There’s always that moment in life where you feel unsurpassed nervousness. I think I just hit it. Today is Prari’s show, its opening night, and I’m finally in a play. I have a comedic role pretty much, although there’s a healthy portion of drama thrown in as well. I’m having some serious chills run up and down my back. I wasn’t really kidding earlier when I said I would throw up. I won’t do it at the event, but, I’ve had a couple of moments tonight where I’m like “AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!” It’s just first show jitters though. I know my lines so well, I absolutely cannot mess them up. And if I blank or some similarly unfortunate occurrence, I will make my way through the fuck up as best as possible.

I didn’t think I was going to feel this way, honestly. I thought, oh I got this shit. But now that I’m actually doing it, I’m thinking “oh god.” And I get all gnarled up inside. I just need to make it past the first night. I’ve decided not to go to any of my classes tomorrow. I’m just going to sleep like a mother fucker. And that will be good. BAH, I can’t think about this right now.

It just seems like I have all this crazy stuff on my mind. Like how I’m going to pay for schreiner this semester. How I’m going to finish writing this play for the spring. Shit, I’m all rattled and crazy. Generally I’m pretty laid back and chill about things, but right now I’m having a serious momentary freak out.

FUCK THAT. I’m fine. I got these lines down so well. I just need to not get caught up in the energy of tomorrow night, make sure to go over lines before the show. It’ll be good. Everything’ll be fine. How sad, I sound like I’m going all crazy or whatever. I wonder if I’m going to get any sleep tonight. Ah I hope so. Sleep bring me some peace.

*15 minute pause* I feel a lot better now. I’m going to have butterflies, but I think once I get out there and nail my first scene with Alphonso, I’ll feel infinitely better. I got this shit. I know I got it.