I hate bumper stickers on cars. Mostly because they all suck at conveying what that person is like or feels. For example: Last week I was buying groceries when I walked out of the store toward my car to unload my cart. Parked directly in front of me was some weird kid that was in my college English class freshmen year. He was kissing all over some ugly girl and when he closed his trunk I saw a baby carrier in their buggy. I think we can all assume what this guy has been doing with his life. Of course we leave at the same time and I'm behind him in the turning lane. I see a solo purple sticker on the back of his car that I can't really make out. So I get about bumper to bumper with this guy and read "1000 sperm and you were the quickest?!" "That's what he chose to burden the back of his trunk and my eyes with?", I said to myself. I though for about a minute of the scenario where he walks into a store, sees this sticker on a bumper sticker rotating tree and says "YES THIS! This is the perfect way to convey my humor, and personality!"

Let's fast forward now.

Today I walked outside to my car to discover some jackass had parked so close to me that I need to enter my car from the passenger side. Low and behold what do you think this person has on their car? That's right, 5 fucking bumper stickers. One for Bonaroo 2007 another one for Thailand and well after that point I just stopped committing such crap to memory and kicked the bumper. After all, I was the one who was not only parked there first, but in the absolute fucking middle of the lines. Just then a girl then walks up to the car to the right of me. She obviously saw me kick the other car. I walk over to my passenger side and start throwing my bags in the back seat.

After an hour drive I get to Howland, OH and pull into a McDonald's to get some food because I was running late and didn't get a chance to eat. Any other day of my life I would have been ecstatic to find that they were still serving breakfast, but today... today I wanted a huge honking cow in between two petite pieces of bread. After arguing with the lady that it was three minutes till 11 and I didn't understand why they couldn't bring out the burgers and fries, I ordered a McGriddle. I pull up to the window and yep another fucking bumper sticker in front of me. Now I know that this isn't uncommon and that the chances of me seeing another car with a bumper sticker in front of me are about 8/10, but this kind of sticker just gets under my skin.

(FUCK, this is the exact same sticker)


With the way my day was going I wanted nothing less than to pull up next to this guy and tell him "HEY GRANDPA! I know you might think it's 1949 still and the Jap's are America's worst enemy, but here in the 21 century my Honda you seem so fond of discriminating against probably brought more revenue into the state of Ohio (because it was built in Doublin, OH) than your piece of shit Doge mini-van." Both my parents have worked for Delphi automotive (formally GM) for almost 35 years, and all they have to thank for that is stress, an unstable job, and discounts on cars that last half as long as a Volvo, Honda, Volkswagen, Nissan, you-name-it-it's-better-than-an-American-car. I owned a 98' Malibu once, and I'm not even going to get into the debate on how much GM ignored the factory problems experienced by 90%+ of Malibu owners. I can't even say that thing was a lemon, because so many other people claim the same problems to the mechanics I would bring it to.

Back to the point. Keep your opinions off your car, they just make you look like an asshole.

[cc: http://ericceledonia.blogspot.com/] <--un-designed