I'm headed home soon, to see E and my cat and my friends and my home (and my job), and that makes me happy, though I would also be happy if I were staying here in Los Angeles for another week or two. I got through the separation panic and, while I am very excited to see E again, I'm comfortable with talking to her on the phone and knowing that I am secure in her love and she is secure in mine. It's a really nice feeling. Also, I'm very comfortable in LA, even when I'm biking and relying on public transit which, if you know anything about LA, is not how you're supposed to go about  it :) I'm a little bit excited and a little bit baffled about some other experiences, though, and I wanted to write about them a bit, so I guess you get to read them!

I attended a party in my new catgirl costume and, aside from having to do some field repair on the tail, it went spectacularly. Spectacularly like I danced a lot and someone brought a dog who treated me like a cat (or, well, like an Other who should be Barked At, but same difference) and then I was flopped down on a cushion and guys I didn't know took out their cameras and started taking pictures of me. I have to admit that I really liked that, like really really really. See also "gets off on being objectified." I'm trying to get a hold of the pictures; if I can come up with some clever way to share them without making my Secret Identity obvious, I may so do. =^.^=

An online acquaintance through something entirely non-sketchy (some gaming group, basically) and I had been casually passing "I am a weirdjob" shibboleths at each other for a while, and a couple of nights ago they poked me and were like "So what is up with you? You seem like you might be my kind of weirdjob" and we talked about sex and gender and furry what have you a bunch. Very cool person who I'm still not sure what pronoun to use for even after they explained themself to me. :) We have similar taste in a bunch of ways, and talked about the party I want to throw someday; it's totally the sort of thing they are into. They also suggested being tied to a chair in the center of a room with a vibrator control that I can see but not operate, and that other random people can operate and watch my reactions to. My response to this: YES, PLEASE. Oh man. I wish there were socially acceptable places to do that. I cannot actually think of any: even the clubs I've been to that would be inappropriate. Where does one go for that sort of thing? Do I have to make my way into some secret society? That sounds like too much effort.

Anyhow, I'm talking to this person in a little chat window widget, and we had been taking turns asking questions, and then they're like "OK, I want a dare!" after we've spent an hour talking about kinky sex. Now, I'm not very good at determining when someone is interested in me, but I was preeeeetty clear that I was being come on to, there. It was kind of scary and also kind of appealing --- hell, I'd been talking about kinky sex for an hour, and I've been deprived lately (see previous whining). But, I mean, I'm crashing on my friend's couch in her living room, and she was asleep in the next room, and it's not something I had previously talked to E about, and I wasn't actually sure if I wanted to do anything with this person or not. I mean, talking with casual strangers about sexual topics, especially in a personal-experiences-as-related-to-theory kind of way? I am so up for that. That is why I have an unlocked sex blog. I mean really.

But transitioning from that into random sexual dares across the Internet? I don't know if I want to do that! I'm not sure if I am comfortable with that or interested in that, and two in the morning on a friend's couch is not the time to figure that out, and if I had been at home and single I probably would have just done it out of obligation, and that's actually a real problem. I don't want to express sexuality toward others out of some perceived (and culturally imposed, I might add) sense of obligation! I might want to express sexuality toward others, even strangers, but I want to do it based on mutual consent and enjoyment, and I didn't feel like I could consent at that time. So I didn't! And this was totally fine, because the other person (while as horny as like eight thousand teenagers) was reasonable. I was able to say "I'm on a friend's couch and need to talk to my partner before I consider anything like that, sorry," and that was fine! And they're not, like, not talking to me or anything! Whoah! It's almost like I responded reasonably and am being treated reasonably for doing so.

Of course, I now have to talk to E about it and figure out if it's the sort of thing I'm actually interested in. Unfortunately for them, I think it's something I am mostly interested in when I don't have access to E and am away from home for weeks on end and feel sort of ungrounded, which is unlikely to happen again anytime soon. But I need to get home and get re-settled and think about it again, because I can't actually tell. I am looking forward to curling up to sleep against E again.... I might just lie there awake the first night I am back so I can look at her and touch her and have her be there.