He shuddered a little as he leaned back against the back of the bench and looked ahead at the people passing by. He shoved one hand in his pocket, the other brushing a strand of hair out of his eyes.Rubbing his hands together in an attempt to keep them warm, Kame looked up when he heard someone approach. He smiled just a little at the tall man approaching, hands shoved in his pockets and an unsure, awkward look on his face as he looked at Kame. The younger man moved over a little on the bench, staring up into the brown eyes of the taller man.
“Hey” the other man said softly, awkwardly.
Kame, however, continued to stare up at him, and finally replied with a, “Hi”
An awkward silence stemmed from too much of this same awkwardness over the past months fell over them and Kame sighed once, watching as the cold puff of air escaped his lips.
“Are you…waiting for a ride?” Jin asked the youngest member of KAT-TUN, tilting his head to look at Kame with curious eyes. If anybody looked hard enough, they would be able to see that those eyes were filled with a little hint of remorse when looking at the younger man.
“Kind of” Kame said with a hint of a smile on his lips, “What about you?” he asked. Just like Jin, he too was trying to make small talk, trying to cover up the awkward tension that existed between them nowadays.
“I have my car” Jin said with a shrug, “But I saw you when I was walking by and…” he looked down nervously, “I was just wondering if you needed a ride”
“Oh…” Kame said, unable to say anything to that. He found that there was nothing he could say to that; no matter what he said, it seemed like it would have sounded accusing, taunting.
When I wanted you to be there, you never came…
Now when I don’t need or want you to anymore…you’re here…
“Well, do you want me to wait with you then?” Jin offered after a moment of nothing but silence.
“No, it’s…” Kame trailed off, “He’ll be here soon”
The implication of that sentence did not escape Jin.
I don’t need you to be there for me. Not anymore..
Taking a deep breath, Jin turned with a bit of a forced smile and a wave and left to get his car. Kame watched him, struggling against the urge to tear up. Jin had apologized, Jin had tried to fix things so that they could be like they used to be but…
You weren’t the one there for me when I felt the most alone…
--
Kame lifted his eyes as he heard the sound of the door opening and a figure slip into the spot next to him. Without even needing to see the face, he knew at once who it was and he stayed in his position, huddled on the steps on the cold autumn day and waiting once again, for a ride that would never come.
Yamapi glanced over at Kame, before he sat down closer to the younger man.
Kame looked up in surprise, a hint of a smile on his lips as he looked at Yamapi, “Are you waiting again?” he asked in soft tones.
Yamapi tilted his head before nodding, “You are too”
“…yeah…”
“Today’s the tenth day in a row, isn’t it?” Yamapi asked gently. He didn’t say it accusingly or condescendingly but there was no doubting the fact that Kame stiffened at the mention of that.
“…you’ve been counting?”
“I’ve been sitting out here with you for the past ten days” Yamapi said with a little shrug and then playing with the bottom of his shirt, “How long are you going to wait today?”
Kame smiled sadly, “Is it stupid?”
Yamapi was silent.
“Is it stupid to believe that he might come, that the one I love won’t leave me out here like this?” Kame was gripping his hands; his fingers were digging in so hard that Yamapi was scared he might break the skin and make himself bleed again.
Kame looked…
Broken.
Without thinking, Yamapi took Kame’s hands in his, making Kame stop digging his fingernails into his skin, to make him stop making himself bleed…stop hurting himself. A tear flowed from Kame’s eye and Yamapi stared as it left its trail on Kame’s cheek.
“Kame…” Yamapi started, before he shrugged off his jacket, ignoring the cold, harsh wind blowing at his exposed arms and flung the jacket around Kame, giving the younger man even more warmth.
Kame looked up in surprise.
“You need it more than I do” Yamapi said with a shrug, as he stood up, and with a wave, headed over to the car that had stopped in front of the building, sending Kame a sad, reassuring smile as he disappeared into the car.
Kame stared after Yamapi, holding the jacket he was given tighter around his body, and as he waited for the next few hours, sitting in the cold, the jacket was wrapped tighter and tighter around his body until he was practically hugging it.
It was just so warm...
And oddly, comforting.
Kame fisted the jacket in his hands when he started on his way home hours after Yamapi left, refusing to take the jacket off even when he got into the house. Even though Yamapi had left, also leaving him in the cold, he had at the same time, given Kame something to keep himself warm…
It was almost as though Yamapi cared.
--
He let out a sigh as he watched the younger man sit out on the steps again.
As always.
Yamapi shifted his bag off his shoulder and set it down next to Kame, who looked up with a bit of a smile, a far cry from the stoic politeness Yamapi used to receive when they had just started filming.
He sat on his heels, in a spot next to Kame who smiled a sad smile as he looked out at the street again. Yamapi could tell that Kame was breaking, little by little; his heart was starting to give up, wanting to escape from the heartbreak and disappointment of always waiting for Jin…but Jin never coming.
Every time he saw those disappointed, heartbroken eyes, Yamapi just wanted to take Kame’s hands and help him gather up the broken pieces of the younger man’s heart.
He wanted to help Kame fix himself.
“Kame” he said quietly, causing the younger man to look up at him.
When Kame was looking at him, Yamapi suddenly didn’t know what to say. He knew Jin wasn’t coming; he knew Kame knew that Jin wasn’t coming. But he couldn’t bear to break that hope for Kame.
His heart felt like breaking just a little.
Because it almost felt like…if he destroyed that hope, Kame would actually, truly break, and the last thing Yamapi wanted was to see Kame hurt that much.
The sound of a car passing by made Kame look up and Yamapi let out a sigh as he sat down on the cold steps, right next to Kame, who looked up with a trace of tears in his eyes.
The younger man’s hands were shaking, Yamapi noticed and without a second thought, he took his hands and held the other man’s hands tightly. His hands, still warm, was a stark contrast to Kame’s freezing ones. The shivering man looked up in surprise at Yamapi’s actions, before a small grateful smile crossed his lips.
“Thank you” he said a bit hoarsely.
Yamapi merely smiled at Kame.
“I don’t want you to freeze to death” he teased, purposely making his voice as light sounding and cheery as possible as he pulled Kame’s shivering body closer to his.
Kame laughed a little, unconsciously drawing in even closer to Yamapi, “I think you’re the only one”
--
Once again, when Yamapi walked out of the side entrance of the building, Kame was sitting on the steps. And as always, since they were using the back entrance in which only authorized people to get through to, Kame was sitting alone, no need to worry about being spotted in public by anyone. After all, everyone else who worked here had either already left or were still working inside. Kame was always alone when Yamapi found him on these steps.
Kame’s jacket was zipped up tightly and he was blowing into his hands to make them warm again. Yamapi smiled just a little, as he sat down next to Kame. The younger man looked up with a welcoming smile at Yamapi.
Yamapi let out an amused sigh as he took Kame’s hands in his and held them, warming them up. Kame looked surprised, and then amused at Yamapi, a smile breaking out on his face.
“Now there’s a smile” Yamapi said teasingly, “I haven’t seen that in a while”
Kame responded with a little laugh, which made Yamapi smile brightly in return, glad to finally see Kame laugh like that. He tilted his head at Kame for a moment, “You seem very happy today” he commented, wrapping an arm around Kame’s shoulders.
Kame was always cold for some reason, Yamapi found out quickly in all his time sitting out here with Kame. So Yamapi found himself always touching Kame, whether it be his hands or his shoulders, he was always giving Kame some sort of warmth. Yamapi liked to lie to and fool himself that he was not just someone who was conveniently there for Kame when Jin couldn’t – or refused to – be.
He liked to lie to himself and believe he was important.
Just for a moment.
Like when Kame would lean into his arms, accepting and enjoying the comfort that Yamapi offered so easily to him, he liked to believe that Kame truly liked being in Yamapi’s arms, and was not just accepting the warmth, because it was the only one offered…
Kame looked back at Yamapi, a sad smile playing at his lips for a moment, “I realized something and decided something today…”
Yamapi tilted his head, heart pounding at that sad smile that had flashed across Kame’s lips.
Kame moved to sit on his heels as he looked at the ground and then he looked back up at Yamapi, “I think…no, not think; I’ve decided. I’m not going to wait anymore” he said with a soft, sad smile, “I’m not going to wait for Jin anymore”
Yamapi felt his breath hitch, as he looked at Kame.
“Why?” he managed to croak out in a whisper, “You…you love him don’t you?” There was a long silence where Kame tilted his head, “…but I realized something…” he started. Yamapi waited for him to explain but Kame just looked at him and after a moment, Yamapi moved back and almost fell over in shock when Kame leaned forward and softly pressed his lips against Yamapi’s. The only thing keeping Yamapi from toppling over backwards and sending them both sprawling across the stone steps of the building were his own palms pressing against the ground to keep himself propped up.
Kame drew away a moment later, looking into Yamapi’s eyes intently and Yamapi stared back in shock, his fingers flexing, and wanting to take Kame’s hands, believe that what just happened was real and true… “You care more about me more than Jin does or ever will” Kame whispered softly to Yamapi, “It will never work out if only one person cares, and…I…I care about you...”
“Care?” Yamapi repeated, a little bewildered and wondered if Kame knew that care had many different meanings. But then again, with Kame and the fact that he loved – had loved, Yamapi realized with a start as Kame’s words sunk in – Jin, care probably only meant one thing in Kame’s mind.
Without warning, he sat up and grazed his lips softly across Kame’s, hands tightening around Kame’s shoulders as he pulled the younger man closer to him in a tight embrace.
“I like you too” Yamapi whispered into Kame’s ear, “I like you, I like you, I like you”
Kame smiled and he rested his head on Yamapi’s shoulder as his hands travelled up Yamapi’s back to press the older man’s body closer, “I know. I know you care”
And as Yamapi moved his head to rest on top of Kame’s, he knew he had been right.
To Kame, care meant the same thing as love.
--
The second time Kame heard footsteps approaching him, the site of the shoot had been cleared of everyone, and the area of the park they had used was still closed off. Kame looked up when he heard the footsteps and stopped rubbing his hands together. A familiar face smiled down at him, and then took a seat next to him on the bench. Yamapi looked at Kame and slowly took the younger man’s hands in his, holding them to warm them up.
“Were you waiting long?” Yamapi asked, sounding a bit guilty that he had to make Kame wait.
Kame shook his head with a smile, “Not that long. I know it takes you a while to get out of there anyways”
Yamapi still looked a bit upset with himself, “I don’t like making you wait like that” he murmured under his breath as he wrapped an arm around Kame.
“And I told you it was alright” Kame said with a teasing smile, “Since it’s you, I know you’ll show up eventually”
Yamapi looked at Kame curiously, “Are you talking about that time I showed up completely drenched and still wearing the clothes from my shoot?” he asked a bit embarrassedly, remembering how Kame had laughed a little, looking up at Pi from under his umbrella and then proceeded to call him sweet, pulled him under the umbrella and then kissed him.
“Why yes, yes I am” Kame said smiling brightly as he took Yamapi’s hand in his again, “I love you” he said finally, looking up at Pi with his dark brown eyes before he tilted his head up and kissed the older man. Yamapi’s eyes widened with surprise for a moment before he closed his eyes and moved his arm from around Kame’s shoulders, to the small of Kame’s back, pressing the younger man closer to him as they kissed.
“I love you too” Yamapi breathed out when they pulled apart, “I love you, I love you, I love you”
“I know” Kame said with a soft, loving smile as he leaned up to kiss Yamapi on the lips again. This kiss was brief but was soft and lingering, and it made Yamapi’s heart flutter just a little. Kame took Yamapi’s hand and tugged on it, “Let’s go home now?” he asked. Yamapi nodded and stood up, walking alongside Kame, their hands intertwined, Kame’s fingers folded on his knuckles.
He paused for a moment to bring Kame’s hand, still locked with his, to his lips and smiled at the flush that crossed Kame’s face, but there was also a pleased smile on Kame’s face, which made Yamapi smile brightly.
He loved Kame.
Kame, who loved him just as much as he loved him.
Kame, who Yamapi cared about the most in the world.
--- END --
yes, that's it~~ it was originally supposed to have an alternate akame ending, but...it might have ended up much angstier if it did =P so i decided to spare you guys from the angst XDDD btw, lj is really really pissing me off today >< it keeps messing up the richtext and html and fajd;fkdsjf like stupid lj cuts end right after the first paragraph instead of where they're supposed to so i'm trying to manually fix them but i don't know if they work and just adkfjs;df *kills lj*
PP next~~ *goes to write*
