I never manage to get all the things done I want completed before performances - live or filmed. There aren't enough hours or too many variables that pop up. But that's one of the challenges of performing - there is no such thing as perfect. You must work with what you have, make it successful and be capable of just enjoying that however it might fall out. Obviously, if you are an evolving artist, you can often do better in the future. But that's for the next role.

I'm in a very strange place between two performances that will both be seen for the first time on the same evening - the live performance for Tax Me Deadly and the one committed to film for Angels In The Dark. I want the live performance to be solid. I am nervous about the one on film that I know for a fact I could do better now if given the chance because I've grown so much as an actor since this time last year. I don't want to get hung up on that, though, and not enjoy what is good about what I did or what I'm doing in the moment on stage that night. I know it sounds as if I am thinking too much but these are things that are popping into my head as April 15th nears and they will very much affect me on that evening. I'd prefer to prepare so as to weather it all gracefully.

I met tonight with Karl to discuss the upcoming show and world premiere of his movie. It struck me as we were talking that I'd be seeing it for the first time the night of the show, which isn't ideal. I'm one of those actors who needs to get over the shock of watching myself and turning off the overly critical voice in my head before I can see the work with a more realistic perspective. When he told me how he cut the trailer, I was even more tense about it. The word is that the final product will be done on Friday, ready to be passed off to us for the show. He called it a super trailer, meaning it will have chunks of scenes and run about five minutes. Most of those scenes are mine. Needless to say, I want to see it in advance so I can be realistic and process how it will be received by others. Eventually, it will be on the internet for everyone to view. Karl told me that the exceptional stuff is all the very last scene we before I was wrapped for principle photography, though he feels all of my work was solid. I was aware of that final scene being electric as we did it. I can feel good acting when it is happening. When my reactions are genuine and organic, I know that I'm in a truthful moment. The actor I played opposite of pulled some surprising things out of me that night. I loved it. I simply hope it looks as wonderful as it felt to do.

As for the live performance, I'm racing the days and hours, hoping to get as many of the details taken care of I'd like to see addressed.