I feel as if I am losing my ability to feel. No, I know I am. Caring about people, being compassionate, it's something that I've been doing since I was a small child. My mother taught me to be that way. It was something that just happened, and I accepted it.

So, for the past few months, I've been ignoring the signs. I've slightly noticed a disregard for other people, for their feelings. For years, I had been in love with a man. Then all of a sudden, I just couldn't do it anymore. I said it was because it was too hard, being that circumstances kept us apart. But in reality, I now believe it was because my feelings for him died down, if not disappeared completely. But that was months ago.

My lack of feelings has come to a head lately, though. A young man who I have known for nearly four years, I had dedicated a lot of time to him. To helping him with his problems, to caring about and for him. To being the best friend I could be, because that's what he needed.
But now I don't care for him at all.
If he died, I wouldn't care. It wouldn't affect me.
This goes for most other people as well.

I have stopped seeing people as, well, people. They're more like... objects. Objects that you don't necessarily care about, but consider one object more important than another.
They're like... antique cars. I'm like an antique car collector, or admirer. One car, for example, isn't very appealing. Bad engine. Not-so-good paint job, although not horrible. Steering and handling wasn't very good, but it was acceptable. Overall, it wasn't that great of a car.

Then you have another antique car. Great engine, handling and steering, easy to control, went fast. The paint job is wonderful, and looked really nice. Clearly, this car is better than the previous one, and just about any other car out there.

So, say that this antique car shop or show was set on fire. If you could save only one of the above cars, naturally, you would go for the better car. This doesn't mean that you care for either car. Just that one is worth more than the other, so you are more inclined to protect the one that is worth more. The one that is better. And, even more than that, that you enjoy being around one car and driving it more than the other.
But you don't care about either car, not really. If they both blew up, you wouldn't cry over it. Not truly. Because neither were worth all that much.

This is how I am starting to see humans. They're not people anymore--they don't have true feelings. They aren't worth anything, not truly.

Humans are just like antique cars. So what's the point in caring about them?


             Farewell,
                      ~ Sibyl Monroe