La Toya (apparently it's two words) Jackson. So, pretty much the only one of them left who hasn't become an object of international ridicule and self-parody. I'd be surprised if there's anything interesting to her. I'm trying to find the right words to describe her style; I think she's just got that kind of reality disconnect that's hard to avoid if you've been famous all your life. Probably not a bad person, but meh. She's the first one in, which means she gets to wander round and explore with nobody else there to talk to, and I think she's the first I've seen do that without shouting or squealing to herself the entire time. The quiet self-contained nature is endearing her to me somewhat, but it's not making for riveting TV.

I think it's a Sugababe. Probably doesn't matter which one, but it's Mutya. Oh, she's one of the ones who left. The cameraman likes her tattoos. She has some cute dogs. Eight cute dogs, apparently. Wasn't really listening to what she was saying, seems unobjectionable so far. Feels naked without her false nails. Okay, that I object to. They're being very self-restrained and quiet as they say hi, which is encouraging.

Mini-Me! The rumours were true! I will never get bored of this guy. Especially if he turns out to be a complete dick in real life. That would be hilarious. He seems cool though. The crowd are loving him. He's got to be in with a good shot at winning.

Tommy Sheridan. Who? Scottish politician. He "rose to infamy on the back of the anti poll tax campaign", he says. So, he did some protesting twenty or so years ago, which may or may not have been awesome, I can't really tell and wasn't paying much attention to politics at the time. Anything since then? Says he feels like he's been already living in the BB House for the last five years, but I've never heard of him, so maybe all that media scrutiny that's turned his life into a goldfish bowl has somehow passed me by. The crowd are less keen this time. Okay, he's a Socialist and a good friend of George Galloway's. I think that's his potential awesome points down the drain, then.

Lucy Pinder. Recognise the name, but not the face. (Or the tits, before you ask.) Quite attractive, but it's not obvious so far that she deserves to be famous for it. I'm getting a less contemptibly self-absorbed vibe from her than I might have expected, so far. Verne's seen her in the papers - this is the first indication any of them have given of recognising each other yet.

Ben Adams. Who? Oh goody, he was in A1. I want to hate him, but he seems nice enough too. Dammit, why can't these uninteresting famous people be the vapid moronic stereotypes I imagine them to be? And nobody's shouting obnoxiously in overblown excitement, what's up with that?

Tina Malone. Who? In Brookside. Great. Has OCD, that'll be entertaining. I think she just described herself as "unfatigable". Reckons she's the last person anyone would expect to do something like this. Which is clearly untrue, because you're doing something exactly like this, right now. You know who's less likely than you to do something like this? Everybody on the planet who doesn't want to do this, and so isn't doing this. I can only assume she's deeply out of touch with what an attention-seeker she is. The first one I've actually taken any kind of a disliking to.

Coolio. Hell yes. I like his style. Though right now, with the way he looks and talks, combined with my TV-watching habits lately, a part of my brain is expecting to see him having an intense discussion with Avon Barksdale and Stringer Bell.

Michelle Heaton. Who? Ah, from Liberty X. Seems nice enough.

Terry Christian. Hmm. I can't remember, was he sort of funny until he became basically a bit of a prick? Spent all his screen-time so far bitching about everyone who's ever criticised him and how they're all just jealous. Like that annoying actress woman whose name I've already forgotten, he's another one proudly declaring that he doesn't care how much he annoys people, which really seems to be missing the point.

One more: Uuuuuuulrika-ka-ka-ka-ka! Excellent.

Well, this could be fun. I like an unprecedented proportion of them so far, even though most of the rumours weren't actually true - I was denied Paris, and Cliff, and Lembit, and even Manuel's granddaughter - but I'm sure I'll be provoked to a homicidal rage by someone before too long. I'll provide regular updates for as long as I retain any interest.