!’ I screech, sitting upright hastily.

It’s still dark out, the curtains drawn.  Was it all a dream?  I look down, letting out a relieved sigh as Brian moans and turns onto his stomach.

‘You woke me up,’ he complains, stretching leisurely.

‘I’m sorry.  Weird dream.  Go back to sleep.’

‘Lie back down, then.’

‘You seemed to be doing fine.’

‘Zack, please!  I’ve been awake for the past hour and a half!’

‘What time is it?’

I spin around, staring at the clock to find it’s four in the morning.

‘You only got a half hour of sleep?’ I suddenly inquire, my tone softening as I look down at Brian.

His shoulders are hunched, a sure sign he’s crying again.  Sighing and shaking my head, I lie back down next to him, drawing him up in my arms and taking to rubbing his back.  He eventually calms down, falling asleep soon after, but I am left awake pondering what is going on in my mind right now.

I think it’s maybe six before I get anywhere.  I’m going completely nuts.  Brian’s hectic schedule and need for my constant company is driving me over the edge.  But, nevertheless, as I feel sleep coming on again, I sigh, let my subconscious take over, peck Brian on the cheek, and whisper as I drift off again,

‘I love you, Bri…’

--

Brian awoke me around noontime, half-splayed on top of me.  This time I make sure I’m not dreaming as he is tracing the tattoos on my chest.

Hesitantly, I question him, ‘Did you take off my shirt?’

‘Mmm,’ he murmurs, his breath tickling my bare skin.

‘Bri?’

‘Shh.’

‘Why?’

‘It’s calm.’

‘What are you talking about?’

‘Just be quiet and listen.’

Although thoroughly befuddled, I remain silent, relenting to a long sigh as Brian’s lengthy, drumming fingers dance across my chest.  And he was right.  Despite the fact that it is almost twelve thirty and the curtains are pulled open, it is dark outside, clouds covering the sky and rain splattering soundlessly down the window.  No birds are chirping, the hotel is quiet, and no disturbance disrupts the air.  Along with my steady breathing, Brian sounds like he is sleeping.

‘How are you feeling?’ I whisper after a little while of stillness, my hand instinctively gone to Brian’s hair at some point.

‘Much better.  I didn’t have anymore dreams.’

‘Really?’

‘Mhmm.’

‘How’s your fever?’

As I snake my hand around his forehead, he sighs and smiles slightly as I nod in satisfaction.

‘It must’ve broke sometime during the night.’

‘Can you just stop talking, Zack?’

I let out a long breath and close my eyes, returning to my running through his soft hair.

It is a good silent half an hour of him continuously retracing my tattoos before he speaks again, ‘I’m hungry.  I wanna go out to lunch.’

‘Where d’you wanna go?’

‘I dunno.’

‘We’ll walk around until we find something good.’

‘Alright.’

‘Hey, Bri,’ I suddenly pipe up as he’s sitting up, yawning and rubbing his eyes.

‘Yeah, Zack?’

‘No words about this, kay?’

‘What?  Us cuddling?  Sure, no words.’

And then he does the weirdest thing that, for some reason, totally feels right.  He fucking kisses me.  On the cheek, yes, but he still kisses me.  And I don’t do anything but sigh and smile.

‘You’re so giddy…’ he trails off, leaving me to wonder what exactly I’m giddy about…