Death. He had always thought about it as something that wasn’t that big of a deal. After all, everyone would eventually leave this world when their time had come. It always seemed like something natural and simple—the process of a soul freed from the body that held it captive. Jin had never been afraid of it—rather, he welcomed death. But now… now what? It was so much bigger, so much more threatening, so much scarier. He now feared it, he despised it. It was the force of nature that held him and Kazuya a world apart. They had never been in the same realm to begin with but the truth of these raw facts hit him like a bullet right to his heart. It was inevitable and as much as he tried to push the daily reminders down, down, down deep into his soul, they always managed to hit him right when it hurt most.
He would never be with Kazuya.
And there it lay before him—menacing, gut-wrenching, but nonetheless it was the definite, undeniable truth. It would always be that way. So what if he put Kazuya to rest? So what if he sent him to a better place? Jin had always been a selfish person and as much as he tried to stop those feelings from bubbling inside of him, he knew they were still there, they were angry, dark, and brewing. And he knew, he simply knew, even if he had finished what he originally set out to do and fix that poor broken soul he had grown so attached to, at the end of the road, he could never go back to living the way he did. Where would he go next? Throw his life away and lose contact with everyone? Find another meaningless job and drag his way through life? Go clubbing and become another alcoholic? He was lost in himself and in the world. The only thing that brought him the tiniest flicker of hope would one day disappear from him forever and he could simply not ignore the pendulum in his hollow heart ticking away faster than he could count. The time would soon be here when he was alone again. And then. Then? What would happen, then?
---
“You have got to be kidding me, Jin,” Kazuya chuckled out loud. In all those fairytales Jin had read since he was a little kid, he had remembered the countless stories about the beings with the angelic voices. Well if there really were such things as angels, there was no doubt they would sound exactly like Kazuya.
Jin felt his own mouth curve into a smile and laughter bubbled in his throat, his eyes crinkling happily at the sight before him. Kazuya was standing in front of him, one hand on his hip and on hand clutching tightly to the waistband of the jeans 5 sizes too big for his tiny body. A long, baggy t-shirt draped from his shoulders hung loosely over his thin waist and bunched up ridiculously around his arms.
Jin found himself unable to hold in the snicker any longer and he let out a loud noise, howling in laughter. Honestly, the things this man made him do. One moment he was ready to tear his heart out and stomp on it and the next he had him laughing till he was crying.
“Hey, it looks really good on you,” Jin joked, letting his gaze fall over the other’s body again and finding that he felt too much pleasure at looking at Kazuya’s graceful, long uncovered neck. Kazuya pouted lazily as he rolled his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest, accidentally letting the oversized jeans fall to the ground and revealing his pale, long legs. Jin watched with fascination as the beautiful creature flushed a coral pink and watched as relief washed over his face when the shirt, long enough to be a dress ruffled over the unnecessary bare skin and concealed it once again.
Jin quickly flicked his gaze away and stared up at the murky gray sky, the clouds gradually disappearing ominously into the darkness that was quickly growing around him. His heart hammering inside of him was nearly deafening and it grew more aching with every passing second.
“Thanks for the effort of bringing me your clothes, Jin, but apparently they don’t fit too well. Don’t worry about it alright? I’m fine in that old dress, I’ve gotten used to it after around twenty years now,” Kazuya said softly, smiling gently at Jin as he swiftly bent down and yanked the jeans back up to his waist again.
“Hmm…yeah, I had no idea they’d be so big! I’ll go buy you some better fitting clothes the next time I come, okay?” Jin replied with a low chuckle, his eyes fluttering shut as he took in a refreshing breath of cool air.
“No, no, I said don’t worry about it,” Kazuya insisted as light steps brought him only a foot away from Jin, his eyes shining brightly in the dim alley.
“But it’d be nice to get out of that dress, wouldn’t it?” asked Jin. His fingers suddenly started doing something he wasn’t even aware; they reached out slowly, hesitantly and came in contact with Kazuya’s cheekbone, brushing away a stray hair strand and flittering over the soft skin, carefully trailing his fingers tips to the corner of Kazuya’s pink lips. His touch was soft, wary, as if he were afraid he would break Kazuya if he used any force—the eyes were already broken enough as it was. Jin could feel the chill of Kazuya’s skin creep through his fingernails to the tips of his fingers and he shivered. He shivered yet he welcomed the coldness for it was the only thing that reassured him Kazuya was there and not just a mirage, not just an illusion. Seeing as his features were nearly translucent and his voice softer than music, Jin nearly half-expected Kazuya to be a hallucination and crumble to dust at Jin’s touch. The coldness on his skin calmed him.
Kazuya blinked up at him with an unreadable expression, his eyes filled with sorrow but at the same time contentedness, his fingers somehow grasping onto Jin’s and the cold was almost overwhelming but it was perfect. Jin wanted to stay like that forever, Kazuya’s fingertips brushing the back of Jin’s hand and Jin’s palm cupped around his defined jawbone. Their eyes gazing intensely into each other, unblinking, unmoving—their minds racing a mile a second as they spun dizzily into their own world, temporarily free from the real world that fastened them apart because of what they were: one a human, and one a spirit.
“You need to go before it gets dark, Jin, or else it will be hard to find your way back, the place around here tends to warp the mind if you don’t know it well…” Kazuya warned, breaking the spell of the silent evening. He looked back into Jin’s eyes sadly one last instance before he pulled away, the soothing coldness of his skin leaving Jin’s touch.
Jin nodded once, struggling to understand but nonetheless obeying the other’s words. Turning to walk away, Jin threw back a final glance and whispered, “You can keep the clothes, Kazuya, I don’t want them back.”
He then whipped his head back around and bore his gaze into the ground, feet moving beneath him as he skidded down the alleyway, hair flying behind him freely like a tangled lion’s mane. And the words that echoed in his mind were, Thanks for everything, Jin.
---
His dreams were always the same: Kazuya’s piercing gaze burning into him and his cold touch scorching his skin, his eyes haunting him. But something was different that night, his visions were no longer filled with Kazuya, but instead, it was something entirely different. A place. A place he hadn’t seen in a long time. It was his childhood summer house. Jin watched eagerly as he saw the little blue room that he used to stay in, the glass vase that held a single daisy every time they stayed there, the blurry windows hidden in two small corners of the room with their splintered wooden frames and old, crumpled yellow curtains. He saw the furry blue mat behind the door that welcomed him every summer and the two fluffed-up pillows that lay waiting for him to hop on as soon as they arrived there. Beyond the murky windows were acres and acres of grassy fields, the sun sinking low and breathtaking behind the purple and red clouds just at the edge of the horizon. He saw the creaky wooden floorboards that were lined perfectly through the entire house, the plush leather couches in the living room, the huge bay window that was in the attic, the peeling yellow paint of the walls except for the deep indigo blue in his own room. Then there were the impossibly clear blue skies, the humid heat waves wafting around the house constantly, the little creek beside the tree that held the tiny tire swing. If Jin focused enough, he could almost hear the soothing hum of the creek as the water rippled over the small pebbles, smoothing and wearing them down over the years. His parents had signed a contract with the owner of the house to stay there for three months every summer until the year Jin turned nine years old. That was when everything changed, his father devastatingly got a severe case of cardiac disease and that summer Jin spent his days in the hospital. His life came to a drastic, screeching halt and everything tumbled aimlessly behind him, nothing would be the same again. Jin had always wished he would someday see that little house again, he loved that place—all his favorite childhood memories grew from there and suddenly here it was—clearer than ever in his dreamlike state.
Then something hit him.
It was as if the place was calling out to him, beckoning him to come. From the soft, prancing bunnies kept in a shack in the back of the house to the secret tree house that was built in a giant willow tree—everything seemed to call out to him, as if the house held some kind of secret. There was even a little cemetery beside the rabbit shack, a couple tombstones were scattered randomly across the endless backyard, stretching out beyond into the fields of tall grasses and wildflowers. The last thing Jin saw was the shriveled owner of the house, an ancient man with hair as white as snow and cold beady eyes—he used to give Jin the creeps when he was a little kid, always silently watching over his house and not saying much, but when he did it was of the most peculiar things… he would usually whisper eerily about a shadow that haunted him day and night, a shadow that did not belong to him but of the young woman with the long, long dark flowing hair. The woman was never to be seen, he told Jin one night, but he could always tell when she was there, her shadow was constantly following him, never giving him a moment’s peace. It was the curse he had put upon himself, he would often mutter senselessly to Jin, eyeing him sharply when Jin ever played near the cemetery and shooing him away every time saying things like “Don’t play near there, foolish child, you’ll disturb her…”
And then Jin woke up, beads of sweat forming at the nape of his neck and smeared across his forehead. His heart was racing in his chest, thumping brutally inside him. Glancing at the clock and seeing that it was only one in the morning, Jin slumped back down against his lumpy pillow, the vision of the house fading away in his mind. What was that all about, so suddenly? Jin wondered to himself as he stared at the deep shadows in his room, like little caves they shrouded him into the darkness.
Recalling the last fragments of his dream, Jin felt chilled to the bone as goosebumps made their way along his thighs and arms. He knew what he had to do as soon as possible—he had to return there. He had to go back to that house and find out what was calling to him to urgently, a sort of inexplicable force was captivating him and pulling him towards it and he had no choice but to return to it and find out just what it was.
He felt like there was something important waiting for him there.
Perhaps, his answer would come from the lady with the long black hair that he sometimes saw behind the windows.
---
The next morning Jin was already well on his way to the countryside where he would be able to find the house again—he remembered the directions there by heart since it was like another home to him, always welcoming him, it seemed, with open arms. The loops of wire fence that flew by outside the window as the train rumbled away deafeningly fast reminded Jin of the wire railing that surrounded the old, small cottage. He longed to run his calloused palm against the smooth coolness of the metal again under his skin—he could barely wait to return to the place that held so many of his heartwarming childhood memories.
Jin awoke with a decided certainty in his step—as soon as his eyes flew open, he immediately called the station to reserve a ticket and get the times. Somehow, in some mind-boggling way, he felt as if something was drawing him to the place like a magnet, forcing him to have no choice but leave as soon as an opportunity arrived. In his hurry, Jin nearly forgot to tell his parents but managed to remember just in the nick of time and he left them a messily scribbled note on the fridge. It read:
Dear mom and dad,
I’m going to out of town for a few days.
Remember that little house we used to vacation in every summer?
I decided to go back and visit for a while, I sorta miss it.
Don’t worry about me, I’ll be back soon.
Love, Jin.
Regretfully, he didn’t get to see Kazuya a last time before he left, which meant he didn’t get to say goodbye either. There was a sharp pain as Jin realized he missed the latter already and he found himself wishing he hadn’t been in such a frenzied hurry…Sighing heavily, Jin slowly dragged his gaze over to the windows beside him, patches of sunlight flickered across the seats as the train made its way deeper into the countryside. By now, it had been nearly 2 hours on the train and Jin started to see the silver that seems to trace around the clouds delicately in this part of the sky, he started to see the bright sunshine illuminating a field of colorful flowers, but most clearly, he started to see the five year old Jin, swinging his legs merrily as he sat in this very same train, looking eagerly out the window just like the twenty-four year old Jin was doing now.
And when the train screeched to a halt in front of an old fashioned, all-too-familiar train station, Jin took in a deep breath and glanced at the sky, his heart racing unexplainably in his chest. A small, gentle wind kicked up around the heels of his feet as if to whisper soothingly, Welcome home, Jin.
---
The dirt path was still exactly the same, little yellow rocks lined the edge almost perfectly as beyond it stretches miles and miles of pure green grass—a sweet smell of honeydew filled Jin’s nostrils as he shuffled excitedly down the road.
Is it even possible to miss a lifeless thing this much? Because Jin was sure as hell no one had ever felt this randomly near tears when they saw their childhood house. There it was before him, smaller than he ever remembered because he was all grown up now. The medium-sized tree that loomed over the front of the house had grown into a huge giant maple, orange and crimson leaves crunching under his steps. Everything else seemed exactly the same, he could see the little tire swing down far right of the house and the rippling brook that flowed merrily on into eternity, the sun casting pretty patterns on its ever-changing surface. He could see the blue front door to the miniature house only a little far off in the distance, he could see the quaint red shingles that lay perfectly across the roof, the paled yellow mat that used to say “Welcome” but was now faded and looked more like “WE ME”.
Suddenly a burst of emotion flushed through him like a powerful wave and hot tears spilled out due to the force of the jolt. Painful, happy, blurry memories flashed through Jin’s eyes like a sepia-toned old video, it’s audio half gone and the quality bad but his heart still reacted warmly to it. He had been away much too long.
Without any warning at all, a little girl came running from behind the house, a half-melted popsicle spilling onto her hands, her hair up in cut little pigtails at the top of her head and a huge smile on her face. Her eyes lit up even more (if that were possible) when she spotted Jin.
“HI!” she shrieked happily, bouncing energetically towards him, her hair flouncing in the air as she pranced around.
Jin felt himself let out a relieved chuckle and reached up to wipe the fallen, unnoticed tears from his cheeks, smiling warmly and gently down at the exuberant child in front of him.
“Well, hello, there!” Jin found himself replying just as energetically.
“WHY ARE YOU CRYYYYIN’? ARE YOU OKAY?” chirped the little girl, innocent eyes staring at him concernedly, her little eyebrows furrowing in the middle.
“O-oh, that? Yeah, I’m fine, just got some dirt in my eye, that’s all…and who might you be?” he asked, leaning down to look at her face-to-face.
“You’re lying~~~” she pouted, “You were crying! Don’t cry! It makes Midori sad!”
Jin laughed again, despite the half-hearted angry expression on her face.
“Midori, ne? Well aren’t you a little cutie—“
His words were cut off by another voice, gentle but stern.
“Hello there, and who might this young gentleman be,” interrupted the voice. “Mi-chan, you’re not bothering this young man, are you?”
Silver-gray eyes greeted Jin as he quickly looked up, flushing at how ridiculous he must have looked imitating the girl’s animated expressions. The woman before him had an exquisite face, sharply defined cheekbones and a prominent nose; her lips, Jin noted, reminded him of the fresh color of watermelons.
“Oh, hey, sorry for intruding so suddenly. The name’s Akanishi Jin. I used to live here for vacations in the summer…I just decided to visit since I haven’t been here in almost fifteen years…nothing’s changed much…” Jin trailed off, flushing again at his rambling nonsense.
The silver eyes crinkled up into a smile as she stuck out an inviting hand, “Well, welcome then! I’m Fumiko Takahashi, by the way. My uncle used to own this place until he passed away two years ago and I ended up inheriting it.”
Jin felt a rush of nostalgia as he reached out to shake her hand, feeling warmth flooding from her skin—completely the opposite feeling when he touched Kazuya. Her deep set gray eyes reminded him of her uncle suddenly, always staring at Jin with that piercing gaze of his.
“Oh, really? So Mr. Takahashi passed away, did he? I’m sorry to hear that…he was a quiet, peaceful old man…I think I might even miss him a bit,” Jin murmured, not being able to believe that the man who seemed to age beyond a hundred years and pass his time had finally passed away…it was almost shocking, not seeing him greet Jin at the door silently like he used to do so many years ago.
The woman’s gaze fell as she quietly pulled up the stray hair strands in Midori’s hair and retied the pigtails on her head. “Yes…he always kept to himself—even when he died, there was really no big deal. His death was even mysterious—just like he was. He was always complaining about this lady that tormented him until the very day he died. Everyone thought he was out of his mind and thought that he simply died from old age and insanity…but somehow I felt like he was telling the truth..I just found it strange that in his will he passed this house on to me and not my father or something. Though he never had any children so I guess it’s not a surprise he wanted someone young and capable to take over…”
Jin nodded solemnly, “I’m sorry about your loss, but as you mentioned, he did always talk about a woman that followed him…”
“No, no! don’t worry about a thing, I guess we shouldn’t think too much about his unannounced death since he was always a strange man, I kind of expect this sort of thing from him. I was just wondering about his odd ways since I’ve never understood him…but—Oh! I’m terribly! I’ve kept you standing out here in the heat talking about my dead uncle! How about a nice cup of ice tea?” Fumiko gasped, flustered as he grabbed Jin’s arm abruptly and pulled him inside the house.
They settled down at the kitchen table set up neatly against a yellow wall with a window right next to the table—a warm flood of light spilling onto the mahogany wood, casting soft-edged shadows over the glass jug and teacups on the table. There was a warm, hazy atmosphere in the air that made Jin almost sleepy, everything was so warm and yellow and comforting—a feeling he hadn’t felt since he was a child. Everything about the place was familiarly nostalgic and it brought flashes of memories into Jin’s mind.
“Akanishi-senpai!” Midori chirped optimistically as she swung her legs underneath the table with the cheerfulness of a little child—the cheerfulness that Jin missed all those years of darkness. “How old are you?”
Smiling lightheartedly back at the innocent girl next to him, he ruffled up her hair and whispered, “A hundred years!” into her ears which made her eyes grow huge and excited.
“MOM!! Did you hear that? Akanishi-senpai is OLDER THAN YOU!!” she screeched—overexcited.
Her mother chuckled as she appeared beside the table, refilling Jin’s half-empty cup of ice tea and looking at her child adoringly, “Is he now?”
Jin laughed despite himself, his voice echoing loudly against the four walls of the petite kitchen and seemed to melt in with the blissful sunshine. He had missed this sort of simple life too much…way too much.
And something hit him—hard. He had yet to see the little rabbit shack in the back and the ancient cemetery that lay silently beneath the ground—he seemed to miss these two things more than anything, for some odd reason.
“Uhm…sorry to interrupt…but you don’t happen to still have that little rabbit shack out in the back, do you?”
“Rabbit shack? We sure do! We left everything exactly the same since my uncle owned the place, it seemed wrong to break any of the ancient traditions. A few of the bunnies sadly didn’t make it till today but we bought a couple new ones to replace them, I hope that’s okay with you,” Fumiko said, setting down the tea kettle with a soft clink on the table as she glanced curiously at Jin.
“I-if you don’t mind…you think I could take a look in the backyard? I haven’t been there for ages…” Jin trailed off, biting his lip nervously.
“Oh! Sure, go right ahead! It is your childhood house in any case and you’re welcome to go visit any part of it you’d like,” Fumiko bowed slightly and tiptoed over to the door, opening it as she showed him outside.
“Thank you, I’ll be back as soon as I visit my little bunnies,” Jin smiled gratefully, taking a careful step on the stones leading a path to the back. He heard Fumiko usher Midori inside and close the door gently, its creaking coming to a stop as it latched close.
The backyard was now over grown with weeds and plants of all sorts, the grass becoming dried and yellowed over the years, moss growing freely and wildly across the back of the house. A gentle breeze carried a wave of dust into the air, clouding Jin’s vision even more than it already was. He sighed peacefully, letting the fullness of the tranquil afternoon sun bathe him in comfort and contentedness.
As he picked his way watchfully over the rows of stone steps, he could see the worn down old tombstones crumbling underneath the weight of their age and the beating of the heat. It was a sight he longed to see. This was the only cemetery that didn’t scare him—even when he was a little child. He always felt a sense of belonging and gentleness about the place so he used to play amongst there often, causing the landowner, Mr. Takahashi, to scold him frequently. But Jin didn’t mind, he couldn’t help himself most of the time—feeling an odd attraction to the place. It was always inexplicably calm and refreshing amongst the aged stones, like a tender breeze always caressed his soul. Even now, nearly twenty years later…he still felt a sense of belonging as he stopped in front of the rows of gravestones.
Suddenly, the atmosphere of the bright and happy afternoon shifted unexpectedly as Jin’s eyes caught something he never thought he would see in his life. From the tips of his fingers to the pounding rhythm of his heart, his blood ran cold. He could not believe his eyes. The warm gentle wind suddenly became menacingly cold against his sensitive skin and a shiver crawled up his spine. There was absolutely no way this could be true! This could not be happening! He chanted to himself over and over again, a repeating mantra in his mind. Jin blinked once and rubbed his eyes fervently but when he opened them again, it remained the same. It was real. Real. And definitely not a coincidence…No. no…NO! This is a prank. It has to be …oh my god. There is no fucking way. Jin’s mind screamed at him, making him reel backwards in horror and shock.
On one of the tombstones that was crumbling away into nearly a pile of dust and rocks, three words were still legible…they read, The Kamenashi Siblings.
---------------------end chapter----------------------
A/N: not much else to say cept super sorry for my epicfail D: i didnt mean to neglect it for so long T_T i hope ppl will still read it even though its been like 57575878 years D: support and comments would be SUPER DUPER appreciated ;o; again, im so sorry and i hope this was worth the wait. it was my first time writing anything after my hiatus so i REALLY enjoyed writing this, fortunately ;D
