There goes the red carpet.  Oh joy.  I’m left with its beautiful memories of suicide, but now I’m stuck in this claustrophobic room, cramped with the four people that hate me more than anything in this world.  So, what am I doing?  Curled up in the corner of the couch, chin resting between my knees, repeating that night over and over and over again in my head…

--

‘Is he doing better?’ Matt asks four hours later, digging his thumbs into the back of my neck.

‘He’s cooling down.  his fever broken about an hour ago, but he’s still having trouble breathing.’

‘Zack, can I ask you a question?’

‘Yeah, sure.’

‘Will you answer honestly?’

‘Maybe,’ I murmur curiously, not looking up at him.  It’s only he and I in the room, other than Brian, of course, so I’m a bit nervous.

‘You and Brian yesterday… what was going on?’

‘Nothing.’

‘Don’t give me that shit.  I walked in and he was fucking sitting on you.’

‘We were wrestling.’

There was no way I was getting out of this.  Brian was always the one that came up with the good stories.  Like, seriously.  Wrestling?  C’mon.

‘Nice boner you got from fucking wrestling.  Just tell me the truth.  Are you fucking fucking him?’

‘No.’

I was still staring fixedly at Brian, fiddling with his fingers.

‘Fine.  Are you – you know – dating him?’

‘Sort of.’

‘Fuck, Zack!’

‘What is the big deal?  Why is it so bad?’ I shout, throwing him a glare as I stand up.

‘You’re fucking gay!’

‘No, I’m not!’

‘Okay, if you are making out with Brian and dating him, you’re fucking gay!’

‘Matt, it’s not-’

‘You got fucking turned on by him!’

‘Fuck you, Matt!  Fuck!  You!  Get over it!  So what if I have feelings for Brian!  God forbid!  Fuck it all to hell!’

Matt’s eyes widen as I try to calm down.  Is it really that bad?

‘Do you like other guys?’ he suddenly asks quietly, staring at the floor.

‘Not that I know of.  If you’re getting at whether or not I think you’re hot, I don’t.’

‘That wasn’t… really what I was getting at.  But… you still like girls?’

‘Matt, this just happened the other day.  I haven’t been anywhere but this room, around the city, and the arena.  I haven’t seen Gena in, like, a week, so…’ I shrug, leaving the statement open.

‘Do you think you still would?’

‘Like girls?’

‘Yeah.’

‘No.’

‘So, you just like Brian?  That’s it?’

‘Yeah… I guess.’

‘That’s weird, man.’

‘That’s life.’

‘So… do you – you know – love him?’

‘I dunno.’

‘Zack, look, I’m trying to be cool with this, but it’s kinda hard when you won’t talk to me.’

‘Alright.  Fine.  You know I’ve loved Brian forever.  Now it’s just… different.’

‘What about Gena and Michelle?’

‘What about them?’

‘He means, how weird is it going to look when we suddenly both don’t have girlfriends.  We’ve already gone over this, Zack.’

I jump at Brian’s voice, thoroughly pleased to see he is awake and looking well.

‘How are you feeling?’ I query, sitting beside him and letting my hand drift to his face, caressing it softly.

‘Much better.  Thank you, doctor.’

‘My pleasure.’

Not even thinking, I bend down, placing a sweet kiss on his lips.

‘Okay, so – er – are we telling the band?’

I look up as Matt sends us an inquisitive glance.

‘Not yet,’ Brian responds, grabbing onto my shoulder and pulling himself into a sitting position.

‘So, Zack, we walking the bridge today?’

‘Brian,’ I start, turning a set of angry eyes upon him.

‘Don’t you dare Brian me.  We’re going.  Ah, ah, ah – I’m fine, love.’

‘Of course you are.  And I’m the Queen of England.’

‘Queen, alright,’ Matt mutters sarcastically before shutting the door behind him.

‘Good God, I thought he’d never leave,’ Brian grumbles before leaning forward and surprisingly capturing my lips.

He parts much too soon, smirking as I follow his lips as he’s pulling away.

‘You don’t mind if I just molest you sometimes?’ he whispers, tracing lines on my face and smiling angelically up at me.

‘You can molest me anytime you want,’ I counter, not letting him respond.

The kiss is small, short, and sweet, but it still leaves me breathless.  I’m not sure if I’d ever get used to the wondrous taste of Brian’s lips.

‘When are we leaving for Jersey?’ he suddenly questions, stretching leisurely before snuggling against me, running his hands up my back under my shirt, ‘Mmm, you smell good.  Are you wearing cologne?’

He starts kissing around my neck as I try to form coherent thoughts enough to answer him.

‘A little, yeah,’ I finally mumble, my fingers running through his long hair slowly, ‘I knew you liked this one.  You always steal it.’

‘Ooh, it’s that one?’

He buries his nose in my neck before lifting up and nibbling on my earlobe.

‘Brian, stop,’ I groan, trying to push him away.

‘Zack, you’re too scrumptious,’ he complains, biting the side of my neck softly, ‘You did say I could molest you, remember?’

‘Let’s go find that movie you wanted to watch.’

‘But, Zack…’

‘God, Bri, stop being such a horny bastard.  Go away.’

‘Fine,’ he finally sighs, pulling away and giving me a sad glance.

‘I’m really, really fucking glad this isn’t awkward,’ he suddenly murmurs before giving me a quick peck and then checking out into the bathroom singing.

I listen to his beautiful voice, softly singing along to the old Misfits tune.  As we continue, Brian walks back out, dropping his shorts as he does.

‘Fly the ocean in a silver plane.  Watch the jungle when it’s wet with rain.  Just remember ‘till you’re home again, you belong to me,’ he sings, winking in my direction as I fumble for the words and stare at his naked torso.

He dresses in faded jeans, three different belts, a chain, a color-splashed brown shirt, his leather jacket, Vans, and his black leather fedora.  I am in similar jeans, one belt (I don’t understand his fetish with a myriad of them), a plain white t-shirt, a matching leather jacket, Converse, and a net baseball cap with skulls on it.  we pack up our things in a quiet stillness, just enjoying each other’s company.  Once done, we latch our suitcases up with heavy duty tape, toss them off the balcony into the street below, and then proceed to leave our hotel room with our guitars in hand, one for each.  We receive many curious stares on the way down as we’re discussing our recent show and our plans for today.  Once everything is finally tucked safely away in the bus, we bid the guys goodbye and head off walking down the street.  We’ll be meeting them later at the arena.

It doesn’t take long before Brian and I pull our hats down a little lower, don our shades, and pull our jackets tighter around us.  As the bus zips by us, Brian smirks deviously before brushing his hand against mine.  I smile up at him, wiggling my fingers against his.  He just laughs and intertwines our hands, making my smile widen.

‘I know there’s a really good movie store here somewhere that sells independent films.  I looked before we got here,’ he pipes up.

‘Well, someone’s prepared.’

‘Speaking of being prepared…’ Brian trails off, squeezing my hand a little.

‘Are you feeling better enough?’

‘Zacky’s got a gutter mind,’ Brian sings, rocking his hips back and forth and making me sigh.

‘We have to be careful, you know,’ he says after he’s done poking fun.

‘I’m sure we’ll get a shitload of a lecture from Matt before long.’

‘Speak of the devil,’ Brian mutters, suddenly digging in his pocket.

My own phone is ringing obnoxiously.

‘Attack of the three-way,’ I grumble as we flip open our phones.

‘Hello Matthew,’ we chorus, sighing afterward.

‘You guys are a fuckload of work,’ he gripes and I can just hear the glare in his voice.

‘What did we do?  We’re just innocently walking down the street,’ Brian says, laughing.

‘Okay, well, I had to explain to the fuckers onboard why you were walking innocently down the street holding each other’s fucking hands.  I mean, not to mention you were cooped up in your room all weekend together even though it sounded like heavy sex in there half the time.  Oh, and let’s not forget the massive amount of gay movies Jimmy raided from your bags while he was being curious.  And, I can’t believe I almost didn’t remember!  You guys want to fucking ditch us and spend the day together.  What the fuck?’

I cringe at his pissed of tone as Brian sighs bitterly.  He looks over at me and I sigh similarly before he shrugs.

‘Matt, can we call you back?’ Brian questions, wriggling his fingers around nervously.

I run my thumb over his to reassure him as Matt responds, ‘What am I supposed to do in the time being?’

‘Just… ignore them.  We gotta figure this out.’

‘Okay, but they won’t hold back for long.’

‘We’ll hurry.’

Matt hangs up, so Brian and I put our phones away before he pulls me to a stop.

‘There’s a coffee shop right across the street.  Let’s go sit in there and mull this over.’

I nod in agreement before we quickly cross the street, dodging cars.

Once inside and with hot chocolates and apple pie, Brian begins, ‘We have to tell them.  They’re our best friends.  They’ll understand.’

‘Will they?’ I quickly shoot back, immediately regretting my harsh tone as his face falls.

‘Sorry,’ I mutter, lowering my eyes.

‘Whatever,’ he waves it away, shaking his head,’ Zack, don’t even think pessimistically.  It’s gonna be alright.’

I look up as Brian’s fingers brush against my clenched hand and I instantly relax my fingers, lacing them with his.

‘We need to learn to be inconspicuous,’ I suddenly say, smiling as he retreats his hand and sips at his hot chocolate, ‘I mean, can you imagine if someone knew us and took our picture?  Imagine what they would do.’

He just nods and leans back in his chair, and it swiftly totally looks like we’re just two guys hanging out, chitchatting about everyday things like the weather.