Since by all means I am spiritually orphaned, I... no that's not a good way to start.

Actually what I want to say is this. You've noticed how I've changed my titles? This is only the first step toward redemption. My next step is going to be the hardest yet.

I need to find a spiritual mother.

I need to find one quick...

It's got to be someone who meets these criteria:

A) It's got to be someone I can love, but not someone I can even fathom myself having any sort of sexual relations with.
B) It's got to be someone who is biologically capable of actually BEING a mother, so that they have maternal instincts on their side.
C) It's got to be someone capable and willing to help, someone I respect dearly, because without them I'd be completely lost, and it's got to be someone so much better than I am.

I'd like you all to suspend your skepticism here. This is by no means an attempt at imitation here. Actually that's a lie. I'm trying to imitate a figure on TV but that's the ONLY case in which I am imitating. Trust me on this, my life depends on it.