1.

Midgar is tall, dark, and ominous and does nothing to soothe his uneasy mind, as if it weren’t enough that he was trying out for SOLDIER. Having been so accustomed to the cerulean sky of Nibelheim, he actually begins to miss it compared to Midgar’s sullen gray skies.

Despite all the musk and fog, there is a sun shining down behind those clouds, he thinks, illuminating the way. It’s all he needs to keep going.

2.

“It seems the mako is too much for your body,” the man says offhandedly, crushing Cloud’s heart with just a few quick and seemingly harmless words. “You can’t join SOLDIER.”

And just like that, it’s all gone, and there is only a bleak shard of light (hope) left in Cloud’s chest.

“We’ll put you in the infantry, for now,” the man continues. “Unless we find somewhere else you can be useful.”

The infantry sucks, Cloud thinks.

The sun sets, and night falls. Cloud is left behind in darkness.

3.

It was just supposed to be a mission, a quick in-and-out. Cloud’s not even sure why they sent him. Surely, a SOLDIER and a Turk would be enough.

It doesn’t really matter to him.

He had thought SOLDIERS were cold, brutal people without emotion. But Zack—Zack was like an explosion of happiness, so carefree and innocent you would never have thought him trained to kill.

The sun does nothing to abate the chill of the mountain air. Beside him, Zack warms his body with a smile.

4.

There is light, Cloud thinks, gazing at Zack’s happy smile. And the sky parts, and the sun rises, and life is good.

That’s what Zack’s smile is—the sun lighting up the sky and bringing life to all in its wake, the moon illuminating the stars and the black night, a little light in the back of Cloud’s head that says, “Hey, this is it.”

That’s what Zack is, what Cloud wants (needs).

5.

“So you wanna join SOLDIER, huh? Hang in there.”

Behind a mask of half-truths, innocence and aluminum alloy, Cloud smiles tentatively. Of course, Zack doesn’t see; he doesn’t need to. Cloud will smile like the rising sun, just for Zack, even if he doesn’t smile back.

That’s a lie, Cloud’s conscience reminds him. How could you ever smile without him?

The sun will always rise, Cloud thinks.

And it will always set.

6.

His heart thuds against his ribcage in what he thinks are audible beats. Awkwardly, he shifts beside Zack and taps his fingers nervously against the tabletop as Zack beams and chatters inanely.

Through a filtered, dusty window, the sunset can be seen peeking behind Junon’s main cannon, oranges and reds painting the sky.

“Are you… nervous?” Zack asks quietly. Too quiet, Cloud thinks.

“I—of course not!” After a moment of silence, he amends, “Maybe a little.”

Shyly, Zack grins, a quirk of the corner of his lips, and stretches his fingers across the fabric of Cloud’s forearm.

“I hope I’m not scary,” he teases. Absentmindedly, his fingers slip into the spaces between Cloud’s own. Behind him, the sun circles his head like a crown.

Cloud can only smile.

7.

Cloud is sure the world started with a kiss. Like a blooming flower, Cloud unravels and opens under Zack’s touch. The light explodes behind his eyes, (a super nova in his galaxy) chasing away the darkness, as Zack delves into his mouth with soft kisses and caresses.

The rough calluses on his fingers—remnants of gripping a sword for several hours a day—paint a counterpoint to the tender care he devotes to Cloud’s body.

“I love you,” Cloud wants to say, completely assured yet terrified of his feelings.

Instead, he curls his head into the niche between Zack’s neck and shoulder, hides in the warmth for just a little longer.

The sun rises with a warm glow that settles over his heart.

8.

Cloud reads all the letters, but he never replies. Instead, he keeps them stashed in a little box beneath his bunk.

I love you, she writes. I miss you. I’m so very proud of you.

Cloud thinks it’s all misplaced, but he never gathers the courage to tell her (I’m not what you think I am). One day, he pulls the box out from under his bed and reads them all again. Then, he casts a low-level fire spell and burns them all.

He flushes the ashes down the toilet and goes to answer the door.

Behind Zack’s sly smile, elbow propping him against the door frame, the sun has just set. But high in the sky, the moon can be seen barely emerging.

9.

Their first time is awkward and slightly messy. Zack gets too eccentric with the lube and spills it all over the sheets; Cloud’s fingers slip on the slick sheen of Zack’s cock.

They laugh a little to relieve the tension, and Zack slides inside slowly.

The warmth is incredible, Cloud thinks, hooking his leg over an angled hip. With his head against Zack’s shoulder, Cloud clings onto him, gasping quietly with every sloppy thrust.

To Cloud, everything is perfect. They make love until the morning when the sun begins to peek through half-open curtains with a dull glow.

10.

There was blood—so much blood.

And there was Zack, and he was smiling, smiling through blood tearing down his face, weak and feeble but all for Cloud.

“You’re the evidence that I lived,” he breathes, strong hands holding Cloud with a gentle touch.

“No,” Cloud thinks he wants to say through the fog of his mind. “That’s you. You’re everything. Please don’t leave.”

But the grip is weakening, falling, dropping, and Cloud can’t find the energy to cling onto Zack, no matter how much he wants to. I’ll never let go, he had said.

The sky parts, and the sun shines through, and there is Zack, lit up like a god as he soars to the heavens.

And there is Cloud—just Cloud—but the sun chases him away.