Last weekend I went into Monday feeling like ass and really needing some relief. Luckily, Boy Toy was supposed to come over, which he did, and his visit was VERY therapeutic. Exactly what I needed.

Tuesday, I

(1) got a call from J asking if I was busy tonight. I'd decided I wasn't going to be available but then I figured what the hell, he has an *amazing* cock and that's never a bad thing, right? so I told him fine, come on over. Then
(2) I caught the Teacher online and we decided he'd call me on my way home from work. Lucky for me, he waited until I got home and had my toys handy. So that was a lot of fun. Then
(1b) J came over, got off but got freaked because a condom broke pretty much right after he put it on, so there was one orgasm for him, none for me, and then we had some conversation and he left. Last time we also had one orgasm for him and none for me. One of the reasons I love sex is because there are feelings from sex with someone else I can't get from getting myself off. But it still wasn't my dream fuck. And THEN
(3) PSG texted me - which has NEVER happened before - because he said my blog post sounded like I was lonely. I texted him back a few things in a row. I said it's too bad I can't order up a meaningful relationship the same way I can order up sex and other stuff. When he didn't answer, I said "I'm going to bed unless you give me a compelling reason not to." then a few minutes later I said "ok, bye" cause he didn't answer. Not long after that, I get a phone call from him, and he says "I'm trying to be compelling. I can't offer you a meaningful relationship, but I'll offer what I can." :) I said, of course, that we DO have a relationship, it's just not of the romantic variety. So of course, since he never calls me for anything else, there was phone sex. Until 1 AM. I was VERY tired the next day.

Nothing happened Weds, Thurs and Fri. I did get a txt from CH basically trying to see if I was up for anything, but I have decided he's not worth my time any more. Last time I went over to his place, he turned sports on the tv just before we were getting started, plus I don't get off when I'm with him without toys. That's okay, but it's not idea when I got guys like Boy Toy who can get me off without toys.

And the reason I'm bothering telling you this is because just now, Saturday morning, in the bright light of day, I hopped on IM, thinking about that awful Saturday morning in May when PSG kicked me out of his house after sex. And of course, PSG was on IM and caught me and said hi, we had a bit of a friendly chat and he jokingly suggested maybe he should call me and I said "sure! why not?" So he said "sure, why not?" First time we've done this in the light of day.

And between you and me, not sure if it's because I was thinking about us in person [ironically not the sex part of that time, I think I'm starting to block that out :) ] or because it was light out or because we were just having a normal friendly chat before the call or what, but I found the lines blurring between the fantasy and the reality. Sometime during the fantasy the players changed until it was him having sex with me (despite other forces at work). This happens sometimes during our talks. Normally I am able to keep the "I want you, I need you, I love you" clear as not having anything to do with the two of us. Today it was a little tougher. I kept actually picturing him and me being the two having sex, and trying not to because how am I going to interact with him without trying to put my hands all over him, you know? And for some reason, "I love you" didn't enter into today's chatter. Hrm. Interesting.