Edited Editorial: Let's totally not discuss stock markets, okay?

Interview Links du Jour: Garmin-Chipotle GC Contender Christian Vande Velde and Team Stagemother Manager Jonathan Vaughters were interviewed by DC-based District Cycling in Two Parts: Part Une and Part Deux.

Ye Quick & Dirty Guide to Team Transfers: Like the byline says, "Ye Quick & Dirty Guide to Team Transfers!"

Katusha or Katyusha? Now That is the Question! I have had to remind myself "Russians, including Russian billionaires, are not the enemy" having lived with reagan Cold War propaganda in my most formative years although these memories are vague; with that in perspective I have vowed not to dislike the Russian-sponsored Katusha, especially since they will employ Rocketmen Robbie McEwen and Gert Steegmans. Yes, I know they hired the likes of Vladimir Karpetbegger and Filippo Pozattolocks, but they will create interesting racing dynamics too. Their powers combined will be another jab against the jolly old comeback Tour de Lance, eh?

Lancegate: Giro, Giro, Giro! Have the Italians screwed up again? They've Invited Lance to the 2009 Giro; no, make that the 100th Birthday Blowout! Or maybe, just maybe, they're hoping to catch him dope there like they did Cobra and friends but they're too shit-scared to admit they really reviewed the samples because it'd get some more Italians in trouble or something. Yes'm, I'm conspiracy-theorized like that, but blame the motherfrakking caffeine ya'll!

Lancegate: The Part About the Hissy Fit! The chief nemesis in neither Der Kaiser nor Contadorus Rex; it is not Levibot either. This honor, to be the opposite of the heroic Sir Lancelot, belongs to Greg Lemond forever famous for defeating that pony-tailed popinjay Professor Fignon. He, this vile villain, challenges Sir Lancelot to undergo more testing than the any human being has undergone before, but Sir Lancelot remains silent; or he responded as he did at Interbike quoting something that Bushwacked II would say, "We're not going to go negative here. I appreciate you being here..." Am I correct? Well, of course this anal-ysis is correct about Lancelot and Bushwacked II both losing brain cells to the intense Texas sun so that their logic is not anywhere on par with common sense. Dear me, I am rambling again, but beware Lancelot for Lemond will lead the forces of criticism against you!

One Reason to Like Mike Creed: Mr Creed, of Rock Racing, Describes Pozzatolocks as thus: "The corn rows, oh my god! He's such a bargain K-Mart gangster. Love him."

Luxembourger, Without Team!? Oh, Benoît Joachim's leaving Astana? Now c'mon, somebody hire him but not you Uncle Bjarne because he's like, um, Big Schleck's nemesis for the Luxembourg Road Race title and it's always good to have some made-up drama like that for those races, right? Right!?

Great Scott! Apparently Scott-American Beef, which is one of the worst names ever, formerly Saunier Duval of Riccò fame, has two new sponsors aboard who shall remain nameless but are divided between Europe and Mexico; the multi-national European one can be speculated while the one from South of the [Usa] Border better be Tequila.

Zabelmania! If you are not psyched for Paris-Tours, well, get prepared for the festivities of Count Erik Zabel von Maillot Vert, the one and only proclaimed retiring cyclist who will actually retire when he places first in the race unless he somehow wins the Belgian lottery first...