Take Me Out Because I'm Ready For Your Best - /RANT by yahitslove (nolan)

Well now, this post is going to be very very bitchy.

First I'm fucking paranoid. I just finished my literature homework and I don’t have anything else to do except study for Spanish. Nothing else is due tomorrow that I should get done tonight. WTF!

Second, DEBATE! who would have guessed.
So my debate partner as of now is Tanya. I was asked if I wanted to be partners with Jorge, Luis or Tanya. I wrote on a note to Claire saying "Either Luis or Tanya. Not really Jorge." So Dodsworth finds out. He calls me out on. Nolan finds out the reason why I don't want Jorge. I told her it was cause he was a asshole to me on my birthday and I wanted to be partners with Tanya since last year (novice). So now I gotta make it work with Tanya but she has not shown up for 2 of the days we have to stay late. So tomorrow we are going to have a meeting with Nolan and Dodsworth. Im so fucking annoyed because they know they have to show up AND THEY DONT. I DONT WANT TO COME TO CLASS EITHER BUT I STILL DO. I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA HOW THEY JUST CUT CLASS KNOWING THAT NOLAN/DODSWORTH WILL GET THEM FOR IT. FUCKING DUMBASS PEOPLE! NO PEOPLE IS NOT THE WORDS - THE WORDS ARE NAMES - SAUL AND TANYA. I DONT KNOW WHAT THE FUCK GOES THROUGH THOSE 2 beaners's minds.
sorry to be racist but WHAT THE FUCK. they just leave like they are the fucking center of the FUCKING world.

This is making me seriously contemplate about whether or not I want to debate. It is only going to get harder.

Plus Dodsworth/Nolan are looking like they are putting their best stuff towards Lucy/Omar and Saul/Maribel which kills me. I don't think I even cross their minds as one of the good ones. I understand that Lucy/Omar gets to go to a tournament coming up but I don't understand Saul/Maribel. It is probably because (from my observations) Saul is Nolan's boytoy in a way. Also Saul is such a flirt anyways. I guess I kind of have this jealously feeling towards them that did get to go to camp. BUT THIS IS MY FUCKING JOURNAL SO I'LL SAY WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANT.

Anyways if i dont go to camp this summer before my senior year. FUCK DEBATE IM QUITTING IT! I dont want to debate a whole year just to have to watch others get what i want. ALL THAT I HAVE WANTED FROM DEBATE WAS TO GET TO GO TO CAMP (because I believe that, that is the only way Im going to get better). STAYING AFTER SCHOOL DOESNT HELP. TAKING TIME DURING THE YEAR DOESNT HELP. Dodsworth/Nolan TALKED SO MUCH ABOUT GETTING TO GO TO CAMP BUT AT ONE POINT THEY ARE LYING. I DONT WANT TO TELL THE NEW NOVICES THAT THEY PROBABLY WONT BE ABLE TO GO TO CAMP, TOO MUCH CAMP AND THEY MIGHT THINK THAT NEW NOVICES AND OTHERS VARSITY ARE WORTH SENDING THERE. if that is the reason and i dont get to go to camp like Texas, U of M, Northwestern, or Miami-Ohio. Then fuck it. Im just quitting.

I truly believe that if i go to camp then i WILL get better since I know they sent me there. Then I'll do my best. I just don't want to deal with it at school and learn stuff at the beginning of the year. I want to give up time before the summer to do it to get well prepared because suburbs kids are already starting school and practicing. I don't want to learn from kids in Chicago (cuz the camp the bulk of it was kids from chicago). I want to be with random kids from other states. Random GOOD KIDS who have a passion for debate (cuz isu wasnt passionate debate kids, just a bunch of A or AA chicago kids AND IM IN THE TOP (RCC)). Ones who can speed read, go line by line, dont sit there and say they just wanna play and not learn. I didn't get to be around those smart kids. I want to go to camp to be around smart kids who ask questions during discussions not just sit there like dumbasses! THAT WOULD TOTALLY HELP ME! but im afraid i might not get it. I will work and benefit because I know Im in a competative environment and doing at stuff at school doesnt count. Im just too tired. Things happen day after day along with other things during the school day. Its just too much and its not working from emprical evidence.

Third, it is my JUNIOR YEAR
ACT/SAT FUCK if i dont do good on it then im fucked. Even if i get into the college i want i will still beat myself for not doing better. more on this in later posts.

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