"Enlightenment is ego's ultimate disappointment." -- Chögyam Trungpa


The heat continues to be prematurely brutal in Los Angeles. Today's forecasts have it becoming as hot as 100 degrees. It's 94 at the moment. I've been unwilling to leave the comfort of the air conditioning for very long save in the evening when the heat mixed with the night becomes sultry. It makes it difficult for me to accomplish much during daylight.

Given the heat, the gym was quite the three ring circus last night. Normally, the few of us who use it manage to spread ourselves out through the day and evening so everyone has a chance to use the limited amount of equipment as well as the treadmill. I waited until it had dropped into the 80's to attempt my workout only to discover the gym full. I waited until after 9 pm to get in. Even then, people still kept arriving. I didn't stick around for my weight routine after doing cardio. The air conditioning was off so I was absolutely smothered by the hot air and drenched in sweat by the time I was finished.

Auditions begin this afternoon for my theater company's first formal production of the year. It's a 1930's murder mystery so, of course, I am dying to do a reading. I plan to wait until tomorrow, given the weather. It's promising to be far less sweltering out.

I have finished and turned in my final "Where To Eat" column for Frontiers. Due to a variety of revelations and circumstances, I decided I wanted to make a change. I'll miss the perks of covering restaurants in Los Angeles. I am, however, looking forward to doing something new with my writing skills. I've returned to the general contributor pool at the magazine and time will tell what will be next for me in that realm.

If you've made it this far, you are probably wondering why I used the above quote as I haven't been theming my post toward that end. We all deal with ego every day - ours and those of others. The brand of ego I get to deal with here in Tinsel Town is different than what the average person encounters in normal life. It's hyper real. It's a bit ridiculous. And, it's dangerous.

A friend was recently telling me about one of his performances this past weekend and how an audience member who was very into his show came up afterward to talk. Eventually, he became upset that my friend had no idea who he was and hadn't seen any of his work. I must run into people like that on a weekly basis. It always makes me laugh. "Don't you know who I am?!" is one of the most idiotic things I've ever heard come out of a person. It's even funny when I see it with a real superstar. It's such an egotistical reaction. I'm personally floored when someone is honestly familiar with my work or has heard of me. And, if they liked my work, I'm deeply moved. I prefer that. It's far more magical than any expectation.

Part of my spiritual journey lately has been learning to deal with ego - both mine and others. I think it's a natural progression here in Hollywood. You can see it in such prime examples as Madonna, Prince and others who go from wild decadence to a spiritual grounding (though I feel that fierce sexuality and spirituality are not separate creatures nor meant to be). I'm finally understanding how that comes about as I have been exiting my own period of excess. It was propositioned to me that perhaps my spiritual search was motivated by a need to secure my identity and sense of safety. I've been considering it all morning and afternoon. How is it wrong to not want to be comfortable with yourself and have a sense of safety? I realize that as part of a spiritual progression, who you are changes and your sense of self or safety can be shaken to the core. It's required for growth. And I certainly don't do any of this to impress anyone. I do it so I can interact with the world more efficiently and peacefully as well as make choices born out of wisdom and a connection to my intuition.